Four years ago today I was being prepped for surgery and we were waiting for our beautiful 10 pound baby girl to join us.
She was eager - almost three full weeks early - there was talk about her lungs, but I was pre-eclamptic and going downhill fast, so there wasn't time to wait. My Mom was with me and they wheeled us into the OR - and I was sooooo excited to get to meet my sweet and girl and even *more* excited that it was St. Patty's Day!
My biological father was born and raised in Northern Ireland - so I'm in the only "American" in my Da's family. We've never had a functional relationship... and I refrain from being public about why because he had other children whose lives I don't wish to ruin with the details of the rare kind of dirt bag he's been to me... lol
However.... I'm about as 'black Irish" as it comes. Black hair, pale skin, red cheeks, light eyes.... oh, and I can tell a story like non-other. Clearly.
I was *super* stoked for The Girl to get an Irish birthday.
Today started with a crown (that say's Irish Princess) and a wand!
Which - The Girl - was thrilled about. The Bubbie has always made her birthday dresses - and today was no different... though I think we're rounding the corner to the end of being able to stuff her into baby-doll dresses. lol She looked totally adorable... see picture above. hahahahaha
So the day started with a birthday song and lots of kisses and excited with The Girl telling me that she wanted to go to her "Princess Party......" ... sh*t. No Princess Party planned. lol I had driven around for three hours on Friday to find Disney Princess plates and napkins for her cake and stuff... I was hoping to hell a $1 crown from Target and the right plates would suffice.
She was eager - almost three full weeks early - there was talk about her lungs, but I was pre-eclamptic and going downhill fast, so there wasn't time to wait. My Mom was with me and they wheeled us into the OR - and I was sooooo excited to get to meet my sweet and girl and even *more* excited that it was St. Patty's Day!
My biological father was born and raised in Northern Ireland - so I'm in the only "American" in my Da's family. We've never had a functional relationship... and I refrain from being public about why because he had other children whose lives I don't wish to ruin with the details of the rare kind of dirt bag he's been to me... lol
However.... I'm about as 'black Irish" as it comes. Black hair, pale skin, red cheeks, light eyes.... oh, and I can tell a story like non-other. Clearly.
I was *super* stoked for The Girl to get an Irish birthday.
Today started with a crown (that say's Irish Princess) and a wand!
Which - The Girl - was thrilled about. The Bubbie has always made her birthday dresses - and today was no different... though I think we're rounding the corner to the end of being able to stuff her into baby-doll dresses. lol She looked totally adorable... see picture above. hahahahaha
So the day started with a birthday song and lots of kisses and excited with The Girl telling me that she wanted to go to her "Princess Party......" ... sh*t. No Princess Party planned. lol I had driven around for three hours on Friday to find Disney Princess plates and napkins for her cake and stuff... I was hoping to hell a $1 crown from Target and the right plates would suffice.
We got up and got dressed.... and then we headed for birthday breakfast. When El Capitan and I split up, I wrote up in our Parenting Plan that I get the children on their birthdays - I mean... they were *literally* cut out of my own body... so I kind of felt I got to call dibs on that day. El Capitan agreed.
The run-up to The Girl's birthday I was trying to decide what we should do. He usually see's them on Saturday - and he could just celebrate with them on that day..... but I really felt like we were *past* that. I felt like we were in a space and time where we could celebrate this *family* event *as* a family. I kind of think that that's how it should be. So on Wednesday I asked El Capitan what he thought about the four of us having breakfast for The Girl's birthday. He agreed.
I *cannot* tell you just HOW excited The Girl was when I told her..... there was dead silence for a few seconds - and then she screamed and clapped her hands and jumped up and down... like- for a *while*.
sigh.
Why the f*ck has it taken us this long to get here.......?
sigh.
So we arrived and El Capitan was already at a table - and we ordered..... only I didn't notice that El Capitan only ordered a $2.95 side order and no actual breakfast. He said he didn't want me "paying for his food".... sigh. I think that's a silly game and I'm not taking the bait. I invited you to *family* breakfast - clearly I'm paying... get f*cking breakfast: it's not that hard. lol
But we had a *great* time at breakfast. The kids had a blast and it occurred to me that it's been almost a year since we were all together like this... *in fact* - the last time we had dinner out as a family was the Saturday before I found out about Yoga Girl *AND* was THE NIGHT that El Capitan went to her house and had sex with her.
What a "last meal" that sh*t turned out to be... lololololol
Sitting at the table. looking at once *was* and what "should be" ..... and piecing together the timeline - I should have gotten upset or mad.... but honestly: it didn't at all. Not even a little bit. I was more annoyed he would order a freakin' meal. hahaha
I brought up Yoga Girl (again) because now that we are *quickly* rounding the corner to them living together for a *year* AND.... drum roll: Yoga Girl is taking El Capitan home to meet her parents soon..... YES - that is happening. lolol
I pointed out that her family *might* wonder how it's possible that she hasn't met his children.... in fact - that's something I wonder about and something we should change. He still resists. Which is fine - it's his relationship, not mine - and I have to wait for him to think it's the "right time" with Yoga Girl to do it.
I say it's the right time.... the kids want to meet her - it's been a source of hurt and confusion for The Boy - and I think it's holding the three of them back from moving forward as their own unit. I told him that we (the adults) need to sit down and talk about discipline styles, etc - and come to agreements on how situations are handled, etc.
Then, the *THREE* of us need to introduce Yoga Girl to the children. I think it's important for *them* to see me in the same time and space as Yoga Girl - they need to understand that while I don't approve of some choices that have been made - I can *still* support the person and the role of adult/authority she would play in their lives as someone who is in a committed relationship with their Father.
I don't have to like her... I'm not the one f*cking her.... lol
That's El Capitan's job.
I do however, have a responsibility to help lay a foundation for the children to be able to find stable footing in a relationship with her and help them bond with her. If it doesn't work... well, it's not the first relationship that will have failed them and somehow I doubt it'll be the last.... BUT - if we can teach them how to be tolerant, how to be compassionate, how to be understanding that you are *NOT* going to live every f*cking thing about everyone in your life.... but you can to accept some people for who and what they are and find ways to love and befriend them anyway.
That's just how life works.
Even still.... El Capitan isn't a fan of that plan - though he agree's we should introduce her together.... just not yet. That's cool. I just don't want to be the reason things aren't moving forward.
NOW. Let's be *super* clear because people in my own life have given me tons of sh*t about this - "Should she even be around the children......?" - shouldn't I fight to keep her away from them?
In the first place... unless she beats them and sets them on fire - a judge is *not* going to keep here away from my children. Let's be real. And last time I checked she wasn't stoking up on matches, so I think I'm pretty good there.
In the second place.... she's young. Very young. I've said it since the start - people who are young frequently make choices and decisions they shouldn't. She was wrong to f*ck my husband. It does make me qustion the kind of person she is - her moral code... does she even have one? It looks a touch doubtful.... but again - she's young.
She *is* however, in a long term relationship with my children's Father and as such she is now in a role in their lives that *demands* my acceptance and support of her. I DO NOT have to support all her actions. or her past choices.... *but* - I do have to support any positive relationship she wants to have with The Boy and The Girl.
I'm pretty sure *they* want that: the kids.
So. Today, I think, might be the first step in getting that goal accomplished, which I think would be really good for all of us. However.... I *Really* want to point out that we are NOT YET done with 11 months of this hot f*cking mess.... and LOOK AT ME.
Woof*ckingHoo.
I'm all progressive and happy.... baggage free - and facilitating functional relationships between El Capitan and the kids AND.... currently enjoying my own friendship with El Capitan. BooYah. I think this is huge and not something most women who have walked in my shoes can pull off.... I'm pretty proud of myself.
My Aunt called the other day - some newsy thing did an online story on the top ten worst exes.... I was listed as number two. Sigh. Really? Honestly.... any man would be *lucky* to have an ex-wife as freakin' NICE as I have been.... yes - *I* made a funny sign that *WE* decided to use..... but it ended there. Or... here... or in a Book - that HE has had approval over the content.
See.... NICE. That's me. :)
So Happy St. Patty's Day.... and HAPPY UNITED FAMILY BIRTHDAY for our Girl... she's the greatest. :)
The run-up to The Girl's birthday I was trying to decide what we should do. He usually see's them on Saturday - and he could just celebrate with them on that day..... but I really felt like we were *past* that. I felt like we were in a space and time where we could celebrate this *family* event *as* a family. I kind of think that that's how it should be. So on Wednesday I asked El Capitan what he thought about the four of us having breakfast for The Girl's birthday. He agreed.
I *cannot* tell you just HOW excited The Girl was when I told her..... there was dead silence for a few seconds - and then she screamed and clapped her hands and jumped up and down... like- for a *while*.
sigh.
Why the f*ck has it taken us this long to get here.......?
sigh.
So we arrived and El Capitan was already at a table - and we ordered..... only I didn't notice that El Capitan only ordered a $2.95 side order and no actual breakfast. He said he didn't want me "paying for his food".... sigh. I think that's a silly game and I'm not taking the bait. I invited you to *family* breakfast - clearly I'm paying... get f*cking breakfast: it's not that hard. lol
But we had a *great* time at breakfast. The kids had a blast and it occurred to me that it's been almost a year since we were all together like this... *in fact* - the last time we had dinner out as a family was the Saturday before I found out about Yoga Girl *AND* was THE NIGHT that El Capitan went to her house and had sex with her.
What a "last meal" that sh*t turned out to be... lololololol
Sitting at the table. looking at once *was* and what "should be" ..... and piecing together the timeline - I should have gotten upset or mad.... but honestly: it didn't at all. Not even a little bit. I was more annoyed he would order a freakin' meal. hahaha
I brought up Yoga Girl (again) because now that we are *quickly* rounding the corner to them living together for a *year* AND.... drum roll: Yoga Girl is taking El Capitan home to meet her parents soon..... YES - that is happening. lolol
I pointed out that her family *might* wonder how it's possible that she hasn't met his children.... in fact - that's something I wonder about and something we should change. He still resists. Which is fine - it's his relationship, not mine - and I have to wait for him to think it's the "right time" with Yoga Girl to do it.
I say it's the right time.... the kids want to meet her - it's been a source of hurt and confusion for The Boy - and I think it's holding the three of them back from moving forward as their own unit. I told him that we (the adults) need to sit down and talk about discipline styles, etc - and come to agreements on how situations are handled, etc.
Then, the *THREE* of us need to introduce Yoga Girl to the children. I think it's important for *them* to see me in the same time and space as Yoga Girl - they need to understand that while I don't approve of some choices that have been made - I can *still* support the person and the role of adult/authority she would play in their lives as someone who is in a committed relationship with their Father.
I don't have to like her... I'm not the one f*cking her.... lol
That's El Capitan's job.
I do however, have a responsibility to help lay a foundation for the children to be able to find stable footing in a relationship with her and help them bond with her. If it doesn't work... well, it's not the first relationship that will have failed them and somehow I doubt it'll be the last.... BUT - if we can teach them how to be tolerant, how to be compassionate, how to be understanding that you are *NOT* going to live every f*cking thing about everyone in your life.... but you can to accept some people for who and what they are and find ways to love and befriend them anyway.
That's just how life works.
Even still.... El Capitan isn't a fan of that plan - though he agree's we should introduce her together.... just not yet. That's cool. I just don't want to be the reason things aren't moving forward.
NOW. Let's be *super* clear because people in my own life have given me tons of sh*t about this - "Should she even be around the children......?" - shouldn't I fight to keep her away from them?
In the first place... unless she beats them and sets them on fire - a judge is *not* going to keep here away from my children. Let's be real. And last time I checked she wasn't stoking up on matches, so I think I'm pretty good there.
In the second place.... she's young. Very young. I've said it since the start - people who are young frequently make choices and decisions they shouldn't. She was wrong to f*ck my husband. It does make me qustion the kind of person she is - her moral code... does she even have one? It looks a touch doubtful.... but again - she's young.
She *is* however, in a long term relationship with my children's Father and as such she is now in a role in their lives that *demands* my acceptance and support of her. I DO NOT have to support all her actions. or her past choices.... *but* - I do have to support any positive relationship she wants to have with The Boy and The Girl.
I'm pretty sure *they* want that: the kids.
So. Today, I think, might be the first step in getting that goal accomplished, which I think would be really good for all of us. However.... I *Really* want to point out that we are NOT YET done with 11 months of this hot f*cking mess.... and LOOK AT ME.
Woof*ckingHoo.
I'm all progressive and happy.... baggage free - and facilitating functional relationships between El Capitan and the kids AND.... currently enjoying my own friendship with El Capitan. BooYah. I think this is huge and not something most women who have walked in my shoes can pull off.... I'm pretty proud of myself.
My Aunt called the other day - some newsy thing did an online story on the top ten worst exes.... I was listed as number two. Sigh. Really? Honestly.... any man would be *lucky* to have an ex-wife as freakin' NICE as I have been.... yes - *I* made a funny sign that *WE* decided to use..... but it ended there. Or... here... or in a Book - that HE has had approval over the content.
See.... NICE. That's me. :)
So Happy St. Patty's Day.... and HAPPY UNITED FAMILY BIRTHDAY for our Girl... she's the greatest. :)
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