It's a little bit strange to date me..... Carhartt read the blog from start to finish once we started dating - and recently asked me what Shirley (a blog reader) thought she saw when she said she saw our breaking up coming.... so I asked Shirley - and this is the response from Shirley (the post for the comment thread is the Angry Table one):
“Wrath” was not referring to LaNovia but to me, us, your readers and commentors making you angry when we comment something that you don’t like and sets you off. And as to “seeing it coming,” well, you’re not gonna like this but it’s nothing to do with Carhartt, more a case of history repeating itself. Having followed this blog pretty much from the beginning, it’s come out before that you have somewhat of a tough, demanding, controlling nature. When Carthartt came along and I saw glimpses in your posts of some of that same tough, controlling, demandingness that I saw when you were working yourself through the situation with El Capitan, it gave me a clearer understanding of why El Capitan chose an easier ride through what remains of his life. And I am not saying that cheating was the proper way out or the right thing to do. I’m just saying that it came to me that you seem to be way too much trouble to deal with in a relationship. I could understand why El Capitan did what he did (not agree with but understand), and I did not see Carhartt (before I learned she was a she) or anyone else wanting to work as hard as one would have to work to be in a relationship with you.
----- Shirley
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I was actually going to reply back.... but Carhartt wanted a chance to respond since someone was actually "talking" for her..... this is what she sent me:
Shirley,
In my world, when you run your ignorant mouth, you get popped in the face.
Seriously. So here's your virtual smack down. What gives you the right to harshly judge anyone, specifically when you don't know the other half of the story, because Elle was again protecting someone: Me.
First of all, Elle made the decision to break it off with me because my personal life at the moment is not a good/healthy fit for her or the kids. So history is NOT repeating itself, the separation is for the most part, entirely my fault.
Secondly, Elle really does have a fairly tough, demanding and controlling nature. I knew this before we ever met. Its one of the many traits I found very attractive. I love that she is not afraid to voice her opinion, she is certainly not afraid to argue with anyone. Let me explain to you why her strong personality is pretty much exactly what I need. We are pretty close to the same age, we have had very different lives. While she has been the loyal, devoted mother and wife. I have been the loud, drinking, partying, fighting loner. (Yes ma'am I do drive a giant jacked-up truck, I can piss standing up and I can work and fight just as hard as any man).
I have Never loved anyone or been so hurt by anyone in my life. The fact is that she is has been the only one ever... brave enough or strong enough to tell me that my life is fucked up. I have never wanted or cared to change - until I met Elle. Having someone strong enough to stand up to me has pretty much knocked me head over heals in love. There is nothing I won't do (yes seriously in the process of making very big changes) to get back what I lost. I realize I have done some pretty severe damage and I may not ever get back what I fucked up. The point is her strong personality (domineering and controlling whatever bullshit you called it) is also amazing and her love and loyalty is exactly what I needed.
As for "way too much trouble to deal with in a relationship" you still don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You get what you give. I'll tell you why myself and (others I really don't care to know about) would want to work that hard to be in a relationship with Elle. She is the most loyal, caring, devoted and deeply passionate person I have ever met. More times than I can count she has driven a four hour round trip to spend two hrs or less with me before I went to work, countless meals and an unknown (really im scared to know) amount of money on outings and such just so we could spend time together and I could get to know the kids.
I really fucked up, she has every right to shut me completely out of her life. This fuckin tears me up like nothing else EVER has but the thing is, even though im completely undeserving, she is still here. Still talking to me, still encouraging me to do the right/best thing. This is EXACTLY why me or anyone might work so fucking hard for the that relationship that you just called "too much trouble"..... because she was/is worth it.
Next time you run your mouth, remember you probably don't know the whole story, so shut it!
Sincerely, Carhartt
Sent from Mobile
****************************************************
So ...... there you have it. That's kind of hard to read..... to be honest - I wanted to edit parts of this, because
there's not so much "fault" of any kind... there is love - a lot of love, and Carhartt is right: I am the one who broke it off. I didn't want to blog much about the what and the why.... I didn't think it was fair to her. However, she is amazing.... and gorgeous and funny and strong and bold - and not afraid to voice her opinions.... clearly. However, she's right, I just am not sure it's a good fit for all us and the kids.... and they come first and Carhartt understands that.
She understands a lot of things....
Shirley's comments have actually kind of upset me..... because while I concede that I am bold and strong and opinionated.... I have also spent a good deal of time *trying* very hard to do the right thing, make the right choices and move my family forward..... I feel like I've shown a lot of tolerance and acceptance in the past year.... and yet - that all adds up to me being a 'demanding' bitch who isn't worth the work?
That's a pretty bold and hurtful statement.... that I'm not worth the work..... isn't *every* relationship in anyone's life a certain amount of work? I would love to get to sit down with Shirley's partner and ask them what being in a relationship is her is like.... lololol.
And..... do you really think that El Capitan chose an "easier" ride......? Really? May be... but remember - La Novia is *a lot* like me.... hahaha - kind of why I like her so much. Either way.... I want them to be happy, to build a good life for the children to be apart of .... so- while the comment hurts me as it's intended to.... I actually *do* hope that it's an easy (and happy) ride - because I'm not sitting around and hoping for him and for them to fail..... on the contrary - I would like them to find love and success within each other because that *is* actually what's best for our kids. Period.
So.... tonight I'm tired and heartsick and sad.... and going to bed.
Good night.
“Wrath” was not referring to LaNovia but to me, us, your readers and commentors making you angry when we comment something that you don’t like and sets you off. And as to “seeing it coming,” well, you’re not gonna like this but it’s nothing to do with Carhartt, more a case of history repeating itself. Having followed this blog pretty much from the beginning, it’s come out before that you have somewhat of a tough, demanding, controlling nature. When Carthartt came along and I saw glimpses in your posts of some of that same tough, controlling, demandingness that I saw when you were working yourself through the situation with El Capitan, it gave me a clearer understanding of why El Capitan chose an easier ride through what remains of his life. And I am not saying that cheating was the proper way out or the right thing to do. I’m just saying that it came to me that you seem to be way too much trouble to deal with in a relationship. I could understand why El Capitan did what he did (not agree with but understand), and I did not see Carhartt (before I learned she was a she) or anyone else wanting to work as hard as one would have to work to be in a relationship with you.
----- Shirley
*******************************
I was actually going to reply back.... but Carhartt wanted a chance to respond since someone was actually "talking" for her..... this is what she sent me:
Shirley,
In my world, when you run your ignorant mouth, you get popped in the face.
Seriously. So here's your virtual smack down. What gives you the right to harshly judge anyone, specifically when you don't know the other half of the story, because Elle was again protecting someone: Me.
First of all, Elle made the decision to break it off with me because my personal life at the moment is not a good/healthy fit for her or the kids. So history is NOT repeating itself, the separation is for the most part, entirely my fault.
Secondly, Elle really does have a fairly tough, demanding and controlling nature. I knew this before we ever met. Its one of the many traits I found very attractive. I love that she is not afraid to voice her opinion, she is certainly not afraid to argue with anyone. Let me explain to you why her strong personality is pretty much exactly what I need. We are pretty close to the same age, we have had very different lives. While she has been the loyal, devoted mother and wife. I have been the loud, drinking, partying, fighting loner. (Yes ma'am I do drive a giant jacked-up truck, I can piss standing up and I can work and fight just as hard as any man).
I have Never loved anyone or been so hurt by anyone in my life. The fact is that she is has been the only one ever... brave enough or strong enough to tell me that my life is fucked up. I have never wanted or cared to change - until I met Elle. Having someone strong enough to stand up to me has pretty much knocked me head over heals in love. There is nothing I won't do (yes seriously in the process of making very big changes) to get back what I lost. I realize I have done some pretty severe damage and I may not ever get back what I fucked up. The point is her strong personality (domineering and controlling whatever bullshit you called it) is also amazing and her love and loyalty is exactly what I needed.
As for "way too much trouble to deal with in a relationship" you still don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You get what you give. I'll tell you why myself and (others I really don't care to know about) would want to work that hard to be in a relationship with Elle. She is the most loyal, caring, devoted and deeply passionate person I have ever met. More times than I can count she has driven a four hour round trip to spend two hrs or less with me before I went to work, countless meals and an unknown (really im scared to know) amount of money on outings and such just so we could spend time together and I could get to know the kids.
I really fucked up, she has every right to shut me completely out of her life. This fuckin tears me up like nothing else EVER has but the thing is, even though im completely undeserving, she is still here. Still talking to me, still encouraging me to do the right/best thing. This is EXACTLY why me or anyone might work so fucking hard for the that relationship that you just called "too much trouble"..... because she was/is worth it.
Next time you run your mouth, remember you probably don't know the whole story, so shut it!
Sincerely, Carhartt
Sent from Mobile
****************************************************
So ...... there you have it. That's kind of hard to read..... to be honest - I wanted to edit parts of this, because
there's not so much "fault" of any kind... there is love - a lot of love, and Carhartt is right: I am the one who broke it off. I didn't want to blog much about the what and the why.... I didn't think it was fair to her. However, she is amazing.... and gorgeous and funny and strong and bold - and not afraid to voice her opinions.... clearly. However, she's right, I just am not sure it's a good fit for all us and the kids.... and they come first and Carhartt understands that.
She understands a lot of things....
Shirley's comments have actually kind of upset me..... because while I concede that I am bold and strong and opinionated.... I have also spent a good deal of time *trying* very hard to do the right thing, make the right choices and move my family forward..... I feel like I've shown a lot of tolerance and acceptance in the past year.... and yet - that all adds up to me being a 'demanding' bitch who isn't worth the work?
That's a pretty bold and hurtful statement.... that I'm not worth the work..... isn't *every* relationship in anyone's life a certain amount of work? I would love to get to sit down with Shirley's partner and ask them what being in a relationship is her is like.... lololol.
And..... do you really think that El Capitan chose an "easier" ride......? Really? May be... but remember - La Novia is *a lot* like me.... hahaha - kind of why I like her so much. Either way.... I want them to be happy, to build a good life for the children to be apart of .... so- while the comment hurts me as it's intended to.... I actually *do* hope that it's an easy (and happy) ride - because I'm not sitting around and hoping for him and for them to fail..... on the contrary - I would like them to find love and success within each other because that *is* actually what's best for our kids. Period.
So.... tonight I'm tired and heartsick and sad.... and going to bed.
Good night.
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