greatfamilyhome.com
Search for a Post
  • The House & Sign
    • Magnets!!!!
  • The Scorned & Bitter Blog
    • Disneyland!
  • The Book!
  • Say Hi to Elle!

Tap, Tap, Tap.... is this thing on?

12/5/2012

6 Comments

 
I think that, aside from all the other crap I talk about.... the *hardest* part of being "divorced" is *being* divorced.

Like.... El Capitan (who currently has another name with the adults in my life....) - he had alllll this time to get used to the idea of not being with me.  In fact, it's clearly something he wanted.  Something he planned and executed (although very poorly I might add).

But he had TIME.
I don't got sh*t.

I have no time.
No warning.
No freaking heads up - at all.

So in the end.... despite that fact that I wish his nethers would rot and fall off (not everyday, but right now I'm in a rotting mood) - it *still* bothers me not to talk to him.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting to have those girly chats about work and all the people he claimed he hated at work becuase they were all "stupid" and he was 'sick of holding their hands" and "wiping their asses" - but... just the general - how are you?  Are you alive type chats.

Speaking of work..... there's a certain person who's really on my radar right now.  There is of course 'Ryan' who's complete and utter trashiness eventually permeated El Capitan: which I said it would.  He taught his toddler son to smack women's asses and say "nice gams".

No really.  So, before you judge me - trashy doesn't begin to cover it.

But Ryan's total attitude about family and life was as though everyone was beneath him - everyone was just lucky he showed up to work, and showed up at the party - and whatever.  His general verbiage was always nasty and negative and I noticed that the more El Capitan hung around with him - the more he started talking about us that way.

He started sending Ryan texts like , "Yeah... stuck with the fam all day.... yeah."
And I would call El Capitan out and say - why are you sending shit like that?  Then don't hang out with us - at this park/party/event.
It seemed like the more he hung out with Ryan the general douchebaggery of Ryan's behavior rubbed off on El Capitan.  THAT I saw coming and tried to stop, but El Capitan would shoe...shoeu... whatever - he would brush me off and tell me that he was just "telling Ryan what he wants to hear to keep him happy".

But I knew better. I knew over time - it wouldn't become a "lie" it would become a fact - a new point of view for El Capitan - and it did.

You tell a lie enough times and eventually you forget it was a lie to start with.

So, because Ryan wants to lead that too-coo-for-you thug life... he had to go and rub off on El Capitan:  thanks dude.  You're awesome.

Then there's .... Dick.  Dick *claimed* to be my friend.  Sending me text messages and facebook messages.  I actually lobbied for El Capitan to *promote* Dick - and he did.

Then.... Dick sat back and watched Yoga Girl hook up with my husband.  Dick knows me - he knows my CHILDREN and he sat back and watched it all go down....

And Dick is "friends" with Yoga Girl.  FRIENDS.
How is that even possible?

I heard that Dick was telling people that I deserved it because I was a "b*tch".
Which - oddly enough, was *not* the text message Dick sent me on my birthday. lololl.

But let's assume I *am* a horrific b*tch - did my children deserve this?
Not really.

There's a MAN's way out of a marriage and a relationship.
Then there's the COWARDS way:  cheating.

I supposed that the old adage is true:  life down with dogs and get up with fleas.
Those are some mighty big dogs that El Capitan runs with.

Bitter... bitter... bitter... sorry. 

I just.  I don't understand *why* people can't just be grown ups.  YOU don't like me - cool, don't be my freaking friend.  That's pretty simple to do.  YOU don't want to be married to me - then sac up and tell me like a man.

Here's a though.... may be, just you know... *may be* when a woman has to take on the man's role becuase her husband doesn't every rise to the challenge (literally, any challenge) - then she's a b*tch for being strong enough to get things done. 

That's just so unfair.  Really.

I'm the *same* person I have been for ten years... and longer as any of my friends would tell you.  THAT was fine with El Capitan.  He LOVED my mean streak - we got along great.... until he was crawling with so many of their fleas that they changed him.

Now..... here's a factoid.
El Capitan was living with tweekers when we met, working minimum wage.
WE get married -and he moves up the corporate ladder, get's a solid career, have two beautiful children, we buy a house and two NEW cars....
He makes crappy friends.
He get's a crappy girlfriend.
NOW, he claims to live in a "house of partying 20somethings who need to leave [him] alone" - he has no car, no career now.... that got a hole blew in it last week.

So.  What was better for him?
His "b*tch" wife who loved him and helped him become a better person?
Or
His dogass friends who have helped him reduce his standard of living to where it was 11 years ago.

Way to go friends!  Way. To. Go!

Why am I soooo bitter today?
Because today, El Capitan MISSED his day with the kids.  We arranged, he was coming... and I called several times yesterday.  I texted. I emailed.
Nothing.
I called two times today and texted two times.
Nothing.

*Really* glad that I never tell the children they are seeing their father unless he's in the driveway - because not only do I have to play the role of BOTH parents because El Capitan's doing whatever the hell it is he's doing.... BUT - when he lets them down- I pay the price for that with them.

Awesome.
Trying to "co-parent" is really hard when there's only one of you doing it.

sigh.





6 Comments
Alex
12/4/2012 09:30:01 pm

Damn Elle. Did El Capitan lose his job or something? What did you mean by "that it a hole blew in it last week"?

I know at least one commenter posted about the possibility of him doing drugs, and I kind of thought she was jumping to conclusions, although she may not have been wrong. I'm starting to think she might have been right.

Brutal honesty, when he was "living with tweekers", was he actually a tweeker himself? Perhaps to a lesser extent than his roommates, but not exactly sober? Everyone I know who has been willing to live with tweekers were tweekers themselves. Others I know who ended up with such roommates ran like hell, for all the reasons anyone would.

An in-law of mine has a very different situation than yours, but she did "lift" her addict boyfriend out of a slump, but addiction issues really are life long, the temptation never really goes away and people can go from sober and doing fine to falling back to rock bottom in no time flat.

He's been unstable, having bizarre paranoid episodes in which he threatens physical violence, and from what you say, acting out of character. One of the main things addicts need to do to stay sober is to stay away from other addicts, because it reignites former attitudes, like "I can control it" or "this stuff is awesome, others are just uptight twerps listening to the man". Following the attitudes come the actual actions.

If he is under the influence, Yoga Girl might be the best thing that could have happened to you. I doubt she was the cause of him falling into this (if he is indeed using drugs), but as one of the results. It's better for him to be the red hot mess under her roof than yours near the kids.

For what it's worth, my in-law didn't keep her boyfriend sober. Instead of him staying up with her, she has been dragged down with him. She went from having a kick-ass job fashion design job with a major brand in NYC and owning her own house to now living with him (not sure if she lost the house or had to sell at a loss), and being a (currently laid off) hotel maid who made pennies of what she used to. And he treats her like crap. Most entitled, spoiled son of a bitch I've ever met, and he's actually the one related to my husband, not her.

I'll stand by my view of what El Capitan is regarding what I wrote to you before, addiction often comes along or is a result of the type of personality I suspect El Capitan to be. My husband's relative was a douche from day one, before his addiction. When sober he could be quite fun and nice, but ultimately, still a selfish douche. The addiction just moved him up the spectrum, but he was always on it. And my God could he be fun, nice and charming when sober. But still, a cheating, lying asshole.

Sorry he's being a thorn in your side today Elle. Keep your chin up.

Reply
Scott
12/4/2012 11:20:43 pm

Wow. Same thing happened to me when I got divorced, but it was the wife that started changing. Very similar situation. New job, then new friends, staying at the "gym" really late..... then BAM-O, new boyfriend....ironically he turned out to be an actual Captain in the Navy. Next thing I know, I'm moving out. I stopped about a week later and said "WTF just happened?????" The speed of life. But, you got to believe, what goes around shall come around. It's only fair in a yeng-yang sort of sense. In my case....she never re-married, had another child (we had an infant son at the time), couldn't and still hasn't found a "career" and living with her parents. That was 22 years ago. Me? Got a career, life, remarried and have a beautiful, loving daughter. Take that Karma.....One thing I've learned through that ordeal.....patience. I know it sucks and you don't see it, but patience....patience.

Reply
Taun-Taun
12/5/2012 12:02:20 am

Oh Elle. I'm so sorry. Sorry that he didn't show up for his time with the kids. Because that just plain sucks. It's sad when a husband takes his buddies over his wife...even sadder when he chooses another life over his kids.

Keep it raw. This is reality. I so wish I could share my friend's life of being a single mom with a sh*tty ex-husband. It's real fun. No really. Sigh.

I just want you to keep your head held high. You are amazing. If I have to I'll post that every day. Don't forget!

Reply
Nocti
12/5/2012 03:13:26 am

Gods.. That sucks =| Alex's comment makes some sense, given what we know of El Capitan.

Either way, keep being strong. You're an amazing person, and a great mother.

I am curious what happened with El Capitan's job, though. Did he get fired? Did he quit?

To me it sounds like the guy is totally self-destructing, and you and the kids got caught in the crossfire. What happened is definitely hard, and I'd be devastated if it happened to me, but perhaps it was for the best so he didn't drag the three of you down with him if that's what is going on.

I am sorry that your so-called 'friends' stuck a knife in your back. It's not fair, and even if you were a bitch, which I totally don't think you are.. you still wouldn't have deserved what happened.

I hope things get better for you soon. It's definitely your turn for something good to happen.

Reply
Hear Me Roar... I AM WOMAN :)
12/5/2012 03:42:05 am

Tigers don't change their stripes. Sounds like he reverted back to his nature. IF that is the case then you will start being glad you didn't waste another 10 years on him.

There are endless possibilities on why he was a no show; could be sick, could be hungover I wouldn't dwell on him. Console the children if they need it and try to think of the endless new possibilities and opportunities that are waiting for your attention.

I get the mood, try on a happy mood instead... You'll thank yourself for it. Enjoy venting but try and make it a short one (says the woman with a short attention span for my own moods lolol ) because you're worth it!

Reply
emma
12/5/2012 06:22:22 am

oh no!!! I remember being told as a child that daddy was on his way and then he wouldn't show up . I'm in my 30's and it still hurts now.

i'm glad they didn't know then.

and crap about his job as that is also your income right? sucky.

I hope he isn't blaming you. That would be stupid. You helped him climb the ladder.

How is he mentally? I ask as this would be a VERY high risk period for depression, addictions and... feeling of wanting to "end" it. This post scares me especially for that reason. People do stupid irrational things when they feel that they can no longer cope. I hope this situation is temporary.

on another side- yoga girl is not going to like that her manager bf is no longer employed etc... paying rent is usually a good thing if you are living together.

And no car anymore? didn't they just buy one? things are spiraling so fast.

I know what you mean about friends- my ex was military and worked with guys much younger than him who did not have wives etc and all of a sudden going out to bars and hitting on women was what he needed to do... very soon after hanging with them it went so far out of control. He wanted to fit in a little too much. Arg.

hugs

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Buy The Book!
    ON AMAZON!

    Picture
    also available on Kindle!!!!!

    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
    You can see some of Elle's photography at:
    http://www.zoberimages.com/
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012

    Categories

    All
    Being A Gay Mom
    Bullies & Internet Trolls
    Cheating Husband
    Cheating Spouses
    Coming Out After 30
    Co Parenting
    Co-Parenting
    Divorce
    Gay
    Healing
    Heartbroken
    Lesbian
    Lesbian Mom
    Lost Love
    Motherhood
    Moving On
    Scorned & Bitter
    Single Parenting
    The Other Woman
    True Love

    SITE DISCLAIMER/
    POINTS OF FACT:
    El Capitan not only KNEW about and approved the signs, he helped pay for them.  :)
    The children have NOT seen the signs and will NOT see the signs.  PERIOD.
    This SITE and the SIGN were made to SELL OUR HOME.... what else this *might* be turning into is unclear, but the original intent was bereft of revenge or malice and was truly to sell our home.
    We ARE DIVORCED and for the very reason the sign suggests.

    RSS Feed

    91,395 Readers
    and counting...

Scorned, slighty bitter but still, grateful and very happy... life is good.
PS.... you *WILL find errors in grammar, spelling and otherwise... I am just a Mom - now a 'single Mom' who
writes The Blog from a place of honesty \and usually in the dark at 1:00am.... so please be understanding. cheers. :)