greatfamilyhome.com
Search for a Post
  • The House & Sign
    • Magnets!!!!
  • The Scorned & Bitter Blog
    • Disneyland!
  • The Book!
  • Say Hi to Elle!

Sniffle... sniffle... cough.

9/15/2013

1 Comment

 
Oh yes...... having had two years "off"... I had forgotten what happens when your child goes to public school.

EVERYONE. GETS. SICK.

The Boy has a head cold.
The Girl has a head cold.
and I..... *I* have a head cold.

Life is settling to a familiar, and yet distant, routine..... but once I haven't had for almost a year and a half.  Now it's back to cleaning house and doing chores and staying on top of the laundry and making dinner every night.  Every. Single. Night.

Good grief.... I forgot how *hard* it is to make dinner.  I mean I own like two dozen cook books... and yet I can never seem to figure out what the hell to make.  How's that for First World Problems..... so many choices, so much entitled indecision.

However.... on a not-so-first-world-problem note..... The Boy thinks he sprained his wrist.  I looked at it - and it's certainly a bit.... swollen?  And he said it hurt to the touch.... and you know a few months ago I would just book him an appt with the pediatrician or go to the ER or whatever.... but, we currently have no health care for the kids and I simply cannot afford a trip to Urgent Care or the ER.  So instead I went to the local pharmacy and bought him an ace bandage and wrapped it up myself..... that was kind of heartbreaking.  To be honest..... that was a suck-ass realization:  I actually CANNOT afford to take my kid to the hospital.
Parenting FAIL.
Sigh.....

The good news is that the swelling is down and we've been icing it off and on..... assuming we ever get benefits sorted out soon- I'll take him right in to have it looked at.... for now that has to be enough.
Still... parenting fail.
Good times.

Saturday I had to drive the kids to Bubbie's so they could stay there while I worked, and on the way The Boy asked me, "Mommy... am I too young to be 'sexy' with a girl?"

First of all.... who the *hell* is talking about sexy ANYTHING near my kids?  lol
I'm about as far from 'sexy' as I physically am from Russia (which is pretty far since they would kill me for being a queer... just sayin').... so I *know* I'm not the one talking about sexy anything. 

So first I tell him that 'sexy' is really a word that is inappropriate for him - that it has a meaning that he isn't really old enough to understand AND it's not something I'm willing to explain to him until he is older.  Then I ask him where he *heard* the word 'sexy'.

Fred.

Ah.... that stupid Nickelodeon show - the one with the kid who screech talks.  

Then The Boy say's, "Ok, well am I old enough to have a girlfriend?"
"Well," I reply, "In my opinion you are not old enough to have a 'girlfriend' - but you are certainly old enough to have a crush on someone.  A crush is when you really like someone - they make you laugh, you like the way they look, they are nice to you .... you're never too young to have a crush."

He seems to be thinking about this for a while when The Girl pipes up from the seat next to him, "Well, I don't think I want to have a boyfriend, I want to have a girlfriend."

I'm totally caught off-guard by this and I'm immediately (in my mind) assuming that this is probably because I am with Hail Mary and so I'm quickly assembling my response in my head - 'Well, [Girl] you might want a boyfriend or a girlfriend - just because Mommy has a girlfriend doesn't mean that you will or that you will want one....'  

But before I can formulate my response, The Girl say's this:  "Yeah.... I don't think I want a boyfriend like Daddy who makes bad decisions, uses naughty words or is mean to me.  I want a girlfriend like Tiana."

Feck.  
Seriously kid?  You're FOUR.  First of all... again- I thought *most* of this was sailing right past her conscious mind and she was doing fine.... *clearly* she's picked up on more than I realize - AND what the hell.... 
Sigh.

So Tiana is the waitress they had when El Capitan took them to Red Robin on Friday and The Boy read her name tag and said she had a 'pretty princess name' and that she 'looked like a princess, too'.  So, the waitress totally adored The Boy and she spent a bunch of extra time at their table and whatnot... and clearly she made an impressions because The Girl then say's, "Tiana was pretty and nice and had dark skin."

Alrightyyy then.... cool. Out of the mouths of babes.

I pulled myself together and explained to the girl that everyone has times in their life when they make bad choices and she's too young to be worried about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend..... but either one is fine.  And The Boy say's, "That's right - sometimes boys kiss boys and sometimes girls kiss girls and sometimes boys and girls kiss each other - and it's all the same."

The Girl agree's.
The Boy then turns on Tegan & Sara on the Kindle.
Yeah.... that's what having a gay Mom looks like for sure.  

Even still, I was pretty upset about the whole thing so I called the counselor who pointed out to me that since the start I have only ever told them that we divorced because "daddy made a bad decision" - and as we all know - he continued to make them for months and months after..... and The Boy *does* tend to talk about this quite a bit still... so it's natural for the girl to see things that way.

Our kids area watching.... always watching.  I know that they see the things El Capitan does and I try to keep not making it "okay" - but I do try to keep creating a mental and emotional space where they can all get past this - create a space where forgiveness lives so that they grow up with the ability to move on from any 'bad' place..... but then I wonder - who the f*ck is doing that for me?

What 'bad decisions' are they seeing *me* make and whatever they are..... who is making sure that they will grow up with the ability to forgive me for whatever they feel I did wrong..... ?  

Some days I think this is getting easier.... and some days I feel like it's getting worse.
Today.... I just want to stick my head in under my covers until this head cold goes away.
1 Comment
Geneva link
9/16/2013 03:40:23 pm

It's a lot of weight on you, especially when you feel as though every move you make leaves an indelible mark on their souls. But if the things El Capitan does can be forgiven and explained, and the children are able to move through it and continue to love him, then certainly they will be able to see you with clarity and love as a human being who loved them completely, who did the absolute best she could for them, and who moved mountains to go through a horrific divorce with as much grace as possible. Perfection isn't possible. Give yourself that. I think that the people who love you already do. <3

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Buy The Book!
    ON AMAZON!

    Picture
    also available on Kindle!!!!!

    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
    You can see some of Elle's photography at:
    http://www.zoberimages.com/
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012

    Categories

    All
    Being A Gay Mom
    Bullies & Internet Trolls
    Cheating Husband
    Cheating Spouses
    Coming Out After 30
    Co Parenting
    Co-Parenting
    Divorce
    Gay
    Healing
    Heartbroken
    Lesbian
    Lesbian Mom
    Lost Love
    Motherhood
    Moving On
    Scorned & Bitter
    Single Parenting
    The Other Woman
    True Love

    SITE DISCLAIMER/
    POINTS OF FACT:
    El Capitan not only KNEW about and approved the signs, he helped pay for them.  :)
    The children have NOT seen the signs and will NOT see the signs.  PERIOD.
    This SITE and the SIGN were made to SELL OUR HOME.... what else this *might* be turning into is unclear, but the original intent was bereft of revenge or malice and was truly to sell our home.
    We ARE DIVORCED and for the very reason the sign suggests.

    RSS Feed

    91,395 Readers
    and counting...

Scorned, slighty bitter but still, grateful and very happy... life is good.
PS.... you *WILL find errors in grammar, spelling and otherwise... I am just a Mom - now a 'single Mom' who
writes The Blog from a place of honesty \and usually in the dark at 1:00am.... so please be understanding. cheers. :)