As my birthday approaches I'm spending a good bit of time thinking about where I thought my life would be and *where* it actually is.
First and foremost, I distinctly remember losing a debate with Angie circa 1983 where it was begrudgingly agreed that we would all be riding around in flying cars and living in houses in the sky that had floors that "walked" for you. Most importantly, I wouldn't have to learn how to cook becuase I was pretty freaking sure that by *now* (by the time I was a 'Mom'), my oven would prepare and cook all my meals for me.
Jetsons style.
Well... needless to say, the only thing 'space age' about the Mazda 5 is the MP3 plug in for my phone so that kids and I can listen to music from my Amazon cloud. Wait... ok - that actually *is* kind of cool. But I can assure you that the only mechanical walking that's being done is *by* me at the gym on the treadmill! I do dream of the day when I can just like lay in some kind of machine while it moves my legs and arms for me - lolol. Ok... may be I'm not *that* lazy. :)
Suffice to say, the world at large is not where I thought we would be by the time I go to my 'late' thirties. We still have a fairly large portion of our society - namely the LCBTQ community - who can't be "legally" married which really boggles my mind. I can't seem to wrap my brain around how there is really no social protection for "actual" marriage - we make excuses "she was a bitch/she got fat/he could always do better" etc.... and yet, then we act like male/female marriage is some kind of institution that needs to be "protected" from the deviants of the LGBTQ community.
Strange.
If 'marriage' needs to be protected at all, it's from the prying eyes and gossipy words of people around us who judge us and talk about us - instead of talk *to* us about issue's or problems. Marriage, as we culturally understand it to be, should be protected by those are IN IT.... it doesn't actually need any 'legal' protection at all, in my humble opinion.
For instance, right after El Capitan left, *several* people came to me and told me that they knew a friend of theirs was cheating on their spouse and while they knew about the affair they weren't sure if they should tell the other spouse... etc. I would ask if they had spoken to the cheater? Well, no - that would seem awkward.
Huh? Awkward........?
Awkward is finding 3,000 text messages on your spouses phone line to another person who um.. isn't YOU. lololol Trust me - that sh*t was awkward.
Mostly people would ask me if they should tell the spouse who as being cheated on - you know... because they didn't want to interfere with someone else's life, etc.... blah blah excuse blah. What the hell people!?!?! Of course you tell the spouse being cheated on.
In the first place, there are medical issue's to consider and if one spouse is having sex with someone outside the marriage - you have a *duty* to tell the other spouse. They are making sexual decisions with their spouse based on false information - and they should be notified as soon as possible if the person they are trusting with their bodies is potentially exposing them to an STD.
I got lucky..... Yoga Girl kept a clean snatch.... and I *really* cannot thank her enough. Far too many women in my shoes wind up with alllllll kinds of STD's - which really is a gift that keeps on giving in the worst kind of ways.
In the second place, if you saw a friend crossing the street and a MAC truck was barreling down the road ready to run them over... wouldn't you yell for them to run and get out of the way? Of course you would.... and knowing about an affair *is* the MAC truck and it will run your friend over eventually.
We're more afraid to have honest conversations with our *friends* - but we're willing to VOTE on whether or not people who we don't know - might never meet - can "legally" get married? It really does boggle my mind. I'm not sure I understand how we live in a world that has sooooo much to say about how we live inside our own front doors - and yet.... it's the year 2013.
I really was sure we'd be so much further down the road........
The funny thing is: I never had dreams for myself.
Like, you know how you write a five year plan or a ten year plan.... I never had one of those. I never... I don't know - I just never had any real 'dreams'.... other than just wanting to be happy. I never really had a vision for where my life would end up.
I never had a 'dream house'... well, ok, that's *not* entirely true. I really, really wanted the Malibu Barbie Beach House. My childhood idol - Susan - had one and it was *amazing* - with it's yellow structure and orange roof... MAN... I really wanted that house. I still do. lololol
I never had a 'dream car'.... still don't. I'm not a car person. I don't care about color or style or whatever.... I have a friend who is obsessed with her cars in the worst way. She'll park waaaaaaay down at the end of a parking lot just to try to make sure that no one 'door dings' her car. lol I however, am the proud owner of like a *zillion* door dings and scratches and markings alllll over the Mazda 5. It's just a car - it's exterior is made for dings and scratches: it's the contents that I don't want to get all dinged up. :)
I never had.... a 'dream husband'. Like, you know how people have "types" - a style of person, or a lifestyle of a person that they are more drawn too.... ? I never had one of those. I just kind of fall in love and go with it - tall, short - skinny... dark hair, light hair.... whatever. Most importantly: you have to make me laugh. If you can make me laugh (oh, and of course you find me just a little bit funny, too) - then you are pretty much gold in my book....
Kids. Kids - however - are different. I never saw the where and the who and the *why* of where I would end up in my life - but no matter what: it involved kids. Always kids. I always wanted to be a Mom - to have a boy and a girl and for them to be happy.
Coming up to my birthday there are certainly a lot of changes from last year... to say the very least. lol. I kind of worried about how I would handle my birthday - because this time last year was the few days in between just starting to text with Yoga Girl and having sex with her.... which emotionally was a tough time in our home because I knew something was going on but I had no idea the monsoon that was heading my way. lol
Approaching this day - much like the holidays - I was worried that I might 'go under' a bit and drown a little in the memory of what was going on last year.... however, the *good* news is that... I feel fine.
That seems slightly crazy to me..... but, the days are going along just fine - if anything, they are incredibly busy and full of friends and coffee's and things to do.... and kids.
Our kids. Who are full of snuggles and kisses and laughter and happiness.... so as far as I can tell, even without a home to call our own: we're happy... wait: I'M HAPPY.
I'm not sure I need to have anything else for my birthday.... just.... Happy.
Oh... except for the fact that I've realized that flying cars are *not* going to happen in my lifetime AND... that at 37 it's probably time that I start working on a 5 or 10 year plan - that includes who I want to be and who I want to be with.... so. The Thinking has STARTED. and I'll keep ya' posted..... :)
First and foremost, I distinctly remember losing a debate with Angie circa 1983 where it was begrudgingly agreed that we would all be riding around in flying cars and living in houses in the sky that had floors that "walked" for you. Most importantly, I wouldn't have to learn how to cook becuase I was pretty freaking sure that by *now* (by the time I was a 'Mom'), my oven would prepare and cook all my meals for me.
Jetsons style.
Well... needless to say, the only thing 'space age' about the Mazda 5 is the MP3 plug in for my phone so that kids and I can listen to music from my Amazon cloud. Wait... ok - that actually *is* kind of cool. But I can assure you that the only mechanical walking that's being done is *by* me at the gym on the treadmill! I do dream of the day when I can just like lay in some kind of machine while it moves my legs and arms for me - lolol. Ok... may be I'm not *that* lazy. :)
Suffice to say, the world at large is not where I thought we would be by the time I go to my 'late' thirties. We still have a fairly large portion of our society - namely the LCBTQ community - who can't be "legally" married which really boggles my mind. I can't seem to wrap my brain around how there is really no social protection for "actual" marriage - we make excuses "she was a bitch/she got fat/he could always do better" etc.... and yet, then we act like male/female marriage is some kind of institution that needs to be "protected" from the deviants of the LGBTQ community.
Strange.
If 'marriage' needs to be protected at all, it's from the prying eyes and gossipy words of people around us who judge us and talk about us - instead of talk *to* us about issue's or problems. Marriage, as we culturally understand it to be, should be protected by those are IN IT.... it doesn't actually need any 'legal' protection at all, in my humble opinion.
For instance, right after El Capitan left, *several* people came to me and told me that they knew a friend of theirs was cheating on their spouse and while they knew about the affair they weren't sure if they should tell the other spouse... etc. I would ask if they had spoken to the cheater? Well, no - that would seem awkward.
Huh? Awkward........?
Awkward is finding 3,000 text messages on your spouses phone line to another person who um.. isn't YOU. lololol Trust me - that sh*t was awkward.
Mostly people would ask me if they should tell the spouse who as being cheated on - you know... because they didn't want to interfere with someone else's life, etc.... blah blah excuse blah. What the hell people!?!?! Of course you tell the spouse being cheated on.
In the first place, there are medical issue's to consider and if one spouse is having sex with someone outside the marriage - you have a *duty* to tell the other spouse. They are making sexual decisions with their spouse based on false information - and they should be notified as soon as possible if the person they are trusting with their bodies is potentially exposing them to an STD.
I got lucky..... Yoga Girl kept a clean snatch.... and I *really* cannot thank her enough. Far too many women in my shoes wind up with alllllll kinds of STD's - which really is a gift that keeps on giving in the worst kind of ways.
In the second place, if you saw a friend crossing the street and a MAC truck was barreling down the road ready to run them over... wouldn't you yell for them to run and get out of the way? Of course you would.... and knowing about an affair *is* the MAC truck and it will run your friend over eventually.
We're more afraid to have honest conversations with our *friends* - but we're willing to VOTE on whether or not people who we don't know - might never meet - can "legally" get married? It really does boggle my mind. I'm not sure I understand how we live in a world that has sooooo much to say about how we live inside our own front doors - and yet.... it's the year 2013.
I really was sure we'd be so much further down the road........
The funny thing is: I never had dreams for myself.
Like, you know how you write a five year plan or a ten year plan.... I never had one of those. I never... I don't know - I just never had any real 'dreams'.... other than just wanting to be happy. I never really had a vision for where my life would end up.
I never had a 'dream house'... well, ok, that's *not* entirely true. I really, really wanted the Malibu Barbie Beach House. My childhood idol - Susan - had one and it was *amazing* - with it's yellow structure and orange roof... MAN... I really wanted that house. I still do. lololol
I never had a 'dream car'.... still don't. I'm not a car person. I don't care about color or style or whatever.... I have a friend who is obsessed with her cars in the worst way. She'll park waaaaaaay down at the end of a parking lot just to try to make sure that no one 'door dings' her car. lol I however, am the proud owner of like a *zillion* door dings and scratches and markings alllll over the Mazda 5. It's just a car - it's exterior is made for dings and scratches: it's the contents that I don't want to get all dinged up. :)
I never had.... a 'dream husband'. Like, you know how people have "types" - a style of person, or a lifestyle of a person that they are more drawn too.... ? I never had one of those. I just kind of fall in love and go with it - tall, short - skinny... dark hair, light hair.... whatever. Most importantly: you have to make me laugh. If you can make me laugh (oh, and of course you find me just a little bit funny, too) - then you are pretty much gold in my book....
Kids. Kids - however - are different. I never saw the where and the who and the *why* of where I would end up in my life - but no matter what: it involved kids. Always kids. I always wanted to be a Mom - to have a boy and a girl and for them to be happy.
Coming up to my birthday there are certainly a lot of changes from last year... to say the very least. lol. I kind of worried about how I would handle my birthday - because this time last year was the few days in between just starting to text with Yoga Girl and having sex with her.... which emotionally was a tough time in our home because I knew something was going on but I had no idea the monsoon that was heading my way. lol
Approaching this day - much like the holidays - I was worried that I might 'go under' a bit and drown a little in the memory of what was going on last year.... however, the *good* news is that... I feel fine.
That seems slightly crazy to me..... but, the days are going along just fine - if anything, they are incredibly busy and full of friends and coffee's and things to do.... and kids.
Our kids. Who are full of snuggles and kisses and laughter and happiness.... so as far as I can tell, even without a home to call our own: we're happy... wait: I'M HAPPY.
I'm not sure I need to have anything else for my birthday.... just.... Happy.
Oh... except for the fact that I've realized that flying cars are *not* going to happen in my lifetime AND... that at 37 it's probably time that I start working on a 5 or 10 year plan - that includes who I want to be and who I want to be with.... so. The Thinking has STARTED. and I'll keep ya' posted..... :)
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