You know… the thing about being a lesbian - at least the way that I "became" one - is that I wasn't really prepared for how….. different it would be to date a girl.
Of course there are the obvious differences…. one has boobs and the other doesn't. (And yes, I realize men have 'male members' - however, most any lesbian has a drawer full of those in various shapes, colours and sizes. Which…. I'm not gonna' lie: that's kind of handy.
Aside from the obvious body differences - dating and/or being with girls is really a whole different ball game…. at least it is for me.
This morning for breakfast Hail Mary made us pancakes - and mine came with a pancake drizzle 'heart' on top…. and like - that was it.
Just a heart.
Out of pancakes.
On top of my pancakes.
And a sweet smile because she was super proud of herself.
There was no lingering 'wink-wink' like there usually is with a guy after such a romantic gesture…. like she was "expecting" something from me in the bedroom later…. she just wanted to do something sweet. That's all.
Okay…. so may be a few of you are shaking your heads and saying…. "My husband/boyfriend would do that and not be 'expecting' anything…." - but I bet *more* of you are nodding along with me…. there would have been hopes for a blow job in there somewhere if *any* man I ever dated made me a heart shape anything…..
I don't know. May be because I was less inclined to want to be sexually intimate with men - and therefore I was 'looking' for things……? Like, maybe I was reading into gestures for 'expectations' - because deep down I wasn't too nuts (pun intended) about having to put out?
IT's hard to say….. I mean - woman always joke about guys bringing them flowers or presents out of the blue and it's like either they *want* something or they *did* something they have to apologize for…. so I can't be too far off base (or… there are *a lot* more closet lesbians out there than anyone wants to admit. lolol)
I kind of feel like Hail Mary is always doing things for me - just because…. which is kind of awesome.
Of course, it hasn't been all heart shaped pancakes… we've had a few bumps in the road but even then, there's always lots and lots and lots of talking….. about feelings and perceptions and communication and mis-communication….. which is just so much easier on me. It's so great to be with someone who stops what would usually become an angry screaming match and say's…. "Oh, I thought when you said *this* that you meant *that* - now I can see why we aren't connecting….."
Crazy.
Or, one day we did have a tiff on the phone and we were supposed to meet up for a social event and instead Hail Mary called and met me to run my errands before hand - she said that we were in a "bad space" and that we shouldn't walk into a social setting in a 'bad space', but instead we should take a few minutes to talk face to face and get back to our usual 'happy space' together…. and *then* go to the event.
It was just walking around Wal-Mart, but she was right. After a few minutes of just being around each other, we were back in our usual place… and went on to be social in happy moods.
Hail Mary is wise. Very wise.
She doesn't know this…. so don't go telling her. lololol
She always holds my hand…. which is super nice. However, TWO TIMES no at the local Red Robin we've gotten "the look"….. what's the look you ask? IT's "Those Are LESBIANS" look. You would think that in 2013 gay people wouldn't get stared at in public anymore…. but we totally do.
The first time we were sitting side by side in the booth and just eating and talking and Hail Mary planet a few sweet kisses (no tongue…. that would be gross in public in my humble opinion lol) - and there was a huge family sitting across the way from us.
For a while the Dad stared. Then he said something to this teenage son who stared. Who told the Mom who turned her hear 180 degrees in her seat to stare…. which lead to the other adults at the table all taking turns and whispering to each other…..
Sigh.
So Hail Mary, who had grown sick of being stared at for doing *exactly* what they were doing: eating dinner at a table - gave them a huge smile and a wave….. and they were *still* staring… so then I planted a big one on Hail Mary and they finally all turned around and made an effort not to look over again…. I mean - even the waitress noticed it! lol
Then Saturday we were leaving a football game, just walking on the driveway and holding hands and a college guy was walking towards us making rather lewd and suggestive hand gestures about us (Cleary) being lesbians…. we just kept walking, but Hail May said she had a few 'hand gestures' she wanted to share with him… but we just kept walking.
It's amazing to me, even in Portland, how much we get stared at. How many people nudge whoever they are with to whisper and nod in our direction, it's like "Step Right Up And See With YOUR OWN EYES Two (rather non-descript) LESBIANS - in the flesh!"
I don't care, mind you. I spent far too many years not being proud of who I was…. I'm certainly not willing to trade who I am now - or the pride I have about who I am with - just because it makes me some kind of Social Circus Attraction for some people. That's fine…..
I just wish people would understand how much what I am now is…. *normal* for me. It feels natural because… it *is*. No one "made" me this way - no one "made" Hail Mary this way…. we just *are* this way.
I am lucky enough to have found someone who accepts me and everything about me - and loves me anyway - that's kind of rare and awesome and amazing…. and may this will last forever and may be it already has some unknown "Sell By" date stamped on it…. but either way, I'm going to enjoy being with her and being loved by her… and yes that means I'm going to hold her hand in public. Anyone on the planet who takes issue with that can look at the sky, the clouds, the flowers, the passing cars, the menu, the pictures on the wall… whatever. The world is a big place - there are plenty of things once can do other than stare at something they don't like or don't approve of.
It happened to me once at Wal-Mart- in the soup aisle I believe. The Boy saw two women together and whatever they did he figured out that they were "together" and he was just sitting there staring and staring and then he said something about them being together - sounding surprised. So I took that opportunity to say to him that they *WERE* indeed two women - two "Moms" - and that that was like just like "our" family (at the time with El Capitan) - and that their family just had two Moms.
The Boy replied…. "cool", and we were on our way with a smile and a nod from the two women.
Sometimes, I feel like we've come so far… and then it seems like we have so much farther to go … I know that *I've* come a long way… but we all have a long way to go on this new path - starting with The Boy's FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL on Wednesday!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow he gets tested to see where he is at and discuss what grade they would like to put him in…. so send the little man lots of positive thoughts tomorrow!!!!!
Happy First week of school everyone! )
Of course there are the obvious differences…. one has boobs and the other doesn't. (And yes, I realize men have 'male members' - however, most any lesbian has a drawer full of those in various shapes, colours and sizes. Which…. I'm not gonna' lie: that's kind of handy.
Aside from the obvious body differences - dating and/or being with girls is really a whole different ball game…. at least it is for me.
This morning for breakfast Hail Mary made us pancakes - and mine came with a pancake drizzle 'heart' on top…. and like - that was it.
Just a heart.
Out of pancakes.
On top of my pancakes.
And a sweet smile because she was super proud of herself.
There was no lingering 'wink-wink' like there usually is with a guy after such a romantic gesture…. like she was "expecting" something from me in the bedroom later…. she just wanted to do something sweet. That's all.
Okay…. so may be a few of you are shaking your heads and saying…. "My husband/boyfriend would do that and not be 'expecting' anything…." - but I bet *more* of you are nodding along with me…. there would have been hopes for a blow job in there somewhere if *any* man I ever dated made me a heart shape anything…..
I don't know. May be because I was less inclined to want to be sexually intimate with men - and therefore I was 'looking' for things……? Like, maybe I was reading into gestures for 'expectations' - because deep down I wasn't too nuts (pun intended) about having to put out?
IT's hard to say….. I mean - woman always joke about guys bringing them flowers or presents out of the blue and it's like either they *want* something or they *did* something they have to apologize for…. so I can't be too far off base (or… there are *a lot* more closet lesbians out there than anyone wants to admit. lolol)
I kind of feel like Hail Mary is always doing things for me - just because…. which is kind of awesome.
Of course, it hasn't been all heart shaped pancakes… we've had a few bumps in the road but even then, there's always lots and lots and lots of talking….. about feelings and perceptions and communication and mis-communication….. which is just so much easier on me. It's so great to be with someone who stops what would usually become an angry screaming match and say's…. "Oh, I thought when you said *this* that you meant *that* - now I can see why we aren't connecting….."
Crazy.
Or, one day we did have a tiff on the phone and we were supposed to meet up for a social event and instead Hail Mary called and met me to run my errands before hand - she said that we were in a "bad space" and that we shouldn't walk into a social setting in a 'bad space', but instead we should take a few minutes to talk face to face and get back to our usual 'happy space' together…. and *then* go to the event.
It was just walking around Wal-Mart, but she was right. After a few minutes of just being around each other, we were back in our usual place… and went on to be social in happy moods.
Hail Mary is wise. Very wise.
She doesn't know this…. so don't go telling her. lololol
She always holds my hand…. which is super nice. However, TWO TIMES no at the local Red Robin we've gotten "the look"….. what's the look you ask? IT's "Those Are LESBIANS" look. You would think that in 2013 gay people wouldn't get stared at in public anymore…. but we totally do.
The first time we were sitting side by side in the booth and just eating and talking and Hail Mary planet a few sweet kisses (no tongue…. that would be gross in public in my humble opinion lol) - and there was a huge family sitting across the way from us.
For a while the Dad stared. Then he said something to this teenage son who stared. Who told the Mom who turned her hear 180 degrees in her seat to stare…. which lead to the other adults at the table all taking turns and whispering to each other…..
Sigh.
So Hail Mary, who had grown sick of being stared at for doing *exactly* what they were doing: eating dinner at a table - gave them a huge smile and a wave….. and they were *still* staring… so then I planted a big one on Hail Mary and they finally all turned around and made an effort not to look over again…. I mean - even the waitress noticed it! lol
Then Saturday we were leaving a football game, just walking on the driveway and holding hands and a college guy was walking towards us making rather lewd and suggestive hand gestures about us (Cleary) being lesbians…. we just kept walking, but Hail May said she had a few 'hand gestures' she wanted to share with him… but we just kept walking.
It's amazing to me, even in Portland, how much we get stared at. How many people nudge whoever they are with to whisper and nod in our direction, it's like "Step Right Up And See With YOUR OWN EYES Two (rather non-descript) LESBIANS - in the flesh!"
I don't care, mind you. I spent far too many years not being proud of who I was…. I'm certainly not willing to trade who I am now - or the pride I have about who I am with - just because it makes me some kind of Social Circus Attraction for some people. That's fine…..
I just wish people would understand how much what I am now is…. *normal* for me. It feels natural because… it *is*. No one "made" me this way - no one "made" Hail Mary this way…. we just *are* this way.
I am lucky enough to have found someone who accepts me and everything about me - and loves me anyway - that's kind of rare and awesome and amazing…. and may this will last forever and may be it already has some unknown "Sell By" date stamped on it…. but either way, I'm going to enjoy being with her and being loved by her… and yes that means I'm going to hold her hand in public. Anyone on the planet who takes issue with that can look at the sky, the clouds, the flowers, the passing cars, the menu, the pictures on the wall… whatever. The world is a big place - there are plenty of things once can do other than stare at something they don't like or don't approve of.
It happened to me once at Wal-Mart- in the soup aisle I believe. The Boy saw two women together and whatever they did he figured out that they were "together" and he was just sitting there staring and staring and then he said something about them being together - sounding surprised. So I took that opportunity to say to him that they *WERE* indeed two women - two "Moms" - and that that was like just like "our" family (at the time with El Capitan) - and that their family just had two Moms.
The Boy replied…. "cool", and we were on our way with a smile and a nod from the two women.
Sometimes, I feel like we've come so far… and then it seems like we have so much farther to go … I know that *I've* come a long way… but we all have a long way to go on this new path - starting with The Boy's FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL on Wednesday!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow he gets tested to see where he is at and discuss what grade they would like to put him in…. so send the little man lots of positive thoughts tomorrow!!!!!
Happy First week of school everyone! )
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