Two weeks ago I was talking with someone about The Affair and they pointed out to me that committing adultry was one of the Ten Comandments. I had never before considered what this meant.... right? Like I *new* what those were and that Moses had two tablets and the whole schabang......
But - I had never stopped to think about *how* much adultry and murder might actually have in common... an affair results in the "death" of soooo many aspects for your life - and for most of us -it's the death of the relationship... and yet - there is NO legal punishment for divorce.
Losing my husband also means (as it does for *most* of us), a loss in medical benefits. At this point, my out of pocket for Cobra is $400 a month. I've gotten emails from women who are paying $1,800 per month!!!! So, just at MY rate, that's $4,800 PER YEAR!
If someone stole my CAR and it was worth $4,800 that would be GRAND THEFT AUTO and be a somewhat serious crime.... but steal a husband?- well... there's no GRAND THEFT DOUCHEBAGGERY law out there.
In fact - *SHE* (or he in some cases) is TOTALLY protected under the law. The spouse whose life has been SHATTERED into a thousand pieces is the one who will go to jail if they call or go the workplace of the other person.
I'm NOT. AT. ALL. saying that anyone should be allowed to "stalk" or "harass" anyone... however, I would argue that the spouse has a reasonable right to want ANSWERS. Should they not be afforded the luxury of just asking questions? Of course, that doesn't mean you get to yell at someone and call them names... but just to ask questions, like the how and the where and the why.....? For the record... when I spoke to Yoga Girl (the one time) I pointed out to her that is she had been woman enough to have sex with my husband then it required that she been "woman" enough to talk to me about it...... but I digress......
My observation is this: If someone steals my car.... they go to jail.
If you steal my husband .... nothing happens. Except for a bunch of people believing that the wife a)was always a b*tch anyway, b) got fat and drinks too much malt liquor (a personal favorite) or c) wasn't his "soul mate" and now he's found it and should be entitled to it.
Frankly.... I would rather have my car stolen. Period. (It's a Mazda 5, which I love, but the pain job is crap and it chips and scratches just by looking at it....) lol
Which brings me to my next thought...... there is much debate in our nation about Same Sex Marriage and whether or not "allowing" it degrades the state of the traditional male/female marriage. I won't say which side the fence my opinions fall... but I will politely point out that two gay men in a committed relationship didn't have any impact on my marriage at all.
I sometimes feel like we only "care" about the actual "insitution" of marriage, or the state of it - in a court room, where laws are made.
OUTSIDE of a courtroom - we quickly become totally uninterested in the "value" of the institution of marraige and instead become VERY concerned with the PEOPLE involved... right? My husband leaves for a 22 year old and *many* people are quick to give him so-called 'valid' reasons for his behavior... (see above) - WITHOUT taking into account that the 22 year old *might not* be the smokin' hot co-ed they pictured in their minds.... AND without entertaining the idea that El Capitan *might not* have been his once younger, trimmer, full-head of hairer-self. OR... that THE RIGHT THING to do was answer me the 8 billion times I asked... "is something wrong? ..... can I help you....? You seem distant - should I be worried.....?" and say, 'Yes, I'm feeling ________ about our marriage and the quality of our relantionship and we should do __________ about it.".
Because... I was right - El Capitan *WAS* disant - because frankly it's hard to be close with a 22 year old sandwiched into your marriage....
Instead, I got, "No way.... there's nothing wrong, work's just hard and I'm tired.... I love you.". Famous last words.. lol
Now, I don't know what the answer is .... I'm not saying we should start sewing Scarlet letters on people (however I have a few on hand if that's what we all decide! lolol) ... but it seems like it's easier to EXCUSE the emotional betrayal of an affair than it is to accept two chicks can be in love? What's up with that.....?
Again... i'm really *not* trying to get polical - but... where's the TRUE protection for my marriage either under the actual law or the social law? Gone are the days when the public shame would be SO GREAT that it would STOP people from doing it in the first place... so, really - there's nothing to stop people. *MOST* states are 'no fault' divorce states ... so - having an affair hasn't really had ANY impact on El Capitan OR Yoga Girl.... they have gone on with their happy little life together ......
I think that THAT is the real reason alot of women "get crazy" - because they are left to deal with everything - house, kids, life, friends, money, medical insurance, cobras, retirement... blah blah blah..... while they watch their spouse trip the light fantastic with another woman.... let's be honest - that'll bring out the bat sh*t crazy in anyone..... right? lololol
The Law, in general... cares *more* about my car being stolen than they do about the emotional security of my children and the well-being of the male/female marriage they claim to "protect"....so it leaves me wondering how NOT allowing same sex couples provides protection to male/female marriages?
Isn't it a bit a** backwards that there is a TON of discussion about the PEOPLE when the marriage falls apart... as has been the case with me and countless other men/women who fall victim to a homewrecker... but there ISN'T a VALUABLE discussion about two PEOPLE who want to get married if they both happen to be of the same sex......? Somehow we live in a society where we are *more willing* to make EXCUSES for people who completely lack a moral compas and shag married men without ANY regard to the affects that will have on the loving, trusting spouses and children.... but many of us won't even ENTERTAIN a valuable discussion with two men who want to marry? Again... not at all trying to be politcal... it's just something that's been on my mind......
Oh.... and, while I *do NOT* know her, nor do I think I have some kind of affinity with her now, but ...... I think i'm going to give the next few Ashton Kutcher movies a pass.... while I LOVE ME some Ashton (and I really really really do!!!!) I'm not going to line his cheating pockets with my money.... it's not a scarlet letter, but it's a start.......