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Introducing.... La Novia

4/14/2013

4 Comments

 
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Step-Mothers.... man, there just aren't *any* nice examples in literature.... or mythology... or poetry.
Sigh.

Of course, Yoga Girl hasn't become one yet - they aren't married, so a "MOM" kind of label seems a touch premature... however, you can't negate the role she now has - especially to the children.  They will call her by her first name - and respect as an equal adult/parent in this family.

For The Blog, however.... she needs a new name to not only signify the role she now has within our family, but that one that reflects my honest respect and well-intentions for her.  Needless to say.... two days of searching and I'm nameless.......

In the end.... I decided on this:

La Novia.  It's Spanish for girlfriend.
Plus.... .it's kind of pretty, so that works.

El Capitan & La Novia... it has a nice ring to it.  
Big thanks to loyal readers, Bridgitte, Kay and Taun-taun for all their suggestions... lololol

There has been much said and written to me and about me since I blogged Thursday night..... and, first and foremost, let me be clear:  I don't lie about nothin' for nobody.

If I thought La Novia was a bitch, I'd say so.
If I thought she was just "humoring me" .... I'd happily call her out on it.
If I thought she wasn't genuine.... I wouldn't let my kids go over there.

The truth of the matter is.... she was nice.  She was a bit timid and nervous to start... can't really blame her for that.  But, after I read my letter and she could see my intentions, she relaxed.  She listened intently and with purpose - and she spoke the same way.

I mean... talk about balls. to. the. wall.  Can you imagine having the stones to sit across from *me* at a table - the woman whose husband you cheated with?  The owner of the soiled Saturn Vue? lolol  La Novia has balls... big ones and good on 'er.

Honestly.  The world is far too full of meek and weak people and yes, while I can already hear some of you rolling your eyes at me and saying "Elle... stealing someone's husband is 'weak'"..... we have to move past that. lol  Really. We do.  Because I did.

The person sitting across from me had balls.... and I have to say - I'm inherently a fan of anyone woman who has balls, can carry herself and isn't afraid to speak her mind... and yes- even *if* that woman was Yoga Girl.

Hence... why she is no longer Yoga Girl.  She has shed that bloggosphere identity and morphed into La Novia - his girlfriend.  

So.,...... the kids had their FIRST big day with El Capitan & La Novia - which The Girl was particularly excited about because she had not yet met La Novia.  She talked about it allllll day on Friday - how excited she was to meet her.  And I met her every burst of enthusiasm with my own genuine enthusiasm.... 

So Saturday morning came and The Girl and I were in deep discussion on what she should wear because lately this has become a bit of a hot topic.... "That shirt is not cool Mom"... or the next day it's "brother said that shirt is 'cool'....."  Clearly my four year old doesn't understand what cool is because depending on the day that's either a good thing or a very bad thing that results in her slamming the bedroom door and throwing herself down on the bed in tears.

Yes:  at four years old.  This actually happened just Thursday in fact. lol

Usually this problem is solved by her skinny jeans and a Justin Beiber t-shirt, however on Saturday she wanted to wear a 'party dress' for La Novia.  Much discussion was had over every dress in the closet - until The Girl decided that what she *really* wanted to do was dress like a Princess for La Novia and so her sacred Alice in Wonderland dress was pulled, complete with matching headband, little black shoes and the bloomers with the lace that Bubbie made to match.  

My little Princess was ready to go.... and She. Was. Ecstatic.

On the one hand... I kind of thought that this moment should bother me or upset me.... I mean - these are *my* two children, birthed from my own f*cking body and I'm sending them to ANOTHER WOMAN'S HOUSE (any woman's house) who will "fill" the roll of "mother" for duration of their time with her..... 

Shouldn't I be jealous?
Well... I wasn't. 

In stead, I realized that *most* children in their shoes would be seriously conflicted about meeting this person and, more to the point, they would probably reject a new woman in their Father's life..... MY children, however.... were happy.  They were excited and genuine and giddy at the prospect of spending the day with El Capitan & La Novia.

Yes... yes.... you're right - I'm cyber high-fiving myself right now. lololol
And so the f*ck I should dammit.... those are two confident and emotionally healthy children and I'm going to take a lot of credit for that..... then I'm just going to be grateful for that.

So f*cking grateful.

For the record... they had a great day together.  They made pancakes and did stuff and played games and had a great day together.... as a new family unit:  El Capitan, The Boy, The Girl & La Novia.
Boof*ckingYah.

That night.... however, I went dancing and then out for dinner and a very sweet (and possibly a little romantic) walk on the waterfront in downtown Portland.... because *I* was on a date.  This was *more* than coffee and more than lunch..... this was a real, proper date with perfume and hair that had spent the night before in rollers.  

And.... it was nice.  It was more than nice.

It's a little bit surreal to spend time with someone who.... well. hmm..... I'm not sure how to put it - but, I'll just say this - they are very, very, very nice.... nice to spend time with, nice to look at and.... nice to kiss. lol
Yup, yup.... you read that right.

Again.... no one is writing on their Pee-Chee folder.... but I've learned over the last year that Noel Gallagher was *very* wise when he wrote  'be here now'..... Sometimes, you just gotta be where you are and not worry about where it is or isn't going.... because the truth is - you never know where anything is going to end, but so long as you're open to the ride... it'll go somewhere... lol

4 Comments
Alex
4/14/2013 09:36:28 pm

Elle, I've got 2 beautiful step-mother stories for you, and unlike fairy tales, these ones are true.

My neighbour was actually the result of an affair her father had with a younger woman. Her step-mother actually just had a baby when the other woman became pregnant. This was the 1950's, so abortions weren't really available, and this young woman didn't intend to keep the baby, but intended to put it up for adoption (as usually happened to pregnant single women back then).

My neighbour's "mom" decided to nurse her baby longer than should would otherwise to keep her milk up so she could nurse this new baby when it was born, because she didn't want to see siblings separated like that. She grew to adore this baby as her own, and oddly, they looked alike (of course the younger woman was the usual younger version of the wife, as in most cases of affairs). But her "mom" would beam with pride whenever anyone pointed it out. My neighbour described this story teary eyed, saying she owed this woman so much for accepting her. In reality, her mother, in the greater sense, her real "mom", wouldn't have traded her for the world.

2nd one; another acquaintance of mine was taken in by her former step-mother (her dad had a string of marriages), along with her daughter who was spoiled to pieces as "The Grandchild". This woman even nursed her step-daughter's mother through the last two years of her life as she died of cancer, moving apartments for her, etc. Of course, their "El Capitan" was long gone by then, a couple of wives later.

So there are beautiful stories, and I hope La Novia becomes one of them. She's going to find it much harder than she expects, right now she's enjoying a honeymoon period and she's going to very soon face sacrifices to do right by the kids. At 22, a lot of her plans and dreams will have to fall by the wayside and she'll mourn those, but I hope the kids end up being more than worth it to her. She may decide to follow her dreams and not to stay, which is her right, and wouldn't be a selfish decision, its better than staying and being sort of resentful towards the kids and having a placid at best relationship with them. They'll pick up on that and it would be good for no one.

Anyway, she may have done a horrible thing to them to begin with, but I've noticed with some people, once they realize the full impact of the horrible thing they have done, they become even better people than they were before they did whatever they did. The remorse and then introspection "cleans house" a bit, and they are kinder and more sympathetic people, and of course, people less likely to throw stones at others and extend a helping hand.

I'll bet La Novia ends up one of these people. I'm rooting for her.

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Dusty
4/15/2013 06:19:04 am

I can't believe how far you have come in a year. This gives me so much hope as my hubby and I are splitting up. You are some kind of gal that's for sure. You were pretty great to your ex-husband when he wasn't, you were very kind to his girlfriend when you certainly didn't need to be and you are a great mom. I wish you much luck with your new boyfriend, I hope he knows what he has found.

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Taun-Taun
4/16/2013 02:28:13 am

Glad that La Novia was born...and she's a type of gal to kick butt and take names. You have done an amazing job of being honest yet classy. You should write a book...oh wait...you should write ANOTHER book. One about how to be a classy person going through a divorce and put your kids first! That's a book!

Love ya as always!

Reply
Melissa
4/16/2013 04:50:42 am

I'm glad it went well for everyone...and I'm glad you are enjoying the ride. ;)

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