Less of Me......

Turning 37 wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be ... wait. f*ck it... I'm 38. 
Crap.  lol

The day started off with me sleeping in and watching a little Twilight .. and then The Boy wanted to go to The Black Bear Diner for lunch... so we did. lol

Then the kids and I went to a friends for a playdate... awesome.  Then The Girl wanted McRobins (Red Robin) for dinner... so we went there. lol

Then I went to a (crappy) movie with a (fantastic) friend.

Oh.... and I opened this totally awesome present from a wonderful, wonderful client..... the box was bright red and sparkly and they even took the time to find a Twilight font for the card.... wow.

When I opened the box, inside was a page from The Twilight Saga that had been ripped out and 'burned' around the edges - and then underneath was the Reneesme locket from Twilight.  

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Enscribed on the front in French is say's, "more than my own life" - which Bella tells Reneesme - "you mean more than my own life" and inside is a picture of Edward and Bella.

It's a beautiful piece... truly.  

More than that... I'm touched that someone would do such a truly wonderful thing for me.  

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When I think back to last year.... my failed birthday where El Capitan was already 'dating' Yoga Girl.  They had already hooked up in my car.... lololol.  And on my birthday he sat at the other end of our dinning room table and was texting her.... and paused only to bring me the Target bag - tied down and filled with clearance Mickey Mouse plates that still had their little red discount stickers on them. lololol  What a f*cking fiasco.

I remember feeling to empty.... like an after-thought to his life.

It sucked.

This year though.... was full of over 110 messages on facebook - and you know what!?!?!  I have " a lot" of facebook friends... but I'll tell you what - almost alll of those 110 wishes were from people I have regular or daily interactions with.  These aren't random people from my past whom I barely know... these people are my FRIENDS - I know what's going on in their lives and they know what's going on in mine... (along with 15,000 people a month.. but you know what I mean. lolol).

That's really awesome to think about... all these people in my life ... awesome.

A very bag thing happened... and yet here I am.  Whole. Happy. Content.  Life, full of friends and love and well-wishes... and I gotta' be honest: that beats the ever-lovin' sh*t out of a tied off Target bag any day. lol

Seriously.

Look what I was settling for .... sure - I had friends writing on my wall last year, too - but... my life was different - I was a little different.  I'm happier now.

There,I said:  I'm happier.

Life without El Capitan is... easier on many levels.  That's a bit selfish - because I know that for the children it's not easier... but for me - as a woman and a wife... it's a f*ck ton easier. lolololol

I almost feel bad saying it - because I don't think that El CApitan is a bad guy... and he's stepped up and done some really great things lately...but, yeah being married to someone who reduces you to a Target bag present kinda blows.  

It's more than that though... because the stupid Huff Post and the lady who called me psycho still rings in my ears... I know it shouldn't - but it does and I worry that people are always just going to write me off in certain situations because I was honest about my pain.  That I will always be judged because I was willing to put myself out there - to put my pain and my story out there.... which would be a shame, because in the first place my story is not unique to me.  Far too many of us have worn these same shoes.... but also, because so many great things have happened for me by being open.

I can stand here, a month before the day I found out about Yoga Girl - and... I'm happy and whole and together - and I survived the year!!!!! I am now one year old... hopefully a bit wiser and THANKFULLY - I am now... wait for it.... wait for it... 55 pounds lighter.  Can you believe that?

55 pounds.  That's like an entire First Grader.

I've lost 14 pounds in the last month... watch this space for a post on how I did it coming very soon.

The point is... the only thing that's less than what it once was... is ME - and that's by choice - through hard-work and diet and exercise.

It's pretty awesome to spend the day with well wishes pouring in almost every minute of the day... truly.  It was brilliant... and then this gem came from a male client:

"As somebody with no filter, I'm sure you won't be THAT offended when I tell you that when I pee first thing in the morning, most times I do so sitting down so I can take the time to ready your blog. I can't comprehend what you've gone through over the last year, but what I do know is that you've laid a pretty fucking awesome "how-to" guide on what to survive, persevere, and conquer ANYTHING that gets in your way. Hope you were able to squeeze in a birthday cupcake today. 

cheers and much love, 
XXXXXXXXX"

First of all - I DO have a f*cking filter.... however - I just don't think most things need to be filtered.  lolol  That doesn't mean I don't have one to start with... I just don't give a sh*t about using it.. for the most part. hahaha

Second.... that's awesome that you read the sh*t I write while you pee.  That esculates me to like 'Reader Digest' status... and I'll take it, dammit! :)

Third.... it's really nice to know that people who know me - and people who don't - find what I have to say helpful in some capacity... it means that whatever happens, all of this was worth it - and I really appreciate that.

That locket... is the perfect gift because all of this... my friends, their un-ending support, their love, my family, The Blog, The Book, my publishers (shout out to Deb and Nigel!) - and everyone who has help my hand and rubbed my back while I cried .... *all* of it - has 'meant more than my life'..... and my life has been made better because of it.

Oh... and 14 pounds or not... you best believe I had me a Cupcake Jones Cupcake.... I took the kids down there - who were squealing when we turned the corner:  they know baked heaven is inside those doors.  We went in and the kids picked out their own special mini-cupcakes and I got my usual Red Velvet.

Then we forgot to take them to McRobins.... so instead, The Boy was still awak when I got home from the movies - so he, dressed in his Santa pj's and only half awake, sat at the kitchen counter and had Cupcake Jones Cupcakes together.....

BEST. F*CKING BIRTHDAY EVER.

Thanks for the well wishes