Tonight began another step in this loooooong a** road to "recovery" for The Boy and I. Sadly... The Girl is too young for any kind of class or 'group therapy' - so it's just The Boy and I .
In Oregon, they make you do this class called Kids Turn. Initially, I was super ticked when I found out we had to take Kids Turn to get a divorce in the state of Oregon (only if you have kids) - as it was $250 PER PARENT! However... the kids goes free... go figure.
I believe that my intial response to the woman was, "Well, are they going to show me how to sign up for food stamps, too? I'm going to need those after I shell out $500 for a class......"
Anyhow - no they did now show me how to sign up for food stamps .....
They did, however teach The Boy some super cute songs about togetherness and it seemed to *really* help The Boy at the time and he's asked a few times if he could go back. I looked around online, but I didn't see any other kind of 'group' counseling for kids going through a divorce. A few weeks ago a friend posted on Facebook about a program for kids meeting at their Church - and I signed The Boy up as fast as I could. Bonus... while he's in his class - I go to an adults class....
I can't talk about the class, or the people in it - and certainly not what they say.... - BUT - I will tell you this.... more than once I sat and listened to a lady and I thought to myself.... "Seriously - you're so super hot - who the hell wants a divorce from *you*?" No - really - there are some really articulate ladies with great figures and they were just lovely..... and yet - we had so much in common......
I hope it helps - The Bubbie say's I'm "mad"..... clearly. The Bubbie also likes to state the obvious. But, I think she has a point and I think that The Boy is also "mad" - in part - because I'm mad.
So tonight..... it was alllll about laughing. Just The Boy and I - laughing together, talking, sharing and laughing some more. He has the best smile..... right now his front teeth are S U P E R spread out- so he smiles a bit like a jack-o-latern. The teeth are kind of swooping up at the sides - and there's a giant gap in the middle.... and when he's really happy his eye's get super squinty - almost like they are closed.
It's been a while since I've seen him smile like that..... just yesterday he told me that someone 'came up and turned [his] heart upside down and emptied all the joy out.....'
So this class comes at a good time. Time to get that heart full of joy... his heart - and mine.
Which was good..... because today I saw Yoga Girl. I really don't like seeing her - and judging by the dirty look she gave me *again* - she doesn't like seeing me.... so it leads me to this - letter inside a letter:
Dear Yoga Girl,
There are soooo many, many things I want to say to you. Most of them aren't nice, however, YOU fail to understand that YOU did the wrong thing here. I'm not sure what kind of upbringing you had... though, I think I'm getting a good picture of that by now - but, perhaps in your world it's perfectly "normal" for women to break up other people's marriages. May be you were *that girl* in high school who was always found making out with someone else's boyfriend in the school bathroom during the Homecoming Dance.... but - this IS NOT high school.
This is *MY* life. Yes, my dear - *MY* life. Not yours. Even if you take it away... you stupid little girl... it's STILL MY LIFE. Yes, you 'got' El Capitan - however..... he'll ALWAYS BE MINE. In the legal sense anyway.... he'll always have obligations to *talk* to me - *work* with me - *co-parent* with me.....
*I* am A PART of YOUR LIFE. get it?
Remember, I didn't choose this... and frankly - I would have never chosen *you*, unlike El Capitan - I would have set my sights a little higher than you.... you're a little 'gummy' for my taste, and a few other things too, but we won't go there.
But, this is what *YOU* don't seem to understand: YOU CHOSE ME.
YOU chose to engage in a sexual relationship with MY HUSBAND.
YOU chose to live in a home - WITH MY HUSBAND.
YOU - not me - YOU chose to be a part of THIS LIFE.
It may be broken, my dear, but it's MY LIFE. MY KIDS. MY EX-HUSBAND. MY LIFE.
YOU are apart of that.
Since you asked for this.... one could say you got on your knee's to get it..... then you need to be WOMAN ENOUGH to own it. As I said to you before - if you were woman enough to f*ck my husband, you better be woman enough to talk to me about it.
You see, Yoga Girl, this isn't High School. This is REAL LIFE. For the next FIFTEEN YEARS - if you stay with El Capitan - YOU WILL SEE ME. YOU WILL INTERACT WITH ME.
And frankly my dear.... you *better* start to learn how to do with smile on your face.
I have - thus far - treated you with *more* respect than you have EVER shown me. I have - thus far - shown you a level of humanity than you appear to be bereft of.
YOU had better start showing me the respect I deserve as YOUR BOYFRIENDS CHIDLREN'S MOTHER.
Because THAT my dear... is WHO I AM. That is who I am *BECAUSE* of you.
You should keep that in mind.
I heard recently that you don't think you "owe" me anything... that you did "nothing wrong". I find that... curious. Tell me - are you related to Dexter at all? Just asking.......
I think in years to come you will start to understand what you have done wrong - but that's none of my business. What *IS* my business is getting you to understand that YOU have a role in this family NOW - and you had better step up to the plate and act the part - with a SMILE ON YOUR FACE when you see me....
Because *that* is the least my children deserve from you... and it's the VERY LEAST I deserve. And, if you really love El Capitan - you would do it for him.....
As for me, if The Joker ever asks me if I've "dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight".... I'm going to be able to say yes, and her name was....................................... I made that point to El Capitan a while ago... because he's a huge DC Comics/Marvel Comics guy.... NEITHER of you is *any* kind of version of a 'caped crusader' here.... if this were a comic - YOU would be the villian.... what is it that you don't get about that?
Believe me, if I can muster a smile in from my children for your repulsive face... then you should be able to do the same.
Love,
Elle - Divorced Mother of Two, Struggling to Get By, Trying to Find Work, Taking Life 5 mintues at a Time.
In Oregon, they make you do this class called Kids Turn. Initially, I was super ticked when I found out we had to take Kids Turn to get a divorce in the state of Oregon (only if you have kids) - as it was $250 PER PARENT! However... the kids goes free... go figure.
I believe that my intial response to the woman was, "Well, are they going to show me how to sign up for food stamps, too? I'm going to need those after I shell out $500 for a class......"
Anyhow - no they did now show me how to sign up for food stamps .....
They did, however teach The Boy some super cute songs about togetherness and it seemed to *really* help The Boy at the time and he's asked a few times if he could go back. I looked around online, but I didn't see any other kind of 'group' counseling for kids going through a divorce. A few weeks ago a friend posted on Facebook about a program for kids meeting at their Church - and I signed The Boy up as fast as I could. Bonus... while he's in his class - I go to an adults class....
I can't talk about the class, or the people in it - and certainly not what they say.... - BUT - I will tell you this.... more than once I sat and listened to a lady and I thought to myself.... "Seriously - you're so super hot - who the hell wants a divorce from *you*?" No - really - there are some really articulate ladies with great figures and they were just lovely..... and yet - we had so much in common......
I hope it helps - The Bubbie say's I'm "mad"..... clearly. The Bubbie also likes to state the obvious. But, I think she has a point and I think that The Boy is also "mad" - in part - because I'm mad.
So tonight..... it was alllll about laughing. Just The Boy and I - laughing together, talking, sharing and laughing some more. He has the best smile..... right now his front teeth are S U P E R spread out- so he smiles a bit like a jack-o-latern. The teeth are kind of swooping up at the sides - and there's a giant gap in the middle.... and when he's really happy his eye's get super squinty - almost like they are closed.
It's been a while since I've seen him smile like that..... just yesterday he told me that someone 'came up and turned [his] heart upside down and emptied all the joy out.....'
So this class comes at a good time. Time to get that heart full of joy... his heart - and mine.
Which was good..... because today I saw Yoga Girl. I really don't like seeing her - and judging by the dirty look she gave me *again* - she doesn't like seeing me.... so it leads me to this - letter inside a letter:
Dear Yoga Girl,
There are soooo many, many things I want to say to you. Most of them aren't nice, however, YOU fail to understand that YOU did the wrong thing here. I'm not sure what kind of upbringing you had... though, I think I'm getting a good picture of that by now - but, perhaps in your world it's perfectly "normal" for women to break up other people's marriages. May be you were *that girl* in high school who was always found making out with someone else's boyfriend in the school bathroom during the Homecoming Dance.... but - this IS NOT high school.
This is *MY* life. Yes, my dear - *MY* life. Not yours. Even if you take it away... you stupid little girl... it's STILL MY LIFE. Yes, you 'got' El Capitan - however..... he'll ALWAYS BE MINE. In the legal sense anyway.... he'll always have obligations to *talk* to me - *work* with me - *co-parent* with me.....
*I* am A PART of YOUR LIFE. get it?
Remember, I didn't choose this... and frankly - I would have never chosen *you*, unlike El Capitan - I would have set my sights a little higher than you.... you're a little 'gummy' for my taste, and a few other things too, but we won't go there.
But, this is what *YOU* don't seem to understand: YOU CHOSE ME.
YOU chose to engage in a sexual relationship with MY HUSBAND.
YOU chose to live in a home - WITH MY HUSBAND.
YOU - not me - YOU chose to be a part of THIS LIFE.
It may be broken, my dear, but it's MY LIFE. MY KIDS. MY EX-HUSBAND. MY LIFE.
YOU are apart of that.
Since you asked for this.... one could say you got on your knee's to get it..... then you need to be WOMAN ENOUGH to own it. As I said to you before - if you were woman enough to f*ck my husband, you better be woman enough to talk to me about it.
You see, Yoga Girl, this isn't High School. This is REAL LIFE. For the next FIFTEEN YEARS - if you stay with El Capitan - YOU WILL SEE ME. YOU WILL INTERACT WITH ME.
And frankly my dear.... you *better* start to learn how to do with smile on your face.
I have - thus far - treated you with *more* respect than you have EVER shown me. I have - thus far - shown you a level of humanity than you appear to be bereft of.
YOU had better start showing me the respect I deserve as YOUR BOYFRIENDS CHIDLREN'S MOTHER.
Because THAT my dear... is WHO I AM. That is who I am *BECAUSE* of you.
You should keep that in mind.
I heard recently that you don't think you "owe" me anything... that you did "nothing wrong". I find that... curious. Tell me - are you related to Dexter at all? Just asking.......
I think in years to come you will start to understand what you have done wrong - but that's none of my business. What *IS* my business is getting you to understand that YOU have a role in this family NOW - and you had better step up to the plate and act the part - with a SMILE ON YOUR FACE when you see me....
Because *that* is the least my children deserve from you... and it's the VERY LEAST I deserve. And, if you really love El Capitan - you would do it for him.....
As for me, if The Joker ever asks me if I've "dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight".... I'm going to be able to say yes, and her name was....................................... I made that point to El Capitan a while ago... because he's a huge DC Comics/Marvel Comics guy.... NEITHER of you is *any* kind of version of a 'caped crusader' here.... if this were a comic - YOU would be the villian.... what is it that you don't get about that?
Believe me, if I can muster a smile in from my children for your repulsive face... then you should be able to do the same.
Love,
Elle - Divorced Mother of Two, Struggling to Get By, Trying to Find Work, Taking Life 5 mintues at a Time.
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