So. Here it is: the 'elephant' in the room... or rather, the one that HUNDREDS upon HUNDREDS of people on the internet want to say I am.... lol I just wanted to share you with this wee nugget of wonderful humanity that arrived in my voicemail box two days ago. (It's that box to the RIGHT - click and listen if you dare!) First and foremost.... El Capitan and I did not *ever* discuss my figure in terms of it being an "issue" in our marriage, or an "issue" between us. For the record, I have not gained 100 - 250 pounds.... I am not currently booking two seats on a plane, nor am I sewing together two pairs of pants to make one nor wearing circus tents for dresses. Like *most* women - from size 2 to size 22, I have always struggled with my weight .... El Capitan was no stranger to my desire to be healthier. Like many families we would make the usual life changes for our family - eating more greens, eating out less, cutting back on sugar or soda, etc. As with *most* families these plans for healthy excellence would be thwarted by him working AT LEAST 50 hours a week and my running three small businesses and raising the children, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, keeping up with play dates.... etc. It just never seemed to leave enough time to go to the gym. (Also, my house was never spotless nor the laundry always done and folded .... just sayin'.) Oh, and the Gym? Well, yes, we *have* a gym membership. I refer to it as my own personal "fat tax" - it's the money I pay every month for a place I never manage to step foot in despite all my good, honest and true intentions. So, it's a fat tax. lol El Capitan was familiar with my struggles on that front... but I have to be true and honest and tell you that he ended every day by giving me a kiss and telling me I was beautiful. He never judged me on my weight......Sometimes, people do what they do for their own reasons - even in a marriage - and sometimes those reasons have little to do with the important people around us. As far my "love" for malt liquor and cigarettes... that's hilarious. I've never had a whole beer in my entire life ... by that - I mean to say that if you took alllll the alcohol I've consumed in my life, it wouldn't make a full pint, and I don't smoke. At all. I do, however, love pasta and rice and donuts and bread... and allll those yummy things that *should* be healthy for us but are NOT. Ok, maybe not healthy donuts - but it's so damn unfair that pasta in all its creamy curly, straight, and multi-colored forms should be BAD FOR US! And RICE - really RICE? How can that be bad for me!?!?! aaack! Now, the man who posted that I need to put down the Twinkies *might* have a point because, if I'm being truly honest, I do love a good Twinkie, but who doesn't? However, like most people I only love them one at a time, not a box at a time.... hahahaha So those wanting to partake in a Twinkie/booze/cigy intervention can have a seat... what I need a life/getting organized/making time for myself Intervention. Finally, there seems to be a growing crowd of people who think because I laugh and giggle nervously through interviews, that I SOUGHT this attention, that I find it all sooo hilarious. So, I wanted to post a small window in the reality of about ... 20% of the calls I get? and about 10% of the email I get. They are laced with compliments and niceties that The Man's Voicemail is. I laugh because, again, my size or people's comments on it don't define me. They aren't going to make me sad because I can do something about my size... people who use this opportunity to make their own vicious,insult laced commentary will have to work a lot harder to change their hearts and I only have to go the gym. In a country were children are KILLING THEMSELVES because they are bullied for being gay or wearing the wrong clothes or whatever the h*ll it is that is being said to them ON THE INTERNET by their own peers that drives them to hanging themselves in their bedrooms because they just. can't. take. it. anymore. - when do we stop and realize that being a bully is a LEARNED behavior?1 Children learn it from their parents... so while we're all talking about the well being of *my* children - what about the well being of the children of this man? Assuming any woman actually procreated with him... what has he taught HIS children? What kind of loving example for humankind has he taught them? We can try to save ourselves from Global Warming one recylced Coke can at a time... but we can also save ourselves from being a planet of a**holes by setting a different example for our kids. that is all...... PS. I am amused by the assumption that El Capitan is obviously the peak of health .... right? (Mind you, he's a good lookin' fella, or at least Yoga Girl and I both thought he was.... hahahaha) PPS... I know I said I would write the story of El Capitan and I ... but this was just weighing on my heart. PPPS.... If the man had said, "Wow, you seem like a nice lady with a good heart and it occurs to me that your current weight might pose a health risk to you life and I want to help you carve out a healtheir lifestyle if you are interested....." - THAT is a person is actually "concerned" about me. :) | Click on the PLAY arrow to listen. |
27 Comments
Jaimey
7/19/2012 12:44:30 pm
"21" :) love you friend. The haters will always hate and the rest know where they stand. Skinny jeans or circus tents it matters none to those that care and matter.
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7/20/2012 05:35:14 am
Funny I think I am leaving Jamie a comment instead of commenting to the author of this blog. So Jamie if you don't passing this along to Elle that would be nice. First all what a horrible voicemail! Second I am also going through my first (hopefully last) divorce–my wife left me for an older, "more understanding" man. I just want to say hang in there. Third, I want to give you two copies of Plato's Pond. Check your mailbox.
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Kim
7/19/2012 01:25:35 pm
What a jackass that guy was for leaving that message. I can't believe how chicken shit people are doing that to you.
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Janda
7/19/2012 01:33:15 pm
Douche. Bag. I wonder what is going on in his life that he thinks his voicemail might be the thing you need to "help" you. I've read some of the hateful comments, though not all, because it's the same thing over and over and I'm afraid all of my eye rolling will eventually cause damage! ;-) What floors me, though, in some of these ignorant comments that echo what this man said in his voicemail is that these people just assume that they know the whole story based on a picture or an interview. (BTW, I thought you were adorable and rather endearing on Dr. Drew!) They don't know what your ex looks like or acts like or whether he is any kind of prize.
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Elissa
7/19/2012 01:50:43 pm
I would just like to say what an a**hole. It never ceases to amaze me the lengths people will go to to make people feel bad about themselves. Skinny people get cheated on too!!! And further more you don't need to be skinny to be beautiful. Don't let the asshats get you down
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Jaimey
7/19/2012 02:43:27 pm
WOW. What a douche!!! I love that "some people" feel so compelled and SO entitled to their opinion that they would CALL you and share this absolute bullshit. Seriously. What a fucktard. This makes me MAD!
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Nadia
7/19/2012 04:17:28 pm
OMFG - that guy is sad and pathetic; unfortunately, he's a hard reality of some of the people around us. please, don't spend more than 1 second thinking about this obvious douche bag and do what you gotta do to get your life moving in the right direction!
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Susan
7/19/2012 11:41:58 pm
Just know this my friend, his affair had nothing to do with you! He obviously has no coping skills for dealing with his own painful emotional issues and is using someone else to medicate with. He will continue to use many woman along the way unless he gets some help to deal with his problems. After reading your blog, I do not find you to be angry or scorned. . .just sad. You are definitely a much kinder and forgiving person than anyone I know who has gone through this. Glad you are moving forward as a new journey and life awaits you! Best wishes!
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carol
7/20/2012 12:45:06 am
wow, what an ass. Too bad he couldn't post a pic with that voicemail so we could laugh at him. I don't see anything at all wrong with you. Love this blog, keep it up !!
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Sandy
7/20/2012 03:32:10 am
What an asshole.
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Oh my goodness. I'm sorry...but the voice mail is just hilarious. What narcissism this guy must have to actually CALL you and leave this message!
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Sandy
7/20/2012 06:05:39 am
Hey - I'm 37 and divorced with 2 kids, never thought I'd be here either. My hubby didn't cheat, but I'm not sure that my situation is "better" or "worse" than yours. Keep your head up, smile when you can, cry when you have to and love your children. That's really the best you can do. Hang in there!!
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Drea
7/20/2012 06:08:51 am
I tried to listen to the VM but my nostrils started to flare and steam started coming out of my ears and all I could think of was ISH, ISH, ISH. He is Icky Wiznicky. He obviously didn't read page 15 of the Good Husband Handbook, which states "If you cannot say anything nice, then say nothing at all"! (Especially to a complete stranger.) Wishing you all the best Elle, love your photographs, you manage to capture their faces and their souls. Keep up the good work!
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Roy
7/20/2012 06:46:10 am
My wife is large and in charge, Of course so am I............................
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Christopher Rillo
7/20/2012 08:16:14 am
Elle
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Bill
7/20/2012 08:28:06 am
As a man who just ran across this blog, and then heard that message, I want to apologize on behalf of all asshat men. What you saw in this turdbomb, I'll never know. But be glad that you're rid of him. Because, lady, this guy would have just wound up doing so much more damage had you allowed him to stick around. You should be thanking your lucky stars that he ran off now, instead of 20 years from now, otherwise this storm would be a whole lot worse. You don't really need a guy in your life. I learned that from my mother, a single mother, who instructed it again and again and again to my older sisters. I just happened to be in the same room. :) However, should you choose to tolerate another one again, I sure hope you don't go looking for the same traits that led you to Turdmaggot #1 in the first place. Otherwise, say hello to Turdmaggot #2. Sheesh, the stupid things guys say and do...
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AB
7/20/2012 09:18:06 am
Ignore the trolls! you're a strong, intelligent, funny, beautiful woman! May the rest of your life be awesome!
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Lois
7/20/2012 09:33:00 am
Hugs, Elle. Hope your house sells!
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Robby
7/20/2012 09:40:57 am
Elle,
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Landy
7/20/2012 11:00:05 am
Elle, you are an inspiration. I can't help but believe that your husband traded in a Mercedes for a Volkswagen.
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Aimee
7/20/2012 04:36:28 pm
Wow, I'm not sure what kind of problems a person must have to leave that message, it's obvious that your very existence made him feel so incredibly insecure he had to lash out at you... but think of it this way, you can always loose weight, but he will always be that pathetic.
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Tink
7/22/2012 02:35:27 am
Who does that guy think he is? I mean really??? What your husband has done has nothing at all to do with you, it's about him.
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Ellbee
7/23/2012 09:37:25 am
I am always astounded when people justify cheating when a woman is overweight. I have found many “Good Christians” who seem to ignore the adultery. Hypocrites. I think what you are doing is brave and no doubt profoundly healing. After 10-ish years myself, I was in your position, dumped for a fitness freak, 14 years his junior. However, I kept it quiet and suffered alone. I have been told by male friends that they understood his position, because no man wants to be with someone overweight (even though I was when we met and he said I don’t care about your size – not true.)
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