So my laptop is totally dead. damn.
This kind of escalates the need for work now..... at this point, my options are either 'real job' or strap a mattress to my back and earn laptop money the old fashioned way... hahaha
Clearly: I'll be applying for a real job. :)
I'll be honest... I'm a wee bit tired tonight. The down hard drive and laptop aren't helping - lol.
Today was El Capitan's day with the kids - and they had a very lovely time. Which is good.... it's not perfect, but the it makes me happy for the kids to come back with happy stories of time with their Dad. The alternative is not an option ... really.
So.... I saw Gym Guy today (hi there....) - and it turns out he reads The Blog from time to time.... I bet that makes me seriously awesome dating material - eh? hahahah
Most of the last two days has been spent answering emails and talking ..... why is it so hard for people to understand that it's possible that I have *actually* moved on......?
How long as I supposed to wear black and hang my head in shame over someone who did this to me.....? am I *really* supposed to have 'feelings' for him still?
Because, I don't.
I really, really, really - the power of a million - do not have feelings for him.
I don't have bad feelings for him - or good feelings.... at times, I certainly have annoyed feelings - but they pretty much end there.
I don't think about him.... I don't call him - I don't email him or text him or really even talk about him anymore...
It's just that simple.
Life is just too short to keep being sad or angry or upset about... well - about anything.
I understand that we've all been here and that you have all been down the darkest of hole's with me..... and that's a huge blessing. Really - it is. However, I firmly believe that going there - staying there and allowing myself the *time* I needed to feel and process and move on from all that pain and anger and resentment - means that I get to crawl out of the hole and *be* whole again.
Whole - and happy and excited about life.
My kids - *any* kid - NEEDS their parent to do that.
No, I'm not rushing anything.....
I haven't been dating anyone and everyone - I've spent the time I needed to spend on me and the kids and on healing.... I believe that time has paid off.
I'm not sure anyone ever fully "heals" from this situation - that's true.
But I can sure as sh*t try. lol
At this point though.... laughing every day - is happening without trying.
Finding joy everyday - is happening without crying.
Being excited about my future - is happening without crying.
I think those are all solid signs that I've healed and moved on and I'm ready for life to move on......
On top of that - I can treat El Capitan with the same kindness and consideration that I treat *any* human on the planet - and it doesn't take special thought or consideration.
It really doesn't.
So that's me...... happy.
Get used to it. :)