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Grand Theft Douchebaggery

7/24/2012

11 Comments

 
So.... I've had a few thoughts running through my mind lately .... I haven't posted them, or even said them outloud to too many people because they are rather political in nature and I usually try to steer clear of my political opinions being too public... mind you, opinions about my cheating (ex) husband are clearly up for grabs.  lol

Two weeks ago I was talking with someone about The Affair and they pointed out to me that committing adultry was one of the Ten Comandments.  I had never before considered what this meant.... right?  Like I *new* what those were and that Moses had two tablets and the whole schabang......

But - I had never stopped to think about *how* much adultry and murder might actually have in common...  an affair results in the "death" of soooo many aspects for your life - and for most of us -it's the death of the relationship... and yet - there is NO legal punishment for divorce.

Losing my husband also means (as it does for *most* of us), a loss in medical benefits.  At this point, my out of pocket for Cobra is $400 a month.  I've gotten emails from women who are paying $1,800 per month!!!!  So, just at MY rate, that's $4,800 PER YEAR! 

If someone stole my CAR and it was worth $4,800 that would be GRAND THEFT AUTO and be a somewhat serious crime.... but steal a husband?- well... there's no GRAND THEFT DOUCHEBAGGERY law out there.

In fact - *SHE* (or he in some cases) is TOTALLY protected under the law.  The spouse whose life has been SHATTERED into a thousand pieces is the one who will go to jail if they call or go the workplace of the other person.

I'm NOT. AT. ALL. saying that anyone should be allowed to "stalk" or "harass" anyone... however, I would argue that the spouse has a reasonable right to want ANSWERS.  Should they not be afforded the luxury of just asking questions?  Of course, that doesn't mean you get to yell at someone and call them names... but just to ask questions, like the how and the where and the why.....?  For the record... when I spoke to Yoga Girl (the one time) I pointed out to her that is she had been woman enough to have sex with my husband then it required that she been "woman" enough to talk to me about it...... but I digress......

My observation is this:  If someone steals my car.... they go to jail.
If you steal my husband .... nothing happens.  Except for a bunch of people believing that the wife a)was always a b*tch anyway, b) got fat and drinks too much malt liquor (a personal favorite) or c) wasn't his "soul mate" and now he's found it and should be entitled to it. 

Frankly.... I would rather have my car stolen.  Period.  (It's a Mazda 5, which I love, but the pain job is crap and it chips and scratches just by looking at it....) lol

Which brings me to my next thought...... there is much debate in our nation about Same Sex Marriage and whether or not "allowing" it degrades the state of the traditional male/female marriage.    I won't say which side the fence my opinions fall... but I will politely point out that two gay men in a committed relationship didn't have any impact on my marriage at all. 

I sometimes feel like we only "care" about the actual "insitution" of marriage, or the state of it - in a court room, where laws are made.

OUTSIDE of a courtroom - we quickly become totally uninterested in the "value" of the institution of marraige and instead become VERY concerned with the PEOPLE involved... right?  My husband leaves for a 22 year old and *many* people are quick to give him so-called 'valid' reasons for his behavior... (see above) - WITHOUT taking into account that the 22 year old *might not* be the smokin' hot co-ed they pictured in their minds.... AND without entertaining the idea that El Capitan *might not* have been his once younger, trimmer, full-head of hairer-self.  OR... that THE RIGHT THING to do was answer me the 8 billion times I asked... "is something wrong?  ..... can I help you....?  You seem distant - should I be worried.....?"  and say, 'Yes, I'm feeling ________ about our marriage and the quality of our relantionship and we should do __________ about it.".

Because... I was right - El Capitan *WAS* disant - because frankly it's hard to be close with a 22 year old sandwiched into your marriage....

Instead, I got, "No way.... there's nothing wrong, work's just hard and I'm tired.... I  love you.".  Famous last words.. lol

Now, I don't know what the answer is .... I'm not saying we should start sewing Scarlet letters on people (however I have a few on hand if that's what we all decide! lolol)  ... but it seems like it's easier to EXCUSE the emotional betrayal of an affair than it is to accept two chicks can be in love?  What's up with that.....? 

Again... i'm really *not* trying to get polical - but... where's the TRUE protection for my marriage either under the actual law or the social law?  Gone are the days when the public shame would be SO GREAT that it would STOP people from doing it in the first place... so, really - there's nothing to stop people.  *MOST* states are 'no fault' divorce states ... so - having an affair hasn't really had ANY impact on El Capitan OR Yoga Girl.... they have gone on with their happy little life together ......

I think that THAT is the real reason alot of women "get crazy" - because they are left to deal with everything - house, kids, life, friends, money, medical insurance, cobras, retirement... blah blah blah..... while they watch their spouse trip the light fantastic with another woman.... let's be honest - that'll bring out the bat sh*t crazy in anyone..... right? lololol

The Law, in general... cares *more* about my car being stolen than they do about the emotional security of my children and the well-being of the male/female marriage they claim to "protect"....so it leaves me wondering how NOT allowing same sex couples provides protection to male/female marriages?

Isn't it a bit a** backwards that there is a TON of discussion about the PEOPLE when the marriage falls apart... as has been the case with me and countless other men/women who fall victim to a homewrecker... but there ISN'T a VALUABLE discussion about two PEOPLE who want to get married if they both happen to be of the same sex......?  Somehow we live in a society where we are *more willing* to make EXCUSES for people who completely lack a moral compas and shag married men without ANY regard to the affects that will have on the loving, trusting spouses and children.... but many of us won't even ENTERTAIN a valuable discussion with two men who want to marry?  Again... not at all trying to be politcal... it's just something that's been on my mind......

Oh.... and, while I *do NOT* know her, nor do I think I have some kind of affinity with her now, but ...... I think i'm going to give the next few Ashton Kutcher movies a pass.... while I LOVE ME some Ashton (and I really really really do!!!!) I'm not going to line his cheating pockets with my money.... it's not a scarlet letter, but it's a start.......

night.




11 Comments
Melissa
7/25/2012 02:32:56 am

I just wanted to say...from a divorced woman who was cheated on...this is all your husband's responsibility. Though Yoga Girl was involved, she can't steal what isn't willing to be stolen. And the joke she's not thinking about is that what he will do to you he will also do to her. I hope you find some comfort in that.

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Mercy
7/25/2012 03:27:24 am

I Completely agree with you! It is so scary how society has changed and is chainging values. How unfair for Yoga Girl to just waltz in and destroy a marriage (steal your husband) and yet she gets to benefit from everything that was once yours.

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Sandy
7/25/2012 04:24:40 am

Any offers on your house yet?

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Linda
7/25/2012 05:56:54 am

I couldn't agree more. I think you should speak to your attorney about the home wrecker that has stolen your spouse and interfered with your marriage.
I think if you contact your attorney, you might be able to sue this the piss pot. I' ve heard of something like this and it scared the girlfriend away!

Reply
Yvonne link
7/25/2012 06:34:32 am

You go girl!!! You make an excellent point about the COBRA and the immediate cost (re: health / life insurance) costs to you that no one seems to take into account...except the ones left in the wake of this kind of destruction. I'm in favor of charging fines to both Yoga girl and your ex for this sort of thing.

You are an excellent writer and I enjoyed it a bunch and you made me smile and chuckle a bit. You should have a DONATE button so we could show our sympathy to your situation. I may buy a magnet anyhow, and your friends were right - but also a donate button is a good thing too. Just saying....let us help a bit in small ways.

I also loved your pictures before I even read you were a photographer (oh, and cute house! too bad I don't live in OR). If/when you are ready to advertise, I'd love to have you do that on www.refermyhomebiz.com - let me know and I'll give you a discount membership.

Love your spirit and humor. Best of luck to you! Yvonne

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Jim Paulson link
7/25/2012 06:47:42 am

I loved your marketing ideas and your blog. I am a national real estate trainer and a real estate broker in Idaho and must admit that you have out marketed me since I have never come close to over 1 million hits to any of my listings! If you are willing to relocate to Idaho, you have a job waiting at my real estate company! I hope you don't mind if I blog and brag about your results!

Best of luck moving on. If you market yourself anywhere near as effectively as you are the home, you will have a much better replacement in the near future.

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Sophie
7/25/2012 07:48:45 am

My dad cheated on my mom when he was 28 with a 14 year old. I understand, at least from your children's perspective, what you are going through.

I really hate stories like this but in the end I realized that the life with a single mom and two kids was a much better route than if he hadn't cheated.

I do agree that it would have been great to be able to have answers, and I also agree that the 22 year old should have been "woman" enough to answer some of your questions but at least you can pick up the pieces and move on to a better life for your kids.

Best of luck.

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Heather
7/25/2012 07:54:29 am

I stumbled on this thanks to the great media frenzy, and wanted to drop a note to say what a great job you have done on your website. You are obviously so creative, and really came across a wonderful way to market your home to sell, which is what needs to happen clearly. Sorry to hear that so many people send hateful comments--the cloak of anonymity strikes again. I look forward to your posts, and am pleased to start following your blog. Best wishes to you and your children on your new chapter in life. It's very obvious that you possess the wit, ingenuity and intelligence to move on successfully.

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Allora
7/25/2012 10:04:37 pm

I would like a couple of those scarlet letters, please. My husband and Skankalottawhore could use a matching set.

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Christine
7/26/2012 10:33:10 am

You really made some valid points here. When I brought them up after being cheated on by my first husband, people looked at me like I was crazy. If I may bring up 2 other points: #1: a marriage is a contract. An enforceable, legally binding contract. If I sign a contract to buy your house and I back out of it, you can sue the sh** out of me. Break a marriage contract? Nada. #2: Going back to the legally binding contract....with a marriage, you make a promise to the other person that you will not cheat on them. When one spouse cheats on the other, the "cheater" is now exposing his/her spouse to potential health risks (when you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone they have ever slept with). Hear me out here: I can get a ticket for allowing you to ride in the front seat of my car without a seatbelt on. I can go to jail for sticking you with a dirty needle which "could" have an infectious disease on it. BUT, if my spouse puts my health and life at risk by having sex with someone else and then with me, there aren't any laws broken?

You're absolutely right....it just doesn't make any sense.

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Lisa
8/3/2012 11:23:57 pm

There have been people who have sued the third party - the 22 years old... For some of the same reasons you mention above - this has totally changed your financial life. Not sure where you live or if it would work in your state, but wouldn't it be kind of fun to take her to court and have her pay for all you have lost??? She got the man, you get her paycheck! :)

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