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Running Into A Black Man's Arms...... Got Problems?

5/8/2013

9 Comments

 
Wow.  You go away to the beach for a few days, have spotty reception and limited internet (ok.... the house *had* wifi - but I really just wanted to spend time with the people I was there with....) but we get home today and my facebook feed is flooded with the new of Amanda Berry and the other women in the house in Cleveland.

As a woman, the first thing I think about is what kind of awful, horrible sexual things those women were subjected too.... let's face it:  people don't kidnap woman because they want to sit up late night play Farkle and discussing their feelings.
Sigh.

Secondly, I was immediately grateful they were found - and instantly said a small prayer that Desiree Horman, Kyron Horman's Mother, might one day get a similar call... that he is still alive.

So coming home I started looking up all the youtube's and videos and stories about what had happened.  Naturally everyone on facebook is talking about Charles Ramsey - the African American neighbor who saw Amanda Berry pleading for help and so he helped her get the bottom of the front door open enough for her and a small child (assumed to be hers) - out of the house.

Once you find his story, you find lots and lots of others - many neighbors telling stories of seeing women in "dog chains", naked and being beaten in the back yard (once by a young woman and a younger child and another time by three older ladies).  It's stated that several neighbors *saw* these things, called the police and nothing ever happened......

One man keenly points out that the cops will break down the doors of a home for $5 of drugs - but not for a human life......
Double sigh.

When I was a kid, living in Seattle, my Mom started the "Helping Hand" in our neighborhood.  Her and some other Moms made large wood signs that were painted black with large red hand prints painted on them.  Throughout the neighborhood, various houses who agreed, would put them up in their front windows.  We were all taught that if *anyone* bothered us, or a car was suspicious  that *these* homes - The Red Hand Homes - were "safe".  We could go to them and they would open their doors, no questions asked and that they could be trusted to help us.  (I'm sure there was a larger movement for these Red Hand things.... I doubt The Bubbie came up with it on her own... though- we all know how good she is at making signs. lol)

Anyhow... these days - would anyone really do that?  
Aren't we all too afraid of being sued or something?
I only ask... because it doesn't seem like anyone is doing it - and since *more* kids go missing now than in the 80s.... wouldn't it be a good thing to bring back?

But... you know what - we won't.  

We won't because not enough of us will step the f*ck up and be *willing* to take responsibility for someone else's child.  We don't want to 'poke our nose in'.  We don't want to get caught up in someone else's drama.  We just want to keep walking...... 

Aside from that - I think that the saddest part of it all is the part that the media and facebook are heralding as the most amusing, which is Charles Ramsey's account of the rescue.  His plain, step-by-step explanation - both humorous and humble - is getting him tons of air time.  He's very amusing, has great timing and .... thankfully - was the kind of person to step up and help Amanda Berry instead of stay on his own porch.

What he say's at the *end* of this particular interview *is* super funny for sure.... but it also makes me incredibly sad.  The idea that "white women" wouldn't run to a black man's arms unless they were "homeless or got problems' is a tragic one.

For one.... at some point, this man's personal experience has lead him to conclusion.  Which, if you ask me, is heartbreaking.  It reminds me of reading The Autobiography of Malcolm X where he recounts, in spite of getting good grades and being a solid and promising student - he's informed in the 8th grade that if was a really good negro that he *might* be lucky enough to become a Janitor - because, at the time - *that* was a good job for any African American.
This moment was crushing for Malcolm and was the first time he realized that there was a glass ceiling for him and he might never achieve more than what would be "allowed" - not what he could actually do or earn.

As the years have gone by - I hopefully believed that these sentiments were a thing of the past - I mean we *have* an African American for President... things *have* to be better - right?
Clearly not.

I'll be honest, I didn't vote for Obama.  I think most of them are giant lying bags of douche.... Sorry... but I do:  on *both* sides of the aisle.  However..... I have always been one to support democracy and as such, I have supported whoever the President is and chosen to work on making the changes I want to see in the world in my own home and community.  It's silly to think *one* person so disconnected from the rest of us can *really* make change .... ever:  if at all.  That's a big machine they are pushing against.

However, Charles Ramsey appears to be around the same age/generation at President Obama - and is it curious to anyone else that one man thinks white women have to be homeless or with problems to run into a black mans' arms for help.... while the *other* man is an actual instrument of change for men and women of all colors in this country?

Raised, within the same borders - how can each of them see themselves and their own race so differently?  Have we not advanced past this *just* a little?
Clearly... for some of us, the answer is no.... and that's not good enough for me.

It's a blessing that the countless ways and times those women tried to get someone - *anyone's* attention - failed and failed miserably..... and yet, one day - this man, homeless and eating his McDonalds - he see's them and doesn't hesitate to help.

He didn't see color - he saw someone who needed to get out of their house - and he helped.
Plain and simple.  

I'm grateful that, to that end, my children are completely and totally: stupid.
They honestly think Whoopi Goldberg *is* God..... because I have let them.  I have not disturbed their idea that *anyone* - be an African American woman with dread locks - can be God.

It's much more than a political statement - what my children have in them, is that everyone has value - and that they *should* be valued.  Too many children are taught that black people or gay people or homeless people or whateverthehellthatthreatensyoursenseoff*ckingsecurity people - are "bad" and shouldn't be trusted - even in your time of need.  
At that that's the message that society (or whoever) has left Charles Ramsey with about himself.
That makes me incredibly sad for him - and for the rest of us.

How many other 'Charles Ramsey's' in the world *haven't* stepped up simply because they didn't think anyone wanted them to - or would trust them?  

We have to start trusting each other just a little more and teaching our children to trust as well.  We have to *stop* teaching RACE or gender or sexuality.... and just start teaching GOODNESS, humanity and kindness.  

I don't think Mr. Ramsey is remarkable because of how the media describes him over and over "homeless black man" - when I see him, I see a very down-home, no none-sense person who saw another human's fear and helped them.  Plain and simple.

More than that - I hope that Mr. Ramsey see's himself as the hero he is.  I noticed, in other stories, the Sheriff was quick to take away the "glory" and put out a statement saying that Amanda was "the real hero" here because she tried to get help.... oddly enough though- all three girls had tried before and all the police did was respond to calls from neighbors, knock on the door and walk away..... 

It took Charles Ramsey to see her cries for help and to help her.... I'd say that's pretty heroic.

I think he's also incredibly humbling and humorous.... but he's also a very good reminder for this country and sometimes the white knight *isn't* white.  Sometimes, the "black knight" isn't the bad guy in a story...... sometimes, a hero is just a person who see's another persons pain and fear and seeks to help them by whatever means they can.... and that kind of humanity is truly bereft of race at all.

"I knew something was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black man's arms.... Gurl - somethin' is wrong here..... .dead give away - dead give away.... DEAD give away - either she homeless or she gots problems -that's the only reason she's runnin' to a black man."  - Charles Ramsey
9 Comments
KAY
5/7/2013 11:28:44 pm

Amazing story, more amazing... NO BODY knew nothing for about a decade. Charles is a hero and Amanda is as well.

Lots of sick people in the world, and lots of good ones... we have to weed them out.

Very sad....

Reply
Alex
5/7/2013 11:37:45 pm

Hey Elle!

There is so much in this post I want to brush on, but Mr.Ramsey is a hero. I now have someone in my family who is very private, so I won't tell his story much, but he is African American and has made it almost as far as you pretty much can in any given field of a career you enter. Prestigious universities, the whole 9 yards. And yet everyday, in every goddam way, his life is just that much harder than it would be if he were white and he has to fight ten times as hard to get what he has more than earned. It infuriates me. And shames me because I'm a member of society too, and I hadn't seen it at this level before.

But back to Mr.Ramsey as a person, he is a hero, and usually people need just one hero to get them out of a bad situation. He also listened to his instincts which so many people beat back thinking they are "overreacting". How many people would have even believed this woman?

My grandmother was a safe house for a neighbour, and other neighbours for my great-aunt, and if it hadn't been for them, two women would had been most likely dead long ago. They all had their instincts driving, no societal "not my business" or "my only job is to call the cops once and leave it".

When you see that someone needs help and wonder who is going to help, the answer is always you, you're the first responder, however you help and you don't stop until its over, even if you have to call the cops twenty times. Comfortable or not, a duty has fallen in your lap, and its *your* duty.

I've lived by this since I was 20 and was at a water park with my friends. Long story short I spotted a 3 year old girl crying out of fear from meters away, she was surrounded by parents of other children, but no one had noticed her so I went over. She was lost. I picked her up and turned to find security. Someone else had spotted her too, and I got to her a split second before he did. He offered to take her to security and tried to pick her up from my arms and I held fast. My friends thought I was being silly and rude, but he followed me when I was hunting down security, badgering me to give her to him the whole time and only backed off (but just a few feet, he still trailed me), when I literally growled at him. The extra feet gave me enough time to tell a shop manager that he wasn't a relative and had been trying to take her and was following us.

To this day I know something bad would have happened to her if I hadn't, by weird chance, seen her and instinctually felt something was wrong. I could have easily not noticed her, not had any instincts about a kid crying at a water park, or thought I was being silly because she was surrounded by people who were parents themselves and clearly they'd notice and take care of it. Only two people noticed her and if that other person had gotten to her...

If you see something, screw saying something, *DO* something even if its calling the cops a hundred times to light a fire under their asses. You'll find someone willing to help eventually.

I'm so relieved for these women and I hope they get all the healing they possibly can.

Reply
Alex
5/7/2013 11:57:56 pm

Just wanted to note here, he thought it was just a domestic violence dispute, the kind people stay out of on a daily basis, including police. He was even on friendly terms with the house owner. And he still intervened. He had no idea how many people he was helping, or from what abuse. He felt regular old domestic violence was enough to warrant trying to bust in the door. That's a hero. God we need more people like him.

Reply
Stephanie Positano
5/8/2013 11:19:37 am

"I'll be honest, I didn't vote for Obama. I think most of them are giant lying bags of douche.... Sorry... but I do: on *both* sides of the aisle."

You are so ignorant. Typical white trash, not all black people are threatening or lying douche bags. Lemme guess, you live in a small town in the South? I pray that in 15-20 years, your daughter will bring home a black man that she has falling in love with.

You're an idiot, no wonder your husband left you. That 22 year old, showed signs of intelligence, and probably had an open mind.
Again your an idiotic fool, no man would put up with your stupidity.

Reply
Lindsey
5/8/2013 11:34:33 pm

She meant politicians dipshit.

Reply
Romana
5/9/2013 02:09:36 pm

Yeah!

Jaimey
5/9/2013 04:28:37 pm

seriously? First time reading the blog? My guess is it's your first time out from under the pile of crap you crawled, why else would you attempt to look "smart" with your comment in a place you clearly know nothing of which you speak. FAIL.

Reply
Susan G.
5/9/2013 08:52:50 am

Wow @ Stephanie Positano. You really didn't read this post very clearly. Do you always shoot off the hip like this? Do you have many friends? If so, maybe they should help you with your manners....and your grammer. Before you call someone stupid you should do a spell/grammer check. You my dear are about as friendly as a mugger. again....Wow.

Elle - You are right about our society. I had thought that we had made bigger strides in the race issue. But now as my grandchildred bring my attention back to the schools, and the culture of today's youth, I see that I was wrong. What I thought as a child of the 70's was that we had conquered the race issue - that things would just continue to improve. But I fear that by many of us assuming that we relaxed our guard and it appears things have just gone backwards again. It's so sad that a person, no matter what their gender/race, cannot achieve all they set out to simply because of biggoted views.(Gosh - I hope I spelled everything correct here now LOL!)

Reply
Jaimey
5/9/2013 04:29:54 pm

while I agree in this situation, he is a hero, it is far outweighed by the current TMZ reveal that he spent quite a bit of time in jail for SPOUSAL ABUSE. :/ Hero of the moment, not so much in daily practice.

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