I'm a b*tch who was unknowingly in an unhappy marriage and got cheated on... I made a funny sign to sell our home.... and we all know the rest. While I'm humbled by the idea that some people are positively affected by my willingness to share my story - and it's very, very wonderful to think I've helped people...... I *personally* wouldn't use words like "inspiring".... but that's just me.
Believe or not, I *have* actually shared the negative comments.
Well... ok - so when comments come in, it display's an IP Address for who sent them. There have been a few occasions where *really* nasty comments came up with a very local IP Address and I suspected it was someone who knew us or what friends with La Novia/El Capitan and in that case I don't post those because I want to avoid creating more problems among us.
But.... I only have one friend in sweet Canada - hi Emma! - What's up with me and Canada?
Today this wee gem came in:
I lost count of how many times you said "f*ck/f*cking/boof*ckingya". First, everyone knows you're saying "fucking". Why censor it? Are 6-year-olds reading your blog? Secondly, when you say it at that frequency, it makes you look vulgar and not very smart.
In the first place..... I checked the IP address and found it was only a FEW DIGITS off of Ms. Posits.... and that they both live in the same town in Canada......
Be as insulting as you want but how *fucking* high school to have your friends do it or use your friends computer.... lololol. It's like getting my house tee-peed. hahahahaha
"Kat" is no the first person in my life to point out that *I*....... have a potty mouth. At this point, and at my age - I think it's fair to say that I have *more* than a potty - I think the whole motherf*cking bathroom is in there, frankly.
Someone pass the bleach mouthwash please. hahahaha
I have, over the years, considered not swearing -either at all, or not as much.
Then I thought..... f*ck it.
Just the other day Carhartt pointed out that I'm the first person they have EVER met who can literally take *any* ordinary word and turn it into a swear word by inserting the word 'f*ck'..... and how coming out of *most* people it would be offensive... but when I say it: it's cute and funny.
Clearly... we're still in that "honeymoon" phase.... hahahahaha
Regardless.... it's true. I say f*ck and I say it *alot*.... and Dear Kat.... I don't care.
Not a little.
Not a lot.
Not at all.
In fact, I interviewed Beth Orton once - we did pictures for a magazine cover on a rooftop then we did an interview in the tour bus. During the interview she mentioned that one of the guys in the band was *always* bringing back a new girl after every show and shagging them in his bunk on the bus. A tour bus is *small* quarters - where the bunks are two high and three long and face each other with curtains at each bed that are your *only* privacy.
I remember asking her if she cared that he did that - and she replied.... "Do I f*ck.....?"
It was absolutely the *most* creative way anyone has ever said 'no' to me in my life...... it was brilliant and I have used that line in as many conversations as I can since 1997.
And then.... there's always Dexter's sister - Deborah Morgan - who say's f*ck like a thousand times in an episode.... she's kind of my hero. Her and House. Yup.... that pretty much sums me up. lol
What people don't usually know and understand about me is that while I'm confident, I'm not really arrogant. I don't think I'm smarter than other people or that I know more than other people .... and I'm not above someone pointing out something about me that I need to work on or improve.... so, even thought I suspect that Kat's words come from another place: they still gave me pause.
Am I vulgar?
F*ck yeah I am..... that is sure as sh*t true to say..... and I could give a sh*t.
What is vulgar.... the use of offensive language?
In the first place.... don't be my friend if you find it at all o-f*cking-ffensive that I swear.
In the second place ..... you *might* want to evaluate how much f*cking time you have on your hands to go to a blog and read it enough times to *know* just how many f*cks are on each page.... (for the record, there are less than 65 forms of f*ck in 300 pages in The Book - I thought I did pretty well there..... )
Why are you here?
*You* have the power to hit that little red 'X' in the top right corner of the screen (top left on a MAC) - and if you're too stupid to figure out that you have the power to read and not read whatever the f*ck you want - then you're clearly too stupid to *be* vulgar.
Believe me..... you assume my use of curse words is a sign of my ill-educated mind.... but I can assure you that one has to be well educated and have a firm grasp on the English language to be able to pepper it with fbombs..... I'm like a Master F*cking Vernacular Chef of sorts.
Finally..... as the button (recently purchased for me by a GOOD friend!) - clearly states.... See All The F*cks I Give.....? Exactly.
I find *a lot * of things vulgar.... starting with stupid people.
Then closely followed by ... husbands who cheats, women who sleep with married men, people using their kids against in each in a divorce, rape.... incest, drunk driving, theft, bullying, racism, bigotry.... just generally being an a$$whole.
Those *things* are vulgar... and yet they happen *all* the time... and we excuse them.
Oh.... his wife was a real bitch - she got fat.... you can't blame him for leaving.....
Oh... she's young and doesn't know better.....
If Tommy Jr. undertands what a douche his Dad is - he'll grow up to be better than his Father.....
That guy is such a "fag"......
Are you a 'dot head Indian' or 'the feather' kind? (I actually heard that TWO WEEKS ago. sigh)
People are vulgar allllllll around us, everyday .... and we let is slide. We excuse it, we explain it, we dismiss it -
we let our friends leave the party when we *know* they've had too much drink because we don't want to argue with them......
Who cares if I write a little blog and say f*ck a lot?
Not me. See above for all the f*cks I give.
One of my very bestest friend, Miss J - called me in complete annoyance because *her* little boy had said "fuck" at preschool. Miss J is a *great* Mom. They eat mostly organic - she doesn't pull thru McDonalds to get her kids a smoothie... no that b*tch pulls out her fancy-a$$ blender and makes those bad boys FROM f*cking SCRATCH!!!! She has cupboards with those magnetic locks on them. She cloth diapered and buys hemp clothing and *never* swears in front of her kids.... who all, incidently, have a strict bedtime and they never, ever co-sleep.
The Boy had no bedtime. Ate food from Wal-Mart and smoothies from McDonalds and was the proud owner of thousands of Pampers that he sh*t in.
Oh.... and his Mommy has a potty mouth which she has *never ever* hid from him. Period.
She called to say that she *could not* believe that *her* kid was coming home with a note from preschool about having said f*ck during Choice Time.... and she wanted to know how it was possible that The Boy had never cursed at school.
I explained that from a *very* young age I told The Boy that he was free to use adult words, but that if he did, he wouldn't have friends. Other parents would hear him talk and not let their children play with him. I told him that people would judge him for using those words and that, in the end, he would wish he hadn't used them.
So.... he never has. Poor kid thinks "idiot" and "dumb" are bad words. lol
The truth of the matter is- we are *not* putting enough value on OUR collective behavior... but we *do* put a lot of value on our words. We can show rape and murder and untold amounts of violence on TV.... but say f*ck at all - or sh*t before 9pm.... and you'll get an FCC fine.
Last time I checked - no one was harmed in the making of this blog - no matter how many f*cks I write.... and yet, dozens of people are *harmed* by other people's actions while I sit here and write this... and later while you sit and read it.
I don't really give a f*ck.
I have a potty mouth.... big whoop.
I'm also a good person.
I got over my sh*t and have dragged this family to a better place.... even if it was over broken glass and I swore the entire way there..... I got here.
and yeah..... boof*ckingyah to me.
Do you know how many people don't make it here?
How many people give in to their anger?
Give in to their fears?
.... never move forward.
If you don't like how I've done it.... that's totally cool with me.
If my fbombs bug you.... then guess what: you're probably not my kind of person.
and again... please refer above to see just how many f*cks I give.
We live in a country where we no longer know our neighbors, where our kids spend more time texting and sexting than they do *connecting* with real family and friends who will carry them through their hard times.... we are *literally* killing each other in movie theaters and on the streets of New Orleans at a Mother's Day Parade.... THAT IS VULGAR.
I'd rather listen to someone's potty mouth alll day long than deal with that sh*t.
Bring on the Andrew Dice Clay.
Bring on Lisa Lampanelli.
I don't need to be not vulgar.
I don't give a sh*t if you or anyone else thinks I'm educated or not.....
I have to be a good Mom.
I have to find a way to support us.
I have to find a way to move us forward.
I have to make two happy families out of one.
I have to forgive.
I have to be tolerant.
I have to accept.
I have done those things and speaking frankly..... the rest of my little family is the better for it.
Did we say f*ck a lot along the way......?
Yup.... sure did.
Did it hold me back? Nope.
Did it change anything? Nope.
and because of that.... I wouldn't change me.
This is me.
This is how I process things.
This *is* how I talk.....
Again- red X - find it and move on. :)
For those who also don't care.... I hope you had an awesome f*cking Mother's Day.
Carhartt got me red roses and took me out for dinner..... swoon. :)
The kids asked La Novia to draw me a beautiful Mother's Day card with they signed inside.... and she did.
Yup... you read that right: La Novia made the Mother's Day card my children gave me.
.... and I love it.
I *love* that the children feel confident and *comfortable* enough in ALL our connected relationships that they can ASK La Novia to draw my mother's day card. There is so much personal and collective success in that statement. I'm incredibly proud of that card and allllllll that it represents for me.
I took the kids to the jewelry store and The Girl picked out earrings for La Novia for Mother's Day.... which The Girl was very excited to give her.
One year....... it's been one year.
I think that, in spite of wether or not I'm educated or vulgar or.... whatever: I'm doing something right.
At least.... I'm doing things right for *my* family.
And.... to that end, there are a thousand ways to get this wrong - so if I'm willing to be open enough and brave enough to share this journey because people say it helps them.... then I will do it.
But I can only do it as *me* - and this is me.... f*cks and all. :)
Happy F*cking Mother's Day!!!!!
I hope yours was as awesome as mine! :)