With the media attention slowed to a very minimal trickle my focus has shifted firmly to our future - what kind of job am I going to get? Should I go back to school.....? (feel free to chime in here with any solid advice..) - and also going to the gym *a lot* and working hard at losing weight and taking care of the three of us.
In the same time, El Capitan has turned a corner and has kept his steady times with the kids (two afternoons a week) and thus far.... he hasn't missed one in just about 8 weeks. This has been good for the kids - and I think it's been good for El Capitan, too.
For me, this whole process has been..... a little bit crazy. And - because I crafted a f*cking hilarious sign... I get judged for being "crazy"... or a "psycho ex" and all kinds of awesome things like that. I don't really mind, I mean - I get it... *most* people who make a sign like that are out to get someone - out to hurt someone.. etc. I fully understand and accept how some people can interpret the sign, however, I think that once people take time to read a few blog entries, they can quickly see that I am not crazy (well, not in a totally awful kind of way) - and that all in all - things are pretty good around here....
So, I got a call from a journalist who is doing a story for some magazine on the East Coast and he asked to interview me for his article. Ok.... sure.
We get to chatting and I'm impressed because this guy has done his homework and he knows that The Bubbie first came up with the sign idea,etc. So I explain the sign and the theme behind it and the real estate market in our area... on and on. He asks about the media coverage and how we felt about that - which, honestly, I'm not sure how to answer that question. I mean - our house did sell, and that was the goal - BUT - it came at a pretty public price and I'm not sure (in either direction) if we would do it again or not.
But... knowing me: probably.
He asks me what I think sets me apart from other "scorned" women you see posting pictures of their ex's trashed cars, etc, on facebook.... and I said: because I didn't do that.
He points out that I made the sign which was a very public way to get "vengeance."
He's not wrong... I agree to that, but *that* was never the intention of the sign.....
So I thought for a second and I said...... "What sets me apart is that I did the right thing. I didn't screw anyone over. I didn't drag sh*t out in court. I did the right thing - even when everyone else told me to do something different... even if I was emotionally entitled to do something else: I stayed the course."
So we talked a little more about that.... and then he said that the point of the article was women who "one up" their ex. Hmmmm...... and then there was silence.
I thought about this for a second... and then I said, "What does burning his clothes get me? Or spray painting his car? Other than an arrest record... not much. I took the high road - I can hold my head up. I didn't go crazy. I didn't act in anger or revenge - THAT is how I've one-uppped him. He has to deal with what he did and the damage he caused.... but I sleep soundly at night. In the end... I win. My life is good and whole and happy.... and *I* am good and whole and happy because I didn't freak out and blow sh*t up leaving chunks and pieces of myself littered on the road to healing.... I did the right thing in the face of the wrong thing and there's a victory in that that El Capitan will never know."
To which he replied... "Yes, you make a very valid point."
Then tonight ended with El Capitan and I having coffee at Red Robin. I asked him to meet to talk about us and the kids and a few other things.... and it was nice. Actually, it was more than nice.
That was the first time we had sat down together and had coffee since July.
Wow. That's crazy.
Right about now a year ago... I was a happyish housewife - and El Capitan was starting to flirt with Yoga Girl. In a few more weeks: they started texting.
Tonight, I sat across from my ex-husband and laughed.
Yes.... we laughed.
We had a nice time - chatting for a few hours, and talking about the kids and how we think future visits need to go and changing the times for his basketball games... etc. It was.... normal. Perhaps too normal because our waiter couldn't get over how "well" we seemed to "get-along".... and El Capitan said, "Dude... you don't even know the half of it....."
To which I said... "Well, it's easier to get along when he leaves his girlfriend at home because she's just a 22 year old baby and she has to sit in the high chair while we feed her baby food... and *that* gets awkward."
To which the waiter nearly pee'd his pants laughing and even El Capitan couldn't hold in his smirk.
See.... I'm funny. :)
We had a nice night. There are still some things I don't like that he does... but then again - I didn't like everything he did while we were married, so I think it's to be expected that I won't like everything he does when we aren't married anymore.
I drove home tonight - very tired.... but also very.... happy.
I'm still here.
The pain took me down... but it didn't take me out.
The betrayal tore me up... but it didn't tear me down.
The tears swelled up around me... but they didn't drown me.
Not only am I still *here*- but I'm happy and whole and a complete person who can hold their head up.
Not only that.... but I'm feeling strong standing on my own two feet: strong than I ever did while I was married.
I'm not sure that I'll ever believe that getting divorced was better for my children ... but I'm starting to think that getting divorced was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Guess we'll have to wait and see.... but ones things for sure: I "one-up" and then some. :)