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We Now Return To Our Regularly Scheduled Program

12/4/2012

7 Comments

 
So today I finished the book.

It took me a while to figure how to end - what to say - because out story isn't really finished yet - so... that's kind of weird to me. lololol

Someone commented yesterday about how the piece of the book I pasted yesterday is 'different' and more polished than the blog.... which it is - until the last chapter where I talk about the blog.
The thing is - this blog is real.  This is me in REAL TIME. the good, the bad, the ugly.
So, it's not polished.  Emotions rarely are. :)

Right now the blog is growing by a few hundred a day - which is either awesome... or worrying because it means someone has an attorney reading through it. hahaha - but, I don't know... if they are (hello attorney!) - I guess that'll be whatever it is.  I am who I am......

BTW.... I wrote about a few of you regular posters in the book, so now you *have* to buy a copy! lol

The last three weeks were HARD.  I think it was showing on the blog, it was *certainly* showing in my life.  Having to go back through where we started and then through the whole damn story to where we ended up.  There were night I had to go to bed because my face was all twitchy and my eye was freaking out (the bells palsy I think?) and my chest was tight.

sigh.

The thing is... we were soooo f*cking happy once upon a time. lol
and suddenly we weren't.
makes my chest hurt just thinking about it now.

So, it's been rough. The Bubbie has been on "mom' duty while I wrote all night and slept part of the - but then what I was awake I was so emotionally trashed, I was totally useless.

But I made it.... finished it's just over 110,000 words and I wrote it in 16 1/2 days.  I'm pretty proud of that small fact and .... I actually kind of think it doesn't suck - so that's cool.
I'm just going to have the same attitude I had about the blog when I first started it: if one person who I don't 'know buy s copy and likes it, then it was worth doing.  done.

I've got no other plans for it other than that.
keep it simple i say. 

The publisher and the editor are working round the clock to finish their end so it can come out for release before the holidays.... sooo nice of them.

ONE exciting tidbit is that I *Think* that there's going to be an *actual* book launch - like at a proper store and everything - so THAT has me super stoked. :)  When I know more, I will post about it in case any of you are close enough that you want to come.

So...... revelations.

One thing that started to become a bit clear to me was something that several interviewers kept bringing up - like Jeff Probst:  why didn't El Capitan ever try to take his phone away from me that first night?

I never really pout much though into it at the time.  I asked him for the phone, he handed it over.  done.  However, months later, I view things a bit differently.  I see more a pattern in our marriage that ten years in and kids to raise and jobs to work: I hadn't noticed.

Looking back on that night it kind of seems to me like he was 'letting' me find everything out - deliberately.  As though he wanted me to find out and leave .... which is really really hard to wrap my brain around.
THE most painful exit possible...

I've been relying heavily on music and the song I've listened to the most is the Robert Pattinson song off Twilight- at first you can't understand a word he says, but when you do:  it's beautiful.
I was bummed because nearly all the chapter had song lyrics for the title, which worked out really nicely because how much I've relied on music to get me through this, but I had to take them out for copyright reasons.  stupid copyright.

Kind of sums up one whole chapter of the book:

"Never Think"

I should never think
What's in your heart
What's in our home
So I won't

You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh, love
So call me by my name

And save your soul
Save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done

I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
Tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out in this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying, 'Oh, please
I'm in love
I'm in love'

Girl save your soul
Go on save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done

'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on

***************************************************

I just wanted to share it.  You shoudl listent to it.
OK.
lots to fill you in on tomorrow....but night time for now. :)










7 Comments
dusty
12/3/2012 08:39:54 pm

Congrats!! Can't wait to read it.

Reply
Mercy
12/3/2012 10:47:16 pm

Hi Elle,

Well you know I live in Connecticut so I'm bummed I would not make it to the actual book launch. When you had the questionaire about your book I had said I would buy a kindle version but I was thinking maybe you can add a link where I could order your book through you and then you could sign it for me? :D Very excited for you!

Reply
Drea
12/4/2012 12:46:55 am

Congratulations on your hard work, that is awesome. Here is a title for you to consider (since you asked) "The Sweet Side of Bitter". Because there was the very sweet side before and even after in a completely different way.

Reply
emma
12/4/2012 03:31:30 pm

funny i was just coming on to suggest "bittersweet"

Reply
Tina
12/4/2012 01:43:41 am

Elle,

What a MAJOR accomplishment; getting the book done so quickly! 16 days would be a huge accomplishment for a professional writer that's been writing for years, but for a mother with a full work schedule, that's a MAJOR accomplishment.

I've been following your blog for a couple of months now, and I really enjoy the way you tie all your thoughts together with a common theme. So I am really looking forward to reading the book!

I have to be honest, though; I am dreading reading it also, because I can identify with the relationship you had with El Capitan. Even after almost 3 years of divorce, I am still in love with the man I thought I had married, and not the man he really turned out to be. It sucks to discover the reality of the relationship. So I empathize with your situation.

Congratulations on the book!

Reply
Aisha
12/6/2012 03:17:02 am

My apologizes for not keeping up with your blogs lately but I am still here! Okay but more importantly:
Elle! Congrats!!!! My sincere compliments to you! I am so glad to hear you have taken your tragedy and turned it into triumph!! You deserve all of the happiness in the world! Hopefully your book will help you provide for your children the way you dream of!

Reply
BJ
12/6/2012 10:15:08 am

How about "Scorned and Bitter: How to Rescue Yourself When the word sits on your head and not at your feet!"

Or "How to Rescue Yourself" for short.

P.S. You will get a better house, a better man and a better life. The way you are transforming you won't recognize yourself this time next year. Hang in there.

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    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
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PS.... you *WILL find errors in grammar, spelling and otherwise... I am just a Mom - now a 'single Mom' who
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