I'm still working so that means traveling back to The Bubbie to drop off The Girl and then to go a job, which is 45 minutes in one direction…. *and* that's assuming I didn't hit the butt-loads of traffic that "sometimes" happen…. in the last week alone I sat in 9 hours of TRAFFIC.
I know… I know- I can hear the LA readers screaming at their screens - "ONLY 9 hours!?!?!" lol… but for the Portland Metro area - that's *a lot* of traffic - and it's going to take some getting used to for me and the kids. Ideally, we won't be traveling back and forth every day, but mainly on the weekends.
So, to the begging question…. where are we?
Well, we have moved in to a house with Hail Mary. It was actually her idea (one she might regret, eh? lol) - and like I said in the moving post, after reading up on the local school, it was decided by everyone involved - myself, Hail Mary, The Bubbie & Papa and El Capitan - that this would be a good opportunity for The Boy to take advantage of.
Even for a couple of love-struck lesbians…. this timeline is a wee bit on the close side. However, waiting until The New Year or next year was something that The Boy's counselor advised against strongly in regards to making a positive change for him. When it came down to it - there were really no downsides to moving and way more positives.
Of course, the major downside being if things don't work out with Hail Mary - it's a loss for the kids and a loss for me as well…. mind you- *most* people aren't all that worried about *ME*! lol…. but a few people were like, "What if you involve her with the kids and it ends and she leaves…..?"
I'm like… yeah - we already *got* that t-shirt…. right?
Of course, I worry about that - right? That's why I wrote our divorce papers the way I did, because I wanted to keep them from meeting a slew of people that El Capitan or I were dating… I wanted to protect them from that kind of change or potential turnover.
What I have learned, above all else, in the last 16 months is that I actually only protect my children from f*ckall. F*ck. All. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
It's hard to learn to accept that as a parent - after all the Attachment Parenting and baby-wearing and breast feeding….. you think you have so much 'control'… but the truth is, I have no control. I can't control what their Dad does or how various people's decisions will affect them (or not) in the future. All I *can* do is try as hard as I can to give them the tools (emotional and otherwise) that they will need to deal with….. life.
It's hard to fall in love at 38 with two kids under your feet…. there's not really enough time for just the two of you when there are four of you around all the time. On top of that, my time and attention is split and if the kids are home and around, they kind of take pole position in my thoughts and decisions and conversations…. which Hail Mary understands.
I'm pretty lucky for that.
Understanding as she is, it's sometimes hard for both of us to find time to connect when we're running around all day working and whatnot…. we tend to just fall asleep… or rather, I'm pretty good at falling asleep. lolol…..
Of course, there's always fear…. right? I mean, now it's not just *me* falling in love - it's the kids, too. They'll spend more and more time with Hail Mary and months or years or decades from now…. if it doesn't work: it's their love that's lost, too.
Which sucks. A Lot.
But…. there are no guarantee's in life. As much as I want to believe in everything Edward promises to Bella… there really are *NO* "forever's" in this life. At least not for us mere mortals, anyway. And, in spite of anything you *might* have heard at Church or read about online - lesbians are actually just mere mortals. lol
It really comes down to some advice Janda gave me. She said, "Stop looking for forever, and just look for someone you have fun with - date them and see what happens." I suppose, in a way, I'm always been looking for 'forever' - but that's what girls do. Raised on healthy diet of Disney fairy tales and John Cusak films, I've always looked at potential mates with my 'forever' glasses on. Which, I think is kind of wrong.
I thought El Capitan was forever. I was pretty sure of it. In fact, if you had asked me one hour before I saw that first text message - I would have *confidently* told you that El Capitan was for forever. With A Doubt…. and we all know where that got me.
Hail Mary started as a friend of a mutual friend.
We met and she was…. interested. Bella said Hail Mary was throwing me all kinds of 'looks' and 'signals', but I wasn't very receptive because Hail Mary is younger (quite a bit younger) - and I just assumed that when she found out I had kids that she wouldn't be interested.
So I saw her around at different lesbian events and she messaged me on facebook about something… then we were messaging about movies and music and somehow I ended up meeting her for the first movie- where the Mall Cops threatened us with $600 fines if got naked in the parking lot. lol. I still think that's funny.
But… it was just a few nights after that we had our "first date" - and then our second date…. and our first date went on as long as our 'friend date' - with the two of us talking… and kissing - until it was 3am and we both had to drive home from the restaurant. (Side Note: it's super cute, but Hail Mary actually *asked* me if she could kiss me. After five *hours* of talking and laughing at dinner and another HOUR of me leaning up against my car in the most 'casual but my face looks really good from this angle' way.... just *waiting* for her to kiss me... she still *asked* me, "Is it okay if I kiss you now?" Umm... yes... hell yes! lolol)
The second "official" date though…. Hail Mary made me pizza at her place and she had noticed that I always get strawberry lemonade when we go out - so, she had bought the stuff to make lemonade from scratch and *then* she bought fresh strawberries and raspberry's which she crushed by hand to mix into the lemonade.
Now - *that* really was sweet enough. Pizza with two halves with different toppings because she wasn't sure what I would like… butch girls are so thoughtful.
More than the lemonade was the fact that Hail Mary had placed some of her homemade mixture into an ice cube tray - and I had strawberry/raspberry lemonade ice cubes.
Done. Sold. Hooked…. that was my "Cliff Elevator" moment…… (Okay - in Singles - Janet is in love with Clifff the entire movie…. she pines and gets over him - and Cliff is kind of a douche. Then he falls in love with Janet but she's over him…. but allll along - she had said that her *one* thing, her one 'wish' - was that she would sneeze and her Mr. Perfect would say "bless you." At the end of the movie Cliff is in the elevator with a now indifferent Janet… she sneeze's… he says it - just to be polite - and she jumps his bones and they make out then and there.)
So … yeah - the ice cubes hadn't really hit the bottom of the glass before Hail Mary had my arms wrapped around her…. butch girls got game. Seriously. And hey…. don't judge - it was technically the *third* date, so kissing is well in order at this point.
But that's generally what I really like about Haily Mary. She really thinks about what the people around her need - whether it's family or friends or whoever…. she puts a lot of thought and effort into being there for the people in her life. We're a bit similar that way….. we kind of take care of people in the same way - which means, …. drum roll please: Hail Mary takes care of me the way I have always taken care of other people. Which is amazing.
I'm afraid to say much else…. what if this doesn't work out? Do I really want to be the 'scorned and bitter lesbian'? Hmm… probably not. lololol
But, at the same time…. I wish I could tell you … show you how amazing being with Hail Mary is. How when she kisses me - oh… and she *loves* to point this out to me - that I almost always have to pause to catch my breath because… to be honest: she kind of still takes it away.
The best I can do, is share this with you……. enjoy.