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And now..... a word from Carhartt:

6/13/2013

10 Comments

 
It's a little bit strange to date me..... Carhartt read the blog from start to finish once we started dating - and recently asked me what Shirley (a blog reader)  thought she saw when she said she saw our breaking up coming.... so I asked Shirley - and this is the response from Shirley (the post for the comment thread is the Angry Table one):

“Wrath” was not referring to LaNovia but to me, us, your readers and commentors making you angry when we comment something that you don’t like and sets you off. And as to “seeing it coming,” well, you’re not gonna like this but it’s nothing to do with Carhartt, more a case of history repeating itself. Having followed this blog pretty much from the beginning, it’s come out before that you have somewhat of a tough, demanding, controlling nature. When Carthartt came along and I saw glimpses in your posts of some of that same tough, controlling, demandingness that I saw when you were working yourself through the situation with El Capitan, it gave me a clearer understanding of why El Capitan chose an easier ride through what remains of his life. And I am not saying that cheating was the proper way out or the right thing to do. I’m just saying that it came to me that you seem to be way too much trouble to deal with in a relationship. I could understand why El Capitan did what he did (not agree with but understand), and I did not see Carhartt (before I learned she was a she) or anyone else wanting to work as hard as one would have to work to be in a relationship with you.
 ----- Shirley
*******************************

I was actually going to reply back.... but Carhartt wanted a chance to respond since someone was actually "talking" for her.....  this is what she sent me:

Shirley,
In my world, when you run your ignorant mouth, you get popped in the face. 
Seriously. So here's your virtual smack down. What gives you the right to harshly judge anyone, specifically when you don't know the other half of the story, because Elle was again protecting someone: Me. 
First of all, Elle made the decision to break it off with me because my personal life at the moment is not a good/healthy fit for her or the kids. So history is NOT repeating itself, the separation is for the most part, entirely my fault.
Secondly, Elle really does have a fairly tough, demanding and controlling nature. I knew this before we ever met. Its one of the many traits I found very attractive. I love that she is not afraid to voice her opinion, she is certainly not afraid to argue with anyone. Let me explain to you why her strong personality is pretty much exactly what I need. We are pretty close to the same age, we have had very different lives. While she has been the loyal, devoted mother and wife. I have been the loud, drinking, partying, fighting loner. (Yes ma'am I do drive a giant jacked-up truck, I can piss standing up and I can work and fight just as hard as any man).
I have Never loved anyone or been so hurt by anyone in my life. The fact is that she is has been the only one ever... brave enough or strong enough to tell me that my life is fucked up. I have never wanted or cared to change - until I met Elle. Having someone strong enough to stand up to me has pretty much knocked me head over heals in love. There is nothing I won't do (yes seriously in the process of making very big changes) to get back what I lost. I realize I have done some pretty severe damage and I may not ever get back what I fucked up. The point is her strong personality (domineering and controlling whatever bullshit you called it) is also amazing and her love and loyalty is exactly what I needed.
As for "way too much trouble to deal with in a relationship" you still don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You get what you give. I'll tell you why myself and (others I really don't care to know about) would want to work that hard to be in a relationship with Elle. She is the most loyal, caring, devoted and deeply passionate person I have ever met. More times than I can count she has driven a four hour round trip to spend two hrs or less with me before I went to work, countless meals and an unknown (really im scared to know) amount of money on outings and such just so we could spend time together and I could get to know the kids.
I really fucked up, she has every right to shut me completely out of her life. This fuckin tears me up like nothing else EVER has but the thing is, even though im completely undeserving, she is still here. Still talking to me, still encouraging me to do the right/best thing. This is EXACTLY why me or anyone might work so fucking hard for the that relationship that you just called "too much trouble"..... because she was/is worth it.
Next time you run your mouth, remember you probably don't know the whole story, so shut it! 
Sincerely, Carhartt

Sent from Mobile

****************************************************

So ...... there you have it.  That's kind of hard to read..... to be honest - I wanted to edit parts of this, because  
there's not so much "fault" of any kind... there is love - a lot of love, and Carhartt is right:  I am the one who broke it off.  I didn't want to blog much about the what and the why.... I didn't think it was fair to her.  However, she is amazing.... and gorgeous and funny and strong and bold - and not afraid to voice her opinions.... clearly.  However, she's right, I just am not sure it's a good fit for all us and the kids.... and they come first and Carhartt understands that.

She understands a lot of things.... 

Shirley's comments have actually kind of upset me..... because while I concede that I am bold and strong and opinionated.... I have also spent a good deal of time *trying* very hard to do the right thing, make the right choices and move my family forward..... I feel like I've shown a lot of tolerance and acceptance in the past year.... and yet - that all adds up to me being a 'demanding' bitch who isn't worth the work?

That's a pretty bold and hurtful statement.... that I'm not worth the work..... isn't *every* relationship in anyone's life a certain amount of work?  I would love to get to sit down with Shirley's partner and ask them what being in a relationship is her is like.... lololol.

And..... do you really think that El Capitan chose an "easier" ride......?  Really?  May be... but remember - La Novia is *a lot* like me.... hahaha - kind of why I like her so much.  Either way.... I want them to be happy, to build a good life for the children to be apart of .... so- while the comment hurts me as it's intended to.... I actually *do* hope that it's an easy (and happy) ride - because I'm not sitting around and hoping for him and for them to fail.....  on the contrary - I would like them to find love and success within each other because that *is* actually what's best for our kids.  Period.

So.... tonight I'm tired and heartsick and sad.... and going to bed.
Good night.

10 Comments
Romana
6/12/2013 06:59:26 pm

Wow. To hear from Carhartt was amazing. You have so much heart in everything you do and say. I'm not a lesbian but that made me swoon.

Reply
Kay H link
6/13/2013 04:35:37 am

Nothing from what I've read makes me think that you have a tough, demanding, controlling nature. Are we reading the same blog? I think you have a big heart and are a class act. Don't let some people's comments bother you. They bring their own prejudices into the equation and let that slant what they supposedly read.

It was enlightening to hear from Carhartt.

I'm waiting to hear someone tell me that I was a horrible wife and that's why my husband cheated. My response will be - no, I wasn't. And I will know that to be the truth. http://dowehavetotellthekids.blogspot.com/

Reply
Tiffany
6/13/2013 07:43:23 am

Loved this! I'm honestly baffled by that commenter... If you're not "worth" the effort then why is she still reading the damn blog at all? Ugh. Good for Carhartt.

Reply
Courtney
6/13/2013 08:23:26 am

Elle,

I think it's easy for us to say "forget about those internet trolls," but the fact is comments like Shirley's hurt.

However, as someone who once knew you well, I'd like to also let Shirley know I benefited greatly from your strong and passionate personality. If it hadn't been for a time in high school when you ripped the phone out of my hand to tell off my abusive boyfriend I'm not sure I would have ended that awful, soul-destroying relationship. I still remember you looking me in the eye and saying, "You're better than him; he's the type of guy who will end up on Cops someday." So, thanks. Shirley has no idea what she's talking about.

Shirley, please consider these quotes because I think you have some mixed-up ideas about women who display strength:

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best," Marilyn Monroe.

"Well behaved women rarely make history," Laurel Thatcher Ulrich.



Reply
dusty
6/13/2013 09:13:32 pm

I'm not sure I would I would quote Marilyn Monroe or refer to her as strong. She was a so-so actress who was unable to stay married for any length of time (Joe Dimaggio loved her so much he would have flowers delivered every week to her gravesite until he died), she slept with a lot of men married or not and let us not forget one of whom was the president of the US and most likely his senator brother. She was also a drug addict and this is what did her in. While I have always felt sorry for her just like I would anyone in her situation (Anna-Nicole Smith for example), she would not be my first choice for the definition of strength. Beautiful yes, glamourous yes, strong not so much.

Reply
Alex
6/16/2013 10:59:18 am

What is behind the misogyny that paints women in scarlet and gives such a hollow and misleading picture of them when they've slept with too many men?

Sorry to burst your bubble here, but stop over-romanticizing Joe DeMaggio's devotion to her as if she were just ungrateful when she had True Love. In life and during their marriage he hit her. Sorry. It's easy to show love and devotion to a dead woman, but in life he was violent and abusive.

Marilyn Monroe was actually a captivating, highly intelligent but sad woman who craved love and a child (a wish that went unfulfilled) who looked for love in all the wrong places. Growing up being shunted between foster homes and likely facing sexual abuse, stability always eluded her. Yet she was able to gain the self respect to leave an abusive spouse.

Jaimey
6/14/2013 12:38:15 am

Amen <3

Reply
dusty
6/17/2013 10:08:54 pm

Sorry it took me awhile to respond to Alex's comments, out of town. I never heard that MM was sexually abused although you did say likely. I also never heard that she was abused by Joe Dimaggio. She was treated horribly by Arthur Miller according to a book I read (who knows if it is true) but she adored him. I just find it interesting that we are all reading a blog written by a woman whose husband cheated on her (many of the readers have gone through this themselves) and MM is the person quoted and thought of as having strength, a person who would sleep with a married man if given the opportunity. I'm not judging her by the number of men she slept with, I've slept with lots of people, just not married ones.

Jaimey
6/14/2013 12:44:08 am

I want to say you give these log readers too much power over your heart, and I want to say stop. But I know first hand how hard that is to do. Hugs. You are worth so much more than people who don't know you give you credit for and I'm happy to call you my friend. Loyalty and strength are just a few of the reasons I am. Love you to pieces and wish the best for you. Whether that is with Carhart or not. I also agree, it was nice to hear the other side if the story.

Reply
Kay
6/14/2013 03:05:14 am

Where to go Carhartt! I think Shirley has too much time on her hands.

Gosh, why can't PEOPLE just accept other people and their CHOICES?

Maybe I should reveal something too.... I personally/professionally was not shocked about the whole Gay lifestyle. Some people just don't understand what they read, or they don't CATCH what is written in the book. And, I have NO DOUBT Miss Elle did not know herself when in the UK. Go back and read the book PEOPLE.

Carhartt - Best of luck to you and keep living YOUR WAY
Elle - GO GIRL GO! And, best of LUCK to you also.
As for EC and LN - It's shame once and learn from it. You are both very lucky Elle was the wife.

The rest... go find something to do constructive with your spare time. Hold a PEACE sign on your street corner if nothing else.

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