So I was expecting and ready for the melt downs and occasional talking back that would likely come from The Boy.... and it has. I hate it... I hate knowing that his crappy behavior issue's are because we had to make changes and because I know that deep down he would rather be homeschooling... but that just isn't going to be an option for us much longer.
Better to make these changes now, the counselor said.
So we did.
There have been been some growing pains for Hail Mary and I because I'm a bit of a Momma-Bear and I don't no one and nothin' saying anything other than flowers and rainbows come out my children..... but I have to learn to be open to Hail Mary's observations and ideas and perspective. And it's hard.
Harder than I thought it would be.
Thankfully, Hail Mary has been through this before so she's better prepared for me and my responses than *I* am.... which is pretty freakin' lucky.
The Girl though..... she was all happy smiles and extra bed time snuggles..... At only four I kind of just assume that 'change' rolls past her a bit differently than it does her brother. Surely she's not old enough to 'remember' the way things used to - or have any solid opinions on how things turned out different from what she wanted. Surely she's too young..... right?
I'm a bit of a pack-rat you see.... okay, okay, it could be (or rather it *has* been) suggested that I'm a bit of a hoarder. I hoard things. I have a hard time letting go of their baby clothes and their toddler clothes and favorite toys or books..... For The Girls' first birthday we had a Yo Gabba Gabba theme. This was well before Gabba was hugely popular and I had to print posters and cake stuff from the web and hand make all the decorations and stuff. One of the things I made that stayed up for a years was this Muno "Brush It Up" that was on the bathroom mirror.
When we moved, I couldn't throw it away - so I packed it with my curlers where it wouldn't get bent. When we moved into Hail Mary's it got left out on the counter and I had kind of just forgotten about it - debating on throwing it out even.....
And then this happened:
The Girl: "Mom, do you remember the Muno on the mirror in the bathroom in the house that was blue?"
Me: "Yes, I do." (At first I was totally taken aback, then I remembered Muno must be on the counter.)
The Girl: "That was when we lived with Daddy and we were a family."
and my heart started sinking faster than the Titanic.......
The Girl: "Yeah..... we lived in that blue house. I liked living there and playing with [Brother]. Now I like living with [Hail Mary]."
I can't believe that she remembered seeing that Muno on the mirror in our old house - our old, blue house. If she remembers that - what else does she remember? What pain and anguish and heartache was she not spared from because she wasn't too young to remember like I thought she was......
She seems happy.... she smiles all the time, she's bonded very well with Hail Mary.... while I feel like The Boy is a bit on a island on his own right now from all of us - including his Dad. I get it though - he's angry - and so am I .... this isn't the life we all planned.... but- at the same time: life sucks, you better get a helmet. Right?
These changes have to be made. We have to make them, and being here gives The Boy better academic opportunities.....just tonight at dinner he was saying how much he was looking forward to seeing all his friends tomorrow at school.... so, I know he's happy - but that doesn't mean that he isn't still upset or angry about having to make changes in the first place.
I totally understand it.... because I kind of feel the same way.
So.... I've been trying to cure whatever emotionally aches both of them by making brownies and cupcakes in the afternoons - they love taking turns helping me add ingredients and turning on the mixer. Hopefully some one on one time with Mom will help us all......
Oh, and Muno is back up in the bathroom.
Because no matter what changes we make - things in life are still constant - like brushing your teeth. lol