greatfamilyhome.com
Search for a Post
  • The House & Sign
    • Magnets!!!!
  • The Scorned & Bitter Blog
    • Disneyland!
  • The Book!
  • Say Hi to Elle!

Life Sux... and sometimes a helmet isn't enough.

8/31/2012

7 Comments

 
Last night I got a late night call from a photographer..... I saw her name on my phone and I knew I didn't want to answer... because late night calls from her always mean a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep call ... which usualy isn't good news for a Mom and her baby in my area.

This photographer and I go way back to setting up NILMDTS together at two hospitals in the Portland area - she was my mentor in bereavement photography and the family in need were good friends of her.  I couldn't say no.......

So earlish this morning (well... early for me, lol) - I packed up my gear and raced to the Children's hospital to capture the last moments of this family before they went from a family of four to a physical family of three + one angel baby.

I made it.

It never gets any easier, watching a person die.  There's ..... there's a moment in time, somewhere between life and the last breath where it feels like everyone in the room is bargaining with G*d with everything they have to turn the clock back, to change it ..... to stop it.

Sadly..... the bargaining turns to tears of painful acceptance as breath leaves and doesn't come back.  And... it's done.  Now, a deeper level of pain sets in.  What happens next is always the same and ... it's brutally emotional.

You can't do these sessions without crying. 
You can't... rather, *I* can't do them without that baby and her entire family leaving it's finger prints on my heart.... forever.

So, I shot and shot and shot and shot..... thanks to the ole' Gary Fong dome- they turned out very nice.... well, poingant.... sp?  sorry... too tired to spell check tonight (yes, I hear you - do I *ever* spell check.... lol). 

I read somewhere that afterwards, a lot parents can't remember what happened - what they did - what they said.... they wonder if they held the baby enough? kissed the baby enough?  So.... I just tried to get every single kiss and cuddle and .... tear.  Of which, there were many.

I know some people might even be offended by this post.... which will make me two for two on potentially offensive posts this week..... but, this is what I did today.  This was my morning.

And you know what - I'm grateful for it.  Grateful that these strangers trusted me enough with one of the most prescious moments of their life.  They allowed me capture their pain and their love and ... their joy.  It's.... truly a humbling and amazing experience.

My heart is heavy as I edit the images tonight so that I can deliver them tomorrow. 

And then my heart is joyful - because I am lucky beyond words to have both my children here with me tonight.  It's yet another reminder, in what was an emotionaly hard week for me with El Capitan  -  that I need to grow a pair and get a f*cking helmet.... before something *really* *really* REALLY bad happens.... and you know what - there just IS NOT a 'helmet' for losing a child.

I need to buck up and move on so that I don't waste another minute of my life - of my children's life - on crying over El Capitan and his lies and his stupid Yoga Girl.  What a f*cking waste of human life..... sometimes, you just don't have any more life to waste. 

I'm done wasting mine.  Every time I think I can do that.... another lie rises up and drags me back down.... it's so hard not to care.  So HARD to move on.  I actually counted the months... it's *only* been 4 months since I even found out Yoga Girl existed....

Today.  Someone had a worse day than me.  A worse day than I have ever known (thankfully).  And the worst part of that day played out in front of me.... I need to take that with me, and make the most of *my* life in recognition of the fact that not everyone gets that opportunity.  Otherwise... I'm just some blubering b*tch in the corner with a camera.  When G*d shows you a miracle... I think it's best to sit up, take notes and listen carefully for the life lesson you can find in it.

Today was a miracle, a miracle of pure sadness.... but a miracle none the less.

Babies and caskets.... two words that never belong in the same sentence.  Ever.

7 Comments
Jaimey
8/31/2012 04:17:19 pm

And while it is an amazing miracle, both life and death, it is one I wish far less parents had to face. I am so sorry for their loss. <3

Reply
Shon Borneman link
9/2/2012 08:27:46 am

I just wanted to say that your bereavement photography is a beautiful thing. I have no doubt that people will be offended by that... some thinking it's sick. I'm ashamed to say that I was once part of that group. That is, until I lost my son in a late term pregnancy. It was all so different at that very moment. Holding him, touching him, kissing him... these were no longer things I considered "sick". It's terrible, but some things can only be understood if you become an intimate part of it. So, the way I see it is that for all of the negative comments you receive about bereavement photos, you will know that is at least one person who hasn't been personally effected by such a terrible thing. And, they may not understand, I mean truly understand, how lucky they are, you do understand for them. Also, I believe you have the beautiful gift of writing. Your words completely capture your reader, or at least me. Have you considered writing? I'm sure you have enough on your plate without adding more, but I assure you that I would be the first in "line" to purchase a book or ebook of yours. Now, the only negative thing I have to say about your posts, is when you say G*d. I personally think the astrisk should be replaced with an "o". Don't worry so much about being politically correct that you betray your true beliefs. Be proud of loving God.

Reply
Dee
9/2/2012 01:32:33 pm

I am really humbled by you doing this for people. I hope you realize what a beautiful heart you have.

Reply
A local
9/3/2012 09:29:22 am

In the middle of your own problems, you take time to go help someone with theirs. Can't help noticing, what a fine person you really are.

Reply
emma
9/3/2012 11:05:24 am

I wish I lived near you so I could give you a hug. Never give up.

Reply
Erin Kreitz Shirey link
9/4/2012 03:14:53 am

Hey Elle- your post ruptured the water works today. Right now we approach the 2 year mark of Makenzie's rush to the ER and my mind has been flowing. When in the hospital with Makenzie, I saw some of the photographers come in to help various families. Every day that passed, I crossed my fingers and prayed it wouldn't be Makenzie's turn for photos. Gratefully, she finally came home after 4 months, when other kids didn't. Your gift is beyond incredible for the families who were at a loss for words. Those moments are a gift and I can't thank you enough for helping them.
Sending much love your way. Each day is a journey, but it's yours and I am so proud of your compassion, strength and courage daily.
xoxoErin

Reply
Melissa
9/10/2012 06:43:56 am

You previously blogged about the bereavement photography that you do...I had never heard of it before. I found your post inspirational. I sent information to a friend of mine who does photography in Omaha, Nebraska, knowing he has a big heart (like you) and might be interested in volunteering.

Know that what you are doing DOES make a difference. For them. And FOR YOU.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Buy The Book!
    ON AMAZON!

    Picture
    also available on Kindle!!!!!

    Elle Zober

    Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer,  potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
    You can see some of Elle's photography at:
    http://www.zoberimages.com/
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012

    Categories

    All
    Being A Gay Mom
    Bullies & Internet Trolls
    Cheating Husband
    Cheating Spouses
    Coming Out After 30
    Co Parenting
    Co-Parenting
    Divorce
    Gay
    Healing
    Heartbroken
    Lesbian
    Lesbian Mom
    Lost Love
    Motherhood
    Moving On
    Scorned & Bitter
    Single Parenting
    The Other Woman
    True Love

    SITE DISCLAIMER/
    POINTS OF FACT:
    El Capitan not only KNEW about and approved the signs, he helped pay for them.  :)
    The children have NOT seen the signs and will NOT see the signs.  PERIOD.
    This SITE and the SIGN were made to SELL OUR HOME.... what else this *might* be turning into is unclear, but the original intent was bereft of revenge or malice and was truly to sell our home.
    We ARE DIVORCED and for the very reason the sign suggests.

    RSS Feed

    91,395 Readers
    and counting...

Scorned, slighty bitter but still, grateful and very happy... life is good.
PS.... you *WILL find errors in grammar, spelling and otherwise... I am just a Mom - now a 'single Mom' who
writes The Blog from a place of honesty \and usually in the dark at 1:00am.... so please be understanding. cheers. :)