Living in the past is proving to be emotionally challenging in ways I never dreamed. I'm trying to write from the truth, not a twisted version of it. It's hard to go back and re-live in my heart and through my words - where it all began and how we once were.... so, still in my funk, instead of writing a bunch of tortured stuff, I thought I would share a piece of our past.
In 2009 there was a 'note' thing running around Facebook where people would fill out 25 random things about themselves... I leave you tonight with the ORIGINAL note that I wrote when it was sent to me. I have only changed the names to reflect the ones people have on the blog:
25 Random Things About Me Share
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)
1) I'm not very interesting, and while I was writing this, I found myself having more to say about my husband so... never mind me this is now :
24 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT MY HUSBAND
2) My husband is 4 years younger than me - and when he's super skinny he looks a lot like Aston Kutcher.
3) When he's not so super skinny (because we got a car and he stopped taking the MAX! LOL) he gets told he looks like Vince Vaughn all the time.
4) El Capitan married me after knowing me for only 3.5 weeks. He used ALL of his savings at the time ($165) to buy me a little diamond ring, got down on one knee at Spaghetti Factory and we hit the courthouse the following Thursday.
5) He's a better man than I deserve.
6) He's a better father than I am a mother... at least I feel that way sometimes.
7) He loves it that we still co-sleep with The Boy. Some nights he complains that I'm hogging all the snuggles - and he pulls The Boy over to his side.
8) He taught our son to "shake" at the end of peeing like a "real man" - when Mommy was trying to emphasize using toilet paper! LOL
9) Every night El Capitan comes home and plays with The Boy for hours until the boy settles down for bed.
10) He puts our son first everyday - before he eats, or showers or relaxes from a day at work - he's ready to play the second he comes in the door!
11) El Capitan LOVES all things Nintendo - we own over 2,000 video games. We have almost the ENTIRE collection original Nintendo games including every system they ever made.
12) El Capitan and The Boy play MEga-man on the wii - and The Boy loves to name all the characters they beat.
13) El Capitan works really hard at his job to get our family closer to our ultimate goal of my being able to stay home full time.
14) El Capitan didn't complain once when I nursed The Boy until he was 3 years old.
15) El Capitan has NEVER - in 7 years of marriage - complained that the house was a mess, that the dishes weren't done, or that he didn't have clean laundry.
16) If El Capitan comes home and the house is a mess, the dishes are in the sink and I'm crazy with work - he cleans the living room, does the dishes and then plays with The Boy all without a single negative word... and that pretty much happens every day! LOL
17) He's my hero.
18) He threw up on me the first night we met... and somehow I still fell in love with him - puke and all! (He hasn't thrown up on me since!)
19) He loves my family as much as I do.
20) He's leaving right now - at 11 PM - after working a 10 hour day to get me some oranges from the grocery store because I'm having crazy pregnant cravings.
21) El Capitan never questions how much money I spend on baby clothes, or house stuff... or anything for that matter. We never make more than a $100 single purchase without talking to each other first!
22) El Capitan lost his mother to Anorexia when he was 17 yrs. old. It breaks my hear that she is not here to see the man she raised.
23) El Capitan is VERY close to my Mom. They are like two peas in a pod and get in trouble together all the time.
24) We've been slowing paying off all our debts - and in spite of his not so huge salary as a manager is in retail, we've paid off.... just over $15,000 in debt - including our school loans - in the last few years, because El Capitan brown bags it to work, used to walk to work and use the MAX, and has made every sacrifice he could to further our family.
25) Marrying El Capitan was the best decision I ever made. I'm not half the wife he deserves, but he never complains, never asks me to change, and if you ask him... he'd tell you he's happily married!
So.... really the most interesting, random and wonderful part of me is El Capitan - because without him I have nothing - no home, no adorable son, no baby on the way..... who makes me want oranges at midnight! LOL
and yet...... here we are. I'm feeling a bit tortured this week.... I think it has to do with going so far back into the beginning when it was good and I was happy... may be moving through this will help me move past this when I'm done with he writing. Feck.... I don't want to think bout how good it was. I don't' want to go back know that we'll never be back there again.... but, then I worry if I don't do this now - if I don't save this *now* and write it all down right now... a few more years of the current shenanigans and I won't remember at all - and then I won't ever be able to tell the kids how wonderful and amazing and brilliant our lives *were*.
True.... they right get there again... but not with us as a whole family unit.
It hurts... but I think it'll be worth it.
Thanks for hanging in there with me.