Alright..... so we can see that things were going downhill between Never Enough and I. I forgot to mention, or rather explain, in yesterday's post that part of my annoyance with Never Enough was that on facebook she was suuuuuppppper Christian. Posting all kinds of things about 'living in grace' and how she 'gave so much to many people' and on and on...... but then if/when I did talk to her (for all the years I'd known her) - it was *nothing* but nasty about so-and-so's 40th Birthday that "never ended" or such-and-such and their luxury trip.....
Anyhow......
I was putting some time and work into trying to figure out a future career and I studied and applied for a position with 911. Getting on with 911 is actually really hard, but the pay is $26 an hour to start, full time with benefits. When I posted that I was trying for something but didn't say what on The Blog, Never ENough called to ask me what I was doing - and I told her.
She them immediately told me that she and her husband were thinking she should do that in a few years - which... caught me by surprise because Never Enough hadn't worked in over 12 years and has several kids of various ages and they have a *super* busy life with school and sports and the lives of an entire family with a fairly large gap in ages. (Trying to be respectfully vague here). As it was, Never ENough was always running from here to there (like a good Mom :) with tons of activities for busy kids..... I didn't see where a full time job would make that easier.
But, I said nothing and told her that I would give her the info from 911 when I went for the testing and let her know how it went and what it all entails.... until you actually take the first test, they don't give you too much information about how it all works.
Around this time - Never Enough sent the other family friend a kiss off letter - calling her out for the friend "limiting" what Never Enough could see on her facebook page.... yes. You read that right. The friend only let certain friends see certain posts and this really pissed off Never Enough because she wasn't on the list where she could see everything but other mutual friends were......
All the time, whenever we did talk - it was about how tired Never Enough was, always running around - on this committee at school (she's a good Mom who volunteers a ton at school) - and so many obligations... etc. I was also very aware that they had successfully done the Dave Ramsey program and "graduated" - so financials were not an issue for them. (I was reminded on their Ramsey success often.) Never Enough suddenly expressing interest in a full time job took me by total surprise.
After I took the test Never Enough messaged me on facebook and it went exactly like this - keep in mind this is messaging over mobile:
Elle Zober hey.... are we EVER have lunch? lol
8:48pm
NEVER ENOUGH I know! Life with X kids is crazy, and XXXXXXX naps from 12-2:30. How's everything going? How'd the 911 thing go?
Elle Zober The test went well..... You should forget applying though. :(
NEVER ENOUGH Why? I'm years off from it, thinking of other options.
Elle Zober Even if you get in, its 2.5 weeks staying in Salem! Then three months working 9-5, then at least two years working four ten hour shifts: your three days off are ties/Wed/thurs and the shifts are at night 11 pm to 9 am. [HUSBAND] couldn't work the XXXXXX dept anymore on weekends.
It's going to be hard with kids......
NEVER ENOUGH Yep. I knew most of that. Hope it works out for you.
Elle Zober Thanks.
*******************************
Never Enough's final repsonse of "hope it works out for you" was curt.... and rude. Works out? She knew that if I did that I woudl have to give up *everything* I love as a Mom - staying at home, doing homeschool... so - that's really 'working out', and she knows it..... so clearly I had pissed her off.
But... her reply pissed me off... and frankly - her attitude did, too. So here was my reply to her an hour later:
Elle Zober
You know- at the risk of pissing you off.... do you not remember how tired you were working the 'night shift' for Gymboree? This is *hard* work - and usually requires a lot of overtime. If you think you're tired now- you're going to be way more tired with three kids coming off a school bus at 3 pm when you've only had 4 hours of sleep.... and then it'll be homework and dinner to make and life to live... and - there would be no more XXXXXXXXXXXX weekends or retreats... or anything. but you already thought of that? I highly doubt it. [Husband] makes good money and you have a good life - I don't think you *know* as much as you think you do if you think you're going to work a job like that and still get to be a Mom and be happy. Don't give up your very nice, very wonderful life - I truly don't think a job in dispatch would be something you would end up loving.
May 18
******************************************************************************
The next day Never Enough posted a HUGE facebook thing about how 'grateful' she was for a life full of 'godly women' who don't 'judge' her and 'accept' and 'support' her - and she tagged like eight people.... and clearly not me.
You can't be Godly if you're a queer... right?
And my noting to her how great she has things.... that's not supporting her?
Well, it is in my book. Sorry.
So then I posted a snotty facebook comment on my wall (after several friends sent me screen shots of her because they had a feeling it was about me.... lolol) and I just said something about being grateful for friends who support me and don't covet other people's luxury holidays.
Yeah.... that was bitchy. I can own that. :)
The next day I got this in my message box:
NEVER ENOUGH:
Elle, I've thought hard the last few days about how I wanted to reply. Please don't pretend to know what goes on in the four walls of my home. I feel like our friendship is slowly changing and right now I need to focus on my family. I wish you all the best. XXXXXXX
****************************************************************************
I then got a "friend request" from Never ENough...... because, you see I had "hidden" her and her annoying posts off my facebook feed *months* before... hahahaha - so whens he "defriended" me - I didn't notice and dind't respond or have a reaction.
So she unfriended me.
Then she re-friend requested me.
Then she deleted that request, so that I would get the first one in my email and notice we weren't facebook friends anymore.... .
If that doesn't really sum up everything for you RIGHT THERE.... I'm not sure I'll ever explain my frustrations with her behavior clear enough.
So, this all happened and ended by May 18th...... until OUT OF THE FRIGGIN BLUE, I got this gem of an email from Never ENough's Husband:
Elle,
I don't know where to start. I felt the need to talk with you and not comfortable with a phone call. I unfriended you and then told [Never Enough] to do the same after you were so rude and mean to her {IN THE FACEBOK MESSAGE I SENT HER ABOVE]. I don't know why you felt the need to personally attack her in your messages about becoming a dispatcher (not the first time). They were so mean and hurtful I put my foot down and said nah she isn't worth the trouble. I am surprised at how bitter and angry you have become with the world. It was bad before but, now it's nauseating. We have been there for each other over the years and not used you just for pictures like most. I know you and [Never Enough] have butted heads over miscommunications and hurt feelings in the past but, this was above and beyond.
I hope you figure out sometime why you are so angry and bitter in life. I feel sorry for [El Capitan] for all the time you spent beating him down. We weren't surprised when it happened.
I don't really appreciate facebook and blog posts [I HAD BLOGGED NOTHING ABOUT THIS UNTIL YESTERDAY]. I know you need material but, would be nice if you could learn restraint. I won't be surprised if you copy paste only parts of this email in some blog post that people with no lives read that you feel the need to impress. If you are going to quote me do it in its entirety.
You've said it numerous times yourself most of your "friends" are scared of being no souped and all the mean things you'll say about them after it's over. That's a great way to keep friends.
I would really be impressed if you ever admit (even if only to yourself since you have an image to uphold) some fault about your marriage. Especially in light of the "recent" coming out But, that was probably [El Capitan's] fault too.
We both truly hope you find some fulfilling happiness in your life.
XXXXX XXXXXXXXX
Sublight Aerospace
cell: 503-XXX-XXXX
fax: 503-XXX-XXXX
**********************************************************************************************************************************
So there you have it..... "THE LETTER". In it's entirety for you.
I called El Capitan and read him the letter - and then I wrote this reply which I will edit out of respect for Never ENough and her Husband..... again - she has *not* spared ANY detail of my life as she has gossiped and sent out her own "letters" explaining things to other mutual friends.... but I do have a bit more class. (May be not much more.... lolololol)
*****************************************************
Hey [Never Enough's Husband] -
Wow..... I'm not at all sure where to start ... or finish for that matter. But JUST so we're all clear, this is the facebook message I sent to [Never ENough]:
You know- at the risk of pissing you off.... do you not remember how tired you were working the 'night shift' for Gymboree? This is *hard* work - and usually requires a lot of overtime. If you think you're tired now- you're going to be way more tired with three kids coming off a school bus at 3 pm when you've only had 4 hours of sleep.... and then it'll be homework and dinner to make and life to live... and - there would be no more XXXXXXXXX weekends or retreats... or anything. but you already thought of that? I highly doubt it. [Husband] makes good money and you have a good life - I don't think you *know* as much as you think you do if you think you're going to work a job like that and still get to be a Mom and be happy. Don't give up your very nice, very wonderful life - I truly don't think a job in dispatch would be something you would end up loving.
I don't see where I'm "rude" or "mean" to be totally honest. I really don't. I was being honest with her - she would have to give up everything that she loves, and I find it hard to believe that she would do that. Do you not remember her very brief stint at Gymboree that was only a few hours a night and she was exhausted? I do.
But. Let's get real for a second.
Why are you doing this? And why is [Never Enough] posting her little cryptic messages on facebook.......? I see below that you make a stab at me to suggest that "all my other friends" are only friends with me for "pictures"..... that's nice and mature of you. So.,.. just know that I get sent (multiple) copies of [Never Enough's] facebook page when she posts her nasty comments.... got one today, in fact.
So, why the sudden surge in hate mail to Elle? I haven't actually blogged or written anything on my facebook page since this ended weeks ago... so why now?
Hmm... interesting.
You and [El Capitan] were never friends. [El Capitan] thought you were a tool who didn't play with his kids and bullied them instead..... I doubt he's turned to you for any kind of solace and advice. But yes.... my marriage to [El Capitan] had it's *many* challenges.... surely one of which is my temper.
But since you're so willing to talk about marriages.... let's do that. :)
Here's what I *never* did..... I never racked up $XXXXK in debt - and I certainly NEVER ran up a $XXXK credit card behind my husbands back..... so - while you two weren't surprised when [El Capitan] left me... I'm shocked you two have made it this far.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX block party and refused to return XXXXXXXX phone calls so at 10pm she had XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX to come home ... and you didn't. And then the next day XXXXXXXXXXXX GIRLS HALF SHIRT wadded up in the dirty laundry on the floor XXXXXXXXXXXX room.....? That was during the time when you either went to Hooters or Stars for lunch every day XXXXXXXXXX said she XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX phone numbers in your phone.....
So... before you go throwing stones XXXXXXXX - you might want to take a long hard look at your own life.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Again. Stones.... keep them in your own yard, please.
Through all of this, I have maintained the friends I *wanted* to keep. Those that have fallen away have done so without any regret or notice from me..... [Never Enough] is someone who does this friendship merry-go-round CONSTANTLY.
For a while XXXXXXXX is the greatest.... then she falls out with her and all I hear is nasty stuff about her.... then it's XXXXXXX turn or whoevers turn..... I'm not dumb enough to NOT know that I come up on the getting talked about nasty cycle frequently..... which is NOT a friendship. You know very well she does this - how many friends have gotten [Never Enough's] little kiss-off letter? Too many to count.....
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I have kept hundreds of friends..... going back to my gradeschool years. I'm proud of that. My life is *full* of joy and friendship and, unlike some, I celebrate my friends success', I don't covet them, which might be why they are still around for me decades later.
Fault in my marriage.... am I going to get an email back where you own YOUR faults in your marriage? I'm not sure why you think it's your place to call me out and make any kind of demand on me to own anything in my personal life..... that's actually kind of funny that you think you can do that.
But let's be real for a second. I loved [El Capitan].... yes, deep down I would have preferred to be with a woman - but I was a good wife. In fact, not wishing to write anything that isn't true: I just called [El Capitan]. I asked him point blank if I beat him down..... if I haven't owned what I've done in our marriage - and he said no on both points. We have *both* had to own what we did - where we went wrong, etc. However, he never felt "beat down" (as you put it) and he doesn't understand why *you* feel so compelled to say something like that to me since he never talked to you during or after our marriage about anything personal.
In regards to me being "angry and bitter"..... it's [Never Enough] who is constantly angry and bitter at someone. She seeks out drama and creates problems with friends where there aren't any - and then she stands in the middle of her mess and cries about how no one is "nice" to her. She has written off countless friends - you and I both know it... are *you* going to stand up and own that? Are you going to own the issue's in your marriage as you so boldly demand that I do?
I haven't written any blog posts regarding this - however, I appreciate your written approval to reprint your email in it's entirety if I decide to print it... that's very nice of you.
For the record, I have only ever stopped being friends with XXXXXXX - aside from her..... I have never "no souped" any of my friends and I don't think any of them actually worry about that happening....
You need to educate yourself about homosexuality. No one "turned" me gay. [El Capitan] and I had a *very* good laugh about that. I was born this way. Literally. I chose to be straight, I thought it was a choice I *could* make.... and frankly - our marriage was punctuated by situations where our intimate life was not an option - and months rolled into years and years into a decade - and we never dealt with what was wrong in our bedroom. [El Capitan] has owned the fact that he never complained - we never talked about it..... NO ONE is to "blame" for my being gay and that fact that you wrote that shows a lot of ignorance about the topic on your part. Additionally, my being gay is not the reason my marriage failed - [El Capitan] will tell you that himself, but since you're not actually friends with him.... that won't happen.
At the end of the day.... [Never Enough] isn't comfortable with my being gay. When I first told her - she uninvited me *as quick as she could* to her XXXXXXXXXXX retreat.... and I never saw her again. That was March - early March. I asked for play dates and coffee dates and anything..... I had agree to watch your children overnight for your romantic hotel getaway - which said said YOU cancelled because you didn't want her spending the money...... and I never saw her again. She then wrote off XXXX XXXXXXX as a friend and I knew my days were numbered...... doesn't it bother you that she does this? Isn't it at all awkward for you that she picks these fights with people - especially when you work with XXXXXX's HUSBAND?
The point is.... I never saw her again after that day. Make of it what you want - but, the only person who is bitter and angry with the world is [NEver Enough]. Read The Blog... I'm happy - and have been for a looooooong time. Stop believing [NEver ENough's] interpretations.... because to be honest - [NEver ENough] told me you never liked [El Capitan]. You thought he was a "child" and not a real man... that you didn't understand how I could be married to someone who didn't "provide" - [Never Enough] says' you say *a lot* of things and have a lot of opinions that I highly doubt you have. She create's a picture of you where you *never* want to be at home, you spend your money on XXXXXX and tech toys you don't need and you don't "allow" her to spend money at all.... she writes a picture where XXXXXX is EXPECTED of her - and frankly..... most of us don't have the greatest view of you based on what [Never Enough] say's.... so again, before you start throwing stones, I would politely suggest you start picking up your own.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX This section talked about a very personal time in their marriage XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
See.... I was a *good*, true friend...... to both of you. I supported you and your marriage - through and through. You guys clearly have not done that for me, thanks for making that super clear. Again.... it's odd to me that you waited to long to write me this email - and why you think you get to make *any* demands on me at all.
Feel free to call [El Capitan] - we just hung up...
Again... I have *not* blogged this, nor facebooked this.... I'm not sure what [Never ENough] is telling you - but you are free to read those things for yourself.
Good luck to you both...... :)
*************************************************************************************************************
So there you have it.......
I think that the truth is that Never ENough doesn't ...... I just don't know that there is 'room' in her life for a 'lesbian friend'. She works pretty hard to have a hard candy Christian exterior... and I don't fit that.
Which is fine... then just tell me that.
I'm fine with that.
Only mere *weeks* before this all went down - I was one of her "closest friends" and getting decks of inspirational cards.... now I'm the person who was always "beating down" her husband and the failure of my marriage was "no surprise"?
Really?
I'm not fine with a bunch of stupid games and facebook posts and emails to friends where she builds her own cross faster than the Romans to stretch herself across it..... all the while making sure every "Friend" knows "her side" .... oh - and Never ENough ALSO has a blog.......
So. There you have it. Now you know.
Never Enough and her husband can say whatever they want..... but this was a lot of stone throwing and finger pointing over...... what ? I'm not sure.
Anyhow......
I was putting some time and work into trying to figure out a future career and I studied and applied for a position with 911. Getting on with 911 is actually really hard, but the pay is $26 an hour to start, full time with benefits. When I posted that I was trying for something but didn't say what on The Blog, Never ENough called to ask me what I was doing - and I told her.
She them immediately told me that she and her husband were thinking she should do that in a few years - which... caught me by surprise because Never Enough hadn't worked in over 12 years and has several kids of various ages and they have a *super* busy life with school and sports and the lives of an entire family with a fairly large gap in ages. (Trying to be respectfully vague here). As it was, Never ENough was always running from here to there (like a good Mom :) with tons of activities for busy kids..... I didn't see where a full time job would make that easier.
But, I said nothing and told her that I would give her the info from 911 when I went for the testing and let her know how it went and what it all entails.... until you actually take the first test, they don't give you too much information about how it all works.
Around this time - Never Enough sent the other family friend a kiss off letter - calling her out for the friend "limiting" what Never Enough could see on her facebook page.... yes. You read that right. The friend only let certain friends see certain posts and this really pissed off Never Enough because she wasn't on the list where she could see everything but other mutual friends were......
All the time, whenever we did talk - it was about how tired Never Enough was, always running around - on this committee at school (she's a good Mom who volunteers a ton at school) - and so many obligations... etc. I was also very aware that they had successfully done the Dave Ramsey program and "graduated" - so financials were not an issue for them. (I was reminded on their Ramsey success often.) Never Enough suddenly expressing interest in a full time job took me by total surprise.
After I took the test Never Enough messaged me on facebook and it went exactly like this - keep in mind this is messaging over mobile:
Elle Zober hey.... are we EVER have lunch? lol
8:48pm
NEVER ENOUGH I know! Life with X kids is crazy, and XXXXXXX naps from 12-2:30. How's everything going? How'd the 911 thing go?
Elle Zober The test went well..... You should forget applying though. :(
NEVER ENOUGH Why? I'm years off from it, thinking of other options.
Elle Zober Even if you get in, its 2.5 weeks staying in Salem! Then three months working 9-5, then at least two years working four ten hour shifts: your three days off are ties/Wed/thurs and the shifts are at night 11 pm to 9 am. [HUSBAND] couldn't work the XXXXXX dept anymore on weekends.
It's going to be hard with kids......
NEVER ENOUGH Yep. I knew most of that. Hope it works out for you.
Elle Zober Thanks.
*******************************
Never Enough's final repsonse of "hope it works out for you" was curt.... and rude. Works out? She knew that if I did that I woudl have to give up *everything* I love as a Mom - staying at home, doing homeschool... so - that's really 'working out', and she knows it..... so clearly I had pissed her off.
But... her reply pissed me off... and frankly - her attitude did, too. So here was my reply to her an hour later:
Elle Zober
You know- at the risk of pissing you off.... do you not remember how tired you were working the 'night shift' for Gymboree? This is *hard* work - and usually requires a lot of overtime. If you think you're tired now- you're going to be way more tired with three kids coming off a school bus at 3 pm when you've only had 4 hours of sleep.... and then it'll be homework and dinner to make and life to live... and - there would be no more XXXXXXXXXXXX weekends or retreats... or anything. but you already thought of that? I highly doubt it. [Husband] makes good money and you have a good life - I don't think you *know* as much as you think you do if you think you're going to work a job like that and still get to be a Mom and be happy. Don't give up your very nice, very wonderful life - I truly don't think a job in dispatch would be something you would end up loving.
May 18
******************************************************************************
The next day Never Enough posted a HUGE facebook thing about how 'grateful' she was for a life full of 'godly women' who don't 'judge' her and 'accept' and 'support' her - and she tagged like eight people.... and clearly not me.
You can't be Godly if you're a queer... right?
And my noting to her how great she has things.... that's not supporting her?
Well, it is in my book. Sorry.
So then I posted a snotty facebook comment on my wall (after several friends sent me screen shots of her because they had a feeling it was about me.... lolol) and I just said something about being grateful for friends who support me and don't covet other people's luxury holidays.
Yeah.... that was bitchy. I can own that. :)
The next day I got this in my message box:
NEVER ENOUGH:
Elle, I've thought hard the last few days about how I wanted to reply. Please don't pretend to know what goes on in the four walls of my home. I feel like our friendship is slowly changing and right now I need to focus on my family. I wish you all the best. XXXXXXX
****************************************************************************
I then got a "friend request" from Never ENough...... because, you see I had "hidden" her and her annoying posts off my facebook feed *months* before... hahahaha - so whens he "defriended" me - I didn't notice and dind't respond or have a reaction.
So she unfriended me.
Then she re-friend requested me.
Then she deleted that request, so that I would get the first one in my email and notice we weren't facebook friends anymore.... .
If that doesn't really sum up everything for you RIGHT THERE.... I'm not sure I'll ever explain my frustrations with her behavior clear enough.
So, this all happened and ended by May 18th...... until OUT OF THE FRIGGIN BLUE, I got this gem of an email from Never ENough's Husband:
Elle,
I don't know where to start. I felt the need to talk with you and not comfortable with a phone call. I unfriended you and then told [Never Enough] to do the same after you were so rude and mean to her {IN THE FACEBOK MESSAGE I SENT HER ABOVE]. I don't know why you felt the need to personally attack her in your messages about becoming a dispatcher (not the first time). They were so mean and hurtful I put my foot down and said nah she isn't worth the trouble. I am surprised at how bitter and angry you have become with the world. It was bad before but, now it's nauseating. We have been there for each other over the years and not used you just for pictures like most. I know you and [Never Enough] have butted heads over miscommunications and hurt feelings in the past but, this was above and beyond.
I hope you figure out sometime why you are so angry and bitter in life. I feel sorry for [El Capitan] for all the time you spent beating him down. We weren't surprised when it happened.
I don't really appreciate facebook and blog posts [I HAD BLOGGED NOTHING ABOUT THIS UNTIL YESTERDAY]. I know you need material but, would be nice if you could learn restraint. I won't be surprised if you copy paste only parts of this email in some blog post that people with no lives read that you feel the need to impress. If you are going to quote me do it in its entirety.
You've said it numerous times yourself most of your "friends" are scared of being no souped and all the mean things you'll say about them after it's over. That's a great way to keep friends.
I would really be impressed if you ever admit (even if only to yourself since you have an image to uphold) some fault about your marriage. Especially in light of the "recent" coming out But, that was probably [El Capitan's] fault too.
We both truly hope you find some fulfilling happiness in your life.
XXXXX XXXXXXXXX
Sublight Aerospace
cell: 503-XXX-XXXX
fax: 503-XXX-XXXX
**********************************************************************************************************************************
So there you have it..... "THE LETTER". In it's entirety for you.
I called El Capitan and read him the letter - and then I wrote this reply which I will edit out of respect for Never ENough and her Husband..... again - she has *not* spared ANY detail of my life as she has gossiped and sent out her own "letters" explaining things to other mutual friends.... but I do have a bit more class. (May be not much more.... lolololol)
*****************************************************
Hey [Never Enough's Husband] -
Wow..... I'm not at all sure where to start ... or finish for that matter. But JUST so we're all clear, this is the facebook message I sent to [Never ENough]:
You know- at the risk of pissing you off.... do you not remember how tired you were working the 'night shift' for Gymboree? This is *hard* work - and usually requires a lot of overtime. If you think you're tired now- you're going to be way more tired with three kids coming off a school bus at 3 pm when you've only had 4 hours of sleep.... and then it'll be homework and dinner to make and life to live... and - there would be no more XXXXXXXXX weekends or retreats... or anything. but you already thought of that? I highly doubt it. [Husband] makes good money and you have a good life - I don't think you *know* as much as you think you do if you think you're going to work a job like that and still get to be a Mom and be happy. Don't give up your very nice, very wonderful life - I truly don't think a job in dispatch would be something you would end up loving.
I don't see where I'm "rude" or "mean" to be totally honest. I really don't. I was being honest with her - she would have to give up everything that she loves, and I find it hard to believe that she would do that. Do you not remember her very brief stint at Gymboree that was only a few hours a night and she was exhausted? I do.
But. Let's get real for a second.
Why are you doing this? And why is [Never Enough] posting her little cryptic messages on facebook.......? I see below that you make a stab at me to suggest that "all my other friends" are only friends with me for "pictures"..... that's nice and mature of you. So.,.. just know that I get sent (multiple) copies of [Never Enough's] facebook page when she posts her nasty comments.... got one today, in fact.
So, why the sudden surge in hate mail to Elle? I haven't actually blogged or written anything on my facebook page since this ended weeks ago... so why now?
Hmm... interesting.
You and [El Capitan] were never friends. [El Capitan] thought you were a tool who didn't play with his kids and bullied them instead..... I doubt he's turned to you for any kind of solace and advice. But yes.... my marriage to [El Capitan] had it's *many* challenges.... surely one of which is my temper.
But since you're so willing to talk about marriages.... let's do that. :)
Here's what I *never* did..... I never racked up $XXXXK in debt - and I certainly NEVER ran up a $XXXK credit card behind my husbands back..... so - while you two weren't surprised when [El Capitan] left me... I'm shocked you two have made it this far.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX block party and refused to return XXXXXXXX phone calls so at 10pm she had XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX to come home ... and you didn't. And then the next day XXXXXXXXXXXX GIRLS HALF SHIRT wadded up in the dirty laundry on the floor XXXXXXXXXXXX room.....? That was during the time when you either went to Hooters or Stars for lunch every day XXXXXXXXXX said she XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX phone numbers in your phone.....
So... before you go throwing stones XXXXXXXX - you might want to take a long hard look at your own life.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Again. Stones.... keep them in your own yard, please.
Through all of this, I have maintained the friends I *wanted* to keep. Those that have fallen away have done so without any regret or notice from me..... [Never Enough] is someone who does this friendship merry-go-round CONSTANTLY.
For a while XXXXXXXX is the greatest.... then she falls out with her and all I hear is nasty stuff about her.... then it's XXXXXXX turn or whoevers turn..... I'm not dumb enough to NOT know that I come up on the getting talked about nasty cycle frequently..... which is NOT a friendship. You know very well she does this - how many friends have gotten [Never Enough's] little kiss-off letter? Too many to count.....
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I have kept hundreds of friends..... going back to my gradeschool years. I'm proud of that. My life is *full* of joy and friendship and, unlike some, I celebrate my friends success', I don't covet them, which might be why they are still around for me decades later.
Fault in my marriage.... am I going to get an email back where you own YOUR faults in your marriage? I'm not sure why you think it's your place to call me out and make any kind of demand on me to own anything in my personal life..... that's actually kind of funny that you think you can do that.
But let's be real for a second. I loved [El Capitan].... yes, deep down I would have preferred to be with a woman - but I was a good wife. In fact, not wishing to write anything that isn't true: I just called [El Capitan]. I asked him point blank if I beat him down..... if I haven't owned what I've done in our marriage - and he said no on both points. We have *both* had to own what we did - where we went wrong, etc. However, he never felt "beat down" (as you put it) and he doesn't understand why *you* feel so compelled to say something like that to me since he never talked to you during or after our marriage about anything personal.
In regards to me being "angry and bitter"..... it's [Never Enough] who is constantly angry and bitter at someone. She seeks out drama and creates problems with friends where there aren't any - and then she stands in the middle of her mess and cries about how no one is "nice" to her. She has written off countless friends - you and I both know it... are *you* going to stand up and own that? Are you going to own the issue's in your marriage as you so boldly demand that I do?
I haven't written any blog posts regarding this - however, I appreciate your written approval to reprint your email in it's entirety if I decide to print it... that's very nice of you.
For the record, I have only ever stopped being friends with XXXXXXX - aside from her..... I have never "no souped" any of my friends and I don't think any of them actually worry about that happening....
You need to educate yourself about homosexuality. No one "turned" me gay. [El Capitan] and I had a *very* good laugh about that. I was born this way. Literally. I chose to be straight, I thought it was a choice I *could* make.... and frankly - our marriage was punctuated by situations where our intimate life was not an option - and months rolled into years and years into a decade - and we never dealt with what was wrong in our bedroom. [El Capitan] has owned the fact that he never complained - we never talked about it..... NO ONE is to "blame" for my being gay and that fact that you wrote that shows a lot of ignorance about the topic on your part. Additionally, my being gay is not the reason my marriage failed - [El Capitan] will tell you that himself, but since you're not actually friends with him.... that won't happen.
At the end of the day.... [Never Enough] isn't comfortable with my being gay. When I first told her - she uninvited me *as quick as she could* to her XXXXXXXXXXX retreat.... and I never saw her again. That was March - early March. I asked for play dates and coffee dates and anything..... I had agree to watch your children overnight for your romantic hotel getaway - which said said YOU cancelled because you didn't want her spending the money...... and I never saw her again. She then wrote off XXXX XXXXXXX as a friend and I knew my days were numbered...... doesn't it bother you that she does this? Isn't it at all awkward for you that she picks these fights with people - especially when you work with XXXXXX's HUSBAND?
The point is.... I never saw her again after that day. Make of it what you want - but, the only person who is bitter and angry with the world is [NEver Enough]. Read The Blog... I'm happy - and have been for a looooooong time. Stop believing [NEver ENough's] interpretations.... because to be honest - [NEver ENough] told me you never liked [El Capitan]. You thought he was a "child" and not a real man... that you didn't understand how I could be married to someone who didn't "provide" - [Never Enough] says' you say *a lot* of things and have a lot of opinions that I highly doubt you have. She create's a picture of you where you *never* want to be at home, you spend your money on XXXXXX and tech toys you don't need and you don't "allow" her to spend money at all.... she writes a picture where XXXXXX is EXPECTED of her - and frankly..... most of us don't have the greatest view of you based on what [Never Enough] say's.... so again, before you start throwing stones, I would politely suggest you start picking up your own.
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See.... I was a *good*, true friend...... to both of you. I supported you and your marriage - through and through. You guys clearly have not done that for me, thanks for making that super clear. Again.... it's odd to me that you waited to long to write me this email - and why you think you get to make *any* demands on me at all.
Feel free to call [El Capitan] - we just hung up...
Again... I have *not* blogged this, nor facebooked this.... I'm not sure what [Never ENough] is telling you - but you are free to read those things for yourself.
Good luck to you both...... :)
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So there you have it.......
I think that the truth is that Never ENough doesn't ...... I just don't know that there is 'room' in her life for a 'lesbian friend'. She works pretty hard to have a hard candy Christian exterior... and I don't fit that.
Which is fine... then just tell me that.
I'm fine with that.
Only mere *weeks* before this all went down - I was one of her "closest friends" and getting decks of inspirational cards.... now I'm the person who was always "beating down" her husband and the failure of my marriage was "no surprise"?
Really?
I'm not fine with a bunch of stupid games and facebook posts and emails to friends where she builds her own cross faster than the Romans to stretch herself across it..... all the while making sure every "Friend" knows "her side" .... oh - and Never ENough ALSO has a blog.......
So. There you have it. Now you know.
Never Enough and her husband can say whatever they want..... but this was a lot of stone throwing and finger pointing over...... what ? I'm not sure.
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