But .. good grief - sitting in the heat for 8 hours PLUS the set up PLUS getting everything ready... I don't think I cleared $8.00 an hour - AND I HAD GOOD STUFF dammit.... Toy Story Toys and Disney Princess and great clothes! Just... perhaps the wrong weekend? Not sure....
Yeah... I think I could have done better working 'the old fashioned way'. oh well......
I had big plans for that money - well, stupid, silly, petty plans. Plans that are NOT fiscally responsible and are waaaaaay out of the realm of reality for me now.... but - in the weeks BYG* (*Before Yoga Girl) - El Capitan and I were planning on using our tax return to take the kids to Disneyland.
The Boy is a HUGE holiday freak.... I can't put into words JUST how crazy he is for Halloween. It *not* at all about the candy - it's allll about the house decor - indoor and outdoor. At the start of August he'll start asking to go to Target and The Goodwill while he counts down the days until they put out Halloween.... every single day!
This year - he's been putting out Halloween for the last three weeks at the house we're staying in. He even makes his own 'Halloween store' signs with zombies drawn on them and they say, "Halloween: Spirit Store Opening in September".
Obsessed. Totally and completely.
So.... when I learned that Disneyland DECORATES for Halloween - well - it was decided that we HAD to go. The Boy would LOSE HIS EVER LOVING MIND.
But then El Capitan tripped over his own moral compass, and broke it in Yoga Girls g-spot. Shame about that.
So, instead of that money going to Disneyland - it went to the various fee's and whatnot of getting the divorce and then towards fixing the house.... So, the fun money was gone on stuff that was NOT fun for the kids.
Then... the magnets started selling and I hatched a plan to use some magnet money and any proceeds from a garage sale to try and save up enough to take the kids to Disneyland. (I haven't sold ANYWHERE near enough magnets! lololol) The idea being that they lost their summer to the divorce, and cleaning prepping and selling the house. That hasn't been very fun for them.
I feel dirty and greedy and shameful just writting that... For f*cks sake.... we don't have a HOME! I have NO FREAKING BUSINESS going to Disneyland!!!!!! It's sooooo irresponsible - I'm a SINGLE MOM! I have NO consistent income!!!!!! What the hell am I thinking?!?!?!?!
I'm thinking this: so begins a chapter in my children's lives where they will be giving up a lot of things. First the safety and security of the family they knew, then a lot of their toys.... eventually, they will most likely have to give up having a Mom who "stayed at home" because I'll have to work to support us. So... their entire lives will change.... I'm just trying to hold on to the one last thing WE had planned for the kids. I talked to my parents and the people helping us (and El Capitan) and it was decided that if I could make enough at the garage sale and magnet sales, then I could use that money to take the kids to Disney - because it was "found" money.
I'm not sure that makes sense..... I'm probably misguided and holding on to the wrong things... but, when you suddenly realise that you're falling over the biggest, most jagged cliff of your life- you'll pretty much grab onto anyfreakin'thing just to try to find your footing again.
So... I had high hopes for my garage sale... but today they were burned to the ground by an 80 degree sun and a state full of healthy people who do things like hike and run and go to the beach... instead of shop at garage sales on a sunny summer day.... damn healthy people! lololol
Pixar Girls' Mom came back and bought some tutu's and a few more dolls... I gave her a magnet told her to look for yesterdays blog.... she seemed a bit tickled. I was glad to know that her little chubby cheeks (Pixar Girls cheeks - not the Moms! LOL) would light up when she saw a few more dolls coming home!
Then... some lady rolled up and bought The Girls Rapunzel/Tangled doll... and announced it was for her dog to chew on. WHAT? WHAT? ...... but she paid full price and I couldn't really refuse to sell it..... damn.
Jenny-Jen-Jen spent the day with me - brining her happy, sweet brood and her own stuff to sell. It was nice to have company since the sale was sooooo slow! Good friends and good conversation seem to be softening a lot of blows for me as of late... bwahahahaha. But I had a nice time with her for sure.
I was trying not to be discouraged with the day when a nice looking lady showed up. She didn't really look around, she just kind of came up to me and asked me if the sign was true. I didn't see a gun in her hand, or one nestled in her waistband, so I felt safe enough to answer and said yes...... lol
She went on to tell me that her husband of 25 years - father of their two kids- had just left her, too. They had done counseling and she fought hard to save it... but down the toilet it went. He said she didn't "respect" him enough. Hmmm... I've heard that one, too.
I'm not saying that either cheatingbastard is wrong (and yes, I meant to type that as one word fellow proof readers - lol) - but..... what about YOU?
Is it RESPECTFUL when *I* have to take out the trash ALL. THE . EFFING . TIME because you *actually* think the Homer Simpson way of taking out the trash applies to people NOT created by Matt Groening? Homer never takes out the trash and the so the whole family will just fill and fill and fill the can until whoever puts the last piece of garbage into the can that causes it to all fall over - has to clean up the mess and take out the garbage.
Let me just assure you that this is a faaaar less funny practice in your own kitchen as opposed to the one featured on FOX every Sunday night.
But that's just it, right? Somewhere along the line it seems to have become ACCEPTABLE to be Homer. It's all shucks and awe and sheepish grins and oops - "I spent all our mortgage money at Moe's" - and with that Marge heads to bed and puts out with her classic "Oh Homey....." line because clearly she feels lucky that a balding, lazy, stupid sack of yellow crap with elastic in the waistband of his pants still wants to bone her and stay married to her?
I'm picking on Homer a little bit here to prove a point... though, El Capitan never spent our money at bars or gambling or whatever.... but you get the idea.
Whatever happened to Mr. Cleaver? I'll tell you what - *if* I had the *time* to get my hair done every week at the beauty shop... oh - and the money. and *if* I had been married to someone who RESPECTED ME enough not to blow up my ENTIRE LIFE using his penis as a lethal weapon in a clear battle to destroy my emotional sanity... well, yeah - I probably WOULD have put out more. Or... nagged less? But again... back to the trash can - I think asking ONCE should just EFFING get the job done.... if you FAIL to do it and I have to ask again- why does that make ME a "nag" and not YOU a fat, lazy, balding, sack of yellow crap?
And ps.... 'Homer''s" of the world: asking more than once or twice for mundane things to happen like... taking out the trash, putting your dirty underwear in the laundry basket, not picking your nose, brushing the children's teeth.. .hell- brushing YOUR OWN teeth.... *DOES NOT* put a gal 'in the mood'.
wow. This is taking a bitter turn tonight... lololol.
The lady and I talked (oh, my tangent is over, I'm back to talking to the lady in my driveway now) and I instantly felt sad for her... sad that she had spent so many years on her family, raising her children, keeping her figure and taking car of herself - and yet...... her husband left her, too. I gave her a magnet and a hug but it's hardly the consolation prize any woman deserves after 30 years of marriage.
Then I set about packing up what didn't sell to donate to the Goodwill. It was bitter sweet and emotional.... ok, ok... I cried like a freakin' baby.
I came across this 'puppy back-pack' that we had for The Boy when he was a toddler. I was *always* the kind of pre-Mom who said that I would NEVER use any kind of leash or tether on my kid in public... after all - *those* are for sh*tty parents who don't watch their kids and it's a leash and blah blah blah..... and then I *had* a kid and as soon as that speedy little bastard could dart out of my sight... I bought that puppy back-pack that has the "tail' that you hold onto and strapped it to his cute butt EVERY TIME we went anywhere super big and super busy. The Zoo, the beach, airports... (never the grocery store or mall... I *do* have standards you know.....) - but it occured to me, as I put him into the box, that this little puppy had seen us through our happiest times.
In those days *WE* were happy - life was good and those BYG days are sooooo precious now. So I cried like a damn baby because more than anyting I want to strap that back-pack to my kid - even sew it on him..... because now, more than ever, I don't know where our future leads, how he'll process his father's infidelity, and.... now, I'm more at risk of 'losing' him than I probably ever was.
So when at the end of the sale, a older man pulled up in a really cool old, old, car with white-wall tires from which he hoped out and gave me a big hug and said... "So, where are the tools darlin'?"
I asked him what tools he was looking for?
He said, "Your old man's tools - and his Harley or his car and his clothes... they gotta' be here somewhere?" and he laughed.
I told him that only things at the sale were mine and my kids... that I had packed and moved El Capitans things to storage long ago.
He walked over, gave me another hug and told me, "It'll only get better doll... I'm living proof."
Then he drove away. I hope he's right... I hope it gets better but mostly I just hope that I'm doing things as "right" as I can .... that's the last 'leash' I have to keeping my kids close to me........