Ohhh.... calm yourself male fattys in your tighty-whitey's, still stuck (and by that, I mean to suggest that your own butt sweat has now gelled with the couch and the jaws of life are needed for removal for potty breaks....) to your Momma's couch in the basement .... I'm talking about THE HOUSE, not me. lololol
It *appears* and - please knock wood, cross your fingers, wish on a star and pet a freakin' unicorn to avoid jinxing this - but.... drum roll please: We have an offer!!!!!! (oh... and by "we", I mean to say me - *I* got us an offer - you know... the devilish woman who took her ex-husband to the "cleaners" and is seeking revenge... yup - THAT girl. hahaha)
It's a nice couple - they really like the house... seem to enjoy all my little touch's, which is super nice. I had visions of those horrible HGTV shows where they show Person A selling the house to Person B and then Person B moves in and removes alllll the things Person A loved about their home! ugh... can you imagine? I mean, of course, we all have to make it our own "home" - but..... the idea of painting Baby Girls pink walls... what a heartbreaker.
Anyhow.... I digress.... and trying *so* damn hard *not* to digress lately! It's been a tough weekend... co-parenting is a ton easier when two people are doing it.... it's a crapton (yes, I know, that's not actually a word, but I just made it up... so there) yes... it's a CRAPTON like rowing a boat with one oar on one side... sure you're moving - treading water even.... but you're not really getting anywhere. "Co-parenting" on your own is a CRAPTON like that.... lololol There's a certain bitterness about that which I am trying super duper hard not to let boil to the surface......
But after a looooong, hard weekend - I got that magical call: "We just love your house - can we stop over?"
It's like... remember in junior high and you'd send a boy/girl a note and it would say "will you go steady with me - please check the yes, no, or may be box". And then you'd have your hand drawn boxes (I always made my "no" box super small.... like, if I made it super small no one could actually put an "x" in it. - yes, yes... therapists, feel free to talk amongst yourselves now.... lolol) - and so you'd send your little love note of commitment out into the world and hope it came back from the boy/girl you liked with the right box checked.
That sign in my yard..... that was a HUGE FREAKIN love note I accidently sent out into the world.... and frankly - a few too many people were checking the "no" box (see previous mention of fatty's with Doritos fingers in previous posts for evidence to this sad, sad fact... lolol). I was beginning to think NO ONE would check the "yes" box! hahahaha
And no... sadly, it isn't Scott Disick with a magic check to make my world whole and wonderful. lol
Their offer today really brought home the "end" of things... like, I know we're divorced and stuff, but while there's property and bills and kids... there are just so many ties that bind - and losing another one of those ties is bittersweet.
On the one hand, it's hard to walk those bedrooms and know that I won't ever tuck the kids into those beds ever again..... but it's also the same black and white checkered kitchen floor that won't see The Girl standing next to me and "cooking" with me at night... (and yes, by cooking I mean to say spilling, over-adding certain ingredients not limited to snot and the occasional drool..... lolol)... and it's also the living room that won't see our kids opening their Christmas presents..... (see... I *said* bittersweet... hahaha)
At the same time... it's a goodeffingriddance to the *couch* where El Capitan handed me his phone and Yoga Girls bouncy face came up on the message screen.... it's the kitchen table where during week two of our divorce saga El Capitan held my hands in his - promising me with those same loving eyes and kind words... "I don't hardly know her, it was an innocent flirtation... she means nothing to me - I don't see her or talk to her.... I promise......"
And then that night he was parked at her place. (Which clearly means that for all intensive purposes El Capitan must be struck down with a serious case of night blindness where upon nightfall he can no longer see ANYTHING... because then it's clear that he's totally telling the truth.... right? that seems totally reasonable to me.)
Then there's the infamous bathroom.... which I L.O.V.E... but it's also where I locked myself at night, with the fan on, and all the water running.... so the kids couldn't hear me crying. alone. on a toilet. Which, again, because of my so-called 'affection' for the malt liquor and smokes - is where I belong to be sitting: alone on my 'throne' if you will...... Just call me Queen of the Fatties. No need to bother with a crown and sash - just tie up some donuts with licorice and we'll call it good.
There are sooooo many things about my house I'm going to miss - so many memories not yet happened that will be buried there.... and yet, a few too many memories I don't care to recall that I'm all to happy to leave behind..... not the least of which is the "magic" that failed to happen in the bedroom (ohh... SNAP - she just went there - didn't she? lolol)
It's certainly hard, at 37, to look around your life and suddenly all the mountains you've climbed are turning into slopes and you're just sliding back and back and back.... kind of like a really effed up game of adult Chutes and Ladders... you know?
I think the hardest part for me... and for my clients - is that I'm losing the studio. I can't afford to rent a "proper" studio space.... so, I will lose a large number of my client base as a result.
ahhh...... there's the universe again - checking the damned "no" box. crappers. lololol
So... final Olympic tally: no health insurance, no photo studio - which means no real job, no savings to speak of, no retirement, no steady means of income, no home.....
Even still.... it's a good day: some really nice people like my house and want to buy and live their own happily ever after in it... which it deserves: it's a nice house. And..... I'm about to head off and get to snuggle two of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen for the whole night! And then.... I'm going to get to wake up (most likely in the wet-spot of an exploded diaper... lolol) and watch them laugh together and play (and fight over Little People and The Bee Movie... alot) - and get more snuggles and kisses and suddenly my cup runneth... runnith... run .. over? You get the idea... lololol
One Day... one day at time, one new mountain at a time.... I'm pretty sure it's going to hard, but it'll be well worth the climb..........
***PS... challenge to the Male
It *appears* and - please knock wood, cross your fingers, wish on a star and pet a freakin' unicorn to avoid jinxing this - but.... drum roll please: We have an offer!!!!!! (oh... and by "we", I mean to say me - *I* got us an offer - you know... the devilish woman who took her ex-husband to the "cleaners" and is seeking revenge... yup - THAT girl. hahaha)
It's a nice couple - they really like the house... seem to enjoy all my little touch's, which is super nice. I had visions of those horrible HGTV shows where they show Person A selling the house to Person B and then Person B moves in and removes alllll the things Person A loved about their home! ugh... can you imagine? I mean, of course, we all have to make it our own "home" - but..... the idea of painting Baby Girls pink walls... what a heartbreaker.
Anyhow.... I digress.... and trying *so* damn hard *not* to digress lately! It's been a tough weekend... co-parenting is a ton easier when two people are doing it.... it's a crapton (yes, I know, that's not actually a word, but I just made it up... so there) yes... it's a CRAPTON like rowing a boat with one oar on one side... sure you're moving - treading water even.... but you're not really getting anywhere. "Co-parenting" on your own is a CRAPTON like that.... lololol There's a certain bitterness about that which I am trying super duper hard not to let boil to the surface......
But after a looooong, hard weekend - I got that magical call: "We just love your house - can we stop over?"
It's like... remember in junior high and you'd send a boy/girl a note and it would say "will you go steady with me - please check the yes, no, or may be box". And then you'd have your hand drawn boxes (I always made my "no" box super small.... like, if I made it super small no one could actually put an "x" in it. - yes, yes... therapists, feel free to talk amongst yourselves now.... lolol) - and so you'd send your little love note of commitment out into the world and hope it came back from the boy/girl you liked with the right box checked.
That sign in my yard..... that was a HUGE FREAKIN love note I accidently sent out into the world.... and frankly - a few too many people were checking the "no" box (see previous mention of fatty's with Doritos fingers in previous posts for evidence to this sad, sad fact... lolol). I was beginning to think NO ONE would check the "yes" box! hahahaha
And no... sadly, it isn't Scott Disick with a magic check to make my world whole and wonderful. lol
Their offer today really brought home the "end" of things... like, I know we're divorced and stuff, but while there's property and bills and kids... there are just so many ties that bind - and losing another one of those ties is bittersweet.
On the one hand, it's hard to walk those bedrooms and know that I won't ever tuck the kids into those beds ever again..... but it's also the same black and white checkered kitchen floor that won't see The Girl standing next to me and "cooking" with me at night... (and yes, by cooking I mean to say spilling, over-adding certain ingredients not limited to snot and the occasional drool..... lolol)... and it's also the living room that won't see our kids opening their Christmas presents..... (see... I *said* bittersweet... hahaha)
At the same time... it's a goodeffingriddance to the *couch* where El Capitan handed me his phone and Yoga Girls bouncy face came up on the message screen.... it's the kitchen table where during week two of our divorce saga El Capitan held my hands in his - promising me with those same loving eyes and kind words... "I don't hardly know her, it was an innocent flirtation... she means nothing to me - I don't see her or talk to her.... I promise......"
And then that night he was parked at her place. (Which clearly means that for all intensive purposes El Capitan must be struck down with a serious case of night blindness where upon nightfall he can no longer see ANYTHING... because then it's clear that he's totally telling the truth.... right? that seems totally reasonable to me.)
Then there's the infamous bathroom.... which I L.O.V.E... but it's also where I locked myself at night, with the fan on, and all the water running.... so the kids couldn't hear me crying. alone. on a toilet. Which, again, because of my so-called 'affection' for the malt liquor and smokes - is where I belong to be sitting: alone on my 'throne' if you will...... Just call me Queen of the Fatties. No need to bother with a crown and sash - just tie up some donuts with licorice and we'll call it good.
There are sooooo many things about my house I'm going to miss - so many memories not yet happened that will be buried there.... and yet, a few too many memories I don't care to recall that I'm all to happy to leave behind..... not the least of which is the "magic" that failed to happen in the bedroom (ohh... SNAP - she just went there - didn't she? lolol)
It's certainly hard, at 37, to look around your life and suddenly all the mountains you've climbed are turning into slopes and you're just sliding back and back and back.... kind of like a really effed up game of adult Chutes and Ladders... you know?
I think the hardest part for me... and for my clients - is that I'm losing the studio. I can't afford to rent a "proper" studio space.... so, I will lose a large number of my client base as a result.
ahhh...... there's the universe again - checking the damned "no" box. crappers. lololol
So... final Olympic tally: no health insurance, no photo studio - which means no real job, no savings to speak of, no retirement, no steady means of income, no home.....
Even still.... it's a good day: some really nice people like my house and want to buy and live their own happily ever after in it... which it deserves: it's a nice house. And..... I'm about to head off and get to snuggle two of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen for the whole night! And then.... I'm going to get to wake up (most likely in the wet-spot of an exploded diaper... lolol) and watch them laugh together and play (and fight over Little People and The Bee Movie... alot) - and get more snuggles and kisses and suddenly my cup runneth... runnith... run .. over? You get the idea... lololol
One Day... one day at time, one new mountain at a time.... I'm pretty sure it's going to hard, but it'll be well worth the climb..........
***PS... challenge to the Male
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