So today I finished the book.
It took me a while to figure how to end - what to say - because out story isn't really finished yet - so... that's kind of weird to me. lololol
Someone commented yesterday about how the piece of the book I pasted yesterday is 'different' and more polished than the blog.... which it is - until the last chapter where I talk about the blog.
The thing is - this blog is real. This is me in REAL TIME. the good, the bad, the ugly.
So, it's not polished. Emotions rarely are. :)
Right now the blog is growing by a few hundred a day - which is either awesome... or worrying because it means someone has an attorney reading through it. hahaha - but, I don't know... if they are (hello attorney!) - I guess that'll be whatever it is. I am who I am......
BTW.... I wrote about a few of you regular posters in the book, so now you *have* to buy a copy! lol
The last three weeks were HARD. I think it was showing on the blog, it was *certainly* showing in my life. Having to go back through where we started and then through the whole damn story to where we ended up. There were night I had to go to bed because my face was all twitchy and my eye was freaking out (the bells palsy I think?) and my chest was tight.
sigh.
The thing is... we were soooo f*cking happy once upon a time. lol
and suddenly we weren't.
makes my chest hurt just thinking about it now.
So, it's been rough. The Bubbie has been on "mom' duty while I wrote all night and slept part of the - but then what I was awake I was so emotionally trashed, I was totally useless.
But I made it.... finished it's just over 110,000 words and I wrote it in 16 1/2 days. I'm pretty proud of that small fact and .... I actually kind of think it doesn't suck - so that's cool.
I'm just going to have the same attitude I had about the blog when I first started it: if one person who I don't 'know buy s copy and likes it, then it was worth doing. done.
I've got no other plans for it other than that.
keep it simple i say.
The publisher and the editor are working round the clock to finish their end so it can come out for release before the holidays.... sooo nice of them.
ONE exciting tidbit is that I *Think* that there's going to be an *actual* book launch - like at a proper store and everything - so THAT has me super stoked. :) When I know more, I will post about it in case any of you are close enough that you want to come.
So...... revelations.
One thing that started to become a bit clear to me was something that several interviewers kept bringing up - like Jeff Probst: why didn't El Capitan ever try to take his phone away from me that first night?
I never really pout much though into it at the time. I asked him for the phone, he handed it over. done. However, months later, I view things a bit differently. I see more a pattern in our marriage that ten years in and kids to raise and jobs to work: I hadn't noticed.
Looking back on that night it kind of seems to me like he was 'letting' me find everything out - deliberately. As though he wanted me to find out and leave .... which is really really hard to wrap my brain around.
THE most painful exit possible...
I've been relying heavily on music and the song I've listened to the most is the Robert Pattinson song off Twilight- at first you can't understand a word he says, but when you do: it's beautiful.
I was bummed because nearly all the chapter had song lyrics for the title, which worked out really nicely because how much I've relied on music to get me through this, but I had to take them out for copyright reasons. stupid copyright.
Kind of sums up one whole chapter of the book:
"Never Think"
I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't
You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh, love
So call me by my name
And save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done
I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
Tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known
Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out in this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying, 'Oh, please
I'm in love
I'm in love'
Girl save your soul
Go on save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done
'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
***************************************************
I just wanted to share it. You shoudl listent to it.
OK.
lots to fill you in on tomorrow....but night time for now. :)
It took me a while to figure how to end - what to say - because out story isn't really finished yet - so... that's kind of weird to me. lololol
Someone commented yesterday about how the piece of the book I pasted yesterday is 'different' and more polished than the blog.... which it is - until the last chapter where I talk about the blog.
The thing is - this blog is real. This is me in REAL TIME. the good, the bad, the ugly.
So, it's not polished. Emotions rarely are. :)
Right now the blog is growing by a few hundred a day - which is either awesome... or worrying because it means someone has an attorney reading through it. hahaha - but, I don't know... if they are (hello attorney!) - I guess that'll be whatever it is. I am who I am......
BTW.... I wrote about a few of you regular posters in the book, so now you *have* to buy a copy! lol
The last three weeks were HARD. I think it was showing on the blog, it was *certainly* showing in my life. Having to go back through where we started and then through the whole damn story to where we ended up. There were night I had to go to bed because my face was all twitchy and my eye was freaking out (the bells palsy I think?) and my chest was tight.
sigh.
The thing is... we were soooo f*cking happy once upon a time. lol
and suddenly we weren't.
makes my chest hurt just thinking about it now.
So, it's been rough. The Bubbie has been on "mom' duty while I wrote all night and slept part of the - but then what I was awake I was so emotionally trashed, I was totally useless.
But I made it.... finished it's just over 110,000 words and I wrote it in 16 1/2 days. I'm pretty proud of that small fact and .... I actually kind of think it doesn't suck - so that's cool.
I'm just going to have the same attitude I had about the blog when I first started it: if one person who I don't 'know buy s copy and likes it, then it was worth doing. done.
I've got no other plans for it other than that.
keep it simple i say.
The publisher and the editor are working round the clock to finish their end so it can come out for release before the holidays.... sooo nice of them.
ONE exciting tidbit is that I *Think* that there's going to be an *actual* book launch - like at a proper store and everything - so THAT has me super stoked. :) When I know more, I will post about it in case any of you are close enough that you want to come.
So...... revelations.
One thing that started to become a bit clear to me was something that several interviewers kept bringing up - like Jeff Probst: why didn't El Capitan ever try to take his phone away from me that first night?
I never really pout much though into it at the time. I asked him for the phone, he handed it over. done. However, months later, I view things a bit differently. I see more a pattern in our marriage that ten years in and kids to raise and jobs to work: I hadn't noticed.
Looking back on that night it kind of seems to me like he was 'letting' me find everything out - deliberately. As though he wanted me to find out and leave .... which is really really hard to wrap my brain around.
THE most painful exit possible...
I've been relying heavily on music and the song I've listened to the most is the Robert Pattinson song off Twilight- at first you can't understand a word he says, but when you do: it's beautiful.
I was bummed because nearly all the chapter had song lyrics for the title, which worked out really nicely because how much I've relied on music to get me through this, but I had to take them out for copyright reasons. stupid copyright.
Kind of sums up one whole chapter of the book:
"Never Think"
I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't
You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh, love
So call me by my name
And save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done
I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
Tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known
Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out in this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying, 'Oh, please
I'm in love
I'm in love'
Girl save your soul
Go on save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done
'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
***************************************************
I just wanted to share it. You shoudl listent to it.
OK.
lots to fill you in on tomorrow....but night time for now. :)
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