Carhartt took this picture of the kids over the weekend: my little photo bombers. We were trying to get a picture of just us..... but the kids kept running behind us and popping up.....
So after a few attempts we gave up and just accepted that the kids are front and center.... lol
But aren't they freakin' cute!?
It is not at all lost on me that I am *incredibly* lucky to have met someone who is willing to put my kids front and center in their own life. Someone who understand that they come first and, for the most part, nearly all decisions in my life are made with them in mind. Not everyone would be willing to accept that.....
Today I took the kids over to El Capitan's place, which is the first time I've ever been there. The Girl wanted me to see "where Daddy lives"...... and so I did.
It was much like I expected - not too much unlike the photo's that used to be on La Novia's facebook page.... I have to admit that it felt weird when standing in their bedroom The Girl pipes up.... "This is [La Novia] and Daddy's room......"
It wasn't like it hurt my feelings - but that's a very strange statement to hear coming from your four year olds' mouth.... there's so much *mature* understanding in that statement:
Mommy doesn't sleep in a bed with Daddy
Daddy sleeps in a bed with La Novia
This is *their* bedroom.
It's a bit mind blowing to be honest.
I spent time walking around.... snooping at the photos on the walls, and the DVD collection and whatnot... just kind of taking in this new life of El Capitan's: the one that replaced ours.
It looks almost the same - the movie's, the video games.... but this isn't my home: this is her home.
I have wondered for a while now what it looked like.... mostly, I wondered if there would be remnants of my children there. Would this be a home occupied by a bunch of young singles..... or would it be clear that two children "belong" to people here.
I was thrilled to see among the carefully placed photos and books and DVD's..... were crayons and paints and construction paper and.... *evidence* that not only to do children come here... but they belong here.
I was thrilled.
The kids .... are doing really well. Lately The Boy has been a bit on the emotional side - most likely do to a lot of changes around him lately..... so that's to be expected I think. However, we are *all* certainly a lot farther than we were one year ago this weekend at Mother's Day.
I almost can't remember what it was like. It's like a movie, I can see myself sitting at my kitchen table, hunched over, broken and crying.... but that person and those emotions feel so far away now that I almost don't know if they were real..... I say that because back then, when I was feeling them, they were so entirely complete that I thought I would never ever feel anything else but that pain.... and yet now: there's no pain.
There's a certain amount of disappointment in us that we didn't keep our shit together for the benefit of our kids - and.... there is a lingering concern about their current emotional well-being and also about what kind of adult relationships they will have now that they are "products of a divorce".....
However, speaking as the 'woman scorned'.... those feelings are gone: long. gone.
And I'm so so so grateful that they are.
Hate and anger have been replaced by forgiveness and healing.
Pain and confusion have been replaced by happiness and acceptance.
Most importantly.... tears have been replaced by laughter.
And.... most of all, gratitude.... I have a huge sense of gratitude for the *living* we are doing.... because I know it won't always be good. I know there will be future hurdles and future problems.... but again - we've come this far - so I hold out hope that we can continue on the upward path: together.
Carhartt asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day.... which is sweet. Super sweet. The truth is, I kind of already have everything I need - and..... currently: so do my kids.
That's a gift.
That's a gift not every child has.
That's a gift not every Mother's has.
..... it's certainly something I didn't have last year for Mother's Day.
So.... Happy Mother's Day to all Mom's.... birth, adopted, step.... etc.
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