How's that for a 9 month break.... 9 months.
How the hell did that happen?
New Year... .new blog. Only... from now on - whether ten people read this or a hundred... I'm going to be blogging regularly.
If you wanna' read it: cool.
If you don't don't: that's cool, too.
I was a better Mom... I was *happier* when I was blogging and it's time I started doing things to make *me* happy.... and believe it or not, I get weekly requests to keep blogging... so screw it: I'm gonna' blog.
The quick update:
I ended things with Hail Mary. Not some big ugly hairy thing... it just wasn't working. Plain and simple. The Boy was unhappy and at the end of the day - I have to listen to them and do what's best. We gave it a good shot - we made it just past our one anniversary.... but then we broke up.
The kids and I moved back to where we were staying and I have stayed in school where I'm currently carrying a 4.0 and 17 credits... we shall see if I can maintain my grades this coming term: somehow I doubt it. lol
We arrived on our first day, running a bit late because I'm always trying to squeeze out one more client job before the holidays... but we made it! We checked into our room and hit the slides asap. It's crazy to think about, because the first year GWL was open and we went, The Girl was only 9 months old and I mostly floated around the Basketball Pool singing to her and stuff.... and now she's all: I wanna' go on the BIG SLIDE!
Oh... and aside from public bathrooms, amusement parks are a single parents *worst* nightmare. There are two of them and ONE of me. So rides that take multiple riders - someone has to sit out... but I can't very well leave my 5 year old alone and unattended.... sigh.
So it's complicated.
Also, I'm insanely afraid of heights and going fast.... so these super high up and twisty and fast and scary water slides are a no bueno for me.... and to my GREAT SURPRISE: The Boy and The Girl went on them ALONE!
YES! ALONE! There were my kids going on their biggest and wildest and scariest water slides:
BY. THEM. SELVES!!!!!
So... it was all water slides and good times and snacks and arcade games....
Until The Girl sh*ts on the floor.
Allow me to explain.
You can't bring food into the park. You check in on day one, do the slides and dinner and then they have a story time and this animatronic tree that sings (the kids love it) - and then you go to bed. You wake up, eat breakfast and check out of your room but you can stay at the park until 9 pm. Clearly, with wet kids in bathing suits, you just stay there onsite and eat whatever food they have, you don't leave.
Day one went great... I was SO PROUD of the my kids: unafraid and brave and having a good time.
After sooooooo many personal failures of the last few years, I always try to hold onto these moments of parenting success because the feeling of being "on top" is all too fleeting for me....
Day two we got up *early* and hit the park by 9am. We swam and played and hung around until it was time to get out to have lunch in the Ginger Bread House. The kids were ecstatic. I usually put them in dressy(ish) clothes, but this year I let the girl wear her sacred Frozen Dress.
I got my usual, The Boy got his usual (grilled cheese sandwich) and The Girl got her usual (mac and cheese).
This time though.... three bites in, The Girl say's: Mommy... this doesn't taste very good, it's rubbery.
We send it back but The Girl doesn't want something else to eat.. which I find a bit odd because we haven't had food since breakfast but we had plans to get ice-cream upstairs on our way back in and so I don't worry about it.
Yes, yes... ice-cream *can* be a meal: don't judge.
So, we finish up lunch and pictures and the kids play some games in the lobby and then we head upstairs for The Boy to play some arcade games.... it's all going well... and suddenly The Girl HAS to go the bathroom.
No biggie. We're almost *6* - The Girl has actually *never* had an accident in public, so at first I'm not too worried... The Boy is playing some Batman driving game and suddenly The Girl is like... in a panic?
I make The Boy jump off his game (he's none too pleased) and I go running after The Girl who is now dashing for the bathroom. The bathroom... is across the park, down a flight of stairs and then alllll the way back across the water park to the locker rooms.
It's not close.
As we are running past the ice-cream shop, I'm like - "Hey, didn't you want to get ice-cream?"
Because let's face facts: sometimes I'm just plain stupid. lololol
The Girl looks at me like I'm the dumbest person on the earth because at this point I realize that she's jogging for the doors and using one hand to hold her butt closed.......
Hmm.... that's odd.
We get inside the park and usually the first thing that hits you is the steam and the humidity... but instead there's this smell.... like a really bad sh*t smell.
As we crest the top of the stairs I'm thinking....."man... did someone take a crap around here? It reeks like poop in here now..... that's odd"
The Boy is running after The Girl and I'm running to keep up with them both and we make it to the bathroom. I tell The Boy to stay outside and he's questioning why we ran past the ice-cream shop and didn't get any.....
The Girl and I enter the bathroom and all of a sudden I hear: MY PANTIES!!!! MY PANTIES!!!!!!
And there it is: sh*t on the bathroom floor.
FROM. MY. CHILD. DEAR. GOD..... what just happened????
Oh... and fun fact: human poop coils up like dog poop when launched from mid-air.
I'm instantly horrified for The Girl AND for the fact that this is a WATER PARK.
NO ONE IS WEARING SHOES!!!!! ugh.
So, The Girl jumps on the toilet and I'm trying to help her, meanwhile I'm yelling: "PLEASE WATCH OUT FOR THE POOP!!! THERE IS POOP ON THE FLOOR!!!!"
The Girl is sobbing and sh*t is EVERY.WHERE.
It's in her hair. On her face. On her hands.
Up her back and down her front.... the Frozen dress is COVERED.
I'm begging her to keep her hands away from her face, but she's crying and keeps reaching up with sh*t covered hands to wipe away her tears.
Now I can hear women talking and steering their children around the big pile of steaming sh*t on the floor.
So I pull the dress off The Girl and she's filling bowl after bowl, flush after flush and it smells so awful.
And she's crying and at this point I'm crying....
And The Boy is outside the door yelling... Mom - is everything ok? Why does the bathroom smell so bad?
And alll the while a big pile of steaming sh*t sits front and center on the bathroom floor.
So I leave the stall and I'm trying to clean up the sh*t on the floor... which is a task because it's NO small pile.... and I'm there:
Wait for five inches of paper towel to dispense.
I'm practically dancing with this machine and I have barely enough towel to dry wet hands let alone clean up a pile of poo from the floor.
I get the poop cleaned up - but it's in the tile groove... so I cover the entire area in paper towels (more waiving and dancing commences to make this happen) and I go flying outside to find a worker to help me....
Trying to explain to some teenage kid that your child just took a giant sh*t on their floor and has also re-decorated an entire stall and that I'm going to need someone with proper cleaning supplies to come and disinfect is utterly pointless... but eventually they agree to send someone.
This poor sweet little girl shows up and is pretty nice about the whole thing... until I open the stall door and she nearly throws up in her own mouth.
Again. COVERED. The Girl was COVERED.
So The GWL lost a few towels in that experience....and The Girl has a shower of sh*t shame... then I dressed her in my pajamas, I grabbed our stuff, The Boy and I headed for the door....
The Boy was crushed. The Girl couldn't wait to leave.... and me....?
Well, it's just one more example of how life continues to be sh*t-tastic.
Two hours later we arrive home and The Girl.... is fine.
Traumatized... but fine.
Isn't that really a theme for me..... Traumatized but fine.