In the first place, I'm totally unimpressed with LeAnn Rimes. She has acted - in my humble opinion - like a spoiled brat. She seems to think she's not only entitled to the money from my wallet for her albums, but also others people's husbands as well. And *after* she got caught cheating with some else's husband, she didn't appear to feel very badly about breaking up someone's elses family - as well as her own marriage.
I've followed the story a little bit more closely since Brandi was on the same episode of The Jeff Probst Show as I was.... even at the taping though, I was surprised to find out she was still so *angry* two years AFTER the affair/divorce.
Honestly... and I mean this: please shoot me if I'm still that bitter and angry about El Capitan two years from now. May be Eddie Cibrian was *that* good in bed...
When I posted about LeAnn's recent interview - I don't know...... I mean, do you *really* think that LeAnn posted "off on vacation with my boys" just to piss off Brandi......?
I see posts like that *all* day on my facebook feeds - and honestly, I post stuff like that all the time about my own kids..... so, I guess I'm a bit naive, but I take what LeAnn posted at face value: she's excited to be with Eddie and his sons.
Now - *clearly* I understand how much that would hurt if I were Brandi. I GET it. I really do. I am *not at all* looking forward to ANY other woman "playing happy families" with my kids... in fact, I live in *fear* of it.
I don't want taking some other woman kissing their boo-boo's, tucking them in at night, taking them shopping, or anything.... I want them *all* to myself.
However, that's not the way that life works, and ...... isn't it selfish to want it that way?
Sure sure.... as Disney has taught us, there is *no shortage* of sh*tty step parents out there. I get that... but, as *life* has shown me, there is also an equal abundance of *good* step parents out there.
May be LeAnn is a liar... posting hurtful things to further punish the woman whose life she participated in decimating..... and for that she should suffer a lifetime of unhappiness.
Or.... may be she's moved on - she's happy, she loves being a step-Mom and she loves those boys.....?
Shouldn't Brandi - two years later.... be open to the idea that the later is possible?
So it begs the question.... what if this was Yoga Girl?
In the first place, at this current time, it appears that Yoga Girl doesn't want much to do with my children. From the get-go, she *never* discussed the children with El Capitan while they were "dating". This bothered me immensely from the start.... on the one hand I was *shocked* that El Capitan never talked about his children with her... like - in a good way, a concerned way or a bad way.... just: not at all.
Of course the idea of my husband discussing my kids with another woman p*sses me off to no end.... but at the same time, I was more alarmed at the idea that talking about the children in any capacity hadn't crossed his mind.
It's clear to me that when this started, this affair was *very* much about them and only them. It wasn't about our children or any kind of collective family. It wasn't about ... well, anything to do with our children.
The question is.... will it stay this way?
Will they get married? Will they have a little home of their own where they make room for the children and start to fully share in the rearing of the children? May be..... but since they currently *have* an apartment together with no room for the children at all... while that might actually happen: it won't be any time soon.
Let's assume it does happen... even years from now - will I be ok with it.....?
Well, in the first place - seeing this in my divorced future, I wrote into our parenting plan that "any romantic interest, casual or otherwise, cannot meet the children until all involved adults have met, discussed and agreed on a parenting plan relating to the rearing and discipline of the children."
Yes... my parenting plan actually say's that in my divorce papers.
Whether it's Yoga Girl or not, there *will* come a day when my children will interact with another woman in their father's company who is in an authority position to care for them. Period. It *will* happen.
Now... the *irony* is that when I explained this part of our parenting plan, I pointed out to El Capitan that one day *he* might have something to say about whatever man is in their life - and.... he actually laughed at the idea. He *laughed* at the idea that another man (any man) would want me..... good times.... good times.
The point is, it's not up to *me* what woman El Capitan brings to that table.... *that* is totally and competely out of my control - and I *hate* that. I despise it. It makes my stomach hurt. It burns a hole deep in my soul... knowing that one day another woman will play "mom' to my kids in any capacity.... but alas: it will happen.
What I *can* control is how I deal with it - and how I interact with the future "her". In that respect, it's just an important to foster *some kind* of relationship with her - as it is to have one with El Capitan. *THAT*, no matter how painful and effed up and emotionally *wrong* it is..... it IS the right thing to do for the kids.
Yes. If one day I have to sit at The Girl's dance recital while Yoga Girl claps and smiles as though she *belongs* there... as though *she* had something to do with the brilliant wonder that is *my* child...... I'll be livid p*ssed..... LIVID. P*SSED. Because Yoga Girl will NEVER 'belong' in my world.... EVER.
Yoga Girl is an intruder in my life who *ruined* everything.... she is many things: belonging isn't one of them.
However.... if it's some measure of time down the road, and she's the person El Capitan lives with.... then the reality is - in my children's eyes and hearts and minds.... she'll have a place, she *will* belong in their world.
This is where one does the 'easy' thing.... or one chooses to do the *right* thing.
It will hurt... it will suck.... but *I* will choose to do the right thing.
I will choose to celebrate any woman who tweets or facebooks with excitement about spending time with my kids... not because I'm freakin' thrilled about it... but because no doubt my *children* will be thrilled about it.
They matter more than my ego... they matter: the most.
To that end.... I have *already* offered to have a sit down with Yoga Girl - but I have thus far been turned down..... which is fine by me, but I made the genuine offer anyway.
No one moves forward in mud.... whether you're just stuck in it - or you're slinging it....
I've said it a million times... but no kid ever died because *too* many parents loved them. It might not be the family I wanted for them, it might not even be the family they deserve, but that's why you have to make the best of things and move on...
And if it's a sh*t show... then you just have to make sure you're puttin' the 'fun' in your dysfunctional family.