"Hey guys..... remember how I told you that Mommy made a new friend?..... well, we're going to go have breakfast with my new friend and go to the park.
Can you guys please be on your best behavior and mind your manners for Mommy?"
Somehow this turned into each of them taking turns belting out the Cookie Monster rendition of "Call Me Maybe" which goes.... " hey... me just met you - and this is craaaaazzzzyyy - but you got cookie!!!! So share it may be? ...." It's actually a *really* cute song... but sung at 110 decibels in a Shari's on a busy Sunday morning - it's a tad out of hand.... and that's right about the time when The Girl decided that vigorously shaking her head around while holding a stuffed cat in her mouth was going to be the peak of her own contribution to the mornings "good behavior".
Needless to say, I have now crafted a letter for them in their baby books that goes something like this.....
"Dear Children, I believe that the best lessons in life are taught to us by example, as such, please try to ignore me when you are out on your first date and I am seated at the booth either across from or next to yours - where I will sing the Cookie Monster version of "Cookie Maybe" while violently shaking my head while a I have a stuff cat in my mouth. This will be followed by a sh*t ton of whining about... well, everything and nothing of course.... and I *really* hope you don't mind when I pipe up that I need to go potty and someone needs to wipe my ass. Love.... Mommy xoxoxox"
Yeah.... because that's kind of how breakfast went. Don't go meeting Mommy's "New Friend" while we're being well-behaved and playing our Leap Pads or having some articulate 8 year old conversation about Batman ... nope: it's all cookie songs, head flailing and poop talk.
I did quite a bit of research into the topic and, for the most part, the books and opinions are split right down the middle.... which was useless but more money for Amazon via my Kindle! lol
For me, personally, it boiled down to the fact that I have started to feel a bit like I live "two lives" - one where I do things with my children and one.... where I do not. I hate that. While I fully understand that Someone has to be able to get to know *me* as a woman and person and a potential partner - not just as a Mother.... it's still incredibly hard for me to separate my life for that to happen.
Additionally.... it's all well and good that Someone thinks they like me (and may be even kind of like a lot a lot) - what happens if we fall madly in love and several months down the road meeting the kids for the first time and they are sitting at Shari's looking for a way to crawl under the table preferring to join the pancake/smashed fries/dirty napkins of the family who sat in the booth before us - as opposed to be publicly seen with my children?
Nope.... I'd rather get this sh*t show out of the way right now to avoid any further disappointment for myself, for the kids... or for Someone.
So I called El Capitan and we decided that he would meet with Someone and I on Saturday and have... "the talk" and that the next day the children would meet Someone. For the record... the talk went fine. El Capitan and I are in a pretty good place and .... I was personally a little excited that La Novia watched the children for the first time "on her own" which was met with zero fanfare by the children. They didn't notice or care that their Father was gone... which is wonderful for me to hear that they feel so comfortable with La Novia. Really. BooF*ckingYah for me AND La Novia.....
Then a day of fun was planned.... breakfast out (BAD BAD idea, Mommy......) - and then a trip to the park with Someone and their hunting dog, Luke. My Publisher, Nigel, wrote me a stern warning on Friday that "Someone" is a stupid name and that I need to assign a different one ASAP. While I know this comes as a shock to most of you... I tend to do what I'm told. lololol So... here it goes world:
My "Someone" - is a very, very nice someone.... who has red hair and eyes soooooo golden brown that they look red in the sun. They like big trucks - which I have learned are called "jacked up" when I have to hold onto all manner of handles to climb up in them..... They like to fish and hunt and camp.... and by "like" - I mean to say that they are the kind of person who spends allllll week in their brown (working) Carhartts, only to spend the weekend getting dirty and pitching tents and shooting at things in their jean style Carhartts. Needless to say.... Someone is the 'outdoor type'.
Sigh..... f*cking rain and sun and dirt and bugs and wind.... I fear we're going to become very closely acquainted in the months to come.....
Someone really listens to me... which - seeing as how I never shut the f*ck up... this could actually, possibly be an Olympic Sport... and while I do think that in time the appeal of my chatter might wane... for now - they don't seem to mind. (For now... mind you.) *MORE* importantly though - is that they listen with the intent of giving me *their own* opinion... and much to my chagrin: they don't always agree with me.
I love that.... finally: a challenge.
Someone let's me go.... well - a little bit crazy. lol... For instance, there was a bit of a.... misunderstanding - which resulted in me sending these epic-ally huge text messages to Someone where first I over explained why I was upset... then explained in detail why I knew I didn't really have a "right" to be upset... and then I freaked the f*ck out and sent a bunch more apologizing for being crazy... even blaming the full moon.
Sigh.... as if a book and blog weren't enough written proof that I can be more than a little bat sh*t crazy...I have to go and blow up Someone's phone with over 40 text messages. Now - *most* people, would just walk away.... because clearly I can be 'boil a bunny' on your stove Fatal Attraction crazy... (ok, may be it wasn't that bad... but it was freakin' close: I'm serious. lol) however......
The *best* part of Someone......? After said freak out over text where *allllllll* of my friends are telling me that Someone is going to bolt and that I was an idiot to be upset to start with (and this I already knew and over-explained via text to start with) - and *after* I spent hours with a pit in my stomach thinking I had blown something that is potentially really really great..........
Someone texted me back and it said: "Woman. Calm your ass down. I'm at work, your imagination is out of control: period. But, I'm glad you told me what you were thinking. It's good to tell me what's going on because I don't want sh*t between us that can't be talked about it. Have fun dancing with your friends and I'll see you tomorrow. Stop driving yourself crazy."
Yeah.... that's like... kind of awesome. Not everyone can accept your brand of crazy... I kind of think when you find that Someone who can.... well.... you better hope they stick around. lol
I really like that Someone thinks the children are great... and even after an afternoon of chaos and songs sung far too loud and dog chasing and insanity - when I asked them at the end of the day if they were "still in".... they said only this after a wee pause.... "Your kids are great. In their own ways, they are kind of like their Mom - who I'm pretty crazy about..... so how could I not like them? How could I not still "be in" this?"
There are a zillion other things I really like about Someone..... but mostly, I kind of like the way they look in their brown Carhartts.... and so - now the children have met Someone (and they approve at - this moment, anyway....) - facebook status' have been changed and I am now 'officially' in a relationship with Someone who will now be named for blog purposes....... Carhartt.
Carhartt: buckle up and hang on tight..... because my life is waaaaay more jacked up than your mudding truck.... but I hope you like this ride just as much. :)