At the start of November I started a Certified Nurses Assistant course. The pay isn't great.... in fact - it blows. Really. lol. It's like $10 an hour.... BUT - it's a job job and it's in demand and I could literally work just about anywhere.... and as a single Mom, I need some kind of security.
However.... this meant my days looked like this:
7:30 - get up, get kids on toilets, teeth brushed, clothed and fed.
Start up the computer and drop a job into the Action Runner. (fancy software for photo finishing).
9:20 - come home from drop off and turn on the TV for The Girl.
Edit, proof and load up jobs..... including one preschool job which started out with over 18,000 shot images and was edited down to just over 7,000 hand finished images of 148 children.....plus several family jobs and a few senior sessions - and keep editing until 1:00.
1:00 - 3:15: Study the book for class and do the homework. Each day we did one chapter and tested each night.
3:30- pick up The Boy from school.
3:40 - 5:30: finish homework and study for that nights test.
5:30 - dash out of the house leaving Hail Mary with the kids to make dinner and do homework and bathe and get them into bed..... oh yes: more on that later. lol
6:00 - 10:00 - CNA class. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
That was Mon - Friday.... then Saturday I had class from 9 - 2 pm...... then I had session to shoot on Sunday.... and so it went for two weeks.... then two weeks more while I had clinicals' at those same times instead of lectures and testing.
Sigh.
Tired doesn't even begin to cover it. I wasn't getting to bed before 1 am most nights and I STILL have work that needs to be finished. I'm *proud* to say that I didn't get less than an A on every single test and I passed my clinicals with flying colors and one of the head nurses at the location we worked at asked me if I was going to apply for a job there... because they'd love to have me.
It was so hard because it was the *first* time that I have been away from the kids like that. I would do weddings, but that was only Saturday and Sundays and they would be with The Bubbie. THIS time.... it was all me and Hail Mary and no one else (well, Bubbie on the weekends)- but.... okay... mostly it was just Hail Mary doing all the 'heavy lifting' here.
And it was HARD.
The Boy gave her a run for her a money.
The first week was especially rough..... lots of talking back and pushing boundaries and 'no - I don't have to/I don't want to' kind of stuff..... most kids are like that all the time to their parents - but my kid are *rarely* like that.... so this month they both kicked the naughty behavior into high gear.... and It. Was. ROUGH.
It was soooo hard to come home from working like 15 hours straight to hear *horror* stories of my beloved and wonderful son slamming doors and talking back and being just downright rude...... brutal. Which caused problems for Hail Mary and I because I had to temper my desire to hold onto the idea that my angelic child would "never do" such a thing... with the fact that Hail Mary was probably also tired and may be (just a little bit) sensitive to things.....
You see, there are two issue's at hand here:
ONE: I don't want to be that parent who blindly refuses to accept that their child is making the wrong choices and acting up.... I don't want to brush that under the carpet and ignore it like a ugly wound because, like any wound: that shit will fester and get worse.
And ... I can *assure* you that I couldn't handle it getting much worse.
TWO: I don't want to be that MOM that brings someone into our lives and then doesn't look for signs that her children are unhappy and want out.... at the end of the day - there are FOUR of us in this relationship. The children's opinion of Hail Mary matters as much - if not MORE - than my own.... they *have* to be happy and accepting of her in the roll of 'co-parent' or 'step-mom' - because they ARE accepting, not because they feel forced into things.
I grew up with friends who *hated* their step-parents.... they resented their Mom or Dad for marrying that person and they were miserable and couldn't wait to move out.... I DO NOT WANT that to happen.
Period.
Prior to that.... while I was working the weekends in October, Hail Mary had to take The Boy to a Halloween party... .did I already Blog this? Sorry if I did.... Anyhow, Hail Mary had to take The Boy to a party and it's a new school and new parents.... so this was a new adventure for ALL of us.
For one, I didn't know anyone there - so Hail Mary wasn't walking to a group of 'Mommy friends' who already know me and love me..... instead - she was walking into a new social situation full of straight parents as the gay 'co-parent' of her girlfriends kid.....
Yikes... right?
And, of course, there's The Boy to consider.... what if his little friends figured out that Hail Mary was his 'step-Mom' and that his Mom was gay.... would he get made fun of?
Bigger, harrier, scarier yikes..... but a reality for sure.
Prior to this, we hadn't "identified" anyone. The kids just called Hail Mary by her name and no other 'value' was placed on anything... I figured that I would let them identify her role in their lives however they saw fit and felt comfortable.
I *did* of course call the Mom hosting the party and asked if it was 'ok' that my 'partner' - female name inserted here - brought our son..... she paused then quickly recovered and said, "Of course!"
Phew.
The day of the party came and The Boy had a brand new Goodwill costume and he and Hail Mary arrived at the party right on time. Hail Mary said the other boys came running and stole The Boy pretty fast and that he seemed to be settling into socially really well.
BooFUCKINGyah.... that makes this Mommy soooooo proud.
Making small talk among the parents, Hail Mary said she could feel a few of them looking at her a bit longer than normal.... the kind of curious look that say's...... 'is that a girl? is that a boy? is that person gay.....?'
Hail Mary is *very* used to that... so it didn't bother her at all. Sure enough, it wasn't long before a few of the Moms walked over and made some awkward small talk before one of them just flat out asked if Hail Mary was 'The Boy's Mom's girlfriend.
Yes..... she is.
That was then met with a flurry of.... "that's so great!" And then.... as conversations can sometimes turn when someone finds out that you are one of two girls in one relationship - came the questions.... "So - does {The Boy]'s Mom do the cooking......?"
Otherwise read: "So she's the girl and you're the boy, right?"
lol.
Hail Mary was happy to joke around and answer whatever questions anyone had.... but in the midst of The Boy playing with his friends and Hail Mary finding total acceptance amongst the parents (how awesome is that, right?) - The Boy is talking to Hail Mary and another boy walks up and asks him who Hail Mary is.
"Oh.... that's [Hail Mary] - she's kind of like my step-Mom". Replied The Boy.
"Cool....." said the other boy.
And nothing else happened...... holy freaking shit.
The proverbial Gay Cat was out of the bag and no one cared..... not even The Boy's friends - so THAT is all well and good and awesome.... but really - what Hail Mary and I were excited about was the 'step-Mom' part.
SO. Cool. That was on his terms.... in HIS time.... and were thrilled he said it.
We didn't bring it up to him later and we don't now introduce Hail Mary that way... but I felt like it was an honest glimpse into how The Boy view's Hail Mary on his terms.
So.... when only a few weeks later The Boy's behavior took such a nose dive... it was troubling. We had issue's going on with El Capitan and me being away most of the time at school or studying... it was ROUGH.
Really rough.
So I took The Boy on his own and we had a serious talk about his feelings and his behavior. I told him that all four of us need to be happy and feel like we are in a good place - and if he isn't happy with Hail Mary or doesn't want to be in his relationship with her, then we'll leave.
Yes.... I said that. I'm sure I'll get lots of email from people telling me that that's wrong, but it's how I feel. THEY still have to come first.... and Hail Mary knows that - and if she wants to be with me - then she has to accept that as well.
Thankfully The Boy wanted no such thing.... he loves Hail Mary and doesn't want to leave.
Phew.
But we had some rocky days and really rocky nights.... and poor Hail Mary was left to deal with every last tantrum and tear alllll on her own while I was at school.But she did it..... she took them on- she made up her own 'behavior charts' and made everyone stick to them. She put stubborn kids to bed early when she had too, she took them out for ice-cream when they earned it.... and over the month, they found a bit of a rhythm and Hail Mary took The Boy on a 'date' of his own - to Red Robin and for a walk..... so they could 'bond' a little bit without The Girl jumping around and taking away attention. I think that night was a bit of a breakthrough, honestly....
We still have some bumpy days and nights ahead..... but I'm not sure there is any other way to test the dedication of the person you are with when you're a 'single Mom' - than leaving your kids for a whopping 125 HOURS during one months..... it's like trial by fire.... lol.
I'm glad we all came out the other side - alive, still happy, may be a little stronger and closer.... and me with my CNA certificate..... onward and upward... right?