This is your Mom.
Your Mom who loved, loved, loved all things Bell Biv Devoe, Madonna, Sheila E., Prince and many others…. by the time you read this, these artists will be as old as dinosaurs and their scantily-clad bodies that gyrated and rubbed and threw The Bubbie and The Papa into an absolute uproar with have become about as "racy" as doing 'The Twist' (look that up - it's a thing).
I hope in your day there is some artist - some Miley Cyrus type - who is growing and pushing the boundaries of music and dance …. and I hope they are doing dance moves that make me blush while wearing clothes that make me want to cover your eyes and singing about things that I completely *fear* actually have to talk with you about (sex…. which, I will quickly turn to Salt & Peppa to advise you on. Look them up, too.)
You see as of late a current pop star Miley Cyrus did a dance that people are calling "dirty" and disgusting and she did it on the VMA's. (The Video Music Awards is hosted by MTV - which, did in fact kill 'the radio star' and I find myself wondering what will kill the 'video star'…. ) The world, the media, social media and water coolers at work have been abuzz with what a "slut" Miley is - how she has "no self esteem" and bloggers are writing "letters to their children" about how they hope their kids don't grow up to be like Miley. And how their kids shouldn't "grow up to act like Miley."
Well…. fuck that.
I hope you grow up *EXACTLY* like Miley Cyrus…. and let me tell you why:
If you grow up and look up to Hollywood starlets and singers as 'mentors' and not as the entertainers they intend to be …. then I have failed you.
If you grow up believing that the *only* way you can get a boy or girl's attention is by rubbing your ass up into their junk (this is called "twerking" - look that up, too) - ….. then I have failed you.
If you grow up searching for your self-esteem in the reflection of someone on TV or the radio…. and *not* within yourself…. then I have failed you.
If either of you becomes someone who thinks wearing skin tight and skimpy clothes is the only way to attract the affection and attention of someone of the opposite (or same) sex…. then I have failed you.
If you are so ill-informed and under-educated that you form political and personal opinions based on song lyrics or the opinions of people who are *paid to entertain you* and not *educate* you…. then I have failed you.
If you grow up mouthing the words to a song which is sung for *fun* and *entertainment* and you then live out these lyrics….. for instance the current Blurred Lines lyric ……"give you something to tear your ass in two….." - and take them to be a literal way to have sex or live your life ….. then I have failed you.
Side Note To The Boy: Your penis, your hands, your *person* is there to love, caress and show passion with respect (and consensual ) care to the human being you decide to be intimate with. Your body should never be used to "tear" anything on *anyone*. EVER. If I have not taught you respect women and that even though you might hear a funny song that is great to dance too…. there are NO FUCKING BLURRED LINES when it comes to a man or woman's consent to be intimate with you. No means no.
If I haven't taught *either* of you that "good girls" are not actually "wanting it"…. then I have failed you miserably. Totally. Utterly. Miserably.
If I haven't taught you to take your personal health seriously and how to protect yourself against HIV, HPV and HSV…. then I have failed you and I will never, ever forgive myself.
If I haven't taught you the difference between *entertainment* and *education*… then I have failed you.
If you grow up setting the 'due North' on your own personal Moral Compass in the direction of promiscuity and drinking and partying….. then I have failed you.
If I haven't taught you to how to stand up for yourself…. then I have failed you.
If I haven't taught you that a song or a movie is *just* that and *not* a guide on how to live your life…. then I have failed you.
You see…. people are saying that Miley Cyrus's Dad - Billy Ray (you should look him up, too for a giggle) - failed her because he "raised" her to 'shake her ass' and blah blah blah.
Billy Ray Cyrus raised a bold girl with an opinion.
You see, you do *not* have to agree with anyone's opinion…. but I sure as shit hope that I've raised you to *respect* and appreciate someone else's point of view.
Billy Ray raised a girl who has awkwardly grown up with the world watching and yet…. she is strong enough in herself and in her character to question and experiment with her sexuality - openly.
HooF*ckingRah for that.
I can only hope and pray that I will raised both of you to be willing to talk with me about your sexuality and be open about any 'experimenting' with alternative lifestyles that you want to do. I will not be ashamed of who you are and what you want to do so long as a) no one gets hurt, b) everything is consensual , c) you are of an appropriate age and d) no one gets pregnant or an STD.
I guess the world is all in a panic because Miley is playing around with the idea of "Furries" (it's a thing… look it up - but don't download any videos…. lolol. No really - don't.) What they are forgetting is that often young entertainers push the boundaries of what is comfortable in society…. it's what we expect them to do - and then if someone decides they've gone "too far" then we chastise them for it……
If I haven't taught you how to *safely* and openly push your own boundaries…. then I have failed you.
You're going to hear lots of song in your life about "getting laid" or "getting some" but if you grow up thinking that *that* is the only thing to do to entertain yourself…. then I clearly haven't expanded your mind with arts and literature and other life experiences…. and I have failed you.
Side Note: you WILL get laid…. but please see the above about the how/when you do that.
If you grow up without any ability to balance *when* it's time to party and when it's time to work or study…. if I haven't taught you to commit to something other than 'partying' all the time… then I have failed you.
Here are some simple truths according to Miley Cyrus:
It's your mouth… you *can* say what you want to.
It's your body…. you *can* love who you want to.
You can kiss…. who *you* want.
You can sing what you want…..don't take nothin' from nobody…..
Remember only God can judge ya - even if you're dancing like you belong in a strip club.
Forget the haters 'cause somebody loves ya. (Your Mom… your Mom always loves you. just sayin')
If I am LUCKY ENOUGH that you grow up to *know* these things and implement these values into your life correctly….. (see above) - then I have done a job I will be proud of and I will have not failed you.
I will created two human beings who value their own personal inner confidence and power to stand up and BE WHO THEY ARE.
I will have raised two human beings who will be strong enough in their convictions to stand up for what they believe in, and even if I don't agree with you - I will be proud of you for having convictions.
I will have, most importantly, raised two people who will be willing to try new things, stretch their wings and …… fail. Yes: fail.
I hope you fail miserably at times- because that only means you were willing to be open about trying…. and know that when you fail and when you fall - not only will I *still* be there to love you and support you…. but I will know that you have the self-confidence to get yourself over these inevitable bumps in the road that is growing up…. we *all* hit them, but not everyone has the strength to get over them and past them.
If you have that strength…. then I will have gotten things right.
Because at the end of the day….. if I have failed - then *I* have failed you - that blame will not lie at the feet of whatever new "Miley Cyrus" is around…. that blame is squarely on me and me alone because Miley Cyrus didn't give birth to you, she's not raising you…. she - and people like her - are there to entertain you - *I* am here to educate you.
I'm being totally honest when I say that I hope I raise two people who 'do what they want to' and do -whatever it is - with pride, conviction and confidence…. just like Miley.
PLEASE..... let 'Miley Cyrus'.... BE A LESSON TO YOU!
Please be willing to be who you are.... be wiling take appropriate risks and challenge people with your thoughts and your actions.... take entertainment for what it is.... entertainment. No one got pregnant on the VMA stage... no one went to war (which our President is *Currently* doing), no one got hurt - emotionally or otherwise - and no teddy bears were harmed during any twerking......
Most of all.... when you see someone else willing to be bold, willing to be daring.... EVEN IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH THEM... or what they did or how they did it.... please do not be apart of bullying someone for who they are.
Please do not be apart of 'slut shaming' because a girl wore clothes you thought were too small - or she danced too 'sexually' for you.... whether you see this girl on TV are at a house party.... that girl is a HUMAN BEING and deserves your respect.
If I haven't raised you to be above judging people for what they do and who they are - AND - to know the difference between 'judging' and 'questioning'.... then I have failed.
Failure, however... is not an option.... as Miley say's.... 'We can't stop and we won't stop'.... and she's right - I won't stop raising you to be the people I dream for you to be - and I won't stop you from being entertained by singers and songwriters and artists... but I won't let you be 'educated' by them either.
who can do The Twist, dirty danced to Bell Biv Devoe and yes.... can twerk - just don't ask me to show you how in 20 years....