Belinda said:
No one cares that you are gay. It's not so shocking anymore and not news these days. But it did likely effect your relationship in ways that you won't discuss. Also, if I recall, your ex wrote you a letter and challenged you to post it in its entirety. You have not. It is hypocritical to devote your life and blog to attacking this guy publicly because he dumped you and refuse post a response. You lost credibility then.
****************************************************************
Alright..... let's get a few things cleared up.
ONE: I *NEVER* said El Capitan wrote a letter that I refused to post. El Capitan has NEVER written a letter to me, or about me - EVER. (At least not that I have seen). If there was such a letter from El Capitan, from La Novia, from a bonafide friend of theirs: I would post it in it's entirety for sure.
Also - please keep in mind that El Capitan has been asked by: the Dr. Phil Show, Anderson Cooper, The View, The Discovery Channel, The Jeff Probst Show - to APPEAR or be interviewed by them to give "his side" - and he has DECLINED every single time.
Actually.... have I not mentioned this before......? EL CAPITAN had to sign *WAIVERS* for every single one of my television appearances - that our kids photos would be used, that I would be talking about him, our marriage, etc - and he agreed to my appearances.
In the Jeff Probst one, we allowed them to film profiles of the kids, but it wasn't until after we went to Disneyland that we agreed for them to appear on the Discovery Channel 'Karma is a Bitch'.
Also, El Capitan is *fine* with the Blog and The Book..... so.... in an effort to be *as transparent* as possible - that's been done.... AND - I still have mutual friends with El Capitan - not to mention the fact that MY FRIENDS would not put up with me "lying" on The Blog.... not ever. Jenny B and Chloe and J - those are some strong chicks.... they would most certainly call me out on bullsh*t if I was writing it.
Believe that.
Also - Miss Belinda: YOU are from Australia. The website has an IP address tracker (all websites have IP trackers) and I can see that you live in Australia. While Australia recognizes Domestic Partnership and provides "de facto" rights to taxes, etc that same-sex couples have..... the Australian government still defines "marriage" as 'one man and one woman'.
Just today, in New Zealand where marriage equality exists, the first Australian couple crossed the border to get married there - http://www.australianmarriageequality.com/wp/2013/08/20/aussie-gay-couple-wed-in-new-zealand/.
That seem likes kind of a big deal to me..... you know - the whole having to take a plane and enter a different country to get legally married..... lolol
Having said that, Oz gives immediate parental rights to lesbian partners whose same sex partner gives birth to a "mutually conceived child through IVF or insemination" at the moment of birth. In *America* - two lesbians commit to having a baby, purchase sperm, get inseminated and ONLY THE WOMAN WHO CARRIES THE CHILD has parental rights, the other female partner must go through the *ENTIRE* process of a legal adoption to have any rights to the child.
I currently *live* in a state that does NOT recognize same-sex marriage. In fact, nearly ten years ago they voted AS A STATE that marriage was *ONLY* between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN.
Sigh. lol
FACT: as of August 2013, ONLY THIRTEEN STATES of this great United States recognize same-sex marriage as equal and provide equal rights to same-sex marriages.
ALSO.... while *you* in Australia were providing equality in 1997 through recognized Domestic Partnership - being GAY was such a stigma in America that in October of 1998 that two men dragged Matthew Shepard out to a field, assaulted him, beat him, tied him to a post and let him die out there. FOR BEING GAY. :(
So, when you say that "no one cares" about my "being gay"- I beg to differ on that point. May be you don't give a sh*t..... but PLENTY of people in my country do - and it looks like your government does too.
Sigh.
I wish my country was as progressive in equality regarding the LGBTQ community.
When I was married to my first husband, he was from Australia. His whole family lived in London (they had all moved over) and The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of The Desert came out. (For those who don't know - it's a FANTASTIC film about two drag queens and a transwoman which featured Guy Pearce. All of the women in the house were crazy for Guy Pearce and so we all went to see the film.
This was my *first* "exposure" to drag queens or trans persons - and it was hilariously eye opening and after the movie I remember commenting on how it was such an "odd" movie to make.... as in - how many people would actually *pay* to see such a movie (not too many people from my small town high school, I figured lol). And they were all laughing at me and saying how America was so "prude" and "backwards" and how Gay Pride in Sydney is this MASSIVE event - a huge celebration.
My world was slightly Aussie heavy back then - Neighbors, Home & Away (wait.... Irene and Alf are STILL on the show???? holy crap.... that's rad), Shortland Street (from New Zealand) and Blue Heelers...... all great shows that I missed when I moved away.
But it remains that Australian same-sex couples cannot be married.
And.... Hail Mary and I would have to move to Washington or California (on the West Coast) if we want to be legally married. In 14 months, if enough signatures are collected, there will hopefully be a measure on the Oregon ballot to "legalize" gay marriage.... but there's no guarantee it'll pass.
After all, Oregon already voted on this in 2004 with Measure 36 which define marriage as ONE MAN/ONE WOMAN ONLY. It passed with 54% of the vote statewide. The measure banned same-sex marriage in the state of Oregon.
Which is too bad...... because my "straight" marriage was recognized as fully legal..... inspite of it's issue's and the cheating - it's still MORE of a marriage in Oregon than any relationship I could currently have with Hail Mary.
Hail Mary who adores the kids.
Hail Mary who brushes their teeth and helps get them ready for bed.
Hail Mary who is teaching The Boy to ride a bike.
Hail Mary who spends over an hour freezing in the ocean "jumping" waves with them.
Hail Mary who..... would literally do anything for us.
Hail Mary who...... has become an instant friend and trusted adult in their lives.... and who means ... well - just about everything to me..... in the state of Oregon- she doesn't count.
WE don't count.
We can't be a "legal" family.
So.... yeah - that's kind of a big deal.
Alright then, that aside...... I included the document above because there's no reason for me to try and "hide" anything from anyone.... this is a *small* town and we still have a lot of mutual friends. If I was posting a bunch of stuff that wasn't true.... I'd be getting my ass ripped on facebook and other outlets - where some blog readers are friends with me. They seen *countless* people comment about El Capitan - and no one has ever said anything against whatever I've posted.
Additionally, there are/were countless media outlets who were chomping at the bit to get El Capitan to "talk" - but I've asked him over and over.... and he doesn't really feel like he has much to say. He did something he shouldn't have.... that doesn't mean he shouldn't have left me or ended our marriage - but he shouldn't have just cheated while we were married - while I had *no* clue -and then left.......
And - I *have not* devoted my life to "attacking" anyone.... f*cks sake... lololol
It's true that in the beginning there were a lot of mistakes made - by El Capitan and myself - and they are here for people to read about them..... but there was also a lot of learning and growth and healing that took place as well. I think that has value.... may be it doesn't. But, there are more than a few people who feel that it has, so that's enough for me......
Attacking El Capitan..... that's interesting.
I asked El Capitan if he feels "attacked" - but he said no... he doesn't read The Blog, but he knows (generally) what I write... and I'm entitled to my opinion.
Fair enough.
My friends would tell you that there is a lot of things (negative) that have happened that I haven't shared on the blog..... but I do feel that there is a line and some amount of privacy should exist.
BTW.... you know....it's a free country: El Capitan could start a blog of his own. :)
I have been *very* open and honest about the journey - from the ugly and the bad - the better and the amicable and the good..... I have been plainly honest that El Capitan has *never* missed a child support payment and while he and I are both a bit "relaxed" about the timing of said payments, he is not in "arrears" of any kind - which *a lot* of single Moms don't get that lucky.
I am grateful for all the efforts he makes to ensure that happens - while it might be a legal obligation - he could be a jackass about it if he wanted to.... but he chooses not to do that. I consider that a kindness on his part.
Truth be told, of alllll the people who have 'appeared' on The Blog, there is only one is who "unhappy" - and that is Carhartt who, after we broke up, took serious issue with a post where I noted that Hail Mary get a long well with the children whereas Carhartt did not. She felt I was "being mean" and "using" her for "entertainment" (just in that ONE post, mind you) and she felt I was making a comparison to "hurt" her.... which I wasn't - I was just blogging and noting something that's relevant to our lives.... that's all. Nothing more, nothing less......
In regards to the *letter* that was sent to me - that was by an ex-friends husband.
I have long debated with myself whether or not I should post it..... but I suppose in an effort to be honest, I should. So, in the coming days I will try to explain the circumstances around the letter being sent and I will post the letter as well - in it's entirety - as per the request of the sender.
No one cares that you are gay. It's not so shocking anymore and not news these days. But it did likely effect your relationship in ways that you won't discuss. Also, if I recall, your ex wrote you a letter and challenged you to post it in its entirety. You have not. It is hypocritical to devote your life and blog to attacking this guy publicly because he dumped you and refuse post a response. You lost credibility then.
****************************************************************
Alright..... let's get a few things cleared up.
ONE: I *NEVER* said El Capitan wrote a letter that I refused to post. El Capitan has NEVER written a letter to me, or about me - EVER. (At least not that I have seen). If there was such a letter from El Capitan, from La Novia, from a bonafide friend of theirs: I would post it in it's entirety for sure.
Also - please keep in mind that El Capitan has been asked by: the Dr. Phil Show, Anderson Cooper, The View, The Discovery Channel, The Jeff Probst Show - to APPEAR or be interviewed by them to give "his side" - and he has DECLINED every single time.
Actually.... have I not mentioned this before......? EL CAPITAN had to sign *WAIVERS* for every single one of my television appearances - that our kids photos would be used, that I would be talking about him, our marriage, etc - and he agreed to my appearances.
In the Jeff Probst one, we allowed them to film profiles of the kids, but it wasn't until after we went to Disneyland that we agreed for them to appear on the Discovery Channel 'Karma is a Bitch'.
Also, El Capitan is *fine* with the Blog and The Book..... so.... in an effort to be *as transparent* as possible - that's been done.... AND - I still have mutual friends with El Capitan - not to mention the fact that MY FRIENDS would not put up with me "lying" on The Blog.... not ever. Jenny B and Chloe and J - those are some strong chicks.... they would most certainly call me out on bullsh*t if I was writing it.
Believe that.
Also - Miss Belinda: YOU are from Australia. The website has an IP address tracker (all websites have IP trackers) and I can see that you live in Australia. While Australia recognizes Domestic Partnership and provides "de facto" rights to taxes, etc that same-sex couples have..... the Australian government still defines "marriage" as 'one man and one woman'.
Just today, in New Zealand where marriage equality exists, the first Australian couple crossed the border to get married there - http://www.australianmarriageequality.com/wp/2013/08/20/aussie-gay-couple-wed-in-new-zealand/.
That seem likes kind of a big deal to me..... you know - the whole having to take a plane and enter a different country to get legally married..... lolol
Having said that, Oz gives immediate parental rights to lesbian partners whose same sex partner gives birth to a "mutually conceived child through IVF or insemination" at the moment of birth. In *America* - two lesbians commit to having a baby, purchase sperm, get inseminated and ONLY THE WOMAN WHO CARRIES THE CHILD has parental rights, the other female partner must go through the *ENTIRE* process of a legal adoption to have any rights to the child.
I currently *live* in a state that does NOT recognize same-sex marriage. In fact, nearly ten years ago they voted AS A STATE that marriage was *ONLY* between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN.
Sigh. lol
FACT: as of August 2013, ONLY THIRTEEN STATES of this great United States recognize same-sex marriage as equal and provide equal rights to same-sex marriages.
ALSO.... while *you* in Australia were providing equality in 1997 through recognized Domestic Partnership - being GAY was such a stigma in America that in October of 1998 that two men dragged Matthew Shepard out to a field, assaulted him, beat him, tied him to a post and let him die out there. FOR BEING GAY. :(
So, when you say that "no one cares" about my "being gay"- I beg to differ on that point. May be you don't give a sh*t..... but PLENTY of people in my country do - and it looks like your government does too.
Sigh.
I wish my country was as progressive in equality regarding the LGBTQ community.
When I was married to my first husband, he was from Australia. His whole family lived in London (they had all moved over) and The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of The Desert came out. (For those who don't know - it's a FANTASTIC film about two drag queens and a transwoman which featured Guy Pearce. All of the women in the house were crazy for Guy Pearce and so we all went to see the film.
This was my *first* "exposure" to drag queens or trans persons - and it was hilariously eye opening and after the movie I remember commenting on how it was such an "odd" movie to make.... as in - how many people would actually *pay* to see such a movie (not too many people from my small town high school, I figured lol). And they were all laughing at me and saying how America was so "prude" and "backwards" and how Gay Pride in Sydney is this MASSIVE event - a huge celebration.
My world was slightly Aussie heavy back then - Neighbors, Home & Away (wait.... Irene and Alf are STILL on the show???? holy crap.... that's rad), Shortland Street (from New Zealand) and Blue Heelers...... all great shows that I missed when I moved away.
But it remains that Australian same-sex couples cannot be married.
And.... Hail Mary and I would have to move to Washington or California (on the West Coast) if we want to be legally married. In 14 months, if enough signatures are collected, there will hopefully be a measure on the Oregon ballot to "legalize" gay marriage.... but there's no guarantee it'll pass.
After all, Oregon already voted on this in 2004 with Measure 36 which define marriage as ONE MAN/ONE WOMAN ONLY. It passed with 54% of the vote statewide. The measure banned same-sex marriage in the state of Oregon.
Which is too bad...... because my "straight" marriage was recognized as fully legal..... inspite of it's issue's and the cheating - it's still MORE of a marriage in Oregon than any relationship I could currently have with Hail Mary.
Hail Mary who adores the kids.
Hail Mary who brushes their teeth and helps get them ready for bed.
Hail Mary who is teaching The Boy to ride a bike.
Hail Mary who spends over an hour freezing in the ocean "jumping" waves with them.
Hail Mary who..... would literally do anything for us.
Hail Mary who...... has become an instant friend and trusted adult in their lives.... and who means ... well - just about everything to me..... in the state of Oregon- she doesn't count.
WE don't count.
We can't be a "legal" family.
So.... yeah - that's kind of a big deal.
Alright then, that aside...... I included the document above because there's no reason for me to try and "hide" anything from anyone.... this is a *small* town and we still have a lot of mutual friends. If I was posting a bunch of stuff that wasn't true.... I'd be getting my ass ripped on facebook and other outlets - where some blog readers are friends with me. They seen *countless* people comment about El Capitan - and no one has ever said anything against whatever I've posted.
Additionally, there are/were countless media outlets who were chomping at the bit to get El Capitan to "talk" - but I've asked him over and over.... and he doesn't really feel like he has much to say. He did something he shouldn't have.... that doesn't mean he shouldn't have left me or ended our marriage - but he shouldn't have just cheated while we were married - while I had *no* clue -and then left.......
And - I *have not* devoted my life to "attacking" anyone.... f*cks sake... lololol
It's true that in the beginning there were a lot of mistakes made - by El Capitan and myself - and they are here for people to read about them..... but there was also a lot of learning and growth and healing that took place as well. I think that has value.... may be it doesn't. But, there are more than a few people who feel that it has, so that's enough for me......
Attacking El Capitan..... that's interesting.
I asked El Capitan if he feels "attacked" - but he said no... he doesn't read The Blog, but he knows (generally) what I write... and I'm entitled to my opinion.
Fair enough.
My friends would tell you that there is a lot of things (negative) that have happened that I haven't shared on the blog..... but I do feel that there is a line and some amount of privacy should exist.
BTW.... you know....it's a free country: El Capitan could start a blog of his own. :)
I have been *very* open and honest about the journey - from the ugly and the bad - the better and the amicable and the good..... I have been plainly honest that El Capitan has *never* missed a child support payment and while he and I are both a bit "relaxed" about the timing of said payments, he is not in "arrears" of any kind - which *a lot* of single Moms don't get that lucky.
I am grateful for all the efforts he makes to ensure that happens - while it might be a legal obligation - he could be a jackass about it if he wanted to.... but he chooses not to do that. I consider that a kindness on his part.
Truth be told, of alllll the people who have 'appeared' on The Blog, there is only one is who "unhappy" - and that is Carhartt who, after we broke up, took serious issue with a post where I noted that Hail Mary get a long well with the children whereas Carhartt did not. She felt I was "being mean" and "using" her for "entertainment" (just in that ONE post, mind you) and she felt I was making a comparison to "hurt" her.... which I wasn't - I was just blogging and noting something that's relevant to our lives.... that's all. Nothing more, nothing less......
In regards to the *letter* that was sent to me - that was by an ex-friends husband.
I have long debated with myself whether or not I should post it..... but I suppose in an effort to be honest, I should. So, in the coming days I will try to explain the circumstances around the letter being sent and I will post the letter as well - in it's entirety - as per the request of the sender.
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