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I'm Trash, You're Trash... may be we're all Trash?

11/15/2012

3 Comments

 
Picture
Tonight I was going to post a picture I found of a Santa "card" and it said....."Santa's Say's, No Gifts For You.  Whore."

It made me giggle.... and I figured everyone would know who I was thinking of.  lolol.

Than later this evening I saw this photo >>>>>>>>>>
and I thought I would share it instead.

At first blush I noticed how pretty the girl is... THEN I read the sign.  Obviously the language on the sign had my attention right away and I read, then re-read each line to take it all in.

Then I looked back again to notice to myself just how pretty that girl is......

MANY times over the last few months I have thought about how rather silly it is that *my* sign went viral so fast..... that it would actually get picked up local news, then national news and become this rather huge ordeal.....

It was just a sign -a funny sign about a catastrophic event - but nothing more than that.  Yet, it seemed to have captivated people..... as I've said before TONS of people have posted funny sh*t on facebook and Whoopi Goldberg didn't call them to be on The View... so why me?

I think, in regards to my sign.... far too many people relate to it.  I think people were drawn in by the humor of the sign, even if one might think that humor was misplaced or even inappropriate.  Funny is still funny and Lisa Lampanelli makes a killing doing funny things that are not at all appropriate.  I just wanted to make a sign to sell my house.... and it did.  It also brought with it a trip to New York, a trip to LA and a blog with a consistent monthly following in the THOUSANDS..... which - is humbling.  Very.  Humbling.

So, when I saw *this* sign, after I noticed her beauty and read it's message.... I was sad to notice the date: 2011.

Somehow I doubt this girl was invited on talk shows or that her sign got a million shares.... and shouldn't it?  My sign is funny and what happened to me is sad.... however - being cheated on isn't even in the same TIME ZONE as being raped.  I would take being cheated on any day of the week..... I'm fairly certain, between this girl and I - my scars are far easier to heal than hers.

Then I really stopped to look at the girl - and I noticed her sweet dimple.  She has a lovely, open smile - even while holding the sign that tells the world than a man entered her life and her body in a way that would scar her for the rest of her life.....

I looked again for the chip on her shoulder against all men.... or even all of mankind for that matter.  But I don't see one.  I see a girl, appropriately dressed for warm weather, with a warm smile to match - holding a sign that should make the stomach of everyone who reads it hurt.... yet, she still smiles.

I read the sign again... and this time I noticed how much she and I *do* have in common.

First of all... .plenty of people don't want to read my sign either because they can't face their own guilty past and my sign, my story, my broken heart - it all hits far too close to home for them to handle... so they lash out at me with insults or rudeness - as though calling me names empowers them which suggests to me that my sign de-powers them.... a guilty conscience has a way of doing that.  (BTW - de-power is not a word, I just made it up. lolololl)

Second, I noticed that she "deserved" it.... how *many* times did I hear *that* one!?!?  I deserved my husband leaving me because I'm a _____________insert your insulting reason here__________, and she "deserved" to be raped and left in a parking garage for ____________insert lame reason here_________.   I guess as far as things one  "deserves" in life - I should be grateful to have gotten off so lucky.  I don't say that flippantly - I say that in all seriousness. 

Thirdly, I noticed how both she and I are "trash".  I'm the kind of "trash" who DIDN'T take care of myself and therefor I *deserved* to have my husband leave me because no man would want to f*ck someone the "size of shamu".... This girl however, SHE is "trash" because she *did* take care of herself, and dared to wear "short shorts" that showed off her 'non-shamu-sized' body. 

This country seems to be, from my humble perspective, confused on it's global definition of what "trash" is.

Isn't that interesting.... or am I the only one taking a moment to ponder this.  For MONTHS now, I have read and sifted through comments and emails and voice-mails of people (mostly men) who are *sure* that El Capitan is justified in what he's done.... that I deserved this because I "smoke too much" and I need to "lay off the red meat and 40s".... as though my outer shell speaks for the inner me who doted on my family, loved my husband and worked her figurative ass off to make ends meet.

This beautiful girl.... finds herself on the same end of the blame stick though.... for the opposite reason: she *did* take care of herself, she had a nice body, dared to wear shorts to prove it, she had "too much to drink" at a party and for *those* "sins".... a man raped her.

I'm not at all being melodramatic, but the connection between the two signs is rather fascinating to me....  we live in a world where some can say - "too many donuts and your husband has a right to leave you, destroy your world, strip you of your life's dreams and security....." and at the same time - someone else finds it OK to punish, even harass, embarrass and shame someone who was violated because they *had* a nice body and "flirted" too much?

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Where is the accountabiltiy anymore?  El Capitan it's "responsible" because I'm "trash".... this girls rapist isn't a 'rapist' becuase she's "trash" and had it coming to her.....?  That's incredibly troubl

I sat and thought about the sign, the girl.... I looked around at who else is there - and it makes me sad to know that *this* sign, because it might make people uncomfortable - won't get shared as much on social media.  It won't get the attention it deserves.... *this* girl won't get the recognition she deserves for putting a face to a heinous crime and not being afraid to stand up and tell the world that she won't be ashamed.

Mostly though I thought about her spirit and her warm smile that come through in the picture and how inspiring that is,,,, how empowering it must have been for her to be there, on that day - holding her sign.  I'm grateful we live in a country where she can make her sign, hold it in public and not be stoned to death in the streets... or worse.

I shared her picture on my FB page and saw a few others share it, too.  While her story is horrific one, you can see her courage, her beauty and her strength - and I just find that truly amazing.







3 Comments
Alex
11/14/2012 09:36:17 pm

Elle-

Thanks for posting her photo. I've seen it before and feel she deserves as much attention to that sign as she damn well wants. I really have to admire her bravery. I was sexually assaulted (to this day I still can't bring myself to use the word "rape") by a guy at university, and I kept that a dirty little secret for years, even to myself, where it was bubbling just beneath the surface of my mind while I tried to drown it out. I took me years to even tell my mother, to whom I'm so close.

A year or two after it happened I saw him walking down the street with a brunette version of me (a little eerie really), our eyes met and I either gasped or let out almost a growl of disgust or pain, I'm not even sure now. The girl glanced quickly at me, and then it was past, me walking my direction and them walking theirs. It was done in the flash of a moment. I know that girl recognized something in that exchange. Just the one flash of her face told me she could sense something ominous and it rested with him, not me. I wonder what he told her as they walked on, in the freezing winter of Quebec in the glaring sun and frosted streets. It was so cold. It was early in the morning, but all of us in evening clothes, we were all clearly doing the walk of shame, and they'd clearly spent the night together. Perhaps not consensually, I made him walk me home after too as I was afraid to walk alone in the night. I couldn't make him get off of me though, LOL (bitter laugh).

I to this day wonder what other girls might have fallen victim to him and had I reported him, would they have fallen victim. There was nothing I could prove against him, and I was afraid to even talk about it, feeling it was partially my fault for even being there FFS!

That is what this culture has lead us to believe. So good for this girl. She's taking a step I ought to have taken that will hopefully make a better and safer place for women, and give us the respect we deserve.

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dusty
11/14/2012 09:36:37 pm

I feel so bad for this young woman. I believe you are correct when you said this didn't go viral because people are uncomfortable with the message. Women have to learn to stand together and not judge each other. I do believe we have come a long way (I'm about 20 years older than you). It used to be much worse for us (just watch Mad Men). I get so sad when I see young girls beating each other up and bullying each other. We have to learn that other women are our friends not competition. We have to learn to love ourselves and not constantly beat ourselves up. Many times I have been in the company of other women and the conversation almost always turns to body image. Every time this happens I say, how about loving who you are and be thankful that your body works well. You never see men doing this. They could have a huge beer belly and they think they look great, because they were raised for the most part to not place their worth on their body. You have this chance with your daughter, raise her to always love herself first, no matter what she looks like and to respect other women as well. If all mothers do this, this attitude will change.

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CEW
11/26/2012 01:24:33 am

http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/

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    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
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