Dear Yoga Girl:

3/29/2013

So.

Happy Sex-iversary. lololol

This marks one year that you've been ... well.... intimate with the man who - at the time, was my husband. Now... he's your boyfriend. A lot has changed, that's for sure.

What *hasn't* changed... is you.

I think that you still think you are entitled to some kind of misplaced annoyance with me... well, to be blunt: you're not. Whatever you *think* I did... I actually did very little to you upon finding out you were banging my husband in my car.

Usually women respond by harassing the other woman by phone, text, facebook or email... I did NONE of those things. None of them. I even went so far as to protect your identity.... I provided you with the consideration you deserved as a living, breathing, human being.

You're welcome.

But it's been a YEAR.

You and El Capitan have been living together for almost one year.

Now, however, you are not really 'Yoga Girl' anymore. You are a year older and... you have been living with El Capitan for this whole year. I know who you are - my *children* know who you are... don't you think it's time that you knew who they were?

The Boy has been asking about you since December - he thinks that he hasn't yet met you because you don't like him. I have assured him that that is not the case... but - you can't really blame the kid for thinking that way.

While I question your own moral fiber..... the truth is - it doesn't really matter. What *does* matter is that you are the woman the father of my children is in love with. You are the woman he lives with. As such, this catapults you into a role in *all* our lives that I think you fail to see and understand.

El Capitan, in spite of appearances, is not a foot-loose and fancy free man. He is a father - he has two children who love him and desperately want to be a part of his life. Currently, they are only visitors to his life. They don't know where he lives, they don't go to his home, they know nothing of who is now. This troubles me - and frankly - it troubles them.

Instead, El Capitan is a *father* and any woman he dates for a *year* needs to start thinking about the role of.... wait for it... 'step-mother'. Perhaps you're not ready to marry El Capitan, so at the very least we need to start thinking about the label of co-parent.

I have been ready for this for a few months - but times is a tickin'..... and the longer it takes for you to meet the children the more awkward this is going to be for everyone - especially the children.

So, this is my open letter to you to let you know that I am ready to work with you, to accept you as someone who is important to El Capitan and therefor will be important to my children. Truly.

The children need to see all of us working together for their benefit. They need to see that their father has, indeed, moved on - so that THEY can move on.

My children are delightful little beings... you will love them instantly. The Boy will go out of his way to entertain you with a 'silly show' and tell you all his best jokes (must like his Father did I'm sure... lololol). The Girl will make you all her best funny faces and probably break out a few dance moves. They are generally careful in other people's homes and are well-mannered and respectful.

Most importantly, I have not poisoned them against you. They only know you exist, they know very little else. I'm sure, to some degree, they might 'fight' you - because seeing you with their father will make our divorce real to them on a new level... but you'll need to stand your ground. If they challenge your romantic role in their father's life you will need to stand your ground - tell them that you love their father and want to be apart of their life - and leave it at that. I promise to work with them on my end if that comes up.

I realize that I have written and said things about you that you might not like.... but, those are the breaks I'm afraid. I'm allowed to have my opinions - I'm just not allowed to share them with the children: and I have not.

You will have to be the bigger person and realize that I am/was entitled to those views AND that - at the very least - I was free to express them... after all, I didn't burn them into the interior of your car with a match... lololol

I will give you my word that I will work hard to ensure that you are accepted into our family. I will support your role as a co-parent so long as you sit down with me prior to meeting the children and we can discuss the parenting style that El Capitan and I have subscribed too and you agree to continue to raise our children as we have.

I think we should all have a family dinner - where El Capitan and I can introduce you to the children together as I think they will do better if they can see us being in the same space and working together.

These are all incredibly important life skills that the children need - so we will have to handle them carefully and clearly, but if we all work together, I believe we can do it.

Finally, I want to let you know that I accept you as the person El Capitan wants to be with. Not only that, but I will support you in a positive manner as a part of our family. I will not trash talk you to the children (I haven't done that yet) - nor will I trash talk about you to El Capitan. If I have an issue with someone you've done or said with the children, I will approach you openly to discuss any issue's so that you know I respect you.

So. Let me know when you are ready. The kids are ready. I am ready. I hope you'll start consider being ready yourself. :)

Warmly,

Elle

9 Comments

Christina

3/29/2013 03:51:37

Elle,

I know how you are thinking ... because it's LOGICAL to think the way you are. But in this situation, since I've been there, it's not. Of course to any normal person it makes sense for the kids to meet Yoga Girl and be a part of their life. And of course you can't imagine being with a man who has children and not meeting them for a year.

BUT Yoga girl is a child and she didn't choose to be with your husband because she wanted a family. She got to be with your husband carefree. NO kids. NO family bills or issues. All the things that marriage come with. She likes him carefree, no children to deal with, just the two of them alone, hanging out, going to dinner/movie, whatever it is they want to do.

I know this cause this is exactly to the letter what happened in my situation. And it has now been 7 years since I found out about the other woman (she was then 19 yrs old) and my youngest twins were turning 2. Seems so long ago since they are having their 9th birthday. Anyway ... Two years ago (which would be FIVE YEARS into being with my husband) she finally started coming around the kids. I waited and waited and waited all those 5 years for the day when she would come around and questioned. They loved their little private, kid free, dating time. And now she's around. Not to sporting events, or school functions, or to help get my kids to their activities or make them dinner. Just around to say hey or go out to dinner when they do or fun things. I really hoped at some point we'd be able to co-parent ........ but I realized that will never happen. She isn't in this to be a "mom" or to be a significant person in my children's lives. She's just here to be with my now ex-husband. I can't understand. I have a husband now who loves those children. He couldn't even wait the 3 months I had wanted him to to meet the children. He coaches their little league and tucks them in. He is respectful to their father and an amazing man. How can she not want to be a parent like that? Well...she started out as a baby. That's how. And she has only fallen in the love with the man and a life that isn't hard.

I hope that my situation doesn't totally happen to you ....... meaning 4 years from now you are still wondering (and the kids are wondering) why she isn't around..... but be prepared for it. :(

Shirley link

3/29/2013 04:42:18

It occurs to me that the reason Yoga Girl is not involved with the children is GUILT. It's easy to disregard the wife, find justification for not closing one's legs to a married man and breaking up a family but not so easy to deal with the children face-to-face. With Yoga Girl being close to a child herself, I would think one look at the children, she could relate and the guilt of what she's done would be overwhelming. Even if the children were trained not to judge her, their mere presence would cause her to judge herself.

Melissa

3/29/2013 04:55:29

I'm glad you're ready, Elle, and the children are, too. However...my prediction? I don't think this is every going to happen.

First, if EC decides he *does* want her to finally meet the children, I doubt she is going to agree to meet with you to have dinner and discuss how you and EC raise the children and the rules she must comply with. So...what I'm getting at is...if the children haven't met her in A YEAR, I don't think it's going to happen. I think EC and YG are going to break up. A YEAR. There is no way she is important enough to him, if he hasn't introduced her to his children in A YEAR. He's fooling himself. She's fooling herself. Their relationship is not meant to last.

And your children are better off NOT knowing her since this will inevitably not end well.

Romana

3/29/2013 11:46:59

Wow. A side of divorce with small children I've rarely thought about. What a can of worms YG has gotten herself into at such a young age. Pity. You go Elle!! Keep calling her out.

Misty

3/29/2013 19:34:24

sometimes you make it very easy to want to scream her name from rooftops! *** *******. gah. Why oh why am I a nice person!? :P

Rhonda Freiss

3/30/2013 05:22:23

Everyone seems quick to judge the Yoga girl. Has it ever occurred that she might not want to give Elle more ammunition for a public and vindictive blog? You should be writing her a letter, not a public post. Can't be good for the children. But if you choose to constantly pontificate about your private affairs, then not everyone wants to interact with you.

Alex

4/1/2013 14:00:29

Rhonda, I agree this letter won't work but don't you think you're being a tad naive thinking that Yoga Girl would respond any better to a private letter?

At least this way the story is open and on the record for Elle, people won't get a different story about what Elle actually said.

It doesn't matter how this is presented to Yoga Girl, she either wants to deal with the kids or she doesn't. She's resentful Elle bitching about her (anonymously) on the internet after she's invaded Elle's privacy in her marriage AND used her Netflix and mooched the storage unit. What does she want? Maybe Elle could offer to wash her socks and *then* she'd want to interact?

Taun-Taun

3/30/2013 14:39:11

Elle

You are classy as ever. I too don't believe that YG wants anything to do with being a "mom" of any type. Too much fun being...young.

Hugs to you.

Kay

3/31/2013 21:20:17

Ah... excellent try Elle. I think Shirley is correct, and Christina knows all too well how young girls still wet behind the ears handle such heavy situations. They hide! Romana hit the nail on the head, YG has herself in a can of worms. Not just a can, but a TUB of worms. I feel like Misty, I've thought about posting her name myself. Rhonda sounds too me like she is a friend or maybe even possibly YG herself, hiding behind what appears to be a full name. Tuan-Tuan may be on to something. As for me, I personally believe YG is afraid to face you. She will no doubt put it off for a very long time. Concluding she remains EC main squeeze. There's truth to an old adage. YG was able to take EC because he wanted to be taken. At some point in time, she will realize that there will be another YG who will take EC and she too will be successful because EC will want it as he did before. I'm surprise someone hasn't started writing YG identity on Portland's bathroom walls yet! Gosh, I am surprised YG hasn't written a book herself "How to use Yoga charm to rob a family of a husband and father" EC will realize what he has the moment she has a baby, she's be watching him like a hawk because she knows all too well how easy it is to get EC, she did it. A thought, almost a year being EC girlfriend, could it be that she is already PG and they are trying to keep that hush from you and the kids??? Good open letter, I dare her to stand up and be a woman.

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Elle Zober

Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer, potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!

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SITE DISCLAIMER/
POINTS OF FACT:
El Capitan not only KNEW about and approved the signs, he helped pay for them. :)
The children have NOT seen the signs and will NOT see the signs. PERIOD.
This SITE and the SIGN were made to SELL OUR HOME.... what else this might be turning into is unclear, but the original intent was bereft of revenge or malice and was truly to sell our home.
We ARE DIVORCED and for the very reason the sign suggests.

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Dear Yoga Girl:

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Buy The Book!ON AMAZON!

Elle Zober

Archives

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91,395 Readersand counting...

Buy The Book!
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91,395 Readers
and counting...