The day of The Book launch draws near.... and I have to admit... it's a little bit exciting.
Well... ok: a lot exciting.
I'm not sure too many more *really* exciting things are going to happen to me.... at least not until the kids graduate and get married and have babies of their own.... *that* will be more exciting.....
In the mean time... there's not a whole lot else going on in *my* personal life aside from The Book. So I'm pretty excited. I don't know ... it sounds silly, but really, I'm actually kind of honored.
Does that sound lame?
Anyhow......
Once this last part of this crazy, amazing ride ..... life will once again return to totally normal and I'm still trying to figure out how to support us. sigh. Anyone who say's that money can't buy you happiness has never been a single Mom living (gratefully) in someone else's spare room and shelling out a small mint for health insurance. Trust me.... money would be stability, a home, food, health insurance - those things add up to happiness. Believe it.
The thing is... I'm not alone. Ok... so no one is going to show up and pay my bills, which is fine - but I'm not *alone*.- I've gotten so many emails lately from women going through the same thing as me. Story upon story about husbands who traded in their wives - for whatever reason - and in doing so, took with them the financial security these women once knew. I take a small amount of encouragement from that, because if other people can figure this out, then it gives me hope that I will figure this out.
Even still..... while we never had "money" - we never got ahead, had a savings or whatever... when there was *two* of us, it seemed more stable, at least I felt safe: even if that was a false sense of security. A false sense of security is better than no feeling at all. lol
It's strange to be at this place of uncertainly in my life. When I was younger... much younger and a lot lighter - uncertainty was a welcome thing. I could dream about the future and it seemed like allll kinds of things were possible - that nothing stood in my way.
Now, though - there are obstacles everywhere I look.
It's not that I don't have "hope" - but... I'm a realist. Life is going to be a lot harder now, starting over at 37, then it was starting over again at 25... that doesn't mean it can't be done, it's just going to be a lot harder.
It doesn't upset me anymore - doesn't take me to that dark pit in my stomach where anger and bitterness meet and dance the night away ..... however, it does still stun me that people can do this to other people. It's mind boggling that one person can make one simple choice and destroy so many other things in the process....
sigh.
I think that that is why El Capitan has agreed to The Blog and The Book - I think that he hopes that I can actually make something out of all this. Perhaps he's hoping that if I can walk away from this with a job? a new career? then he won't have to feel so bad about having ruined our entire life. I, for one, don't see either of those things happening, however, I'm at least grateful that he continues to be supportive of both of them and of my doing them..... I think it's safe to say that other men in his shoes would not be so supportive.
It's not much - but I do have to give him props where they're due.... right?
I just keep trying to find that balance where we can co-exist for the sake of the kids in some kind of world where we don't argue.... where he doesn't get alllll kind of "you're stalking me" and blah blah blah... but I think that will come after he and Yoga Girl break up - I think that there is *a lot* of conversation that goes on so that *she* feels better. Let me explain.
Tonight I caught an interview with LeAnn Rimes - I've blogged about her before.... She was caught cheating with Eddie Cibrian who was married to Brandi Glanville and had two young boys at the time. To this day, LeAnn seems bereft of any kind of ..... ownership for the pain she caused Brandi.
I don't know Brandi.... but I know her pain, and I know it well. too well.
Today LeAnn was just a bitter and angry in her 'new' interview as she usually is.... it's like she seems to think that Brandi and the general public who *aren't* impressed with her decision making should just 'get over it' - because you know... her and Eddie are *true love*. gag.
I find it more than painfully annoying that LeAnn seems to think that *her* "love" with Eddie overshadowed or was more important or 'valid' than that of Brandi's love with Eddie - to whom she was married at the time.
MIND. BOGGLING.
As the interview went on details of the on-going feud between LeAnn and Brandi were discussed... int he first place, it's been TWO YEARS. Two years? Seriously?
If I'm *still* that angry over El Capitan in TWO YEARS.... please take me out to pasture and put me out of my misery.... put us *all* out of that misery. Good Grief.
I get it.... it sucks, it should've have happened - I think LeAnn and Eddie are total douchebags and I will *never* spend a dime on her music or his movies: period. But Brandi is *gorgeous*.... you can't tell me that she doesn't have men - just as rich and handsome and charming as Eddie chasing her down?
Two years later.... my nether region had better not be full of cobwebs and scorned tears... that's all I'm sayin'.
Then.... even though I can barely stand to look at LeAnn... she *almost* kind of/sort of started to redeem herself a teeny-teeny bit...... the reporter was discussing a "twitter feud" where LeAnn had posted something rather benign (IMHO) - "Off to vacation with My boys!"
Brandi came right back with a tweet about how it was really *HER* children and HER boys.... and how LeAnn was just trying to upset and was being 'transparent' about it.
I can *fully* understand Brandi's annoyance..... I know that one day another woman will be spending time with my children and I'm fairly sure that I will be *insanely* jealous of that. Like.... I'm pretty sure that's going to be the second most painful event after the cheating itself.
However... LeAnn say's she wants the children to live in the same love at their Father's house that they live in at their Mother's house.....
And for one bright, shiny moment..... LeAnn shed her douchey skin and the common sense, good morals and kind heart of a real woman showed through...... (however, that moment was a tad brief).
Two years ago, LeAnn was *very much* in the wrong.... no doubt about it, but two years *later* and after Eddie has married LeAnn - putting her into the LEGAL role of "stepmother"..... ugh... and it actually hurts my fingers to type this..... Brandi needs to grow up.
sigh.
Those words *will* come back to haunt me.... when I'm wearing Brandi's shoes.... however, I've said it a hundred times; no child died because too many parents loved them.
Period.
She may have been a cheap, husband stealing whore at one point... but *now* - two years later, she's the stepmother to your children.... like it or not, and again... it actually hurts my fingers to type this but.... the truth of the matter is - LeAnn should be supported by Brandi in the role of 'stepmother'.
sigh again.
I look forward to the day when another woman tweets or facebooks with glee about doing anything with my kids..... sure, having step parents are confusing to some degree - but having people in their lives who want to spend time with them - go on adventures with them.... *that* is a huge blessing.
Having a step parent who loves and supports them is a blessing that *every* child from a divorced family deserves - and not nearly enough of them get it.
While I still reserve my right as a Scorned Wife to maintain a certain amount of disdain for LeAnn.... however, two years, married and a step-mother later..... My Kid's Mother find herself *more* annoyed at the idea that Brandi participates in discouraging the excitement of her kids Step-Mother... that's a bad plan.
What's Brandi going to do if she chases off LeAnn and then her children live through a second divorce.... and who the hell does Eddie hook up with next? At least LeAnn feels somewhat guilt and that no doubt fuels her desire (on some level) to ensure she steps up with the kids who's happy home she helped destroy.
The next woman Eddie cheats with... I mean - marries - might not feel so warm and fuzzy about Brandi's "boys"... and what would she do then?
Me........? I look forward - with pain my heart, a pit in my stomach - to the day when some reasonably nice woman gets excited about spending time with my kids in the role of 'step mother'......
Thankfully.... I said "woman" - not girl child... so I'm pretty sure this will never apply to Yoga Girl.
hahahahahahaha
Well... ok: a lot exciting.
I'm not sure too many more *really* exciting things are going to happen to me.... at least not until the kids graduate and get married and have babies of their own.... *that* will be more exciting.....
In the mean time... there's not a whole lot else going on in *my* personal life aside from The Book. So I'm pretty excited. I don't know ... it sounds silly, but really, I'm actually kind of honored.
Does that sound lame?
Anyhow......
Once this last part of this crazy, amazing ride ..... life will once again return to totally normal and I'm still trying to figure out how to support us. sigh. Anyone who say's that money can't buy you happiness has never been a single Mom living (gratefully) in someone else's spare room and shelling out a small mint for health insurance. Trust me.... money would be stability, a home, food, health insurance - those things add up to happiness. Believe it.
The thing is... I'm not alone. Ok... so no one is going to show up and pay my bills, which is fine - but I'm not *alone*.- I've gotten so many emails lately from women going through the same thing as me. Story upon story about husbands who traded in their wives - for whatever reason - and in doing so, took with them the financial security these women once knew. I take a small amount of encouragement from that, because if other people can figure this out, then it gives me hope that I will figure this out.
Even still..... while we never had "money" - we never got ahead, had a savings or whatever... when there was *two* of us, it seemed more stable, at least I felt safe: even if that was a false sense of security. A false sense of security is better than no feeling at all. lol
It's strange to be at this place of uncertainly in my life. When I was younger... much younger and a lot lighter - uncertainty was a welcome thing. I could dream about the future and it seemed like allll kinds of things were possible - that nothing stood in my way.
Now, though - there are obstacles everywhere I look.
It's not that I don't have "hope" - but... I'm a realist. Life is going to be a lot harder now, starting over at 37, then it was starting over again at 25... that doesn't mean it can't be done, it's just going to be a lot harder.
It doesn't upset me anymore - doesn't take me to that dark pit in my stomach where anger and bitterness meet and dance the night away ..... however, it does still stun me that people can do this to other people. It's mind boggling that one person can make one simple choice and destroy so many other things in the process....
sigh.
I think that that is why El Capitan has agreed to The Blog and The Book - I think that he hopes that I can actually make something out of all this. Perhaps he's hoping that if I can walk away from this with a job? a new career? then he won't have to feel so bad about having ruined our entire life. I, for one, don't see either of those things happening, however, I'm at least grateful that he continues to be supportive of both of them and of my doing them..... I think it's safe to say that other men in his shoes would not be so supportive.
It's not much - but I do have to give him props where they're due.... right?
I just keep trying to find that balance where we can co-exist for the sake of the kids in some kind of world where we don't argue.... where he doesn't get alllll kind of "you're stalking me" and blah blah blah... but I think that will come after he and Yoga Girl break up - I think that there is *a lot* of conversation that goes on so that *she* feels better. Let me explain.
Tonight I caught an interview with LeAnn Rimes - I've blogged about her before.... She was caught cheating with Eddie Cibrian who was married to Brandi Glanville and had two young boys at the time. To this day, LeAnn seems bereft of any kind of ..... ownership for the pain she caused Brandi.
I don't know Brandi.... but I know her pain, and I know it well. too well.
Today LeAnn was just a bitter and angry in her 'new' interview as she usually is.... it's like she seems to think that Brandi and the general public who *aren't* impressed with her decision making should just 'get over it' - because you know... her and Eddie are *true love*. gag.
I find it more than painfully annoying that LeAnn seems to think that *her* "love" with Eddie overshadowed or was more important or 'valid' than that of Brandi's love with Eddie - to whom she was married at the time.
MIND. BOGGLING.
As the interview went on details of the on-going feud between LeAnn and Brandi were discussed... int he first place, it's been TWO YEARS. Two years? Seriously?
If I'm *still* that angry over El Capitan in TWO YEARS.... please take me out to pasture and put me out of my misery.... put us *all* out of that misery. Good Grief.
I get it.... it sucks, it should've have happened - I think LeAnn and Eddie are total douchebags and I will *never* spend a dime on her music or his movies: period. But Brandi is *gorgeous*.... you can't tell me that she doesn't have men - just as rich and handsome and charming as Eddie chasing her down?
Two years later.... my nether region had better not be full of cobwebs and scorned tears... that's all I'm sayin'.
Then.... even though I can barely stand to look at LeAnn... she *almost* kind of/sort of started to redeem herself a teeny-teeny bit...... the reporter was discussing a "twitter feud" where LeAnn had posted something rather benign (IMHO) - "Off to vacation with My boys!"
Brandi came right back with a tweet about how it was really *HER* children and HER boys.... and how LeAnn was just trying to upset and was being 'transparent' about it.
I can *fully* understand Brandi's annoyance..... I know that one day another woman will be spending time with my children and I'm fairly sure that I will be *insanely* jealous of that. Like.... I'm pretty sure that's going to be the second most painful event after the cheating itself.
However... LeAnn say's she wants the children to live in the same love at their Father's house that they live in at their Mother's house.....
And for one bright, shiny moment..... LeAnn shed her douchey skin and the common sense, good morals and kind heart of a real woman showed through...... (however, that moment was a tad brief).
Two years ago, LeAnn was *very much* in the wrong.... no doubt about it, but two years *later* and after Eddie has married LeAnn - putting her into the LEGAL role of "stepmother"..... ugh... and it actually hurts my fingers to type this..... Brandi needs to grow up.
sigh.
Those words *will* come back to haunt me.... when I'm wearing Brandi's shoes.... however, I've said it a hundred times; no child died because too many parents loved them.
Period.
She may have been a cheap, husband stealing whore at one point... but *now* - two years later, she's the stepmother to your children.... like it or not, and again... it actually hurts my fingers to type this but.... the truth of the matter is - LeAnn should be supported by Brandi in the role of 'stepmother'.
sigh again.
I look forward to the day when another woman tweets or facebooks with glee about doing anything with my kids..... sure, having step parents are confusing to some degree - but having people in their lives who want to spend time with them - go on adventures with them.... *that* is a huge blessing.
Having a step parent who loves and supports them is a blessing that *every* child from a divorced family deserves - and not nearly enough of them get it.
While I still reserve my right as a Scorned Wife to maintain a certain amount of disdain for LeAnn.... however, two years, married and a step-mother later..... My Kid's Mother find herself *more* annoyed at the idea that Brandi participates in discouraging the excitement of her kids Step-Mother... that's a bad plan.
What's Brandi going to do if she chases off LeAnn and then her children live through a second divorce.... and who the hell does Eddie hook up with next? At least LeAnn feels somewhat guilt and that no doubt fuels her desire (on some level) to ensure she steps up with the kids who's happy home she helped destroy.
The next woman Eddie cheats with... I mean - marries - might not feel so warm and fuzzy about Brandi's "boys"... and what would she do then?
Me........? I look forward - with pain my heart, a pit in my stomach - to the day when some reasonably nice woman gets excited about spending time with my kids in the role of 'step mother'......
Thankfully.... I said "woman" - not girl child... so I'm pretty sure this will never apply to Yoga Girl.
hahahahahahaha
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