What the hell just happened?
I was totally enjoying my very fun morning of working with my Jr. High girls on the school's yearbook - which is hosted online for design purposes and up pops the Boston bombing and a very graphic, bloody picture.
Good day well and truly: over.
Class broke up and we headed outside, by this time my cell phone (like everyone else in America's I'm sure) is blowing up with people on facebook talking about their friends are running (Portland is a BIG running town... all my friends are hot, skinny b*tches who run. lol :) - and immediately my hearts sinks.
I drive home, open the front door and ask The Bubbie if she's seen the news.... she hasn't. We turn off the Wii and suddenly the screen is filled with runner falling, smoke filling the air and people running.....
The Boy is immediately upset..... "Why is there all that smog, Mom?"
Wait... how the hell does The Boy know what 'smog' is? never-mind.........
"Umm... well, lots of people were running a race today and someone set of a bomb where a bunch of people were standing and the 'smog' is smoke from the bomb....." I explain.
"Oh......" he say's, a bit mesmerized by the images on TV.
I pause for a second.... is he too young to see this? Should I usher him out of the room until the channel is turned.....? Well, right or wrong....I don't.
I don't know if that was the right choice or not.... I mean, it's pretty awful to see. It's a lot for my mind to process... surely he can't fully grasp what's happening? And even if he can... should he? Are these themes of death and carnage too much for his young and innocent mind.... probably.
But the images came up so fast - it was seconds on the screen as soon as the TV turned on and I don't think The Bubbie and I were expecting that.
At the same time.... this kid has already seen his fair share of emotional carnage and come through fine - so... I decide to roll the dice and let him watch the new with me.
I sit next to him and we watch the TV together. For a while he is silent.
They keep showing the first bit of film over and over - the bomb goes off, a runner falls and people rush over to the barricades to pull them down to get to the injured people. Over and over... no answers for why - just the same pictures over and over.....
"Wow.... that man fell down.... I hope he's ok." Notes The Boy.
"Well, he fell down because a big explosion like that is loud, but it can also move the ground - so it probably scared him and knocked him down." I explain.
"Yeah.... he gets up again, so he must be ok, huh?" asks The Boy.
"Umm... well, sometimes you can be ok, or just have a skinned knee, but going through something like that can leave bruises on your insides - so I'm guessing that man and all the people down there are going to have some ouchies on their insides for a long time.... does that make sense?" I ask.
"Kind of.... but not really Mom." he replies.
More time passes.... and I decide going to the park is the best option for the day and then....
"You know what Mom.....?" The Boy say's, "Did you notice a lot of people are running away to us [on the screen] - but there are more people who are running to the people who are hurt. The man in the blue shirt is running and the people in the yellow shirts - they are running to help the people where the smog is...."
"Umm... yes, yes they are - they are going to go help the people who need it." I say.
"Yeah... but what if there's more smog? What if they get hurt, too?" The Boy asks.
"Well, sometimes you have to make a choice and put helping other people first, that's what those people are doing." I explain.
"Yeah.... someone made a bad choice today - a very bad choice and a lot of other people got hurt because of it.... like that one man doesn't have an arm anymore - Like - how's he going to carry things now?!?!? ..... but then the other people ran over to help......" The Boy states.
Wait... he saw a man missing an arm? WTH... how did I miss that? sigh......
"Well, you know what Mom.....?" The Boy tells me, "When I grow up, I want to be the kind of guy who goes to help the people who are hurt.... yup.... I think that's the right decision."
Well.... okay then.
The days events were appropriately summed up by my eight year old:
You can either be the kind of person who makes bad choices and hurts other people.
You can be the kind of person who runs "into the smog" to help people.
Good to know we've raised the latter.
And then I was blessed enough to take my children to the park and watch them play - and even when it started raining, I just let them keep playing.... wet butts and soggy shoes were the least of my (very fortunate) First World Problems today....and I sure as sh*t am grateful for them.
Obviously my heart, as all our hearts do - go out to Boston... especially the family members of a loyal blog reader who was unable to get into contact with them today. :( My thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
Step-Mothers.... man, there just aren't *any* nice examples in literature.... or mythology... or poetry.
Of course, Yoga Girl hasn't become one yet - they aren't married, so a "MOM" kind of label seems a touch premature... however, you can't negate the role she now has - especially to the children. They will call her by her first name - and respect as an equal adult/parent in this family.
For The Blog, however.... she needs a new name to not only signify the role she now has within our family, but that one that reflects my honest respect and well-intentions for her. Needless to say.... two days of searching and I'm nameless.......
In the end.... I decided on this:
La Novia. It's Spanish for girlfriend.
Plus.... .it's kind of pretty, so that works.
El Capitan & La Novia... it has a nice ring to it.
Big thanks to loyal readers, Bridgitte, Kay and Taun-taun for all their suggestions... lololol
There has been much said and written to me and about me since I blogged Thursday night..... and, first and foremost, let me be clear: I don't lie about nothin' for nobody.
If I thought La Novia was a bitch, I'd say so.
If I thought she was just "humoring me" .... I'd happily call her out on it.
If I thought she wasn't genuine.... I wouldn't let my kids go over there.
The truth of the matter is.... she was nice. She was a bit timid and nervous to start... can't really blame her for that. But, after I read my letter and she could see my intentions, she relaxed. She listened intently and with purpose - and she spoke the same way.
I mean... talk about balls. to. the. wall. Can you imagine having the stones to sit across from *me* at a table - the woman whose husband you cheated with? The owner of the soiled Saturn Vue? lolol La Novia has balls... big ones and good on 'er.
Honestly. The world is far too full of meek and weak people and yes, while I can already hear some of you rolling your eyes at me and saying "Elle... stealing someone's husband is 'weak'"..... we have to move past that. lol Really. We do. Because I did.
The person sitting across from me had balls.... and I have to say - I'm inherently a fan of anyone woman who has balls, can carry herself and isn't afraid to speak her mind... and yes- even *if* that woman was Yoga Girl.
Hence... why she is no longer Yoga Girl. She has shed that bloggosphere identity and morphed into La Novia - his girlfriend.
So.,...... the kids had their FIRST big day with El Capitan & La Novia - which The Girl was particularly excited about because she had not yet met La Novia. She talked about it allllll day on Friday - how excited she was to meet her. And I met her every burst of enthusiasm with my own genuine enthusiasm....
So Saturday morning came and The Girl and I were in deep discussion on what she should wear because lately this has become a bit of a hot topic.... "That shirt is not cool Mom"... or the next day it's "brother said that shirt is 'cool'....." Clearly my four year old doesn't understand what cool is because depending on the day that's either a good thing or a very bad thing that results in her slamming the bedroom door and throwing herself down on the bed in tears.
Yes: at four years old. This actually happened just Thursday in fact. lol
Usually this problem is solved by her skinny jeans and a Justin Beiber t-shirt, however on Saturday she wanted to wear a 'party dress' for La Novia. Much discussion was had over every dress in the closet - until The Girl decided that what she *really* wanted to do was dress like a Princess for La Novia and so her sacred Alice in Wonderland dress was pulled, complete with matching headband, little black shoes and the bloomers with the lace that Bubbie made to match.
My little Princess was ready to go.... and She. Was. Ecstatic.
On the one hand... I kind of thought that this moment should bother me or upset me.... I mean - these are *my* two children, birthed from my own f*cking body and I'm sending them to ANOTHER WOMAN'S HOUSE (any woman's house) who will "fill" the roll of "mother" for duration of their time with her.....
Shouldn't I be jealous?
Well... I wasn't.
In stead, I realized that *most* children in their shoes would be seriously conflicted about meeting this person and, more to the point, they would probably reject a new woman in their Father's life..... MY children, however.... were happy. They were excited and genuine and giddy at the prospect of spending the day with El Capitan & La Novia.
Yes... yes.... you're right - I'm cyber high-fiving myself right now. lololol
And so the f*ck I should dammit.... those are two confident and emotionally healthy children and I'm going to take a lot of credit for that..... then I'm just going to be grateful for that.
So f*cking grateful.
For the record... they had a great day together. They made pancakes and did stuff and played games and had a great day together.... as a new family unit: El Capitan, The Boy, The Girl & La Novia.
That night.... however, I went dancing and then out for dinner and a very sweet (and possibly a little romantic) walk on the waterfront in downtown Portland.... because *I* was on a date. This was *more* than coffee and more than lunch..... this was a real, proper date with perfume and hair that had spent the night before in rollers.
And.... it was nice. It was more than nice.
It's a little bit surreal to spend time with someone who.... well. hmm..... I'm not sure how to put it - but, I'll just say this - they are very, very, very nice.... nice to spend time with, nice to look at and.... nice to kiss. lol
Yup, yup.... you read that right.
Again.... no one is writing on their Pee-Chee folder.... but I've learned over the last year that Noel Gallagher was *very* wise when he wrote 'be here now'..... Sometimes, you just gotta be where you are and not worry about where it is or isn't going.... because the truth is - you never know where anything is going to end, but so long as you're open to the ride... it'll go somewhere... lol
Today was a very joyful and wonderful and magical day…. a unicorn type of day: Yoga Girl died.
It happened at the dinner table, at the local Shari's, in fact. Sitting across from me, in a black sweater, hair pulled back into a neat pony tail… she there was one minute and the next… she was gone.
In her place, however, appeared my co-parenting equal, the woman to whom the Father of my children is now in a loving and established relationship with.,,, she doesn't have a name yet - but I'm sure I'll think of one.
No longer a girl…. no longer the girl who helped tear down my marriage…. instead, there sat across from me a woman ready and willing to take on the role of co-parenting our children.
I for one… couldn't be happier.
She wasn't snide.
She wasn't smirky.
She wasn't rudely polite, nodding along as though to *appear* to agree with everything I said while truly just biding her time to trash talk me on the drive home.
She wasn't blaise.
She was….. a little bit nervous. For some reason they clearly thought I was going to come in guns blazing, insults hurling….. but I……. did not.
I extended my hand and introduced myself. We ordered food and I got down to the business of reading my letter to her - which I had placed at the front of a three-ring binder that had a picture of the two kids on the front and it said FAMILY RULES.
My letter said THIS:
As a new part of our family, I want you to feel welcome, because you are.
I do not know what kind of permanent role you may, or may not play - and I do not mean to overwhelm or intimidate you. However, I would like you to have healthy and successful relationship with both of the children and I felt you might like to know where we started, what our parenting style is, suggested forms of discipline, etc. so that you can use that information to help you create your own role in our family.
Additionally, while I am their mother (loving and doting), you have your own life experiences to bring to this relationship and I hope you will feel free to do that. If you have other suggestions for how to deal with a certain situation or child, please feel free to call me, see me in person or share this information with me via email. I am open to whatever you would like to share with me. I will not feel threatened because you have a different approach or think we should handle something differently. While they are my children, I can only see them through my own eyes and I will not discount any observations you have about them.
If at any time you feel there is something wrong with the children - emotionally or health wise, please do not hesitate to talk to me directly. I do not want you to feel as though you do not have any …. "say" over them. If you are a part of their life, then I will treat you with the respect you deserve in that role which means respecting what you have to say in regards to them.
No child ever grew up and said…. "Wow - too many adults cared about me."
As such, I feel as though having positive relationships with *all* of the adults in their lives are critically important to not only how they grow up, but how they see the world, how they interact with the world and how they will one day have adult relationships of their own.
Our situation brings to the table a chance for the children to flourish and succeed in love, patience and understanding - and through watching adults have differences and find solutions and positivity …. OR - drown in emotional failure at the hands of adults who can't be grown-ups and get their shit together.
It is my intention that we NOT be the latter… under any circumstances.
So. Welcome to the family. Even before this, we were unconventional. The basic rules are:
The children come first, we come second. We use our words to encourage, not discourage and never to put down. We use our hands to love not hit. We are family by birth: friends by choice. We work out our differences with respect and kind words. We are willing to compromise. We take turns. We put others before ourselves, including each other.
As a part of our family…. I personally extend these rules to include you as well and promise to never talk bad about you to friends, family or the children. If I have an issue I will take it directly to you in a positive and respectful manner. Welcome to our family…….. :)
I read her my letter, then gave her the two co-parenting books I have already read. I told her I didn't expect her to read them, but they might be a good reference for her in the future in understanding why I do the things I do - and also, perhaps she might find answers of her own in them.
Then I went through each page of the binder - one about The Girl, listing likes and dislikes and how she likes to have sandwiches with peanut butter ONLY, with the crusts cut-off and then cut into fourths. How she likes dolls and dress up and tea-parties and that I will pack a bin of extra clothes and toys for her to keep at their place. No need to buy new stuff…. we have plenty.
There was a page about The Boy listing his likes and dislikes and how he likes his sandwiches to be peanut butter and jelly but cut into thirds because we're doing division and he likes to say "thirds" now.
There was a section on FAMILY RULES, which I will include below for those who want to know….. as well as two handouts on what Attachment Parenting is and how she can implement the values of AP parenting in her new role.
To her credit…. she had already read through Dr. Sear's Attachment Parenting website online.
BooF*ckingYah to her….. right?
I think that's kind of awesome of her.
I told her that both the children are excited to meet her and get to know her…. BECAUSE I have never trash talked her to the children - while they know *who* she is, they have no other framework, good or bad to place on her… it will be up to her create and maintain a relationship with them.
She was….. nice. She's funny, she's got a good sense of humor… she's also bold and unafraid and has strong opinions…. if you ask me: these are all good things and I told her so. My children are used to having me for a Mother - so another bold, unafraid woman in their life will be a good thing for sure.
She said she will put the children first…. and you know what - as a Mom, I really can't ask another person for more than that. And…. I was kind of f*cking thrilled to hear it.
I was straight with her that I did not know my marriage was "over" - nor did I know it was "in trouble" and that their affair both hurt me and caught me off guard. I told her that I was entitled to *have* called to a home-wrecking whore ... because that's what happened. However..... a year later, we have children to raise and we all have to be willing to put the past to bed and start afresh.
See.... that's kind of cool, too - don't you think?
I told her that she will "make mistakes"… we all do - especially as parents, but that she shouldn't be afraid to make them, that I won't come unglued and yell at her. If we have a problem, we'll talk about it, normally and calmly…..
I gave her the binder and the books and a camera - I told her that I suspected that their Dad wasn't taking picture of them when he has them, and the camera was for them to use to document their new family - so that the childre
She gave me a hug at the end and thanked me for being 'amicable'.
So. Yoga Girl is dead.
She is no more and she will not be written about anymore as Yoga Girl.
Respect has to start somewhere … and it starts here.
How to handle conflict:
Both of the children have been raised to be friends. We never encouraged The Boy to "love" his sister like parents typically do - instead, we allowed him to come to terms with and develop his own relationship with his sister - as a result, they are very close. In spite of how close they are…. they will argue with each other - usually over toys or playing the wii.
Usually, I would like you to handle whatever has come up by asking this question:
"CHILD A - if you do that, and you treat your brother/sister that way - are they going to grow up and be your friend and love you?"
(usually they will tell you no……)
"Right, so maybe you should find a different way to handle things because if your brother/sister grows up and isn't your friend, won't that be sad?"
They usually work it out after that on their own.
If they don't, please suggest one of the following and allow the children to choose their solution:
* take turns - one child has toy/turn for 5 minutes then change
* they both lose the toy/turn
* ask them how *they* think they can solve the situation.
Please address the issue or the problem - ie. someone isn't SHARING, TAKING A TURN, etc - instead of the child. What that means is - you put them in charge of owning their own behavior instead of putting them down for it…..
"Wow… CHILD B - if you do that, do you think that hurts your sister/brother's feelings? - Are you sure that's is something you want to be doing?"
When you pose the ISSUE/EMOTIONAL RESULT as what the problem is - in that we don't always want to share, but we don't get to be an asshole about it - and get them to understand that be mistreating each other they are causing damage to the other person, they will always make a different choice.
And yes… I believe that when one sibling is as an ass to the other - they are causing a life-long, deep-seeded mistrust that will never heal even when they older. No being an ass to each other is allowed. J
They are NEVER allowed to use unkind words with each other - name calling, or put downs of any kind should not be tolerated.
They should NEVER hit each other - (however, it can occasionally happen…. and the offender should be put in a time out).
TIME OUT: is a safe place such as a part of the couch, the kitchen table - never in a corner. It is a place to reconsider the child's behavior - it is not an exercise is shaming the child.
This is a HUGE one for me personally.
Almost everyone's childhood is littered with memories of feeling shame - you did something wrong and got unduly punished or you broke your great-grandmother lamp and everyone went insane. DISCIPLINE AND A SUTIABLE PUNISHMENT are fine… belittling, name-calling or shaming will NOT be tolerated.
First and foremost: if you have things in your home you care about - put them away. lol
Second: Please set rules with them - no food on the couch? carpet? Tell them not to use certain things you own? They are used to being able to use whatever they see, so if there are toys/items you DO NOT want them using, please let them know that every time they come over until you are sure they remember on their own.
Third: if/when something happens and something does get damaged or broken, please do not lose your shit at our kids and yell at them. I know that it *can* happen…. and I understand it - but it's those moments that will *forever* damage not only the child, but your relationship with them. Instead, feel free to say, "Wow, I asked you not to do/pay with XXXXX and now it's broken, that makes me very sad and I'm very disappointed." This won’t *usually* happen - but if it does, please remember that their very souls are as fragile as glass and words are always sharp enough to break them.
I'm sure it goes without saying, but also…. please be careful with the words you use *with* them.
"[The Girl] - why are you whining so much - it's very hard to listen to, what can I do to help you?"
is much better than…. "[The Girl] - why are you such a whiner?"
The second is clearly name-calling and we do not do that in this house.
We do not have any hard and fast rules about the use of television - they watch plenty of it and that is just fine. Usually they watch the Disney channel or Nickelodeon - and kids movies. I can always send them with a move if you guys want to watch one- just let me know. Generally speaking - things that are G rated are fine - but if you see something on TV that you think is "not appropriate" - please feel free to change the channel! lol
Aside from that just use your common sense of what they should and shouldn't watch.
Both of the children have been raised to respect adults and authority. When meeting someone new they are to call them Miss or Mr. I know that came seem a bit "old school" - but it's important to me that they continue to do this. If you would like to be XXXXXX - that's fine, but MMMMM should be Miss MMMMM, etc. It set's a clear boundary for them and it a sign of respect for their elders.
PLEASE & THANK YOU. Use of these words should be encouraged at all times.
At this point, we are still co-sleeping with the children. USE A PLASTIC SHEET or a shower curtain from the dollar store UNDER the sheet they are sleeping on. The children will sleep together and will likely want their father to sleep with them. I would be grateful if, for the interim, you did not sleep with them. I hope you can understand and won't take that offensively.
They currently have a bedtime - of around 8PM… beware that you are welcome to let them stay up later… however they get a "second wind" and if you miss the window to get them down - they *will* be up until midnight. lolol They are allowed to watch a movie or the Disney channel while they fall asleep.
Bedtime should NEVER EVER be a fight. The children have always fallen asleep in love and woken up in love - I believe that this has contributed immensely to their general happy demeanors, please continue this.
BOTH CHILDREN TRAVEL ONLY IN CAR SEATS AT ALL TIMES.
Sorry… but I'm kind of a car-seat freak. The Girl needs to ride in her 5 point harness (if it's in the Civic) and The Boy needs to ride in his full back booster. NO EXCEPTIONS, please and thank you.
The Boy should NEVER EVER ride in the front seat of any vehicle.
Given the chance… they will STILL both run out in the damn street. PLEASE watch them closely in parking lots, etc.
GOING TO LARGE PLACES: if you take them to a fair or the zoo or someplace with hundreds of people, please put YOUR NAME AND PHONE NUMBER on a piece of paper and it in their pockets, so that if you get separated, they will have your information to find you.
This includes anyone the children do not know. They might be YOUR friend, but I would greatly appreciate it if you never, ever left my children in the company of people that they do not know.
The winds of change are blowing..... can you feel them?
In the first place.... the date and time and place are set for the first meeting between El Capitan, Yoga Girl and myself to set out a parenting plan and talk about the kids.
See.... told ya'. :)
I've printed off a few things for her to read - in regards to the parenting style we've used since the kids were born. I figure she won't get everything right all the time....but - what 'parent' does? I can't hold to some crazy standard in dealing with the children - but it's unfair to hold her to any kind of standard unless I give her some tools to help.
It would be good for the children if this worked out well.... The Girl - knowing that The Boy has met Yoga Girl- is now asking when she get's to have a "play date" with Yoga Girl.
See.... it's time.
It's time for them to experience seeing their Dad with another woman.... no doubt this will be hard - but it's the reality of our situation and one that both Yoga Girl and the kids have been hidden from ... and it's not fair to either of them.
So. I'm going to chalk that up to a serious accomplishment on the part of all adult involved, give myself a high-five and consider it a super, teeny-tiny win in the One Happy Family From Two Homes column.
In other news.... I did, in fact, go on a date today. There have been a few coffee's and what not... but this was a bonafide meal - with beer and everything.... you know - like real live adults. lol
I learned a long time ago not to take anything for granted, or expect too much from any particular event or person.... lunch is lunch.... it's not a wedding proposal. :) Having said that - it was a very nice lunch with someone who is kind and compassionate and has a solid sense of humor.
In fact.... here's a funny story..... shortly after we met I gave this person my number.... or at least I thought I did.
I waited for them to call or text... .and they didn't.... and didn't. Strange.
Then I got a message and it said.... "Hey - I texted you and you said you don't have an unlimited texting plan? and... then you asked me about 'barebacking'.... I think we're looking for different things....."
Um. WTF is 'barebacking'?
Ok... totally confused I looked at the number they were texting and.... it *wasn't* mine!!!!!!
The phone number I had give this person as ONE F*CKING DIGIT off mine.
Turns out.... it was actually the phone number for a hooker from a 'barebacking' website.
(feel free to google what the hell that means.....)
So. After I died of embarrassment like 10000000000 times..... I sheepishly replied to give them my REAL phone number and apologize for my being an ass .......
Remember the whole late night iming debacle with Coffee Guy.... yeah. It's like that only a zillion times worse. Good gawd....I gave someone a hookers numbers instead of mine.
Clearly these new fangled dating technologies are well and truly above my head.
Anyhow.... luckily enough... they thought the whole thing was hilarious.... and the Textcapade began.... though I suspect for as long as we're friends I will jokes about 'barebacking'.... like: forever.
I can't really blame them.... lolololol
That's one thing I really like about this person - they have a great sense of humor. Aside from that - they can take in a whole situation (like having texted a hooked instead of me) and see the innocent mistake, the hilarity of the situation and then still have an interest in talking to me.... I think that's pretty lucky to have found.
We are different in some ways... but similar in others - they value family and friends and are opinionated and outspoken.... sound like anyone we know?
They like to camp though..... but then again, I don't mind getting dirty for the right person. lol
I think that's kind of the cool thing about dating again is going out and trying new things and taking new adventures...... at the very least, I may not find love, but I'll be a more well round
(But there will be no barebacking ever. ever. ever. period.)
I remember when Twilight came out - the mass hysteria over Edward and Bella and their undying, eternal love. It was the same kind of love we all dreamed of and swooned over after watching Titanic and Sixteen Candles..... Man, I wanted to be Molly Ringwald so bad.
Twilight though... was different. Now it wasn't just teenage girls - now there was something called TwiMoms and they were *serious* about this whole eternity thing..... and I'll be honest.... I was worried for a few friends and their marriages. I watched some of my friends get *really* attached to the idea that their husband *be* Edward and that all of a sudden their marriage of years and struggles and life gone by.... suddenly measure up to the excitement of the newness of finding someone who makes your insides smile.
Usually... most marriages can't stand up to that kind of comparison. Often, it's chasing that same old feeling that brings people to cheating on their partners.... ironically, I foolishly thought my marriage wasn't such a marriage.
Lololol.... joke was on me, eh? :)
Fast forward a year and a lot of healing later..... I find myself kind of enjoying that funny feeling again.
It's kind of nice. The perk to being single again at 38 ('Cuz ya'll know I got one year old last month... hahaha)
Anyhow. So..... I kinda sorta met someone who is ... interesting. It's *super* early days - but really.... aren't those the best ones? Like, when it's still fresh and new and just the excitement of what's to come makes your stomach all flippy-floppy every time they text you....
Oh... and for those of you born *before* the dawn of Unlimited Texting Plan..... text is kind of the way people go now. You'll meet someone and they'll ask you for your phone number... but they won't call. Lord no..... remember that whole "The Rules" thing in the 90s - where you were supposed to wait three days before *calling* someone?
Those days are gone.
No one is going to call you.
Hopefully though... your phone will ping instead: and you'll get a text message.
They are usually rather benign - "Hey... how's your day?" or the classic "Whatcha' doin?"
Of course, wanting someone to text me back, I leave out the really glamorous parts of my day and I don't text back... "well, I just folded my second load of laundry and wiped someone's poopy ass....."
Mostly because people don't find poop to be very sexy talk.... lol
And... umm... if they *do* find poop to be sexy talk then I probably don't want to be texting with them in the first place. lol
In any case - conversations usually go the rather bland get-to-know-you route until one of you starts asking pertinent life questions...
What do you do for fun.....?
ANSWER: if you want them to ask you out, say things like "oh I'm always up for whatever new adventure on the weekends... I'll try anything once!" - DO NOT admit that you are dog ass tired come Saturday after a looooong week of work and kids and going for a hike in the rain is about the *last* thing you want to do. No one wants to date a couch potato... so get your boots on and suck it up.
MY ANSWER: just about anything so long as I like the people I'm with... and yes, I'll try most anything at least once so long as my clothes stay on. lol
Do you like the outdoors? OR - How much time do you spend outdoors?
ANSWER: If you live in the Pacific NorthWest there is only ONE correct answer to this question: ALL THE F*CKING TIME. Good gawd.... don't admit that you prefer the covered sanctuary of a movie theater.... you need to have your best Columbia/REI face on and tell them that you spend *as much time* as possible in the great and wonderful outdoors.
MY ANSWER: I would go camping for/with the right person... but I do have a bit of a fear of wide open spaces - I mean bears eat people and dingos *do* eat babies dammit.... aside from that, I love a good road trip with an enjoyable hike or activity. However, I'm not looking to get my f*cking rock climbing Girl Scout badge every damn weekend. lol
Why did your last relationship break-up?
ANSWER: For all for all of you... you have the luxury of keeping it simple and sweet: we grew apart, we didn't meet each other's needs.... blah blah. Lucky bastards... *I* no longer have this option. lol
MY ANSWER: a myriad of reasons... some of which are my fault, some are his... but you can read it all online if you choose... I have nothing to hide (nor do I have the opportunity to hide). lol I worry about this because finding all of that online... that's *a lot* for someone to take in all at once.... but, hopefully if they are the right person they will understand it for what it is and be ok with it.....
Generally - my policy to be as honest as possible.... which usually is less attractive to most people.... which is fine. I think we all know just *how* honest I am and I don't really know how to be any other way.... sigh.
I kind of wish I did, but that ship sailed when we were the running news leader for YAHOO news. lol
So.... assuming they like your answers and you like theirs... so begins your "text-capade". This is different from a usual 'dating' kind of thing because it's pretty much all over text until you meet up again..... hours and hours of your phone making little pinging noises and your friends getting annoyed because you're not paying attention to them at dinner. lol
I have to say ..... because of this persons work schedule I've turned into a bit of a Pavlov's Dog whereby every time my phone pings and their little icon comes up on my phone.... I smile. It's so, so so so so so sad. It's completely uncontrollable, too. I've tried to ignore my phone, turn off my phone... leave it in the other room... but it beckons to me.... come turn me on - come illuminate my screen and check me!!!!!
I swear - I can hear it all the way in the other room.
Younger me might be to the stage of writing "Mrs. So-and-So" on the cover of my Trapper Keeper.... older, wiser me, however, is just enjoying the flippy-floppy of the tummy for what it is: exciting.
Exciting just is what it is.... fun, new, adventure.... without expectations or plans. Plans have a way of f*cking you right in the ass.... so. No more plans for this girl... just wel
Mary Cooper said:
Ms. Yoga is brave. After being ridiculed on this site so often and she is willing to be civil and has taken an interest in the kids despite your many comments to the contrary. You were wrong and a bit unfair. You owe her an apology.
Hmm...... well, to be blunt... it's a little bit "less willing" and more me "laying down the law" and not giving them much of an option.....
And.... I'm sorry - I'm just ever so slightly confused..... the "children" aren't like a hobby. They aren't something she get to CHOOSE to have an "interest" in. That's like... ass backwards. They were here FIRST. They were part of their Father's life while she was still in freakin' high school.... lolololol
Yoga Girl knew me. She knew who I was. She was facebook friends with my husband - she could see our *daily* family life.... and she had an affair with him anyway.
So, to be totally *fair* - one should never poke a bear unless they are willing to fight for their life.
She poked this bear.
However.... what *could* have remained between the three of us .... became a National issue with *we* made our sign to sell our house.... and - I *could* have thrown her to the wolves... but I did not.
Several journalists knew who she was - they found her name. In fact, several of my *blog readers* figured out who she was.... crafty, smart people that they were.... and I protected her identity. I didn't have to do that.
But I did.
More to the point... *I* never actually sought to harm her at all. Honestly.
I've certainly had a few things to say about her.... however - while I might have *said* mean things... she *did* a mean thing to someone she didn't know. She *did* a harmful thing to my children. Does she not have to own that?
And.... since she *sought* to get my husband to be hers.... does she not realize - and do *you* not realize that the children are a bit of a 'package deal'? You understand that I can like put them back.... right? Once those little buggers were here... they were kind of here to stay.
I would assume that any woman who is making out with a married man in a parked car understands that if he leaves his wife - he doesn't get to leave his entire life behind.... he has to take part of it with him. The biggest part being the children.
Now. What you're missing, Ms. Cooper... is that I do believe that I was well with-in my womanly rights to voice my opinions about the woman who sucked the bottom right out of my marriage. I'm certainly not going to apologize for it.
Just like I don't expect her to apologize for what she did.
I have accepted what she did. I have chosen to move past it.
I have chosen to accept her in the role she is now in.
It's a f*ck ton more than many women would do.... *and* - I'm doing it without prejudice. I'm doing it with open arms and my full support for her in her role not only in dealing with me on a co-parent level... but also with the children.... and you know what - we're not even to our One Year Anniversary, yet.
So... with all due respect Ms. Cooper... I think I've been pretty f*cking nice. lolololol
Also, please not that I was writing *openly* about Yoga Girl doing the right thing.... I could be making up lies or spreading gossip or just not mentioning it.... but instead, I'm giving credit where it's due. Again.... not a whole lot of people in my shoes would do that.
But here I am: doing it.
Also..... Yoga Girl is.... a lot like me. She's mouthy and brash and funny and very, very opinionated While she didn't have a blog with a huge readership.... she's made her opinions about me known - trust that. lol
And so she should... I have no issue with that.
Going forward however... everyone has to work towards a positive ending - and functional relationships. If she wants to have a life with El Capitan - she's going to *have* to accept his children not by choice... but because she doesn't *have* a choice. lol They are already here.
And..... in spite of what I may or may not have written about my own personal feelings and emotions.... our *kids* are ready and willing to have a functional relationship with Yoga Girl BECAUSE OF ME. El Capitan has refused to acknowledge her existence with them..... but when they asked me - I could have said - "she's a husband stealing wh*re....." But I did not.
Not even knowing if she woudl be around in 12 months... I knew that the best plan of action from the start with not sandbagging her with the kids so that she could have a relationship with them down the road.
Me... *I* did that.
Again.... I am entitled to my opinion - and free to write it on a blog where NO ONE prints her name... so long as where it really matters - I do the right thing by her. Which I have.
And now..... she's doing the right thing by the children.
Good for her.
I hope she proves many people wrong.
The kids would love that. :)
said The Boy on Friday after meeting Yoga Girl.
Yes.... you read that right.
It was the *planned* meeting we had written up in our divorce papers... and it wasn't something I had prepped The Boy for... but perhaps that was for the best?
Before I ever filed the first paperwork, we agreed that "before any romantic interest, casual or otherwise, meets the children all adult parties will meet over dinner to discuss and agree upon a parenting plan and discipline style."
Well... that didn't happen. lol
I have to admit I'm more than slightly disappointed by that. That something we agreed on as *parents* didn't get followed on.... sigh. Supposedly it was an "accidental" thing.... she kind of showed up where they were... fair enough.
All of that aside.... The Boy like meeting her. He was super cute about it - putting his hand to the side of his mouth and whisper talking to me that.... "you know what, Mom - she was kind of nice..... she didn't hit me or anything....."
I don't know *why* he thought she might hit him.... strange that. lol The eight year old mind is a crazy thing sometimes... I have certainly never said or suggested such a thing... and since I don't hit him, nor does El Capitan...... I don't know. I addressed that right away and assured him that Yoga Girl would never "hit" him, nor should he be worried about such a thing.
He told me what they talked about - and he said that she seemed really nice.... and his voice raised in excitement when he told me about her. The Boy was happy.
So I raised my voice right back and told him how glad I was that he got to meet her and how excited I was to hear that she's nice....and that I was super glad that he was so excited.
And then he walked out of the room. One year of our life in the making.... and it was over in 2 minutes. It's certainly better than fireworks and insanity... so I'll take it.
It isn't what I wanted... it isn't what I had been hoping for as a parent... but tolerance. Tolerance and accepting that while it wasn't how I wanted it to go down- it was positive for The Boy and that's what matters most.
So..... THIS WEEK... is the week. Yoga Girl, El Capitan and I are sitting down for dinner.
Yup. You read that right: dinner.
I know lots of people thought that Yoga Girl wouldn't do it... but kind of knew she would. If you have read The Book, then you know that she *willingly* talked to me two times. She was honest - she didn't hang up... I may not have liked what she said or how she said it - BUT - she was woman enough and bold enough to talk to me and that went a long way with me.
I knew that that same girl would sit down with me eventually.
And I was right.
I have to assume that Yoga Girl has a limited knowledge about what "attachment parenting" is - and how to implement it. I can only assume that she won't know what is and is not appropriate discipline for our children - and I think it's important to give her those tools before something goes wrong.
You can't expect her to know how I parent - or how she should 'co-parent' the children without any kind of information given to her beforehand. I don't want her to fail..... I want her to do well. I want her to bond with the children and for them to trust her. It's really what is in their best interest.....
And - irregardless of the decisions that were made that got us all here in the first place - I hold out hope that the woman bold enough to deal with me on the phone .... is the kinds of person who will step up and be a good co-parent.... and you know what.......?
I actually kind of think she'll do it.
It's one thing to hold people accountable for what they've done... clearly: I'm all for that.
However.... once that's done it's done and you have to find a way to view this person through "new" eyes - and.... with tolerance and respect for the role she has in their Father's life. As such... there has to be a .... clean slate where we can all start again, getting to know not only each other- but how we'll work together as a unit for the benefit of the kids.
Many said she'd never meet me..... I'm guessing she'll prove everyone wrong again.
For the kids sake: I f*cking hope she does! :)
ps.... hello and welcome to someone who is most likely, probably - reading this blog for the first time at 5 am today... hahahahaha :)
Hmm..... all was quiet on the "Mr. Leykis" front....
Which is fine... I'm happy to defend my fat ass *anytime*.... I'm also happy to let it drop. (like it's hot!)
In the mean time - my days have moved on.... suffice to say I wasn't exactly sitting in my garage with the door closed and the car running just because a fat-ass like "Mr. Leykis" doesn't find me attractive. lol
To be blunt: I've been called worse by better people.
Really.... I have.
The thing is - like most people - I don't actually being insulted by the masses for how I do (or do not) look.... I actually do have feelings in spite of what my sense of humor and generally good attitude would suggest. This time, however, I had to consider the source... so it didn't upset me nearly as much as it could have.
Also.... I'm kicking ASS at this losing weight thing... I'm down 56 pounds now - and keeping it off.... I've lost two pant sizes, two bra sizes (damn) - and inches alllll around. Woohoo. The pressure is on to lose *at least* another 30 in time for summer... so we will see. I *promise* pictures and a post about how I'm doing it will come soon - but I don't want to post it in response to some Internet Troll.
Things are going pretty well with El Capitan - he had the kids today and they had a blast... which makes me *really* happy to hear. The Boy is still struggling from time to time with some things... but just this morning he told me this: "You know what Mom......? Mom - I'm glad we get to see Dad today because my heart is growing more all the time for him......"
How f*cking awesome is that? It sucks to have to "fall in love" with your Dad again... but I'm just grateful that we're all in a place where that is happening AND that he hasn't had to suffer through a lot more crappy stuff before it did. Cyber high five to me..... thank you very much.
Low five to the ex, too...... he's been really good about working about the school schedule and my work schedule and even taking the kids a few times so I can go out with friends. I think that's pretty nice of him.... also - he has yet to miss a child support payment - so as far as *many* other single Moms are doing.... this is pretty aces right now.
I know it won't always stay this way.... I know that eventually the high will return to a low and life will shake, rattle and roll.... but we survived the earthquake.... the after shocks just can't possibly hurt that much. lol
At least I f*cking hope not.
I've been focused on making some new friends... not replace my current friends - but single friends to go dancing with and stuff like that. I've met a few people off and on... but I'm always surprised at how... broken so many of us are in our 30s and 40s.
I keep thinking that *I* should be the one with the issue's - with the hang-ups, with the trust issue's..... but I'm not. I'm ready to rock... lololol. Other people... not so much. Sometimes I worry a bit... seems to me like more people spend time living in their past instead of finding a new road and a new adventure. How tragic..... life goes by far too quickly to waste time on rehashing what didn't work out yesterday: learn your lessons, pick up your paper dolls and moooooooove on.
Speaking of...... I'll probably epicly jinx it... but I might have a real-live date for Saturday... we'll see. I never like to put eggs in baskets and stuff like that.....
Get this though - *super* nice - and "warned" me that they have a tendency to be a bit "too honest" and sometimes people get annoyed.... um, yeah: you're good there. lololol
Sweet to be worried about that, though.... in fact, seemingly rather sweet all around.
And cute... very cute. So at the very least... the view should be nice. hahahaha
Now that we are fully in the one year period - I do worry on how to start talking to the kids about the possibility of me actually "dating" (not in reference to said cute, sweet person above) - but just generally speaking. I should think that there are a few books on the Kindle I can download...... yes?
Because The Boy always knew about Yoga Girl- it was never something we talked about... I kind of just realized that. Wow... Mother of The Year over here. Seriously though.... it's been an accepted fact that Daddy has a girlfriend.... we never talked about what that meant, or what it was.....
Hmmm.... that's probably not good.
Looks like I have a weekend of heavy reading to get started on.... finding a way to help the kids understand that new people will come (and possibly go) - and how they can learn to have relationships with new adults in our lives.....
To be honest..... it sounds sucky. lolololol
Tom Leykis said:
You're NOT a single mother. The kids have a father, you nitwit. Maybe if you would've lost some of that lard on your ass he'd have stayed. I'm happy for him. You're fat and unattractive.
The above is a "blog comment" submitted by someone with a Long Beach IP address and "claims" to be the nationally syndicated radio host Tom Leykis. Of course I have no way of knowing if this is the *actual* Mr. Leykis or a like-minded listener of his radio show.
I have listened to Mr. Leykis' show before and the comments above are certainly within the bounds of something Mr. Leykis would say. I have to admit that I have listened to Mr. Leykis' show several times and can appreciate both his sense of humor and his.... unique? perspective on relationships and women in particular. He frequently discuss's a woman's weight or looks as a means to find "value" in her.
In the first place, I want to make sure we operate from the same definition of what a "single Mom" is, according to Wikipedia it is this:
A single parent (or solo parent) is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children. A single parent is usually considered the primary caregiver, meaning the parent the children have residency with the majority of the time. If the parents are separated or divorced, children live with their custodial parent and have visitation or secondary residence with their noncustodial parent. In western society in general, following separation, a child will end up with the primary caregiver, usually the mother, and a secondary caregiver, usually the father.
That is most *definitely* me. I have been very open about where we live, who is helping us - and my gratitude for it. I have never tried to paint some dire picture..... however, when *we* had sex (and yes, "Mr. Leykis", my ex-husband mounted up on that lard ass of mine and got me pregnant.... not ONCE but TWICE. This might be news you need to sit down for...... just sayin') - and then I got fatter.... mostly because babies have to do that thing we call "gain weight" and "grow"..... anyhow - *we* were supposed to do this *together* in one home... not separately in two homes.
Fat or not.... I'm allowed to be a bit sad and annoyed by that.
I can sure as sh*t assure you, "Mr. Leykis", that if *I* had been the one to leave and only saw my kids for a few hours a week... well - you'd be the FIRST ONE IN LINE to refer to him as a "Single Dad". And by all means... so you should.
We won't get into the minutia of who wakes them up everyday, feeds them, clothes them, educates them, works to her own money, entertains them, feeds them some more (did you know these little bastards eat *at least* three times a day.... and no - you CAN'T always just pull through someplace to get them food? I have to actually cook and sh*t....?) - and then bathe them and put them to bed.
On my own.
THAT is a Single Mom, "Mr. Leykis".
Now. About me. Let's chat, shall we?
First and foremost, you should know that your own personal brand of bullying is .... wrong.
And honestly.... it just makes me want to give you a nice big, fatty hug.
I feel sorry for you.
My life is full of people of all sizes and races and genders.... and I'm blessed.
I'm well aware of what I look like.... or rather - *looked* like: I'm 56 pounds lighter now "Mr. Leykis" and working hard *every* single day to be smaller..... but that's for *me* - that's not for you and all the other Internet Troll's who have had something awful to say about me.
That choice.... that's for me - and it's requiring hard-work and discipline and sweat... and I'm doing it. :)
("Mr. Leykis".... are you picturing me all sweaty now.....? Be careful, I don't want to stroke out from the thought of it.)
Here's why I'm sad for you "Mr. Leykis"...... you see and say many, many things about the world and the people in it... but you don't see their value, and I cannot imagine a life where I don't see the value in the people around me.
I can't imagine going through my life judging people on their looks..... I could have missed out on so much and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you probably have missed out on plenty.
Perhaps that's why you're so angry and bitter..... and mean.
When someone seeks to make other people suffer with their words, that's only because they have suffered or *are* suffering on their own. People who live in joy - are joyful. People who live in hate.... are hate.
Newsflash "Mr. Leykis": this fat ass is never gonna f*ck hate. So. You're good to go there, sir.
I am many things..... I have *done* many things.... and none of them have been because of my "size" or abundance of it. My marriage fell apart for a good many reasons... I wish it were as simple as a 'weight' issue, I truly do.
Whatever I look like... my *actions* have always been good... my marriage fell apart because we had a myriad of issue's that were never properly dealt with. We lacked the ability to communicate with each other. We moved on from problems and didn't actually deal with them... eventually - it all washed over us and washed us away. Fair enough.
I may have gotten fat.... and yes, I agree with you that that might have made me less sexually desirable to my husband - however, I could have lost weight if that was *truly* our only issue.... sadly: it wasn't.
You, however, seem to have some anger management issue's (probably stemming from that hate thing I mentioned above....) and while you maintain that no man would want to be married to me because I was a "lard ass".... here's the thing, I looked online and I didn't see ONE SINGLE support group for Men Who Used To Be Married To Fat Asses.
I did see, however, a whole sh*t ton of Domestic Abuse support groups....
According to Wickipedia, if this *is* the real Mr. Leykis (which I kind of doubt) then your fourth wife may have needed to attend one:
His fourth wife, Susan Drew Leykis, who first met Leykis at a Los Angeles Kings game, filed a police report against him while they were married and living in Boston in 1993. On December 22 of that year, she alleged that Leykis assaulted and threatened to kill her during a fight after they returned home from a radio station Christmas party. He was subsequently charged with "felony assault and battery and threatening to commit a crime"; a police officer found bruises and scratches on the woman. In March 1994, Leykis was sentenced to a year of probation and ordered to attend a domestic violence class. He completed both, and the charges were dropped, although Leykis did not admit guilt as part of the agreement. The couple have since divorced.
Whatever I look like, I *value* the people in my life enough not to threaten them with physical violence. While I may have, indeed, needed a Hostess Donut Intervention... that didn't involve getting arrested and going to court.
The difference between you and I, "Mr. Leykis".... is that I do not pass judgement on you. I assume that relations between a husband and wife are often complicated... especially after a work holiday party - people can say things in the heat of an argument they might not actually mean... but they can't take back.
Furthermore, I took the time to read the rest of your personal story and found this:
In August 2004, Leykis was attacked outside a Seattle bar and all-night diner, The 5 Point Cafe. In the assault, he was kicked in the face and knocked down to the ground, causing him to require 17 stitches over one eye, and leaving him with scratches and bruises on his knees. The assailant reportedly had an accomplice who accused Leykis of calling him a name and hanging up on him when he called the show. The suspects left by taxi prior to police arriving on scene and were jailed. Tom refused to prosecute due to the distance and, he felt as having a few days in jail was enough.[70
This shows me that you have a conscience. That you were kind enough not to pursue charges against these men because you must have realized your roll in making someone else that angry? Whatever your reasons - it shows me that you were thinking about someone other than yourself when you made that choice not to press charges.
While I can't do anything about my face - that you find so "unattractive" - I am doing something positive and active about my weight because it is something I wish to change about myself.... I hope that one day you will take the time to do something about the hate you seem to carry.
You say you are happy for my ex.... and you know what?
I am, too.
I'm also happy for me... because not only have I lost 56 pounds of depression and disappointment and anger that I stuffed down with donuts and diet Coke's.... but I *also* lost 255 pounds of asshole that was weighing me down..... and let me tell you: that's an amazing feeling.
Whatever you think of "fat".... to be laden down with hate is a much less attractive.
Trust me on this one.
The good news for me is that I go to the gym 5 days a week and follow a solid diet and .... I'm getting smaller every day! woohoo!!!!! :)
The bad news for you... is that you can't work off "hate" at a gym - it's something you'll have to want to change and I'm guessing you won't. That's too bad... I wonder what you could accomplish with your sense of humor and comedic timing if it weren't laced with insults for people you don't know and have never met.
Oh.... and any time you want to talk - let me know.....
***************************Please note that I do not know if the *actual* Mr. Leykis wrote to me... however, it's clearly someone who identifies with how Mr. Leykis does, indeed, objectify, judge and rail against women - especially fat ones. As such, the above could equally apply to Mr. Leykis or a listener.********************
There are soooo many struggles about being a single Mom.
I don't mind being alone... with them.
I don't mind being the "main" parent.
I don't mind making decisions... alone.
I've got the parenting part down.... however, it's the 'finding myself' while I'm *still* the main parent... well - that? That get's a bit tricky.
I have *great* friends... but they are all happily married - walking in their pairs and being in their connected family units..... I'm.... not a pair. I'm a three. I'm a car, broken down on the side of the road, one wheel missing and jacked up slightly too high and leaning to the right while everyone else we know is still zooming past.
Well.... at least God-des & She is blaring on the radio.
Always find that silver lining.... eh?
It doesn't matter how hard I work, or how much I've accomplished... for some reason - people who I "date" get a complex about having to "save" us..... sigh.
I don't want, nor do I *need* to be saved. Not at all. There's nothing to save me from..... I can actually take care of my children both emotionally and financially - on my own. I have always earned my own living: paid for my own cards, my own bills, etc. I don't need *anyone* to come and save us. In fact, I would prefer they didn't.
What I *would* like is an equal partner in my life, someone who meets me on the same level - who enjoys life and challenge and likes to have fun...... see - I didn't mention paying my bills, did I? lol
Nope, I sure as sh*t didn't.
Still..... two times I've heard, "I really care about you.... you're great... but I just can't take on supporting you and the children."
Ok... fair enough - but I didn't ask you too!?!?!?! lol
There really is something to the idea that men just get to move on.... and us Moms- not so much. I have the kids the majority of the time so my availability to go out and create that new life for myself - make those new friends and meet potential new people.... well, that time is limited.
And.... *most* importantly: how much time spent doing that is wrong?
Where is the line between 'responsible Single Mom' and 'going-out too much Single Mom'?
I'm not sure which line I'm straddling right now......
Judging by The Bubbie's attitude as of late (and rightfully so) - I'm dancing dangerously close with the latter. Fair enough.... but at the same time, the kids are usually in bed.... so I tell myself it's ok to go out at 9 pm for pool and 'drink's (water for me....) with friends.
It's not like I'm going home with some random stranger.
Or stopping off to be serviced by some guy in Seattle... lololol.
I wish I were younger... I wish I had more time for me.
In 8 years of being a Mom - I have NEVER EVER said those words. I never wanted time for anything but the children .... but to some degree - taking time *for* me is taking time for them. I need time to rebuild myself so that I am a better example of strength and happiness. I need time to create new friends and meet new people so that (may be) one day they will see me happy in a functional relationship.
All of that takes time......
It's going well - I have some *fantastic* new friends and I love going out with them. We go dancing and bowling and to play pool.... and they are a fantastic bunch of girls. I'm sooooo lucky to have found them. I was even luckier that it didn't take too long to meet them.... that saved me time. lol
March was crazy - there was dancing and nights out almost every Friday & Saturday - which had one of my friends calling me a "rockstar" for partying like one.... lololol.
Well...I wouldn't go that far... but - perhaps it's time to think about just *how* much I'm going out if words like 'rockstar' are being thrown around. lol
Oh... and obviously - the children are with an *adult* while I'm gone - AND... for the record,I do not do any kind of drinking or drugs or anything.... I'm literally the girl who tips Red the bartender with $5 for my water.... but hey: my water stays full and I never have to wait for service! :)
Still, perhaps I should be here watching them sleep more.....
Well.... I just have to hope I find the right balance... and hope that the kids can forgive any mistakes I make along this new road.
Mother, "scorned wife", photographer, designer, potential blog writer and recent guest on The View.... life's been pretty crazy as of late - crazybeautiful that is!
You can see some of Elle's photography at: