Sorry if this is lame... but The Girl is still poorly tonight and I need to go bed with her.
I leave you, instead, with a NOTE that I posted on Facebook in 2009. Though slightly dated, as now Miley sports a shaved head *and* skimpy clothes... it's still relevant.
ENJOY:
So. Seriously. Did anyone else see the whole Miley Cyrus deal on the Teen Choice Awards?
I get it, I'm old... yes, I know I'm fat - too fat for those Miley Short Shorts - but trust me I'm not jealous. I'm thrilled that Miley - like MOST 16 year old girls - can wear her short shorts and wear them well... what I have a teeny-tiny issue with is that she wore them (barely) while performing on a show that is geared for girls even MUCH younger than she is.
And the pole dancing? really.... pole dancing? Did someone forget the "teen" in Teen Choice awards?
I remember being 10 years old and my favorite babysitter was Shawn Schaeffer. She was sooooo gorgeous. She has this fantastically large 80s hair that was dyed blonde in streaks, she wore the balloon pans that got tight at the ankle with a big belt and big head-bands. She would come over with her stack of Pee-Chee folders that were folded over on another like a big Trapper Keeper and she's colored on them and they looked so cool. She would turn on MTV and play "She's a Man Eater" on my parents stereo way louder than I knew you were supposed to.
She would sit at the kitchen table and talk to me for hours and about boys and kissing and cool things... like, she told me that I should always brush my tongue when I brushed my teeth: she said one day the boys would appreciate that.
I didn't know what that meant, but I sure as sh*t started brushing my 9 year old tongue that night.
And I still do.
She showed me her padded and fancy lacy bra - but not in gross way... she told me to always buy the panties that match AND - *most* importantly: always wear a bra to bed.
And for nearly 20 years I *did* wear a bra every single night... .too bad my sh*t sags anyway. LOL
We would make brownies and lick the spoons clean.
We would sit for hours watching videos and she would teach me the latest dance moves.
We would pour over Seventeen magazine and look for her Prom dress.
To this day, I *still* have the page I pulled out of Seventeen that I thought should be *my* prom dress one day - it's still all creased and folded and tucked inside my brown, suede covered diary with the horse head on the front.
Shawn was all one glove without the finger-tips and lacy everything and cropped tops - but only cropped jsut above the belly button. She was hoop earrings and bangly bracelets and small heeled boots that laced over her ankle pants.
She was: ALL THINGS COOL.
I looked up to her.
I idolized her.
She was everything I wanted to grow up to be.......
So. What are girls NOW going to be looking up to? Sure, at the time Madonna was risque - but she was GEARED for young adults and teens - not TWEENS!
I WANTED to dress like that - but at 9 - I couldn't. Not only was I not allowed - more importantly - they didn't really MAKE those kinds of clothes in my size - and if they did - they weren't quite as revealing. You couldn't walk into the nearest Target and buy a cart full of slutty, revealing, crop-topped clothes in a size 6x,,,,, but you sure can now. Is no one else worried about this?
Not only are we allowing our "tween" girls to dress like they're getting ready to strap a mattress to their back and make their own money to spend at Platos Closet... but we're actually marketing clothes directly to them!
And what happens if we allow them to live out their lives in their tween/teen years - it seems to me that there's nothing to grow up for - nothing to look forward to because they've dressed and acted liked they were 21 since they 9 yrs . old... then what's next? What's going to happened to these girls?
Tweens have their own demographic now. Their own marketing scheme's - and that's just wrong. I won't even get STARTED on the whole "tween" market in photography... did you know there is a big push to offer Senior Portrait style sessions to "tweens" now - as though there is this whole entire market for tarting up your child so I can make money of it....
Fuck it. I won't bother teaching The Girl how to feed herself or crawl. I'm going to slap some nice ComeF*ckMe heels and get to her start walking in those - meanwhile I'll teach her how to apply her eyeliner and lipstick... at this rate, I'll have her married off and pregnant by the time she's 13 because she'll already have a cell phone, a credit card, and a steady boyfriend by fourth grade. Perhaps I can get El Capitan to erect a stripper pole in her room - just so that by sixth grade she can keep up with all the other girls.
Hell... it's going to be a sh*t load cheaper than paying for college.
Thanks Miley Cyrus.... you rock.
I leave you, instead, with a NOTE that I posted on Facebook in 2009. Though slightly dated, as now Miley sports a shaved head *and* skimpy clothes... it's still relevant.
ENJOY:
So. Seriously. Did anyone else see the whole Miley Cyrus deal on the Teen Choice Awards?
I get it, I'm old... yes, I know I'm fat - too fat for those Miley Short Shorts - but trust me I'm not jealous. I'm thrilled that Miley - like MOST 16 year old girls - can wear her short shorts and wear them well... what I have a teeny-tiny issue with is that she wore them (barely) while performing on a show that is geared for girls even MUCH younger than she is.
And the pole dancing? really.... pole dancing? Did someone forget the "teen" in Teen Choice awards?
I remember being 10 years old and my favorite babysitter was Shawn Schaeffer. She was sooooo gorgeous. She has this fantastically large 80s hair that was dyed blonde in streaks, she wore the balloon pans that got tight at the ankle with a big belt and big head-bands. She would come over with her stack of Pee-Chee folders that were folded over on another like a big Trapper Keeper and she's colored on them and they looked so cool. She would turn on MTV and play "She's a Man Eater" on my parents stereo way louder than I knew you were supposed to.
She would sit at the kitchen table and talk to me for hours and about boys and kissing and cool things... like, she told me that I should always brush my tongue when I brushed my teeth: she said one day the boys would appreciate that.
I didn't know what that meant, but I sure as sh*t started brushing my 9 year old tongue that night.
And I still do.
She showed me her padded and fancy lacy bra - but not in gross way... she told me to always buy the panties that match AND - *most* importantly: always wear a bra to bed.
And for nearly 20 years I *did* wear a bra every single night... .too bad my sh*t sags anyway. LOL
We would make brownies and lick the spoons clean.
We would sit for hours watching videos and she would teach me the latest dance moves.
We would pour over Seventeen magazine and look for her Prom dress.
To this day, I *still* have the page I pulled out of Seventeen that I thought should be *my* prom dress one day - it's still all creased and folded and tucked inside my brown, suede covered diary with the horse head on the front.
Shawn was all one glove without the finger-tips and lacy everything and cropped tops - but only cropped jsut above the belly button. She was hoop earrings and bangly bracelets and small heeled boots that laced over her ankle pants.
She was: ALL THINGS COOL.
I looked up to her.
I idolized her.
She was everything I wanted to grow up to be.......
So. What are girls NOW going to be looking up to? Sure, at the time Madonna was risque - but she was GEARED for young adults and teens - not TWEENS!
I WANTED to dress like that - but at 9 - I couldn't. Not only was I not allowed - more importantly - they didn't really MAKE those kinds of clothes in my size - and if they did - they weren't quite as revealing. You couldn't walk into the nearest Target and buy a cart full of slutty, revealing, crop-topped clothes in a size 6x,,,,, but you sure can now. Is no one else worried about this?
Not only are we allowing our "tween" girls to dress like they're getting ready to strap a mattress to their back and make their own money to spend at Platos Closet... but we're actually marketing clothes directly to them!
And what happens if we allow them to live out their lives in their tween/teen years - it seems to me that there's nothing to grow up for - nothing to look forward to because they've dressed and acted liked they were 21 since they 9 yrs . old... then what's next? What's going to happened to these girls?
Tweens have their own demographic now. Their own marketing scheme's - and that's just wrong. I won't even get STARTED on the whole "tween" market in photography... did you know there is a big push to offer Senior Portrait style sessions to "tweens" now - as though there is this whole entire market for tarting up your child so I can make money of it....
Fuck it. I won't bother teaching The Girl how to feed herself or crawl. I'm going to slap some nice ComeF*ckMe heels and get to her start walking in those - meanwhile I'll teach her how to apply her eyeliner and lipstick... at this rate, I'll have her married off and pregnant by the time she's 13 because she'll already have a cell phone, a credit card, and a steady boyfriend by fourth grade. Perhaps I can get El Capitan to erect a stripper pole in her room - just so that by sixth grade she can keep up with all the other girls.
Hell... it's going to be a sh*t load cheaper than paying for college.
Thanks Miley Cyrus.... you rock.
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