I sooooo remember every single one of The Boy’s first days of school – at pre-school, at 4s pre-school and at kindergarten. I had always thought about homeschooling –since my pregnancy, actually… but clearly, I think we all know by now that my spelling isn’t so hot – so I had some concerns about my being “the teacher”.
Kindy however… didn’t go well.
It started out with a GREAT picture! lolol..... and we were lucky enough to get into a top rated elementary school and we even got a coveted spot in the AM class. I was super excited and - like *any* new kid - eager to make a good impression on the teacher - so I quickly volunteered for doing everything from cutting out projects, volunteering to aid one day a week in class, and making copies... I stopped just short of wiping that woman's ass for her.
And believe me - she almost needed someone to do just that for her.
This woman was the very epitome of a "lame duck" teacher. She was scattered, couldn't track who the kids were and I noticed, as the weeks went by, that the afternoon class seemed to be a few days, then a week, then a few weeks ahead of where our class was on the projects list.
Then she started insisting that *at least* one parent be present to help during EVERY class time - this was in addition to the part-time teachers aid who worked at the school AND the teacher's sister who was now coming in every day to help as well.
Oh, and by the way - class was 8:30am - 11:30am. I guess this two hours stressed her out. It's a good thing she wasn't a trained teacher with tenure and experience.... right?
Anyhow, by week three it's clear who the "problem" kids are in the classroom. She's making this painfully obvious to everyone - the kids and the parents. The school has this "beep beep" program where kids get 'awarded' these paper 'beep beeps' for being a good citizen, turning in homework, doing their best, being a good friend.. blah blah blah - basically, they get a piece of paper with a Road Runner on it for not being a total a**hole.
So, for the kids who *were* little a**holes, she started taking their 'beep beeps' to the next level - and they would get marks and have to earn so many marks and THEN they would get their 'beep beep'. There were about four or five kids - you know the one.... flopping around the floor like a dying fish during rug time, or whooping and hollering during reading time - or talking too much to their neighbor.
One day - and ... please, brace yourselves because this is a !shocking! story. One of her pet social projects was seated on the carpet - he was armed with..... a Weapn of Mass Destruction: a pencil. During story time he got bored (frankly - it was a dumba** story even for a bunch of 5 year olds.....) and he drew (in pencil) all over this wood tree stump that was sitting in the carpet area. I never actually understood *what* the purpose of this stump was - but it was there.....
I was off to the side when said older-than-dirt-and-dumber-than-the-stump Teacher comes up to me - aghast... agahst.... crap. - horrified that Problem Kid #3 had "destoryed school property" and said that I would have to take him to the Principals office AT ONCE! She would call and let them know I was on my way.
The way she flipped out in front of all the kids - this poor wee boy was already crying and holding my hand as we walked to The Office. I stopped halfway and gave him a cuddle and told him that I would call his Mom to explain - he kept telling me that his Mom would "Will him..... she will WILL me....." - and by that I figured out he meant - "kill". Poor baby.
So we finally made it to The Office - and not the one where Michael Scott works. The two Secratary's don't understand why I'm there - I explain that the teacher sent us - that Problem Kid #3 had "destroyed" school property, etc......
The Secratary otherwise known as B*tch-spelled-with-a-"C" looks at me as though I'm speaking another language and say's.... "Well, the Principal is in a meeting and can't be disturbed - so what would you like me to do?"
I don't know - how about YOUR JOB? I'm a freaking UN-EDU-MACATED parent volunteer!!!!
We stand there awkwardly, the kid is sobbing, the B*tch is just staring at me saying nothing else.... so I turn around and walk out to the lobby. There is a table there and I sit him down. At this point we are waaaaaay too far down the punishment hole with this kid to turn back now - right? He already knows he's in "big trouble" and thinks that the Principal was going to punish him..... so I take matters into my own hands.
I ask him what he wrong.
He tells me he was bored and drew on the stump.
I ask him what we should do about it?
He tells me that we should try to clean the stump and make it clean again.
Then *HE* tells me that he should appologize to the class and the Teacher.
Then... the stupid B*tch comes outside and tells me that "discipline" isn't my place and to take him back to the teacher.
Huh? How about *any* of your overpaid whores do your damn jobs?!?!?! I was happily cutting paper ducks and filling pencils cups..... however - now that's flamed this kid in public we can't just NOT deal with "punishment" - right? RIGHT?
We return to the class - and the World's Worst Teacher is shocked we are back to so fast. I explain what happened and The Kid comes up and tells her he's sorry - etc. She rolled her eyes at me.
ROLLED. HER. EYES.
THAT is the prize I get for voting "yes" on so many school levy's? WHAT?
I ignore her, and take a sponge over to the stump.... gee - surpise, it's cleans up better than new and is clearly... wait for it - *not* destroyed.
You know who was though..... Problem Kid #3.
None of the kids looked the same at him again after that - he was now officially a "trouble maker" and the kid none of their parents would want them to play with... all because of an over active imagination and a pencil.
I hung in there a few more weeks until one day I was picking up The Boy and out came my son from the school wearing a pair of girls, hot pink skinny jeans. Hmm... now, let me be clear - The Boy LOVES him some skinny jeans. The tighter the better, if I'm being honest. However, he didn't *own* any hot pink ones.
I walked up to the teacher and asked why my son was wearing someone else's pants?
She told me that he had pee'd his pants and that she had sent him to The Office (and into the loving care of The B*tch, no doubt) who had sent him back to class in girls, hot pink, skinny jeans.
HUH? You SENT my SON back to his class AFTER you said he PEED HIS PANTS - in a pair of HOT PINK GIRLS JEANS?
And, in a building of Master's level educated people.... no one thought this *might* be a bad plan?
When I get home I pull his pants out of the bag they sent them hom ein - and gee..... only the BUTT of the pants is wet - in an upside down u-shape. Like -the kind of wet your pants would be if you lived in Oregon and it rained on your slides and playstructures - A LOT and you get a wet butt just like that one if you slid down a wet slide...... - and the front of the pants is BONE DRY.
He had NOT pee'd his pants..... he had gone down a wet slide! Otherwise... my son is now peeing out his a** and in that case - I had much bigger problems than pink skinny jeans.....
That night El Capitan called the Principal to discuss the situation - who at FIRST would not take our call - he as "busy". After calling back twice he finally got on the line, we made the suggestion that the school counselor come in and read a book about differences and acceptance and not judging people by their clothes to the class to head off any potential issue's.... and he refused. Huh? again.... huh?
The Principal felt that this wouldn't be an issue at all.... sending my 5 year old son back to class in hot pink skinny jeans was somethind he *admitted* he woudln't want to have happen to his own son - but he had confidence in his students that they wouldn't tease our son.
Sure enough - the next day, The Boy is laughed at, pointed out and several kids wanted to know why he "wore girls clothes". He came home crying. I called the Principal and told him what happened and he told me to obtain a LIST of those kids who did the teasing because the school had a "zero tolerance" policy for bullying and those kids could be suspended.
I... WHAT? WHY THE HELL would you suspend a group of naturally curious 5 year olds for something YOUR OFFICE DID!?!?!?!?!
A few weeks after that..... The Boy left school.
He's been homeschooled for a year and a half now - and we love it. We do a program called K12 - and it's a full curriculum supplied through the state. A lot of our friends still worry about his education... however, at the end of First Grade we opted to do the State testing and according to The State of Oregon, The Boy tested out at a 2 - 4 grade level in reading, writting, high frequency words, math and science.
He's got this.
The BEST perk is that he's mine...... EVERY SINGLE DAY. I love spending every day with them. I love doing lessons and reading and working with him every afternoon. I love to see his joy when he understands what a homophone is - or a noun, or a verb.... I love to see him journal stories about his family and his dreams.
Mostly... I love the fact that if he does decide to start wearing hot pink skinny jeans of his own - no one around him is going to judge him for that.... that's a gift within itself: to be whoever HE wants to be, learn however he wants to learn and STILL succeed and be proud of himself.
I love homeschooling..... but as time draws on, my search for a job and a reliable form of income that I can make working form home starts to thin..... and I worry that I will have to put him on that big yellow bus next year and give up homeschooling. It's incredibly unfair that El Capitan decided he no longer wanted to live family life (and BELIEVE ME when i tell that that is the case.... I've left more dirty laundry than I care to think about off the table as of late.... but all signs point to El Capitan having done this because *he* wants to LIVE like a 22 year old - not just *with* one......) - and now The Boy might have to give up the life *HE* had as well.
Selfish. Just..... selfish.
So I have mixed emotions as my friends are posting all their first day of school photos - I'm excited for them, scared for their kids (lolol) - and then a bit jealous that *most* of them won't have the sh*tty experience The Boy had.... and then I find myself even more jealous when I think about how those kids still have two parents in their household - thinking about them, protecting them, making decisions about what is best for them... and The Boy has one parent spinning ever so slightly in a dark hole trying to figure out how to survive emotionally, financially and ever other way..... and one parent who ... well, yeah. Nevermind...........