Soooo.... to recap.
Since the sign first went up - I've had a few.... 'gentleman callers'. Several were from prisons around the US.... the nice old man in Florida, a few local guys - one who worked at the Sheriff's office.... and I have to say I was seriously enticed about the idea of a man in uniform!
oh... and I suppose handcuffs are an interesting idea too. hahahaha
So, I wasn't really to date anyone... so I politely thanked people - whether I thought were legit or not, and just moved on. I was buys focusing on selling the house and packing and the kids... and - clearly - my emotions were allll over the map. As we all well know.
Slowly, things started changing for me.... now I can see El Capitan and I really don't feel much of anything. IT still bugs me that I have to 'drop off the kids' with him... not that it's *him* perse... but it's the whole 'being divorced' thing - that still kind of bothers me a bit. I don't want to be married to him.... but being divorced isn't fun either.... I'm not explaining this well at all. sigh.
I don't want to be married to El Capitan. I don't want to have dinner with him or coffee with him.... I don't see him through the same eyes anymore - he doesn't look the same, sound the same - feel the same to be around: because he's not the same.
Me... though - I'm still the same. Well... not true - now I'm 42 pounds and 12 total inches lighter/smaller.... yeah - you read that right... 10 miles a day at the gym is paying off slowly... but paying off. Woof*ckingHoo for that. I have a goal weight for my birthday... hoping to get there, but we'll see.
The idea of 'dating' seems a bit foreign.... I come from a time *before* cell phones and facebook and chatting.... I'm more a coffee/dinner/movie kind of girl.
I'm more... 'show me' a good time - don't text me about it. I haven't really 'dated' as of yet, but I'm finally kind of/sort of excited to find out what it's going to be like - because now it's not just me - it's me and two kids and that surely has to change things.... right?.... Right?
Anyhow, I *am* still me. I was raised to be a ... "good girl". Allow me to define "good girl" according to The Bubbie and The Papa circa 1991- 1993:
Good Girls:
Do not make out in parked cars: what if a neighbor see's you?
Do not wear half of anything - no cut-off shorts or shirts, or shirts that have necks that hang over one shoulder: because we do not 'advertise what we don't have for sale... duh
Do not study or sit in a boys bedroom: EVER especially with the door closed.
Do not kiss on the first date: because if you start there.. where will you be on date 10?
Do not stay out after midnight: because there's nothing to do after midnight but f*ck.
Do not participate in oral sex of any kind: because The President was wrong, any whole means sex.
Do not get less than a "B" average or no license: because
Do not date any boys my parents haven't met: because The Papa would leave out weapons of death to drive the point home that no hands roam below the neck. EVER.
Do not watch MTV: because it's slutty and teaches you to dance like a whore.
Do not 'hop in a guys car when he honks': boys had to come to the door like gentleman.
Do not, ever, ever, ever, have sex before marriage: because no one buys the cow when they can get the milk for free. Period.
I abided by alllll of those rules. I didn't put out during high school and I graduated.... a virgin. It wasn't a request: it was a demand.
Moving forward... I eventually 'lost it' to my boyfriend who would become my first husband.. which, if you were unaware that I was married before (to an Australian while living in London) - then you haven't read my book and you should go do that right now. :) lolololol
But, needless to say, I followed the rules, I was a "good girl", I followed the rules and did my parents proud. When that marriage failed, I still abided by those rules, even in my 20s.... being a 'good girl' is a hard, hard habit to break.
Plus... we were all raised in the decade of Ryan White - how could you *not* know his story and take HIV/AIDS seriously? I was *very* responsible about any sexual activity I ever had and went (before and after) any partner (which can all be counted on one hand) - and had my annonymous HIV test done.
Good Girl. Period.
So.... at this new venture in my life, I hadn't planned to really detour from that frame of mind.... good girls don't put out, good girls don't sleep around..... right?
Fast forward several decades, a few husbands, a few kids and... a few pounds then add one (now very public divorce) - and I'm on my way to Seattle. While on the way - (as mentioned briefly on Friday) a very nice, handsome, tall.... and handsome man was texting me.....
It started as texting a few weeks ago.... and then after I posted on FB that I needed a place to stay in Seattle - it started to escalate quickly. Quickly nd graphically.
He was nice, I'm pretty sure he's a nice guy.... he's well educated, has a nice job, nice home, is divorced - he's all around a 'seemingly' good catch by all standard measure of the term. Very good looking guy - like... *very*.
He said he liked my green eyes and my hair... and thought I was pretty. I *politely* reminded him that I was 'sans' an athletic body - he said he liked a woman with confidence and an opinion.... well... okay.
So the texts got more and more.... descriptive... and I'll be honest: I'd forgotten what it was like to have your nether regions do that little tingle thing... yeah - totally forgot about that. lolol
Even still, while he made me blush and I was kind of/sort of flattered... there was NO WAY IN HELL I would just show up at some guys house in Seattle whom I've never met just to do the dirty with him and then drive home with wet panties.... talk about a 'walk of shame'.
hahahaha
I ended up staying with my friend, then getting my passport renewed and then driving to my brother place (after accidentally driving an hour and a half in the wrong direction and finding myself almost to Port Orchard (oh Twilight... how you call to me hahahaha) - I had a *lovely* dinner with my brother and his family.
My brother is.... brilliantly amazing. He has two adorable daughters who I adore - and a lovely wife... really, he's got his shit figured out and that's a wee bit inspiring. He made dinner (which was odd to have your younger brother cook for you... lolol) and they wanted me to stay the night and go home the next day.
El Capitan was supposed to have the kids at noon- so that meant if I drove home in the morning, I woudln't get to see them *at all* until their Dad brought them home.... and I wasn't willing to do that, so I packed up the car and drove home that night: 11 hours of driving in one day - tired Elle. While the texts of my tall, dark and handsome man kept coming in.... and again... they were very, very enticing.... I figured that I didn't want to end up either chained to someone's radiator for the next 10 years or cut up in small pieces and buried in a back yard (too much CSI - probably would *not* have happened.... I don't think he was looking for a 'victim' - most likely just a booty call.....) - so I shut it down with him and started my drive home.
I called on The Bubbie on my way to catch up on details from my trip, see what the kids were doing - and I happened to mention my flirty sexting 'friend' - giggling the whole time.... and of course to let her know that I was heading home, but not to wait up. See... there's a HUGE Wal-Mart half way home - off I-5, and I wanted to stop and stretch my legs. Plus, Wal-Mart is like my own personal 'mecca' and I usually can't drive buy a superstore without wanting to stop.
Everyone was asleep when I got home and I quickly settled into my spot between the children and fell asleep watching New Moon on my Kindle.
The next morning, The Bubbie came breezing into the room and was startled.... Startled?
"What are you doing here?" she asked, suddenly surprised to find me nestled in my own bed.
Curious... I thought.... where the hell else should I be?
"Um.... I drove home after going to Wal-Mart.... where did you think I'd be?" I replied.
"Oh... [insert maniacal laugh here] - honey.... I would've spent a "very good" night in Seattle....but that's just me....." and then The Bubbie walked about the room.
What. The. HELL? lololol
I jumped out of bed and ran after her.... *sure* that she failed to understand what 'sexting' and a 'booty call' is.
"Honey... I know *exactly* what a booty call is - and you know... by the sounds of it - he could have taught me a thing or two..... " states The Bubbie.
What? OMG... I think my eyes and ears and burning.... "MOM - seriously?!?! that's irresponsible - I have children....." I was half laughing... half shocked.
"I'm just sayin'.... it could have been fun....." - and with that The Bubbie headed down the hall.
and I went right back to bed.
Then... early this morning, this is the text I sent out to both my brothers:
"So, this guy on the internet was sexting me and invited me to come to his house for a booty call in Seattle when I was there. I didn't go. Mom came in the next day SURPRISED to find me in my room with the kids and informed me that SHE would have done him.
THEN - this morning over cinnamon rolls she made for breakfast she brings it up AGAIN and say's this little gem: "You're a 37 year old woman with needs... you should get those taken care of and may be you'd be in a better mood....."
XXXXX and XXXXX - I will *not* suffer this alone. I want to pour acid in my ears and now you want to claw your eyes out. That seems fair."
My Middle Brother replied: will do....
...... turns off phone.
Actually, I might need to burn it, I don't think it will recover from this violation, I know I won't.
Seconds later, our Youngest Brother replied: eyes are clawed out.... well played Bubbie... well played.
And *that* is what The Bubbie said.
No sh*t.
Yup... and how was *your* weekend?
Since the sign first went up - I've had a few.... 'gentleman callers'. Several were from prisons around the US.... the nice old man in Florida, a few local guys - one who worked at the Sheriff's office.... and I have to say I was seriously enticed about the idea of a man in uniform!
oh... and I suppose handcuffs are an interesting idea too. hahahaha
So, I wasn't really to date anyone... so I politely thanked people - whether I thought were legit or not, and just moved on. I was buys focusing on selling the house and packing and the kids... and - clearly - my emotions were allll over the map. As we all well know.
Slowly, things started changing for me.... now I can see El Capitan and I really don't feel much of anything. IT still bugs me that I have to 'drop off the kids' with him... not that it's *him* perse... but it's the whole 'being divorced' thing - that still kind of bothers me a bit. I don't want to be married to him.... but being divorced isn't fun either.... I'm not explaining this well at all. sigh.
I don't want to be married to El Capitan. I don't want to have dinner with him or coffee with him.... I don't see him through the same eyes anymore - he doesn't look the same, sound the same - feel the same to be around: because he's not the same.
Me... though - I'm still the same. Well... not true - now I'm 42 pounds and 12 total inches lighter/smaller.... yeah - you read that right... 10 miles a day at the gym is paying off slowly... but paying off. Woof*ckingHoo for that. I have a goal weight for my birthday... hoping to get there, but we'll see.
The idea of 'dating' seems a bit foreign.... I come from a time *before* cell phones and facebook and chatting.... I'm more a coffee/dinner/movie kind of girl.
I'm more... 'show me' a good time - don't text me about it. I haven't really 'dated' as of yet, but I'm finally kind of/sort of excited to find out what it's going to be like - because now it's not just me - it's me and two kids and that surely has to change things.... right?.... Right?
Anyhow, I *am* still me. I was raised to be a ... "good girl". Allow me to define "good girl" according to The Bubbie and The Papa circa 1991- 1993:
Good Girls:
Do not make out in parked cars: what if a neighbor see's you?
Do not wear half of anything - no cut-off shorts or shirts, or shirts that have necks that hang over one shoulder: because we do not 'advertise what we don't have for sale... duh
Do not study or sit in a boys bedroom: EVER especially with the door closed.
Do not kiss on the first date: because if you start there.. where will you be on date 10?
Do not stay out after midnight: because there's nothing to do after midnight but f*ck.
Do not participate in oral sex of any kind: because The President was wrong, any whole means sex.
Do not get less than a "B" average or no license: because
Do not date any boys my parents haven't met: because The Papa would leave out weapons of death to drive the point home that no hands roam below the neck. EVER.
Do not watch MTV: because it's slutty and teaches you to dance like a whore.
Do not 'hop in a guys car when he honks': boys had to come to the door like gentleman.
Do not, ever, ever, ever, have sex before marriage: because no one buys the cow when they can get the milk for free. Period.
I abided by alllll of those rules. I didn't put out during high school and I graduated.... a virgin. It wasn't a request: it was a demand.
Moving forward... I eventually 'lost it' to my boyfriend who would become my first husband.. which, if you were unaware that I was married before (to an Australian while living in London) - then you haven't read my book and you should go do that right now. :) lolololol
But, needless to say, I followed the rules, I was a "good girl", I followed the rules and did my parents proud. When that marriage failed, I still abided by those rules, even in my 20s.... being a 'good girl' is a hard, hard habit to break.
Plus... we were all raised in the decade of Ryan White - how could you *not* know his story and take HIV/AIDS seriously? I was *very* responsible about any sexual activity I ever had and went (before and after) any partner (which can all be counted on one hand) - and had my annonymous HIV test done.
Good Girl. Period.
So.... at this new venture in my life, I hadn't planned to really detour from that frame of mind.... good girls don't put out, good girls don't sleep around..... right?
Fast forward several decades, a few husbands, a few kids and... a few pounds then add one (now very public divorce) - and I'm on my way to Seattle. While on the way - (as mentioned briefly on Friday) a very nice, handsome, tall.... and handsome man was texting me.....
It started as texting a few weeks ago.... and then after I posted on FB that I needed a place to stay in Seattle - it started to escalate quickly. Quickly nd graphically.
He was nice, I'm pretty sure he's a nice guy.... he's well educated, has a nice job, nice home, is divorced - he's all around a 'seemingly' good catch by all standard measure of the term. Very good looking guy - like... *very*.
He said he liked my green eyes and my hair... and thought I was pretty. I *politely* reminded him that I was 'sans' an athletic body - he said he liked a woman with confidence and an opinion.... well... okay.
So the texts got more and more.... descriptive... and I'll be honest: I'd forgotten what it was like to have your nether regions do that little tingle thing... yeah - totally forgot about that. lolol
Even still, while he made me blush and I was kind of/sort of flattered... there was NO WAY IN HELL I would just show up at some guys house in Seattle whom I've never met just to do the dirty with him and then drive home with wet panties.... talk about a 'walk of shame'.
hahahaha
I ended up staying with my friend, then getting my passport renewed and then driving to my brother place (after accidentally driving an hour and a half in the wrong direction and finding myself almost to Port Orchard (oh Twilight... how you call to me hahahaha) - I had a *lovely* dinner with my brother and his family.
My brother is.... brilliantly amazing. He has two adorable daughters who I adore - and a lovely wife... really, he's got his shit figured out and that's a wee bit inspiring. He made dinner (which was odd to have your younger brother cook for you... lolol) and they wanted me to stay the night and go home the next day.
El Capitan was supposed to have the kids at noon- so that meant if I drove home in the morning, I woudln't get to see them *at all* until their Dad brought them home.... and I wasn't willing to do that, so I packed up the car and drove home that night: 11 hours of driving in one day - tired Elle. While the texts of my tall, dark and handsome man kept coming in.... and again... they were very, very enticing.... I figured that I didn't want to end up either chained to someone's radiator for the next 10 years or cut up in small pieces and buried in a back yard (too much CSI - probably would *not* have happened.... I don't think he was looking for a 'victim' - most likely just a booty call.....) - so I shut it down with him and started my drive home.
I called on The Bubbie on my way to catch up on details from my trip, see what the kids were doing - and I happened to mention my flirty sexting 'friend' - giggling the whole time.... and of course to let her know that I was heading home, but not to wait up. See... there's a HUGE Wal-Mart half way home - off I-5, and I wanted to stop and stretch my legs. Plus, Wal-Mart is like my own personal 'mecca' and I usually can't drive buy a superstore without wanting to stop.
Everyone was asleep when I got home and I quickly settled into my spot between the children and fell asleep watching New Moon on my Kindle.
The next morning, The Bubbie came breezing into the room and was startled.... Startled?
"What are you doing here?" she asked, suddenly surprised to find me nestled in my own bed.
Curious... I thought.... where the hell else should I be?
"Um.... I drove home after going to Wal-Mart.... where did you think I'd be?" I replied.
"Oh... [insert maniacal laugh here] - honey.... I would've spent a "very good" night in Seattle....but that's just me....." and then The Bubbie walked about the room.
What. The. HELL? lololol
I jumped out of bed and ran after her.... *sure* that she failed to understand what 'sexting' and a 'booty call' is.
"Honey... I know *exactly* what a booty call is - and you know... by the sounds of it - he could have taught me a thing or two..... " states The Bubbie.
What? OMG... I think my eyes and ears and burning.... "MOM - seriously?!?! that's irresponsible - I have children....." I was half laughing... half shocked.
"I'm just sayin'.... it could have been fun....." - and with that The Bubbie headed down the hall.
and I went right back to bed.
Then... early this morning, this is the text I sent out to both my brothers:
"So, this guy on the internet was sexting me and invited me to come to his house for a booty call in Seattle when I was there. I didn't go. Mom came in the next day SURPRISED to find me in my room with the kids and informed me that SHE would have done him.
THEN - this morning over cinnamon rolls she made for breakfast she brings it up AGAIN and say's this little gem: "You're a 37 year old woman with needs... you should get those taken care of and may be you'd be in a better mood....."
XXXXX and XXXXX - I will *not* suffer this alone. I want to pour acid in my ears and now you want to claw your eyes out. That seems fair."
My Middle Brother replied: will do....
...... turns off phone.
Actually, I might need to burn it, I don't think it will recover from this violation, I know I won't.
Seconds later, our Youngest Brother replied: eyes are clawed out.... well played Bubbie... well played.
And *that* is what The Bubbie said.
No sh*t.
Yup... and how was *your* weekend?
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