greatfamilyhome.com
Search for a Post
  • The House & Sign
    • Magnets!!!!
  • The Scorned & Bitter Blog
    • Disneyland!
  • The Book!
  • Say Hi to Elle!

You Sir, Are a Firecracker.......

2/10/2013

3 Comments

 
Picture
Picture
Picture
So, first of all... man:  I am busting my *a$$* at the gym.... and it's not 'breaking down' nearly as quickly as I would hope.  
sigh

It's gotten to the point where 10 miles on the bike is my *slow* day.  So I have a * wonderful* friend Erin (who, I think we might be hearing more from/about in the near future....) and she challenged me on Wednesday to 11 miles.

So I did 13.25.  So Erin upped it to 17.... but added "don't try for that right away".

I went back and did 17.5 on Thursday.
Friday was my 'down' day - and I logged 10 miles easy breezy.

Saturday El Capitan has the kids for the afternoon, he arrived and said that it's "too expensive  to have them until after dinner time - so he would have them back by 4 or 5.  

It's *awesome* for me that the chidlren are freaking' *free* the other 6.5 days out of the week....
sigh. 
lol.

So I had him pick up the kids at the gym and now..... *NOW* - I can get my game on.  When I have the kids at the gym, I can only work out (w/time to shower) in 2 hours.  Knowing that I have four hours at the gym means I can work out for however long I want and then have time for the hot tub AND a shower. 

At this point:  it's as *close* to a hot date as I'm going to get! lolol

I started up Eclipse and finished it - then I started up Breaking Dawn.  I hit the *FIRST* 11 miles, then I took a break, stretched, got more water and THEN - I did another 11 miles.....

My total for SATURDAY:  22 MILES.  :)
Woof*ckingHoo.  BooYah.... and all that.

While I was working out, I noticed a girl who I have chatted to before (because remember - I'm *that* girl at the gym... lolol)  and I watched as she did her cardio - then she lifted for an hour - and then by the time I got down to the locker room she was just blow drying her hair.

"Holy sh*t....."  she stated (BTW, she has great tatoo's - and we're *clearly* goning to be good friends. haha) - "Are you JUST finishing up your ride now......?  How long did you go?"

Me, of course, i'm *beaming* that someone noticed how long I was working out - and I reply, "22 miles today!"

"Dude... you are STRONG!"  she exclaims.

Then she puts down the hair dryer and starts grilling me on intensity and how I need to start lifting - and she offers to help me out by showing me the machines and stuff.... *see* how nice people at the gym are if you're willing to be friendly and smile!
awesome.

Overall though... she's right:  I am strong.

I'm not sure how many of my friends - regardless of size - could hope on a bike and go 22 miles in under 90 minutes at a level of 10 - which isn't super hard - but surely isn't easy..... :)

Then I came home to an email. It was from a guy who - not previously mentioned on the blog - who I'd been talking to off and on, nothing serious... but talking.

Talking - I thought - with the intent of seeing what might come of it... the usual thing.

Anyhow - things were going along and then I get an email from let's call him:  Email Guy - who tells me that he thinks we're "moving too fast" and that I'm "not ready" for anything right now because it's too soon for me to get "hurt again".

Wow... so, so, sooooo many things to address here.

In the first place..... if chatting for months and never ONCE having bought my a$$ dinner means we're "moving too fast"... I don't even know what to say on that.  The last time I checked I wasn't wearing a burka or a nuns habit.... I mean - seriously.  Not fast. 
Not fast enough for me - that's for damn sure. hahahaha

Second, .... huh?  I'm 'not ready'?  Well, okay if *you* say so - person who has yet to spend enough time in my actual presence to purchase me a meal.  Are you kidding me?  *I* didn't get to decide when my marriage was over - that is a true statement. However... I can sure as sh*t assure you (Email Guy) - that *I* get to decide who and *what * am, or am not - ready for ..... 

Me. 
Not you.
Or Anyone Else.

There's no timeline for this.... there's no hard and fast rules on when and how ones heart recovers from any kind of devastation   There are suggestions:  and I can assure you that I've read every single one.  There are books filled with advice... and I have read every single one.  I have spent a looooong time dealing with my won pain, processing it, moving through it:  some says just wallowing in it.

However, each day dawns - and it's a new one.  Day after day - the pain lessens and you find yourself surfacing - less hurt, less upset.... more:  you again.  At least that's how it's been for me.

And yes.. I met someone - "Coffee Guy" - who I wasn't looking for... wasn't 'seeking' - and I actually surprised that I felt.... safe.  It caught me off guard - took me by surprise - and it wasn't something I was trying to have.  I wasn't looking for it - hoping for it... but there is was:  I felt safe.

So, it didn't work out with Coffee Guy... that's cool.  Sometimes in life, people come along and serve different purposes.  You think their role might be one thing - only to discover it was another.  For Coffee Guy, I think he came along to .... 'wake me up'.  

Meeting him, getting to know him - all added up to me realizing that finding someone else *might* be something I want to do... it might be something I don't want to leave 'off the table'.
That's all.  

I'm not putting my eggs in *anyone's* basket but my own.... BUT - that feeling of safety was wonderful and I realized that I wasn't afraid of it - of him... of possibility.
That was a HUGE moment of personal discovery for me.

So.  BASED on that  - based on my own personal intuition: I have to assume I am ready.
Ready for new things, new people, new experiences... and I'm looking forward to that.

No man.. .in person, on email or otherwise, is going to tell me different.
Sorry dude, no bueno.

Finally..... here is what I know:

Once you have had your heart ripped out, pulled apart, and destroyed.
Once you have had alllll your dreams stripped from the fabric of your life and burned in front of you.
Once you have had someone pull the pin on the grenade that causes you an emotional nuclear explosion.
Well... everything after that:  is just a firecracker.

No man... not you - Email Guy - not Coffee Guy... well, frankly - Not Any Guy - is *ever* going to hurt me the way I have already been hurt.  Sorry but after everything I've been through the most 'damage' anyone else is every going to do to me is going to amount to a firecracker. 
Period.

So..... take me or leave me.... I've been left before - lololol..... but know this:
You Sir, Are a Firecracker.  
lololol

As my new friend at the gym wisely noted.... I am strong.  
I plan to stay that way. :)



3 Comments
Jessica
2/11/2013 03:31:10 am

I love reading your blog. It is SO honest and raw, but today's was especially well done. Keep up the amazing job you're doing at self discovery, healing and just being a bad ass. I will continue to read, as you are such an inspiration. You are STRONG!

Reply
Melissa
2/11/2013 04:33:36 am

Elle, bravo (!) on the 22 miles! That is AMAZING!!!

Also, regarding "e-mail guy," you wrote: "Email Guy - who tells me that he thinks we're "moving too fast" and that I'm "not ready" for anything right now because it's too soon for me to get "hurt again".

TRANSLATION: He thinks things were moving too fast FOR HIM and decided to tell you that YOU are not ready for anything more right now because HE KNOWS HE IS GOING TO HURT YOU. Any man who is afraid it's too soon for you because you may get hurt again is subconsciously aware that HE WOULD HURT YOU. RUN from this guy. DO NOT look back.

"Next!!"

Reply
Getting My Game On
2/11/2013 05:50:29 am

If you want to get your ass kicked buy the Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred DVD. Make sure your will is made out before you start lol. Kicked my ass all the way to wussdom. Attempt 2 at doing it is coming up soon (still psyching myself to "just do it") . Great job at the gym!

Also check out www.loseit.com or http://www.myfitnesspal.com or some other site where you can track what you're eating and find motivation from others who are also losing it. Good luck on the weight loss, I am rooting for you :)

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Buy The Book!
    ON AMAZON!

    Picture
    also available on Kindle!!!!!

    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
    You can see some of Elle's photography at:
    http://www.zoberimages.com/
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012

    Categories

    All
    Being A Gay Mom
    Bullies & Internet Trolls
    Cheating Husband
    Cheating Spouses
    Coming Out After 30
    Co Parenting
    Co-Parenting
    Divorce
    Gay
    Healing
    Heartbroken
    Lesbian
    Lesbian Mom
    Lost Love
    Motherhood
    Moving On
    Scorned & Bitter
    Single Parenting
    The Other Woman
    True Love

    SITE DISCLAIMER/
    POINTS OF FACT:
    El Capitan not only KNEW about and approved the signs, he helped pay for them.  :)
    The children have NOT seen the signs and will NOT see the signs.  PERIOD.
    This SITE and the SIGN were made to SELL OUR HOME.... what else this *might* be turning into is unclear, but the original intent was bereft of revenge or malice and was truly to sell our home.
    We ARE DIVORCED and for the very reason the sign suggests.

    RSS Feed

    91,395 Readers
    and counting...

Scorned, slighty bitter but still, grateful and very happy... life is good.
PS.... you *WILL find errors in grammar, spelling and otherwise... I am just a Mom - now a 'single Mom' who
writes The Blog from a place of honesty \and usually in the dark at 1:00am.... so please be understanding. cheers. :)