Happy Sex-iversary. lololol
This marks one year that you've been ... well.... intimate with the man who - at the time, was my husband. Now... he's your boyfriend. A lot has changed, that's for sure.
What *hasn't* changed... is you.
I think that you still think you are entitled to some kind of misplaced annoyance with me... well, to be blunt: you're not. Whatever you *think* I did... I actually did very little to you upon finding out you were banging my husband in my car.
Usually women respond by harassing the other woman by phone, text, facebook or email... I did NONE of those things. None of them. I even went so far as to protect your identity.... I provided you with the consideration you deserved as a living, breathing, human being.
But it's been a YEAR.
You and El Capitan have been living together for almost one year.
Now, however, you are not really 'Yoga Girl' anymore. You are a year older and... you have been living with El Capitan for this whole year. I know who you are - my *children* know who you are... don't you think it's time that you knew who they were?
The Boy has been asking about you since December - he thinks that he hasn't yet met you because you don't like him. I have assured him that that is not the case... but - you can't really blame the kid for thinking that way.
While I question your own moral fiber..... the truth is - it doesn't really matter. What *does* matter is that you are the woman the father of my children is in love with. You are the woman he lives with. As such, this catapults you into a role in *all* our lives that I think you fail to see and understand.
El Capitan, in spite of appearances, is not a foot-loose and fancy free man. He is a father - he has two children who love him and desperately want to be a part of his life. Currently, they are only visitors to his life. They don't know where he lives, they don't go to his home, they know nothing of who is now. This troubles me - and frankly - it troubles them.
Instead, El Capitan is a *father* and any woman he dates for a *year* needs to start thinking about the role of.... wait for it... 'step-mother'. Perhaps you're not ready to marry El Capitan, so at the very least we need to start thinking about the label of co-parent.
I have been ready for this for a few months - but times is a tickin'..... and the longer it takes for you to meet the children the more awkward this is going to be for everyone - especially the children.
So, this is my open letter to you to let you know that I am ready to work with you, to accept you as someone who is important to El Capitan and therefor will be important to my children. Truly.
The children need to see all of us working together for their benefit. They need to see that their father has, indeed, moved on - so that THEY can move on.
My children are delightful little beings... you will love them instantly. The Boy will go out of his way to entertain you with a 'silly show' and tell you all his best jokes (must like his Father did I'm sure... lololol). The Girl will make you all her best funny faces and probably break out a few dance moves. They are generally careful in other people's homes and are well-mannered and respectful.
Most importantly, I have not poisoned them against you. They only know you exist, they know very little else. I'm sure, to some degree, they might 'fight' you - because seeing you with their father will make our divorce real to them on a new level... but you'll need to stand your ground. If they challenge your romantic role in their father's life you will need to stand your ground - tell them that you love their father and want to be apart of their life - and leave it at that. I promise to work with them on my end if that comes up.
I realize that I have written and said things about you that you might not like.... but, those are the breaks I'm afraid. I'm allowed to have my opinions - I'm just not allowed to share them with the children: and I have not.
You will have to be the bigger person and realize that I am/was entitled to those views AND that - at the very least - I was free to express them... after all, I didn't burn them into the interior of your car with a match... lololol
I will give you my word that I will work hard to ensure that you are accepted into our family. I will support your role as a co-parent so long as you sit down with me prior to meeting the children and we can discuss the parenting style that El Capitan and I have subscribed too and you agree to continue to raise our children as we have.
I think we should all have a family dinner - where El Capitan and I can introduce you to the children together as I think they will do better if they can see us being in the same space and working together.
These are all incredibly important life skills that the children need - so we will have to handle them carefully and clearly, but if we all work together, I believe we can do it.
Finally, I want to let you know that I accept you as the person El Capitan wants to be with. Not only that, but I will support you in a positive manner as a part of our family. I will not trash talk you to the children (I haven't done that yet) - nor will I trash talk about you to El Capitan. If I have an issue with someone you've done or said with the children, I will approach you openly to discuss any issue's so that you know I respect you.
So. Let me know when you are ready. The kids are ready. I am ready. I hope you'll start consider being ready yourself. :)
Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer, potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
You can see some of Elle's photography at: