El Capitan and I co-slept with both our kids from the day they were born. Even in the hospital, they slept right in my arms and not in the clear plastic beddy thing. Yuck. We always wore full pajamas and stuff - and we never like … you know - "did" anything if the kids were in the room/bed with us.
With the introduction of new adults in our beds - I moved the kids away from co-sleeping a few months ago…. mostly because I didn't want them to resent one particular person and later "blame" them - like, "I got to sleep with Mom until "you" came along" kind of a thing… plus - at 8 and 4 - they were ready for their own space.
And then there was two nights ago.
We've been having a lot of thunder storms in our area and sometime in the middle of the night The Girl came into our room because she was crying and scared. Hail Mary let her climb right in, of course - and she woke me up to let me know The Girl was with us…. but I tend to sleep like a log, so I only barely remember it.
Now, for *clarity* we were both in pajamas. I sleep in yoga pants and a shirt, Hail Mary in basketball shorts and shirt - so we weren't even in like 'sexy' pajamas…. I mean - either of us could have run to Safeway for batteries and no one would have noticed us….. hahahah
So, on I slept…. like a baby.
Hail Mary…. not so much.
The next day I woke up to a snoring Girl between us who had *most* of the blankets - and Hail Mary playing Words with Friends on her phone…. and apparently she had been for a while.
"I've learned," Hail Mary explained, "that I cannot sleep with fishes…. well - a starfish anyway. Because sleeping next to [The Girl] is like sleeping next to a starfish."
I started to apologize….. but Hail Mary went on, "Except for the small fact that [The Girl] turns into a MMA fighter in her sleep and when she wasn't stiff-arming me, [The Girl] was punching me in the stomach and/or kicking me in the face."
So there you have it…. a Starfish MMA Fighter in a Rapunzel nightgown.
So Hail Mary didn't sleep. At All.
Which I do, actually, feel terrible about because Hail Mary pointed out that I either I have no problem being punched and kicked in my sleep… or The Girl reserved those activities just for her…. but either way - I snored my way through the night.
I'm just so sexy….. sigh.
However, after our day got started I got to thinking about it all - how complicated it is. Like, I wouldn't - and I don't think anyone else would - think anything about either of the kids coming in to my bed when it was El Capitan and I, but are things different now?
Will people judge us if the kids come into our bed on those stormy nights, or after a bad dream and want to snuggle……? I mean - now it's a co-parent situation AND….. eeeggaaads - it's two girls in a bed which - for some people means we're obviously some kind of disgusting, perverted, sexual deviants. Yes… there actually *ARE* people who believe that about people who have same-sex relationships.
It's kind of a bummer that I have to keep my guard up a bit and *think* about things like that….. when as a Mom my first instinct is to snuggle my kiddos whenever they need it.
Pajamas are a must…… that's for sure. lololol
Hail Mary and I are still finding our way working together as co-parents. She's got the bed time routine down pat… which is so great. She really puts a lot of thought into how she deals with different situations - and then she'll question things later and ask if she should have done/said something different….. it really matters to her that that kids like her - that they want to be around her and want to spend time with her.
Which, I tell her is a bit silly because when The Girl is awake, she's busy dragging Hail Mary to the "play house" for tea parties of plastic fries and cups of air. Hail Mary and The Girl are bonding quickly…. The Boy ….well, to be honest - I think we're all in a tough stop with him right now.
El Capitan went back to work, so they see their Dad less. We moved so there's that *huge* change, plus they see a lot less of The Bubbie and The Papa now….. and then there's starting public school.
That's a lot for the little man to take on…. and I'm not entirely sure that I'm navigating these changes as smoothly for him as I could. I try to talk to him, ask him to journal, etc…. but he kind of clams up a bit. I only he's struggling because he's been talking back a bit and stuff.
I hope I find a way to better connect with him soon…. how do you keep telling and showing your kids (as they get older) that they mean the world to you….? Other than telling him, taking him on special adventures and doing my best to dote on him emotionally and otherwise… I'm not sure what else I can do.
The Bubbie talks to him a lot, and he say's he likes living at Hail Mary's house - and that he likes Hail Mary - but that he's worried about school and bullies and stuff….. but, I don't want to just take him at hi word. Kids are smart. The Boy knows that I love Hail Mary and I'm not entirely sure he *would* say something if he was unhappy because he wants *me* to be happy…..
Sigh. Being a parent was hard enough…. being a divorced parent is even harder.
However, when we took the kids to Oaks Park for a final summer hooray - both kids fought over who got to ride the rides with Hail Mary - and in the end, we had to start switching back and forth between us so they each got to ride rides with her and I.
I'm guessing kids who are unhappy and don't like someone don't demand to go on The Scrambler and The Spider with the person they don't want to be around…. so there's that. I think that's part of getting this right - is not just looking at their words, or their moods, but taking into account their actions as well…. so based on everything, I think our road is a little bumpy at the moment, but that we're all headed in the right direction…..
Or at least I hope to f*ck we are….. lololol
In other news…. The Boy starts his first day of public school tomorrow…. and I'm two parts nervous, one part throwing up and one part excited. I'm soooo hoping this works out for him… how do parents *do* this????? I mean - I know that more people send their kid to public school than homeschool… but our whole world has been homeschool and now…. it's not. That's a tough pill to swallow.
Really tough. For both of us.
He has new Tony Hawk clothes, new VANS for the feet and a new Tony Hawk backpack…. which I hope is ok for 8 years old…. The Boy is pretty nervous - The Girl however is pretty much stomping her foot and demanding to know when *she* gets to go to school, too. As you do, of course, when you're a Starfish MMA Fighter…. just takin' the world on without fear or hesitation. lol
Yeah…. just like her Mama. J