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Oh No You Didn't.........

8/21/2013

8 Comments

 
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Belinda said:
No one cares that you are gay. It's not so shocking anymore and not news these days. But it did likely effect your relationship in ways that you won't discuss. Also, if I recall, your ex wrote you a letter and challenged you to post it in its entirety. You have not. It is hypocritical to devote your life and blog to attacking this guy publicly because he dumped you and refuse post a response. You lost credibility then.

****************************************************************

Alright..... let's get a few things cleared up.

ONE:  I *NEVER* said El Capitan wrote a letter that I refused to post.  El Capitan has NEVER written a letter to me, or about me - EVER.  (At least not that I have seen).  If there was such a letter from El Capitan, from La Novia, from a bonafide friend of theirs:  I would post it in it's entirety for sure.

Also - please keep in mind that El Capitan has been asked by:  the Dr. Phil Show, Anderson Cooper, The View, The Discovery Channel, The Jeff Probst Show - to APPEAR or be interviewed by them to give "his side" - and he has DECLINED every single time.

Actually.... have I not mentioned this before......?  EL CAPITAN had to sign *WAIVERS* for every single one of my television appearances - that our kids photos would be used, that I would be talking about him, our marriage, etc - and he agreed to my appearances.

In the Jeff Probst one, we allowed them to film profiles of the kids, but it wasn't until after we went to Disneyland that we agreed for them to appear on the Discovery Channel 'Karma is a Bitch'. 

Also, El Capitan is *fine* with the Blog and The Book..... so.... in an effort to be *as transparent* as possible - that's been done.... AND - I still have mutual friends with El Capitan - not to mention the fact that MY FRIENDS would not put up with me "lying" on The Blog.... not ever.  Jenny B and Chloe and J - those are some strong chicks.... they would most certainly call me out on bullsh*t if I was writing it.  
Believe that.

Also - Miss Belinda:  YOU are from Australia.  The website has an IP address tracker (all websites have IP trackers) and I can see that you live in Australia.  While Australia recognizes Domestic Partnership and provides "de facto" rights to taxes, etc that same-sex couples have..... the Australian government still defines "marriage" as 'one man and one woman'.

Just today, in New Zealand where marriage equality exists, the first Australian couple crossed the border to get married there - http://www.australianmarriageequality.com/wp/2013/08/20/aussie-gay-couple-wed-in-new-zealand/.

That seem likes kind of a big deal to me..... you know - the whole having to take a plane and enter a different country to get legally married.....  lolol

 Having said that, Oz gives immediate parental rights to lesbian partners whose same sex partner gives birth to a "mutually conceived child through IVF or insemination" at the moment of birth.  In *America* - two lesbians commit to having a baby, purchase sperm, get inseminated and ONLY THE WOMAN WHO CARRIES THE CHILD has parental rights, the other female partner must go through the *ENTIRE* process of a legal adoption to have any rights to the child.

I currently *live* in a state that does NOT recognize same-sex marriage.  In fact, nearly ten years ago they voted AS A STATE that marriage was *ONLY* between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN.
Sigh. lol

FACT:  as of August 2013, ONLY THIRTEEN STATES of this great United States recognize same-sex marriage as equal and provide equal rights to same-sex marriages.

ALSO.... while *you* in Australia were providing equality in 1997 through recognized Domestic Partnership - being GAY was such a stigma in America that in October of 1998 that two men dragged Matthew Shepard out to a field, assaulted him, beat him, tied him to a post and let him die out there.  FOR BEING GAY.  :(  

So, when you say that "no one cares" about my "being gay"- I beg to differ on that point.  May be you don't give a sh*t..... but PLENTY of people in my country do - and it looks like your government does too.
Sigh.

I wish my country was as progressive in equality regarding the LGBTQ community.

When I was married to my first husband, he was from Australia.  His whole family lived in London (they had all moved over) and The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of The Desert came out.  (For those who don't know - it's a FANTASTIC film about two drag queens and a transwoman which featured Guy Pearce.  All of the women in the house were crazy for Guy Pearce and so we all went to see the film.

This was my *first* "exposure" to drag queens or trans persons - and it was hilariously eye opening and after the movie I remember commenting on how it was such an "odd" movie to make.... as in - how many people would actually *pay* to see such a movie (not too many people from my small town high school, I figured lol).  And they were all laughing at me and saying how America was so "prude" and "backwards" and how Gay Pride in Sydney is this MASSIVE event - a huge celebration.

My world was slightly Aussie heavy back then - Neighbors, Home & Away (wait.... Irene and Alf are STILL on the show????  holy crap.... that's rad), Shortland Street (from New Zealand) and Blue Heelers......  all great shows that I missed when I moved away. 

But it remains that Australian same-sex couples cannot be married.

And.... Hail Mary and I would have to move to Washington or California (on the West Coast) if we want to be legally married.  In 14 months, if enough signatures are collected, there will hopefully be a measure on the Oregon ballot to "legalize" gay marriage.... but there's no guarantee it'll pass.

After all, Oregon already voted on this in 2004 with Measure 36 which define marriage as ONE MAN/ONE WOMAN ONLY.  It passed with 54% of the vote statewide.  The measure banned same-sex marriage in the state of Oregon.

Which is too bad...... because my "straight" marriage was recognized as fully legal..... inspite of it's issue's and the cheating  - it's still MORE of a marriage in Oregon than any relationship I could currently have with Hail Mary.

Hail Mary who adores the kids.
Hail Mary who brushes their teeth and helps get them ready for bed.
Hail Mary who is teaching The Boy to ride a bike.
Hail Mary who spends over an hour freezing in the ocean "jumping" waves with them.
Hail Mary who..... would literally do anything for us.

Hail Mary who...... has become an instant friend and trusted adult in their lives.... and who means ... well - just about everything to me..... in the state of Oregon- she doesn't count.

WE don't count.
We can't be a "legal" family.

So.... yeah - that's kind of a big deal.

Alright then, that aside...... I included the document above because there's no reason for me to try and "hide" anything from anyone.... this is a *small* town and we still have a lot of mutual friends.  If I was posting a bunch of stuff that wasn't true.... I'd be getting my ass ripped on facebook and other outlets - where some blog readers are friends with me.  They seen *countless* people comment about El Capitan - and no one has ever said anything against whatever I've posted.

Additionally, there are/were countless media outlets who were chomping at the bit to get El Capitan to "talk" - but I've asked him over and over.... and he doesn't really feel like he has much to say.  He did something he shouldn't have.... that doesn't mean he shouldn't have left me or ended our marriage - but he shouldn't have just cheated while we were married - while I had *no* clue -and then left....... 

And - I *have not* devoted my life to "attacking" anyone.... f*cks sake... lololol
It's true that in the beginning there were a lot of mistakes made - by El Capitan and myself - and they are here for people to read about them..... but there was also a lot of learning and growth and healing that took place as well.  I think that has value.... may be it doesn't.  But, there are more than a few people who feel that it has, so that's enough for me......

Attacking El Capitan..... that's interesting.  

I asked El Capitan if he feels "attacked" - but he said no... he doesn't read The Blog, but he knows (generally) what I write... and I'm entitled to my opinion.
Fair enough.

My friends would tell you that there is a lot of things (negative) that have happened that I haven't shared on the blog..... but I do feel that there is a line and some amount of privacy should exist.

BTW.... you know....it's a free country:  El Capitan could start a blog of his own. :)

I have been *very* open and honest about the journey - from the ugly and the bad - the better and the amicable and the good..... I have been plainly honest that El Capitan has *never* missed a child support payment and while he and I are both a bit "relaxed" about the timing of said payments, he is not in "arrears" of any kind - which *a lot* of single Moms don't get that lucky.

I am grateful for all the efforts he makes to ensure that happens - while it might be a legal obligation - he could be a jackass about it if he wanted to.... but he chooses not to do that.  I consider that a kindness on his part.

Truth be told, of alllll the people who have 'appeared' on The Blog, there is only one is who "unhappy" - and that is Carhartt who, after we broke up, took serious issue with a post where I noted that Hail Mary get a long well with the children whereas Carhartt did not.  She felt I was "being mean" and "using" her for "entertainment" (just in that ONE post, mind you) and she felt I was making a comparison to "hurt" her.... which I wasn't - I was just blogging and noting something that's relevant to our lives.... that's all.  Nothing more, nothing less...... 

In regards to the *letter* that was sent to me - that was by an ex-friends husband.
I have long debated with myself whether or not I should post it..... but I suppose in an effort to be honest, I should.  So, in the coming days I will try to explain the circumstances around the letter being sent and I will post the letter as well - in it's entirety - as per the request of the sender.



8 Comments
Meaghan link
8/21/2013 02:49:01 am

I have been reading your blog for MONTHS and I have never commented on anything....until now......
This boils my blood to NO END!!!! WTF is it with people making judgemental comments on here?? If someone has been reading this blog for days, weeks, months, the whole year ect.... and you decide to "out yourself" then all of a sudden THEY have the right to judge you?!?!?! Excuse me, but people are reading about YOUR life (which you graciously share with us while inspiring people) if they don't like the fact that you're gay now or a decision you made parenting, or something you said that THEY misunderstood; then stop reading....don't come back and don't leave STUPID comments to anger everyone else who is rooting for Elle and looking forward to checking in on her every day!!!

I live in a place where gay marriage is legal and where we have one of the biggest pride parades in the world...which I LOVE to attend every year!!! It is full of exciting, loving and fun people! My 9 and 6 year old children BOTH know what it means to be gay and they accept it and I am one DAMN PROUD mother because of it!!!
Heck....Elle, you and Hail Mary should come here next July for it!! You would LOVE it!! Such a blast and the party lasts ALL weekend long!!! We have an entire "community" downtown that is there ALL YEAR round...everyone knows where it is...no one takes other streets to avoid it, it's the best place to party and the atmosphere is just AMAZING and ACCEPTING!!!

Anyhoo....to the haters...hate all you want...but stop making Elle waste posts on you all and your selfish, misguided, rude, arrogant, close minded and discriminatory comments!!!!!

Have a Fanfriggintastic day/night :)
Meaghan

Reply
Belinda
8/21/2013 03:59:51 pm

First, I live in Canada and have never been to Australia and have no idea of what you are talking about. Second, I'm gay and I did not wait 30 years to come out and start cheer leading. Third, are you really surprised your husband did not go on the Dr. Phil circus? Only those who need attention and money put their personal relationship issues on a silly show like that. Lastly, you knew which letter I was referring to. One woman's opinion, I think what you are doing is tasteless and harmful to your children and they will tell you that when they are older.

Reply
Meaghan
8/21/2013 11:34:09 pm

You're a Canadian and you have the audacity to ATTEMPT to call someone out like that??? Where in Canada we have the most amazing support system for gay communities??
You obviously haven't followed the ENTIRE bloh otherwise you wouldn't be casting haste judgements and you would KNOW why it took Elle so long to come out....
You're a sad "representation" of our company my dear!!!!
And do you have children??? Do have the right to judge what is right and wrong to do to them?
Take a walk.....to another blog.....

Reply
Jaimey
8/22/2013 05:08:28 am

Her children are completely fine. I'd be the first in line to set her ass straight if I thought otherwise. Trust me on that. And secondly where do you get off feelings so entitled to an opinion of a person you know only what she allows you to know. You don't Elle in person, you've never met her and yet you feel entitled to an opinion as if you do. I think that's shitty and distasteful. Fucking troll.

Reply
Elle
8/21/2013 05:31:22 pm

Belinda -

In your first comment you call into question my "credibility" because I didn't post a letter YOU said El Capitan wrote me. Now you're annoyed that I "know which letter you are referring to" - but.... doesn't that question YOUR credibility? I think you're a bit confused.

You use an interesting word..... "cheerleading". I'm thrilled for you that "didn't wait 30 years" - not all of us are that lucky to find who we are and be willing to accept that - sometimes not ever, and yes... sometimes it takes 37 years (to be exact). I have noted *SERVERAL* times that my struggle with my sexuality surely affected my marriage.... but so did *a lot* of things.
As for damaging my kids.......?
I can't say either way that it will or that it won't - but my kids are *living* through all of this - and I'm doing my *very* best to do it right..... I see The Blog as an online journal of sorts - I'm not sure how they'll see it, but yes.... I will fully own it and answer for it if need be.
I'm NOT AT ALL surprised El Capitan didn't want to go on Dr. Phil (he hates Dr. Phil) - he did *almost* go on Anderson Cooper though. My point was that I have not made ANY decision during this process WITHOUT El Capitan's input and approval.
I have never gotten paid for any of this.
I never wanted any of this "attention".... believe that.
One Womans opinion...... you're an angry person who wields accusations without having any (certainly not all) her facts straight... which makes me a bit sad for you because you see someone else's happiness and disparage it by calling it "cheerleading.

Reply
Romana
8/26/2013 06:01:14 pm

Maybe Belinda needs to see the Disneyland video. So she can smile when reading this blog about how far things have come for the betterment of everyone. Or like someone said, move to another blog where haters and bashers are welcome.

Reply
Kristen Welborn
8/22/2013 07:13:07 am

Im sorry but last time I checked YOUR marriage is YOUR marriage, It gets my BLOOD boiling to see people judge you and offer all theiropinions. It is no ones business whether your marriage ended because your gay, or because he cheated that is your business. If your going to be judgemental and hateful THEN DONT READ THE BLOG. My goodness I dont know what it is with the world these days but everyone thinks they have some God Given right to judge and offer their opinion. What people need to do is go back to their glass house and stop throwing so many damn stones. I applaud you for putting your life out there and being honest and teaching your kids some good values that people like belinda obviously lack. Maybe we would live in a better world if people would worry about their own and get their high and mighty judgemental ass off of their steel horse and instead of spew hate teach love! Sorry for the offensive language but I am so sick of people thinking they can say whatever the hell they want, and then turn around and play the poor me card. UGH as you can tell gets me heated! Keep it up elle and dont let those judgemental ass get you down

Reply
Jaimey
8/23/2013 02:11:45 am

Amen. If you don't like it, don't read! The Internet is great that way. No one is forcing you to come back!

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    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
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