greatfamilyhome.com
Search for a Post
  • The House & Sign
    • Magnets!!!!
  • The Scorned & Bitter Blog
    • Disneyland!
  • The Book!
  • Say Hi to Elle!

To Be... Or Not To Be... A Step-Mom

1/17/2013

10 Comments

 
So my thoughts on the Brandi Glanville/LeAnn Rimes situation sparked a good bit of conversation.... so I thought I should provide some clarity on my views.

In the first place, I'm totally unimpressed with LeAnn Rimes.  She has acted - in my humble opinion - like a spoiled brat.  She seems to think she's not only entitled to the money from my wallet for her albums, but also others people's husbands as well.  And *after* she got caught cheating with some else's husband, she didn't appear to feel very badly about breaking up someone's elses family - as well as her own marriage.
sigh.

I've followed the story a little bit more closely since Brandi was on the same episode of The Jeff Probst Show as I was.... even at the taping though, I was surprised to find out she was still so *angry* two years AFTER the affair/divorce.

Honestly... and I mean this:  please shoot me if I'm still that bitter and angry about El Capitan two years from now.  May be Eddie Cibrian was *that* good in bed...

When I posted about LeAnn's recent interview - I don't know...... I mean, do you *really* think that LeAnn posted "off on vacation with my boys" just to piss off Brandi......?

I see posts like that *all* day on my facebook feeds - and honestly, I post stuff like that all the time about my own kids..... so, I guess I'm a bit naive, but I take what LeAnn posted at face value:  she's excited to be with Eddie and his sons.

Now - *clearly* I understand how much that would hurt if I were Brandi.  I GET it. I really do.  I am *not at all* looking forward to ANY other woman "playing happy families" with my kids... in fact, I live in *fear* of it. 

I don't want taking some other woman kissing their boo-boo's, tucking them in at night, taking them shopping, or anything.... I want them *all* to myself.

However, that's not the way that life works, and ...... isn't it selfish to want it that way?

Sure sure.... as Disney has taught us, there is *no shortage* of sh*tty step parents out there.  I get that... but, as *life* has shown me, there is also an equal abundance of *good* step parents out there. 

May be LeAnn is a liar... posting hurtful things to further punish the woman whose life she participated in decimating..... and for that she should suffer a lifetime of unhappiness.

Or.... may be she's moved on - she's happy, she loves being a step-Mom and she loves those boys.....?

Shouldn't Brandi - two years later.... be open to the idea that the later is possible?

So it begs the question.... what if this was Yoga Girl?

In the first place, at this current time, it appears that Yoga Girl doesn't want much to do with my children.  From the get-go, she *never* discussed the children with El Capitan while they were "dating".  This bothered me immensely from the start.... on the one hand I was *shocked* that El Capitan never talked about his children with her... like - in a good way, a concerned way or a bad way.... just:  not at all.
sigh.

Of course the idea of my husband discussing my kids with another woman p*sses me off to no end.... but at the same time, I was more alarmed at the idea that talking about the children in any capacity hadn't crossed his mind.

It's clear to me that when this started, this affair was *very* much about them and only them.  It wasn't about our children or any kind of collective family.  It wasn't about ... well, anything to do with our children.

The question is.... will it stay this way?

Will they get married?  Will they have a little home of their own where they make room for the children and start to fully share in the rearing of the children?  May be..... but since they currently *have* an apartment together with no room for the children at all... while that might actually happen:  it won't be any time soon.

Let's assume it does happen... even years from now - will I be ok with it.....? 

Well, in the first place - seeing this in my divorced future, I wrote into our parenting plan that "any romantic interest, casual or otherwise, cannot meet the children until all involved adults have met, discussed and agreed on a parenting plan relating to the rearing and discipline of the children."
Yes... my parenting plan actually say's that in my divorce papers.

Whether it's Yoga Girl or not, there *will* come a day when my children will interact with another woman in their father's company who is in an authority position to care for them.  Period.  It *will* happen.

Now... the *irony* is that when I explained this part of our parenting plan, I pointed out to El Capitan that one day *he* might have something to say about whatever man is in their life - and.... he actually laughed at the idea.  He *laughed* at the idea that another man (any man) would want me..... good times.... good times.

The point is, it's not up to *me* what woman El Capitan brings to that table.... *that* is totally and competely out of my control - and I *hate* that.  I despise it.  It makes my stomach hurt.  It burns a hole deep in my soul... knowing that one day another woman will play "mom' to my kids in any capacity.... but alas:  it will happen.

What I *can* control is how I deal with it - and how I interact with the future "her".   In that respect, it's just an important to foster *some kind* of relationship with her - as it is to have one with El Capitan.  *THAT*, no matter how painful and effed up and emotionally *wrong* it is..... it IS the right thing to do for the kids.

Period.

Yes.  If one day I have to sit at The Girl's dance recital while Yoga Girl claps and smiles as though she *belongs* there... as though *she* had something to do with the brilliant wonder that is *my* child...... I'll be livid p*ssed..... LIVID. P*SSED.  Because Yoga Girl will NEVER 'belong' in my world.... EVER.

Yoga Girl is an intruder in my life who *ruined* everything.... she is many things:  belonging isn't one of them.

However.... if it's some measure of time down the road, and she's the person El Capitan lives with.... then the reality is - in my children's eyes and hearts and minds.... she'll have a place, she *will* belong in their world.

This is where one does the 'easy' thing.... or one chooses to do the *right* thing.
It will hurt... it will suck.... but *I* will choose to do the right thing. 

I will choose to celebrate any woman who tweets or facebooks with excitement about spending time with my kids... not because I'm freakin' thrilled about it... but because no doubt my *children* will be thrilled about it.

They matter more than my ego... they matter:  the most.

To that end.... I have *already* offered to have a sit down with Yoga Girl - but I have thus far been turned down..... which is fine by me, but I made the genuine offer anyway. 

No one moves forward in mud.... whether you're just stuck in it - or you're slinging it....

I've said it a million times... but no kid ever died because *too* many parents loved them.  It might not be the family I wanted for them, it might not even be the family they deserve, but that's why you have to make the best of things and move on...

And if it's a sh*t show... then you just have to make sure you're puttin' the  'fun' in your dysfunctional family.











10 Comments
Alex
1/17/2013 11:14:32 pm

Elle- very sage and wise words. I still contend LeAnne Rhimes is a total b$&ch though. I could have believed her to be sincere about the kids if it weren't for the God knows how long nasty tweets she made at his ex-wife. I feel really bad for Brandi, its like LeAnne Rhimes won't let *her* go, as if she's actually more interested in taking Eddie What's His Name's ex-wife down more than being with this prize of a man.

That's why I'd be worried if LeAnne Rhimes was anywhere near my kids, the sheer level of spitefulness she's shown in the past.

I don't know about Yoga Girl, she may not be the red hot mess LeAnne Rhimes is, and it doesn't sound like it so far, so your outlook is a lot healthier.

Oh, and by the way, about El Capitan laughing at the thought of another man being with you, WTF? You're good looking, dynamic and interesting (with great teeth). He's an ex-manager of a big box store. Yeah, it will be easier for him to get a string of women with lower self esteem to take him than it will be for you to find a real prize, only because real prizes are less common, but I think you've got a better shot than he does at finding somebody awesome. I think you'll probably end up with a guy who will have to force a polite face and pretend he totally doesn't see El Capitan as less successful.

Reply
shelly
1/18/2013 03:11:03 am

I can honestly say that after the whole divorce thing happened to me, i was still pretty angry with my ex (cause he was being a loser dad and still is) but when he had a girlfriend it was easier for me to deal with her than him. He still made me mad, she didn't. So a lot of planning and co parenting came between me and her. Maybe because it was easier dealing with the women who like myself made their house run and could actually remember appointments and ballgames. you never know One day it may be easier for you to deal with the step

Reply
Jordan
1/19/2013 07:28:01 am

It's about time to move on. This is repetitive and not so interesting anymore. One dimensional. Write a good romance novel or science fiction thriller. Anything but this nonstop whining.

Reply
Shirley link
1/20/2013 10:24:10 pm

A cruel and unnecessary comment. What you call "whining", is the process of working oneself through a traumatic event. And in working herself through, Elle is going to have periods where she's like two steps forward, one step back; four steps forward, two steps back. How insensitive are you that you don't understand that? And ... if you find the blog "so repetitive and not so interesting anymore, one dimensional," well then why are you still coming here?

Reply
Christina
1/20/2013 10:41:54 pm

Wow Jordan. Quite rude. If you think the blog is "repetitive" and "not so interesting" then stop reading. She's not writing to entertain you. She's writing about her life. And honestly, she would be happy IF it was actually boring cause that would mean no drama with el captain or yoga girl

Reply
Jaimey
1/21/2013 03:25:11 pm

Wasn't it nice of "them" to make the internet so trolls could go around and point at what they feel they should announce to others as fact and make statements they can't back up.

Truth is Elle, doesn't whine. I know, I know her pretty well. But the comments and troll patrol makes for a fun read. Keep up the "great work" Jordan. I am sure she was holding her breath waiting for just your comment to come through for the right time to stop what she was doing. I am sure she will see the light now...

Reply
Jo
1/19/2013 12:54:02 pm

I am trying to figure out why asteriks show up throughout your blog. Seems to be around random words. Any ideas? BTW, you rock!

Reply
Jaimey
1/21/2013 03:27:07 pm

Jo, a lot of times that is a virus you have picked up somewhere and isn't in what you are reading at all. I don't have them when I read her blog. :/ Maybe have your virus software do a sweep to be safe. (I recently had a virus that made everything click able. SUPER Annoying)

Reply
Nikole
1/20/2013 08:31:06 am

Elle, You have me on pins and needles with your amazing blog....I really admire you and your strength & courage. However, these sorry excuses for "Step-Parents" are going to do more harm than good; both short-term in breaking up the family home and long-term because they won't be around to raise these kids they hurt so much. Affairages VERY rarely survive (less than 5%!) and LeAnn & Eddie, Jeff Probst and his wife (AFFAIRAGE!), Dean & Tori etc. will limp along and eventually fall apart. The notoriety and celebrity-status will keep them alive longer than most affairs, but they don't have a snowballs chance in hell to thrive. Divorce is inevitable for these unions...why make the kids "interact" with a temporary (and messed-up!) spouse? Let them grow attached & play with the monster that broke up their home? YUCK!!! Yoga Girl & El Capitan will NEVER have a happy life together...I promise you that...statistically and spiritually it is IMPOSSIBLE. They may marry, but it won't last and it will truly suck. Please don't interact with this beast (Yoga Girl)...be a shining example that infidelity is wrong on all levels...there is no provision for intentional sin. The Bible tells us so. Hang in there Elle...don't give El Capitan the time of day..let him do the work to repair the damage he has caused.

Reply
Kay
1/20/2013 03:08:45 pm

Writing is therapeutic, if you don't find this story interesting move on yourself Jordan.

Elle... your insights are well thought out and they are designed for the children's best interest. That is what counts and is most important.

Yoga Girl... should she end up in the role of "step" she'll have take a parent class or two. It's clear to me she skipped classes during the time they send the preprogrammed doll home with students to care for. Otherwise, she would have ran like hell from El Caption.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Buy The Book!
    ON AMAZON!

    Picture
    also available on Kindle!!!!!

    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
    You can see some of Elle's photography at:
    http://www.zoberimages.com/
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012

    Categories

    All
    Being A Gay Mom
    Bullies & Internet Trolls
    Cheating Husband
    Cheating Spouses
    Coming Out After 30
    Co Parenting
    Co-Parenting
    Divorce
    Gay
    Healing
    Heartbroken
    Lesbian
    Lesbian Mom
    Lost Love
    Motherhood
    Moving On
    Scorned & Bitter
    Single Parenting
    The Other Woman
    True Love

    SITE DISCLAIMER/
    POINTS OF FACT:
    El Capitan not only KNEW about and approved the signs, he helped pay for them.  :)
    The children have NOT seen the signs and will NOT see the signs.  PERIOD.
    This SITE and the SIGN were made to SELL OUR HOME.... what else this *might* be turning into is unclear, but the original intent was bereft of revenge or malice and was truly to sell our home.
    We ARE DIVORCED and for the very reason the sign suggests.

    RSS Feed

    91,395 Readers
    and counting...

Scorned, slighty bitter but still, grateful and very happy... life is good.
PS.... you *WILL find errors in grammar, spelling and otherwise... I am just a Mom - now a 'single Mom' who
writes The Blog from a place of honesty \and usually in the dark at 1:00am.... so please be understanding. cheers. :)