I was always the one holding back someone's hair.
I was the one driving people home, struggling with their keys and dragging their half-alive body up the stairs and tucking them into their beds.
I was *responsible*.
I watched *very* episode of The Real World San Francisco, with Puck's nose picking, and using his fingers to scoop out the peanut butter.... the fights... oh THE. FIGHTS.
and then there was Pedro.
Like most of my generation, I watched as Pedro married the love of his life.... fought for equality and educated a house of seven strangers (and millions of viewers) on a positive life while HIV positive.
I took safe sex and getting tested and using condoms *very* seriously..... but mostly, I just didn't put out to every Tom, Dick and Harry... and I even turned down a few hairy dicks, but that's a story for another time.
It seemed like everywhere I went in the 90s - Safe Sex was the key to a long and happy life, and I for one, wanted that happy life that awaited me.... the white picket fence, the 2.3 kids and the dashing husband. There isn't room in that Rockwell portrait for The Clap.
Entering into this new world of .... 'dating'.... I'm shocked to see how *little* is said about safe sex. It really seems like HIV testing posters are something that only hang in the men's stall at a gay club.
Where are the PSA's? Where are the posters and the billboards and the flyers......?
Have our tears been dry for Pedro for *that* long that we have forgotten the lessons he taught us?
Seems that way.
Well... that's fine for this new world... but I'm old skool - and I plan to stay that way. Get tested, be safe and yes.... not pull over in Seattle to a strange (though incredibly handsome) man's home for a 'good time'. I mean really people.... is *that* responsible!?!?! Is THAT how I care for my children... by contracting who-knows-what from who-knows-who......?
So I started noticing some differences.... from then to now, and I thought it was time to start doing some research about this new world - which *should* be the same... but it's really not.
In the first place: men do not want to date.
First they want to start texting with you..... they want to chat, during the day - during the night... off and on - now, they don't *call* mind you - they are sans the balls of the 13 and 14 year old boys who used to call my parents land-line after school but before 8:00pm.
Nope. No calling. Just texting - and *then* if they want - they ask for a coffee date. And... may be another coffee date......? and *THEN* may be dinner.....
Good grief that seems like a whole f*ckton of work just to *see* if we have chemistry......?
Dude - either you want to rip my clothes of an shag me senseless... or you don't. Period. It just shouldn't be that hard to figure out.
Oh... and texting - that usually ends up with some guy telling me about how long or thick his member is.... to which I say: thanks but no thanks.
I don't hate men.
I don't hate male members..... but I sure as sh*t don't want to hear about it. What the hell, dude?
I'm old skool.... you like me? Ask me out. Done. Simple. Period.
So.... one of these men - sensing that I'm 'out of practice'.... thought he should be kind enough to school me on the new ways of dating..... among updating me on the new importance of 'texting'.... he informs me that I better 'shave my sh*t' because men are expecting women to be 'clean' down there.
Huh......? In the first place, we don't *EVER* need to discuss my girl parts: in person, over text... over email. No... really.
When I point out how disgusting that is - that he's telling me that... he shrugs it off and say's, "Yeah well, almost any guy that takes you out is shaved, too... so they'll be expecting it."
So then I do some online research.... and he's *right*!?!?!?! There are several ways to accomplish 'clean'.... but OMG - did you know that there was such a thing as a "Man-Zillian"......? For those of us needing to google such a term.... a 'man-zillian' is when MEN have their male member area and sac - LASER HAIR REMOVED OR WAXED.