There are so many of us - all sharing this common theme, this common thread of anger and pain and betrayal - so I thought I would share one of my conversations, in the hopes that it might be helpful to see that *so* many of feel the *EXACT* same way.
Crazy to think - regardless of color, shape, height, weight, finances: if you go through this, you feel the same.
MY COMMENTS are on the RIGHT:
My husband left, I lost my home and almost everything I own. It seems like everything that is important to me is having troubles or leaving.
I hope I am learning something important, from all this pain, and I can look back years from now and make since all this.
I am happy my kids are all healthy
Well my night and day have been bad. Something triggered me today. Ok – it was a night mare about my cheating husband who left me for a woman 22 years younger than I am and I have been having panic attacks all day.
My family is sick of my pain so I hide it from them. My heart hurts so badly. The stress he was causing before he left - the doctors thought I was having a heart attack, but the tests I had done before he dropped my health care were good, so I think pain attacks. I can't even breath. I feel like I can't do this anymore. I woke up at least 7 times last night dreaming about him, her and me. UGH!
Yes I agree, I need to go through it, but right now it does not feel like the pain will ever stop. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?
I want more than anything to move on. Something deep inside of me will not let go. WHY? He hurt me worse than anything has ever hurt me before. He just traded me in on a younger model without a single thought. He didn’t miss a beat. He said, “I don't love you, you just made me feel safe.” This sucks and no one seems to understand why I care. How do I turn off 23 years of loving him? I wish someone would tell me. I will do it. My mind has mostly let go most of the time but my heart will not let go.
I look at couples who have stuck it out and fought. I look at them and ask why not us? I loved him so much. I love him so much.
I cannot wait.
I have never felt so much sadness in my life.
I would like to smile again.
A real smile, not a fake one.
She makes me so angry - I want them to know how angry and hurt I am.
I keep holding onto hope that someday the sadness will be gone, and all the negative feeling towards myself and towards them will be gone and I will be the loving person I thought I was at one time.
I just want it to over - I want the pain to be done.
I think I never want to kiss his lips again after where they have been. I told him this was going to happen, I could see the writing on the wall and he just kept telling me how much he loved me, how I was the best wife in the world and lucky he was to have me. And he kept telling me to trust him.
And then he betrayed me like no one else ever did. It sucks, I did trust him :,(
I am so marked. I keep going on - not letting others see the pain under my fake smile. I keep telling my self that I am lucky because of all the lessons I am learning the hard way. Books tell me but doing it and I understand the process. My whole life until now most of my feeling went straight to stress or anger.
I need to find a way to get rid of all the negative feeling. And I have lots of negative, - hurt energy that is trapped inside. I just want it to go away - and go away now - I want to stop thinking about them, thinking about what he's done to me.
But still I want him back, my life back.
LOL, I would have found it too.
This is the loneliest thing I have ever had to do. I had no choice.
I want me too. But I still want us, the way the lie was a years ago - I know it was a lie - but we were a family then.... I don't make much sense.
I know it was a lie and I know I deserve better, but I'm scared of the future, and I'm tired of feeling this way.
I felt the same things,,,
Movies movies movies!!!!! They helped me tons.
I know it hurts and everyone just
wants you to get over it...
But this IS you getting over it.
You have to wade through it, suffer it.
Then you can move on.
You don't 'get over it'.
You will always love HIM.
BUT, that is not who he is NOW.
You don't love THIS person.
You can't and you don't. You love the dream, and what you had, and you still love and yearn for the future you thought you had together.
For both of us, that is gone. Long gone. And you can't change it, I know you want to. I *know* you do.
But you can't.
And even if you could.
HE is gone.
The "he" you loved has become someone who would do this to you and you don't love the new him.
It's not going to pass easy, or fast....
But it will pass and you will get through this.
But I also promise it'll hurt .
Let it. Let it hurt , let it burn you to your core and cry until you can't cry anymore.....
And then cry again
You don't love HIM
You love the him you had. Not the him he is now.
You have to suffer this . You *have* to.
You can't move on until you do.
You can't hurry love...and you can't hurry pain. Each take their time. But if you let the pain in,
it'll be better when its gone.
You'll be more whole, it'll hurt less.....
Because its already hurt the most it ever could
I was wearing your shoes only a few months ago. And now when I see him..... There's nothing there.
May be a little anger..... But nothing else.
Woohoo..... That's awesome.
That girl got your sloppy seconds.
You f*cked him for 23 years.....
Now he's got a wrinkly dick and gray hair.
What 20something girl will finds that
attractive for too long?
You have to move through this, focus on you and prepare for your future.
She's less than you because she settled
for half the man you married.
You will move on. I promise you that you will.
Please trust me.
You can do this.
You can get through this.
Do it my way, and you'll be able to hold your head up and be a WHOLE 'you' for however
comes along down the road.
Whoever that is.
You saw me. 10 months.
I was catatonic with the pain. Unable to breathe. I had Bells Palsy for F*cks sake......
That stress the same stress you have now -
it broke my face!
It I didn't fight it.
I didn't run from it.
I didn't hide from it.
I didn't let revenge try to compensate for it.
You will get past this...... I know its hard and it sounds like crappy sh*t people just tell you to feel better.....
But I'm not like that. I'm telling you the truth.
I dreamed allllllllllll the time about him with her. Holding her, touching her, making love to her. Because that's what be was doing. I wanted to reduce it to F*cking to make me feel better,
but the grub is, he was making LOVE to her.
Let it play out in your mind, so you can put it to bed. Make peace with it.
Make peace with them.
And once you let it play out in your mind, once you can accept that that's what they did -
you'll find there is peace within you that you didn't know was there. The kind of peace that you have stopped believing would ever return.
But it will. I promise you.
I know because it did for me.
El Capitan did the SAME THING.
Including the night he came home from having sex with her for the first time.
The men who do this are broken. I'm not saying I was a perfect wife, but you always have several roads to take..... When they choose this road its because THEY are broken. There are hundreds of books out there that will tell you that.
They chose this road.
They chose cowardice.
They chose lies.
They chose to inflict the pain.
So let it in. Let it hurt, and keep moving forward in small ways. Watch movies, read books, give your mind a break from the pain.
What you need is time.
And its going to F*cking hurt.
And it's going to leave its mark.
But why drag it out? Let it all in NOW, so it can go away all at once..... And you'll be better, more whole, more together when the process is done.
You've seen me: I'm not in a million pieces.
And I was.
I was broken in ways I never knew
one person could break..
But I stayed true to who I was.
I did THE RIGHT thing when everyone else was telling me to do the wrong thing.
I followed ME -and I came out the other side,
whole. And still *me*.
I'm not bitter or angry... OR - broken....
More importantly, I'm not tainted with any 'bad' things I might have done to get even.
Keep reading - and keep doing things that are right.
I don't wear any shame from what happened or what came out of it. I can hold my head up because I know I did the right thing in the face of cruelty.
I know how you feel, I faked it for a long time.
But one day, I wasn't faking it, I was just happy.
My heart is broken for you.
It know this: all of us have felt this way. What you're feeling is normal. It's okay. And there are hundreds of us who have crawled into that hole..... And once you've been there - it DOES mark you.
We all share that marking.
I have felt that pain, and I'm sorry you
are feeling it now.
It's going to keep coming back - and its going to be harder every time.... Which is why you have to let it allllll in. And after you have been in the darkest place, you will crawl out and
nothing will hurt as much.....
And then it won't hurt hardly at all.
Please trust me. Hang in there. There's no easy way out. If there was, I would've found it. Lol
The only way out is YOU. That's it.
You are the key to your own survival.
I lost everything. My house, my sense of security..... But if being with him means that I could have it all back: then I don't want it.
Because *I* don't want El Capitan.
You don't want your *him* either.
I want me. Whole me.
And I have that now. And I'll fight to keep it.
Fight to hold onto to it - with him or other people.
When you come out the other side - you'll be new. And it will feel good.
It was a lie, built on lies and doomed to fail.
Don't settle for that. I know I won't.
I don't want to live in lies.
I don't want to settle for half a life again..... I want a WHOLE life with someone who chases me around the kitchen and buys me flowers
and WANTS to be with me.
Then BE tired. Be sad. CRY.
But, you need to start accepting that his lies do NOT have to be YOUR life.
Watch a movie - read a book - give your brain a chance to 'check out' and stop thinking.
Stay strong - do the right things, hold your head up - and I can promise you that you will come through this a WHOLE person who lives a life built on what YOU want and NOT on lies.
THAT will be better.