I wasn't sure if it *would* happen. Before I came out I contacted the original photographer who did my Fox News story initially and told him that I would be coming out "officially" on facebook and on The Blog - and did he think it would be something they would want to talk to me about.
I was nervous when I asked..... but I felt like I should let them know - they did such a good job covering my story the firs time.....
Anyhow, much to my surprise (though a happy one for sure) - he told me that he didn't think it was actually newsworthy.... though they were both very happy for me - they didn't think it was a story that warranted covering. I was thrilled..... elated, even. And then he said..... "But, other news outlets might feel different - so be who you are, but brace yourself.".
It was the reason El Capitan and La Novia didn't want me to come out on The Blog when I came out to them - we all worried what (if any) media storm could potentially take over our lives..... and we were all thrilled when nothing happened a few months ago.....
And then today: the phone rang.
It rang and I let it go to voice mail.
Then it ran again.
And again....... same number.
I checked the voice mail and it was a Producer from a TV show who wanted to talk about The Sign and "recent developments" on The Blog.
hmmmm.........Hail Mary asked me who called, and I told her and she looked at my quizzically..... "Are you going to call them back....?" You know, in that respect, it's *a lot* to ask someone - *anyone* - but especially someone who is also gay - to date me. At some point they also run the risk of being "exposed" on a national stage for who they are and who they choose to be with..... that choice being me. lololol
I told her that I didn't know - that I would have to think about it..... it kind of goes back to the same thing El Capitan and I faced *after* The Sign went so viral - do we hide from it all or face it head-on and answer questions and be visible? Well, and clearly by *we* I mean to say - just me. hahahaha
So, I thought about it..... and then I decided .... f*ck it.
Whatever is going to be is going to be..... I mean - what about if I get married again one day? The Producer at Good Morning America told me (last year) that anytime I do something like get married again or whatever, it'll probably be something the media picks up on..... I'm guessing if I marry a cute, sweet Butch girl: that's gonna' get someone's attention. May be not.....
But - do I care? I mean..... I don't know. I *do* worry about a hate crime...... they happen you know. Case in point: Carhartts face. :( But, ultimately, I can't just live in a closet for the rest of my life because I'm afraid of what someone is going to write about me or say about me.... I mean - let's face it, *last year* there was sooooo much sh*t people wrote about me and *a lot* of it wasn't flattering.....
So if someone wants to add 'dyke' to that list.... well, then let 'em.
Oh HEY! I just googled myself and I only got 28,000 returns!!!!!! Rad.... there used to be over 180,000 just a few months ago.... that's fantastic. Mind you... it still fills my name into the search field... that's kind of nutty.
Anyhow. I called the Producer back. They asked me how the last year has been - about inviting La Novia into the family and changing her name on The Blog.... I guess they've been doing some 'light' reading as of late... lolol.... and eventually my gayness came up.
So, I answered everything openly and honestly - and explained the timeline of when I came out to my family and online, etc.... and they took notes.
I have no idea if/where/what they will cover or when..... but at least I know I was honest.
I was out.
I was visible.
I've been hiding in a closet for 37 years..... and I'm done hiding. I don't know what the consequences of that choice will be - but it can't be worse than living someone else's life and pretending. It can't be worse than never feeling comfortable in your own skin.
The Producer asked me if my local LGBT community accepted me.... I replied that I have found *nothing* friendship and acceptance in my LGBTQ community (we can't forget our GenderQueer/Transgender counterparts here!!!!) - and how while *I* was actually worried if people in this community *would* write me off because of my "straight" past and The Sign and whatnot..... that I should have never worried about that because Portland is an AMAZING place and the LGBTQ community here is nothing short a blessing.....
I have never been happier and my life only became even *more* full of amazing friends who accept and inspire me and encourage me- *daily*. I quite literally count my blessings every single day.
They were quiet for a second, then we said goodbye..... so who knows if/when that'll all end up somewhere, I guess we'll have to wait and see.
In the meant time...... A Hail Mary update: things are going.... good. Really good, in fact. Almost too good..... too good in the respect that I have to keep fear and doubt at bay...... I mean - *is* it possible to meet someone *really* amazing and wonderful AND have it work out.....?
Will she tire of me and leave me, too?
Will she cheat on me.....?
Will she turn out to be as awesome as I believe she is.......?
But. Nothing grows in fear: not friendship.
So, I'm keeping the fear and worries and doubts at arms length and just trying to create a space for our relationship to grow and be healthy.....because what I *do* know is that people like Hail Mary don't come along very often..... it's just one more thin that makes me incredibly lucky.
Oh.... and on the note of dating Butch Girls - it's totally fantastic that when your hair-tie breaks, they hand you one of theirs..... yeah: that's kind of awesome. :)