So..... three dates are now under my belt.
Yup.... *three*.... and - they are, indeed, with the same person.
I consider that a win.
This is in spite of having given them a hookers number to begin with, that's gotta' be a win.
Anyhow. It really is like being in high school again - stolen time on the phone, which more than once has been interrupted by the squeals of The Girl... Mooooommmmmmmmmeeeeeeee I'm done! - and suddenly my quiet, potentially romantic conversation is punctuated by the flushing of a toilet. Good Times Good Times.
The textcapade continues, which is easiest with the children and allows you reply when you can... though, as previously mentioned - Pavlov's Dog and I would have *a lot* in common at this point... I can almost text in my sleep if I need to at this point. lol
Three dates in.... I'm thinking at some point there will be kissing - the kind my Dad always warned me about. The kind that takes place in a back seat.... which at 16 and 17 years old, I would have never done... *cough.... but at 38.... uumm... yeah - I might be the first one *in* the back seat.... or, may be not.
I mean - I was doing the mental math yesterday and it's been like.... a *very* long time since I kissed anyone (seriously) - and it's been 11 years since I kissed someone I wasn't married to. Holy sh*t.
That's a crazy thought.
Do you think you forget how to kiss.....? I mean - when I was a kid, Susan and Angie and I would "practice" our 'kissing' technique on Susan's "life size" Leif Garrett pillow. It's was actually shaped like a man - with two legs and a chest and arms - but it was a pillow and for the head it was a pillow with a picture of Leif Garrett with his blonde hair.... looking back it sounds completely creepy.
Totally and completely creepy.
We would wrap our arms around his uber-thin cotton waist and kiss him on his printed lips... only I'm sure it looked a lot more like a monkey mounting and licking a mangled dead body to death.... hardly romantic - but where else does a 'good girl' practice her make out moves?
Only life size fabric dolls of course.....
Keep in mind we were like 8 and 9 years old... our standards were Leif Garrett and linty mouths... so yeah.... thankfully I had a few years before I got my *very* first kiss at 13.
These days I'm fresh out of the fabric kind of doll and clearly *not* (not not not) the kind of girl to get a plastic one... bwahahahahaha. So... I'm hoping that kissing is a bit like riding a bike and somehow I'll remember what the hell I'm doing and where to put my hands and what to do with .... well... things.
Too much information?
Well... probably not if you're been reading this blog long enough. hahahaha
I was thinking the other day that there should be some kind of like.... 'Boot Camp' for people - like after they've spent 10 or 15 years with just *one* person - you should get to go to some kind of post-pubescent (did I spell that right......?) boot-camp where you could practice all the things you mastered with Fabric Leif Garrett and spending "Seven Seconds in The Closet" with the neighbor kid.... I mean... where's a good (collage age) neighbor kid when you need one, right?
Kidding... totally, completely kidding... lolol
In stead, I'll just to rely on my witty charm and the fact that this person *clearly* has a great sense of humor after the whole bareback/hooker fiasco.... I mean - we can only go up from there, right?
Worst. Luck. Ever.
Now that I think about it though.... I did kind of have the worlds *greatest* first kiss ever..... We were living in Huntsville Alabama. What I didn't know, at the tender age of 13, is that in Alabama boys who were 13 could get a valid motorcycle license at 13 in Mississippi ...? So a lot of the guys in my school rode their bikes to school ... daily. That's a little crazy to think about... That and their obsession is football.
Even in middle school - Friday Night Lights were *no joke* and I never missed a game... especially because my "boy friend" was on the team. To this point, 'boyfriend' constituted holding my hand in teh hall between classes (we got busted and my History teacher called my parents and I got grounded from the phone for ONE WHOLE WEEK. And by phone... I mean to the rose colored, large, plastic thing with plugged into the jack in the wall and had a very, very long curly rose cord that I would twirl around my fingers for hours.... this is well and truly before the dawn of the cell phone. sigh.....)
Anyhow, after the fourth game of the season we had all gone to Taco Bell I was sitting on his lap - trying to be dainty and cute, which given my 5'8" frame ... was hard. He informed me that I had a "bony butt" (I think we all know that I do NOT.... lol) and I went outside to pout... like any good 13 year old would do.
We would up next door standing in the drive thru for Burger King. And there.... right next to the large plastic, illuminated order board, he lifted me up by the waist and put me on the curb. He took off his maroon letter-mans jacket (Did I mention football... even *middle school* football was big sh*t? Yeah... they had letter-mans jackets..... seriously) and wrapped it around my shoulders.
Now... at first, I was simply giddy at the gesture.... not only did I have *a* letter-man's jacket... but I had *his* and he played *football*.... I nearly swooned right off that step.... I thought it was so romantic....
And it was... but it was also handy because being wrapped around my shoulder meant that when he leaned in to put his arms around me and kiss me.... I couldn't stop him because my arms were trapped inside the jacket... lololol.... so, there I stood, on top of the curb, bent down slightly - and suddenly someone's tongue was in my mouth for the very first time. (Leif was sans any kind of parts).
It was.... perfect. It didn't last long - no one got their braces stuck, no one drooled extensively, we weren't caught, and no one bit anyone's lip or clashed teeth.... yup: that's perfect for a first kiss at 13.
Let's hope the one I get at 38 has as much in common.... lololol :)
(Only without pinning my arms down... at 13 that was cute... at 38 - that'll result in a swift call to 911).
Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer, potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
You can see some of Elle's photography at: