A Lot of Truth.... a little honesty.

10/3/2013

Hmm..... for some time now I have been quiet about La Novia and El Capitan. On one hand... there hasn't been that much to say.... but on the other hand, I was trying to let things be and let our relationships grow a bit more naturally and away from "The Blog", so to speak.

Which ... is all fine and well.... except it's hard to have a relationship with a bathroom door.

Yup... you read that right, I said bathroom door.

Prior to sitting down with La Novia in.... April was it? I think it was..... anyway, I had only ever seen her once prior to that at her place of work (I had other reasons for being there.... because someone else worked there at the time) - and then once when she drove the 'get-a-way' car when El Capitan dropped off the Saturn and it all went a bit pear shaped......

It still kills me to this day that La Novia treats me like I was somehow in her way.... it's like the fact that she broke up my marriage and BEGGED to be apart of this family is completely lost on her..... and even more confusing to me is that when I *genuinely* sit down with an open heart and an open door...... she does nothing.

Well... not nothing: she sits in the bathroom.

If I'm dropping off the kids.... she's in the bathroom.

If I go in and sit on the couch and wait - politely - so as to say hello and be cordial in front of the children - you know... that whole pesky 'setting-a-good-example' thing.... well: apprantly La Novia likes REALLY REALLY REALLY long showers...... so I ended up leaving.

The other day El Capitan suggested we meet at her work place and pop in to buy something on our way to having dinner with the kid together..... and again - La Novia was "in the bathroom" even though her car was parked outside and she was working.....

Sigh.

It really makes no sense to me- AND.... more importantly, this is not lost on the children who are curious why La Novia "hides" in the bathroom, as The Boy put it.

So. Then I have to wonder what exactly this person is hiding from......?

Have I not been kind when I didn't have to be?

Have I not shown an extreme amount of unearned respect?

Have I not only demonstrated tolerance but *acceptance*......?

I kind of think I have.

Fuck it. I KNOW I HAVE.

So why the bathroom?

It's frustrating.... what do I need to do - offer her a quickie in the sheets?

Yes... yes,I know - that's not nice. But I'm growing tired of this whole nice, respectful thing being a one-way street..... and I just go back to the idea that if YOU don't want to deal with your boyfriends EX-WIFE then don't find yourself in bed with a married man....

Date single men who haven't previously been married.

Don't move in with someone who is still married to another woman because the logic goes to follow that you will *eventually* have to deal with said ex-wife.... and if I may be so bold, *MOST* ex-wives are not nearly as nice, nor as kind, nor as protective of your identity and safety an *THIS* ex-wife has been.

Even more to the point.... very few women would have extended their hand to welcome you into their home and their children's lives as an equal co-parent.

I have to admit that I'm frustrated and confused.... and frustrated.

What more can I do to make this work?

What more can I say or promise.... and why the hell am I the one doing all the promising?

Honestly.......

7 Comments

dusty

10/3/2013 09:11:52 pm

Well, it's one of three things, either she's embarrassed (which would be kind of strange after all this time and she has met with you and talked with you on several occasions), two, she is intimidated by you, (this is a possibility since she is much younger than you and maybe with the blog, etc., she's not feeling very confident) or three, (and this is probably it), living with your ex has given her a long-term case of the trots. That could be it. All kidding aside, I know how you feel when you try to do the right thing and are kind and considerate to people and things still aren't right. My husband and I are going through a divorce and still live in the same house. He has a lady who comes into clean just his bedroom and bathroom. I have been so nice to her, offering her coffee, chatting with her, etc. The last time she was here, she was in his room cleaning with the door shut, I had no idea she was here. I went and opened the door cause I heard a noise and there she was. I told her she didn't have to shut the door, she just looked at me. I told my husband how bout letting me know when someone is in the house with me. So, I know how you feel.

Shirley link

10/7/2013 07:05:34 am

Guilt and Shame and Embarrassment (and possibly a trace of jealousy coming from possessiveness) can't be washed away by someone else's acceptance, forgiveness, extending a hand in welcome. These are feelings SHE needs to find a way to work out within herself.

10/9/2013 11:34:42 am

My best guess is this: She is young and living in a fantasy world. You just break that up for her. She's narcisstic (sp?) and does not have a high tolerance for reality.

This does not bode well for any long term relationship she might have. It could be also in looking in the mirror, she doesn't like the comparison. You rock. She doesn't. I could say what I think of her but that doesn't fit with your blog.It's not nice, or kind. If she sees that in the mirror then I'm sure she doesn't want to face you or reality.

Good luck. Boundaries are probably in order here. I'm sorry that the kids are watching this, they will be hurt when she can't deal.

Romana

10/10/2013 06:42:18 pm

Maybe she's pregnant.

Jenn

10/29/2013 12:50:41 pm

Pg. That was my first thought as well.

fenix

10/10/2013 11:10:11 pm

I think the only thing you can do is that old adage "you can only control your actions and how you respond to the actions of others" so...keep being you and if she never comes out of the proverbial bathroom then that is her problem not yours

Silver

10/17/2013 08:24:11 am

You go girl! She's hiding from herself.
Just as you had said she was somewhat a "younger you", you are an "older her". Your recent past is her for-sure future. She is the typical stuff you scrape off the bottom of your shoe, then trudge on. Even she knows it.
You're doing the "right thing" by your kids. They see, as you said, that she is "hiding" in the bathroom. They see what a strong woman w/integrity is, compared to a sneeky, untruthful, immature female w/no self-worth or respect.

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