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Your Voice.... It's Music to My Ears..... not.

7/19/2012

27 Comments

 
So.

Here it is:   the 'elephant' in the room... or rather, the one that HUNDREDS upon HUNDREDS of people on the internet want to say I am.... lol

I just wanted to share you with this wee nugget of wonderful humanity that arrived in my voicemail box two days ago.  (It's that box to the RIGHT - click and listen if you dare!)

First and foremost.... El Capitan and I did not *ever* discuss my figure in terms of it being an "issue" in our marriage, or an "issue" between us.  For the record, I have not gained 100 - 250 pounds.... I am not currently booking two seats on a plane, nor am I sewing together two pairs of pants to make one nor wearing circus tents for dresses.

Like *most* women - from size 2 to size 22, I have always struggled with my weight .... El Capitan was no stranger to my desire to be healthier.  Like many families we would make the usual life changes for our family - eating more greens, eating out less, cutting back on sugar or soda, etc.  As with *most* families these plans for healthy excellence would be thwarted by him working AT LEAST 50 hours a week and my running three small businesses and raising the children, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, keeping up with play dates.... etc.  It just never seemed to leave enough time to go to the gym.  (Also, my house was never spotless nor the laundry always done and folded .... just sayin'.)

Oh, and the Gym?  Well, yes, we *have* a gym membership.  I refer to it as my own personal "fat tax" - it's the money I pay every month for a place I never manage to step foot in despite all my good, honest and true intentions.

So, it's a fat tax. lol

El Capitan was familiar with my struggles on that front... but I have to be true and honest and tell you that he ended every day by giving me a kiss and telling me I was beautiful.  He never judged me on my weight......Sometimes, people do what they do for their own reasons - even in a marriage - and sometimes those reasons have little to do with the important people around us.

As far my "love" for malt liquor and cigarettes... that's hilarious.  I've never had a whole beer in my entire life ... by that - I mean to say that if you took alllll the alcohol I've consumed in my life, it wouldn't make a full pint, and I don't smoke.

At all.

I do, however, love pasta and rice and donuts and bread... and allll those yummy things that *should* be healthy for us but are NOT.  Ok, maybe not healthy donuts - but it's so damn unfair that pasta in all its creamy curly, straight, and multi-colored forms should be BAD FOR US!  And RICE - really RICE?  How can that be bad for me!?!?! aaack!

Now, the man who posted that I need to put down the Twinkies *might* have a point because, if I'm being truly honest, I do love a good Twinkie, but who doesn't?  However, like most people I only love them one at a time, not a box at a time.... hahahaha

So those wanting to partake in a Twinkie/booze/cigy intervention can have a seat... what I need a life/getting organized/making  time for myself Intervention.

Finally, there seems to be a growing crowd of people who think because I laugh and giggle nervously through interviews, that I SOUGHT this attention, that I find it all sooo hilarious.  So, I wanted to post a small window in the reality of about ... 20% of the calls I get?  and about 10% of the email I get.  They are laced with compliments and niceties that The Man's Voicemail is.

I laugh because, again, my size or people's comments on it don't define me.  They aren't going to make me sad because I can do something about my size... people who use this opportunity to make their own vicious,insult laced commentary will have to work a lot harder to change their hearts and I only have to go the gym.

In a country were children are KILLING THEMSELVES because they are bullied for being gay or wearing the wrong clothes or whatever the h*ll it is that is being said to them ON THE INTERNET by their own peers that drives them to hanging themselves in their bedrooms because they just. can't. take. it. anymore. - when do we stop and realize that being a bully is a LEARNED behavior?1  Children learn it from their parents... so while we're all talking about the well being of *my* children - what about the well being of the children of this man?  Assuming any woman actually procreated with him... what has he taught HIS children?  What kind of loving example for humankind has he taught them?

We can try to save ourselves from Global Warming one recylced Coke can at a time... but we can also save ourselves from being a planet of a**holes by setting a different example for our kids.

that is all......

PS.  I am amused by the assumption that El Capitan is obviously the peak of health .... right?  (Mind you, he's a good lookin' fella, or at least Yoga Girl and I both thought he was.... hahahaha)

PPS... I know I said I would write the story of El Capitan and I ... but this was just weighing on my heart.

PPPS.... If the man had said, "Wow, you seem like a nice lady with a good heart and it occurs to me that your current weight might pose a health risk to you life and I want to help you carve out a healtheir lifestyle if you are interested....."  - THAT is a person is actually "concerned" about me.  :)

Click on the PLAY
arrow to listen.
27 Comments
Jaimey
7/19/2012 12:44:30 pm

"21" :) love you friend. The haters will always hate and the rest know where they stand. Skinny jeans or circus tents it matters none to those that care and matter.

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Fred Andrews link
7/20/2012 05:35:14 am

Funny I think I am leaving Jamie a comment instead of commenting to the author of this blog. So Jamie if you don't passing this along to Elle that would be nice. First all what a horrible voicemail! Second I am also going through my first (hopefully last) divorce–my wife left me for an older, "more understanding" man. I just want to say hang in there. Third, I want to give you two copies of Plato's Pond. Check your mailbox.

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Kim
7/19/2012 01:25:35 pm

What a jackass that guy was for leaving that message. I can't believe how chicken shit people are doing that to you.

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Janda
7/19/2012 01:33:15 pm

Douche. Bag. I wonder what is going on in his life that he thinks his voicemail might be the thing you need to "help" you. I've read some of the hateful comments, though not all, because it's the same thing over and over and I'm afraid all of my eye rolling will eventually cause damage! ;-) What floors me, though, in some of these ignorant comments that echo what this man said in his voicemail is that these people just assume that they know the whole story based on a picture or an interview. (BTW, I thought you were adorable and rather endearing on Dr. Drew!) They don't know what your ex looks like or acts like or whether he is any kind of prize.

I know this is a sweeping generalization, but I learned an important lesson about guys who date much younger women. They typically are losers. Remember our freshman year in high school when I was dating "R" (remember him? Your mom heard his name and asked if he was conceived in the backseat of a chevrolet? LOLOL Love you, Basha!) Anyway, my sister was in his class and I was thinking I was all special because this Senior was interested in little ol' freshman me. She told me that the guy was a loser. The guy she liked LEAST of all the guys in her class. Haha. I rolled my eyes (habit?) Then I was a senior and looked around at the guys in my class who were dating freshman and realized... she was right. Beware of the guy who can't get a date his own age.

An older married man who shacks up with a woman barely out of her teens is not a prize. He getting his ego stroked by this bright eyed young thing who thinks she's all special because she turned the head of a "committed man." The joke will be on the both of them.

I think I'm rambling now, but I miss you and think of you often and send positive vibes your way. You are handling yourself graciously and you remind me of my favorite quote: Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never cease to be amused. I don't know who said it, but I had it on a magnet on my fridge for years. Keep your chin up and continue to find the humor in the things that are beyond your control. ((((HUGS))))

Reply
Elissa
7/19/2012 01:50:43 pm

I would just like to say what an a**hole. It never ceases to amaze me the lengths people will go to to make people feel bad about themselves. Skinny people get cheated on too!!! And further more you don't need to be skinny to be beautiful. Don't let the asshats get you down

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Jaimey
7/19/2012 02:43:27 pm

WOW. What a douche!!! I love that "some people" feel so compelled and SO entitled to their opinion that they would CALL you and share this absolute bullshit. Seriously. What a fucktard. This makes me MAD!

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Nadia
7/19/2012 04:17:28 pm

OMFG - that guy is sad and pathetic; unfortunately, he's a hard reality of some of the people around us. please, don't spend more than 1 second thinking about this obvious douche bag and do what you gotta do to get your life moving in the right direction!

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Geneva link
7/19/2012 05:03:18 pm

"Change your ways, and you can get ya a man." Nice.

For crying out loud.

*facepalm*

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Icarus link
7/19/2012 10:21:39 pm

FYI - someone has probably mentioned it, but if you are trying to come up with money, you might want to get some ads deal on your blog. Google Adsense sucks and is very facist, but it might at least be an easy option.

good luck.

Reply
Susan
7/19/2012 11:41:58 pm

Just know this my friend, his affair had nothing to do with you! He obviously has no coping skills for dealing with his own painful emotional issues and is using someone else to medicate with. He will continue to use many woman along the way unless he gets some help to deal with his problems. After reading your blog, I do not find you to be angry or scorned. . .just sad. You are definitely a much kinder and forgiving person than anyone I know who has gone through this. Glad you are moving forward as a new journey and life awaits you! Best wishes!

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carol
7/20/2012 12:45:06 am

wow, what an ass. Too bad he couldn't post a pic with that voicemail so we could laugh at him. I don't see anything at all wrong with you. Love this blog, keep it up !!

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Sandy
7/20/2012 03:32:10 am

What an asshole.

And to Jaimey-the F-tard cracked me up big time! Good one girl!

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Taunyar link
7/20/2012 05:20:20 am

Oh my goodness. I'm sorry...but the voice mail is just hilarious. What narcissism this guy must have to actually CALL you and leave this message!

I've never actually seen El Capitan...so I can't comment on his looks one way or another...

The thing is...YOU made two beautiful children. You don't get to keep the 22 year old body and have cute children. Well you do if you ignore your children and spend all day working out...

Just keep focusing on your two babies! I'm cheerleading for you!

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Sandy
7/20/2012 06:05:39 am

Hey - I'm 37 and divorced with 2 kids, never thought I'd be here either. My hubby didn't cheat, but I'm not sure that my situation is "better" or "worse" than yours. Keep your head up, smile when you can, cry when you have to and love your children. That's really the best you can do. Hang in there!!

Sandy

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Drea
7/20/2012 06:08:51 am

I tried to listen to the VM but my nostrils started to flare and steam started coming out of my ears and all I could think of was ISH, ISH, ISH. He is Icky Wiznicky. He obviously didn't read page 15 of the Good Husband Handbook, which states "If you cannot say anything nice, then say nothing at all"! (Especially to a complete stranger.) Wishing you all the best Elle, love your photographs, you manage to capture their faces and their souls. Keep up the good work!

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tara link
7/20/2012 06:31:40 am

Man, your story is familiar to me. I'm sorry. But you obviously are strong and have a sense of humor, and that will keep you afloat. Hope you get a great offer on the house, and remember that what goes around comes around :-)

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Roy
7/20/2012 06:46:10 am

My wife is large and in charge, Of course so am I............................

anywaazzzzzzzzzzzzz, ck it in from the aZ, Dont fret too much, cuz you are in control, dont ever let go.
May suggest a song or 2: Better of alone - Alice Deejay, Living my life - Sylver,

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Christopher Rillo
7/20/2012 08:16:14 am

Elle
I am sorry that people are judging you and leaving hurtful remarks. From your blog and website, you are obviously a wonderful eprson who is a great mother. You have been incredibly hurt and betrayed. Although the only people who are ever privy to what happens between a couple in a marriage is the actual participants, adultery and unfaithfulness inflict incredible pain. Please disregard those who find some voyeuristic pleasure in making inappropriate remark. You are the only person, with your children, who find yourself on this journey. You will surely say if you have not already, that you like who you are, that you cannot control other people and therefore are not responsible for their actions and that you are prepared to live your life gracefully and fully on your terms. Your former husband will undoubtedly regret his actions, but sadly it will be too late for redemption. Chris

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Bill
7/20/2012 08:28:06 am

As a man who just ran across this blog, and then heard that message, I want to apologize on behalf of all asshat men. What you saw in this turdbomb, I'll never know. But be glad that you're rid of him. Because, lady, this guy would have just wound up doing so much more damage had you allowed him to stick around. You should be thanking your lucky stars that he ran off now, instead of 20 years from now, otherwise this storm would be a whole lot worse. You don't really need a guy in your life. I learned that from my mother, a single mother, who instructed it again and again and again to my older sisters. I just happened to be in the same room. :) However, should you choose to tolerate another one again, I sure hope you don't go looking for the same traits that led you to Turdmaggot #1 in the first place. Otherwise, say hello to Turdmaggot #2. Sheesh, the stupid things guys say and do...

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AB
7/20/2012 09:18:06 am

Ignore the trolls! you're a strong, intelligent, funny, beautiful woman! May the rest of your life be awesome!

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Lois
7/20/2012 09:33:00 am

Hugs, Elle. Hope your house sells!

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Robby
7/20/2012 09:40:57 am

Elle,
I am amazed at your resilient attitude!!! You GO GIRL!!! I too went through a divorce in 1999 and haven't bounced back financially till this day. If I was at the financial status back in the day I would say let me buy your house and you stay and pay rent. But sadly I cannot but aren't there any philantropists out there with a heart to help Elle?? Come on guys have a heart!!!! I see sooo many just throwing money away on stupid things. Here's a good cause people and you can proudly say I HELPED!!!!! If not come people let's get to buying Elle's fridge magnets so she herself can by her house back.

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Landy
7/20/2012 11:00:05 am

Elle, you are an inspiration. I can't help but believe that your husband traded in a Mercedes for a Volkswagen.

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Aimee
7/20/2012 04:36:28 pm

Wow, I'm not sure what kind of problems a person must have to leave that message, it's obvious that your very existence made him feel so incredibly insecure he had to lash out at you... but think of it this way, you can always loose weight, but he will always be that pathetic.

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Tink
7/22/2012 02:35:27 am

Who does that guy think he is? I mean really??? What your husband has done has nothing at all to do with you, it's about him.

Hold your head up high. Don't allow others to steal your joy or love for life.

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Ellbee
7/23/2012 09:37:25 am

I am always astounded when people justify cheating when a woman is overweight. I have found many “Good Christians” who seem to ignore the adultery. Hypocrites. I think what you are doing is brave and no doubt profoundly healing. After 10-ish years myself, I was in your position, dumped for a fitness freak, 14 years his junior. However, I kept it quiet and suffered alone. I have been told by male friends that they understood his position, because no man wants to be with someone overweight (even though I was when we met and he said I don’t care about your size – not true.)

Now, two years later, my weight has not changed, but my opinion about myself and the woman I am has. I spent 10 years raising his young daughter after his ex-wife divorced him and left the state and her child, and I treated him like a king. I created a wonderful home and stable environment for a lost and sad little girl. I have even gotten over being used by him, because sadly, that is what he did when he needed someone to care for his child. She is in my life, she is MY daughter and always will be and she sees the value in me. How is that for revenge? I'm awesome and so are you!

I believe the flaws lie within the man who doesn't see the value of women like us. We are smart, funny, sensitive women, who love with all we have. You don’t need to justify your size or your food consumption to these small-minded ignorant people. These men are the same ones who identify their self-worth by what's dangling on their arms, not by what is in love with their hearts. They are too shallow to notice it. Any man who doesn't want that is a colossal idiot.

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Annabel link
8/5/2012 02:42:34 pm

Your husband is a complete fucktard and karma will bite him so hard on his ass he won't know what hit him. You, lady, are awesome. Yes, absolutely awesome. That is all.

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    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
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